Stay With Me, Contemporary Romance (Last Frontier Lodge Novels Book 5) (19 page)

She was quiet, still waiting, so he floundered ahead. “I really appreciate you letting me know how you’re feeling, and I, uh…”

He didn’t know what the hell to say. Fear lashed at him—fear that she’d walk away because he couldn’t seem to get through this moment sensibly, fear of letting her know how much she meant to him, fear of what he could become and on and on. “Look, I’m not so great at this kind of thing. I’m not sure what to say.”

Jessa’s eyes scanned his face, as if she was searching for something. “Eli, I don’t expect you to feel exactly how I do, but I’d think you could at least tell me what you want. That’s kind of a general thing. Some people only want casual. That’s fine, but I don’t want you thinking that’s what I want. If that’s what you want, maybe we need to part as friends because you mean way too much for me to try to do that.”

His heart battered against his ribs, so hard it was almost physically painful. Adrenaline surged inside, his emotions a tangled mess. Finally he shook himself and looked over at her. “I’m not sure what to say,” he repeated, feeling flummoxed.

Jessa nodded slowly. “Okay. Maybe you can let me know if that changes. I’m not trying to pressure you, but I can’t do this vague thing. Not with the way I feel about you.”

At that, she turned away with a small wave. He almost called her name again, but he bit his tongue.
No point in just repeating yourself. Either get up the nerve to tell her how you feel or let her go.

He watched as she walked down the dock, her hair catching the wind and blowing in a swirl. Her red boots were bright against the background as she climbed the steps to the parking lot and disappeared from sight. His heart and his head hurt.

J
essa swung
her backpack over her shoulder and grabbed her purse on the way out of her suite. In the days since she’d screwed up the courage to tell Eli how she felt, she’d been riding a pendulum of mixed emotions—angry, sad, frustrated and feeling plain stupid. The first day, she’d contemplated forgetting her burgeoning dreams of staying in Diamond Creek because she thought it might sting a bit too much to run into Eli. In her more rational moments, she’d managed to quiet her childish, embarrassed voice and recognize she had plenty of reasons to stay here, and none of them anything to do with Eli. If things had worked out with him, it would have been a major bonus, but it didn’t appear that would be the case. Yet, she had family and a growing circle of friends, more leads for selling her furniture on a steady basis than she’d ever had in Seattle. At Midnight Sun Arts alone, she’d brought in more sales in the last few weeks than she ever had without a major arts show before. The market in Seattle was saturated and heavily competitive. With the flow of tourists in Alaska, she had a way to stand out and actually make a living that took so much more time and pure luck in Seattle.

After mulling it over herself, talking with Risa who was quickly becoming a friend, and finally talking with Marley, Gage, Delia, Garrett and her parents, she’d decided she would stay. She laughed to herself as she considered the list of family and friends who had something to say about where she lived. To finalize her plans, she needed to zip back to Seattle to transfer her bank accounts, settle a few bills with local businesses where she ordered arts supplies and officially say goodbye to friends. Because of the fire, she had nothing left to move, which created a mingled sense of freedom and loss. Garrett had insisted she let him apply his free air miles to her round-trip flight. She’d initially resisted, but then Delia shared Garrett only wanted to help and he had more air miles than he knew what to do with, so she’d let him make her reservations for her. She’d fly out tonight and return in three days.

She jogged down the stairs to the entrance of the lodge to find Gage waiting for her. His resting somber expression lightened when he saw her. Her oh-so-serious oldest brother had a soft side, but it only showed itself once in a while, although Marley’s presence in his life brought it out with greater frequency.

“Ready?” he asked when she reached his side.

At her nod, he turned and walked outside. She followed him out to his truck. The ride to the small airport was quiet. Jessa was taking what Marley referred to as a “puddle jumper” to Anchorage where she would change planes for the flight to Seattle. When Gage pulled up at the airport, he parked his car and looked over at her. She leaned over to give him a quick hug and started to climb out when he said her name.

“Yeah?” she asked, angling back to face him in the seat.

“What’s up with you and Eli?”

Annoyance flashed through her, mostly because it was hard enough to come to terms with her feelings that she’d prefer not to be reminded. “You’re asking me this now?”

Gage shrugged. “Sure. Just wondering. Marley mentioned maybe things were, I don’t know, confusing.”

Jessa felt a prickly heat flush her skin. “As far as I can tell, Eli isn’t interested in anything serious, so I guess that’s it,” she finally replied, her heart twisting painfully.

Gage nodded slowly. Meanwhile, Jessa was wondering just what the hell prompted his question. He lifted his eyes, his gaze considering. “For what it’s worth, I think you might mean a lot more to Eli’s than he knows how to deal with. Give it time.”

She stared at Gage, annoyance with his interference and hope at his words warring inside of her. “How would you know how much I might mean to Eli?”

Gage’s eyes softened and he smiled ruefully. “I have a hunch, and I might be another guy who kinda had a hard time getting a clue when it came to the woman I loved.”

A giggle bubbled up because she knew perfectly well that sharing his feelings wasn’t in Gage’s comfort zone. Even now when it was plain as day to anyone with eyes that Gage was head over heels in love with Marley, he was still somewhat reserved. Jessa caught Gage’s eyes. “I can imagine. I don’t have much choice but to wait and see, so I will. In the meantime, I’ve got a plane to catch.” She leaned over and kissed Gage on the cheek before leaping out of his truck and jogging into the airport.

* * *

E
li walked
into his office and kicked the door shut behind him, sitting down at his desk with a thud. He’d just returned from a stop at the gallery, hoping to see Jessa only to learn from Risa that she’d left for Seattle. He’d had to fight the urge to grill Risa for more information, but he could tell from the look on her face that she wasn’t inclined to offer much. There was a quick knock on the door and then Ryan’s face came around the corner. “Hey Eli, Gage Hamilton called and said he was hoping you could let him know when his order might be in. I told him you’d be here this afternoon, so he’s here.”

Eli ran a hand through his hair and nodded. “Okay, send him back.”

Ryan stepped into his Eli’s office. “You okay?”

Great, just great, your little brother is worried about you. You already feel like a damn fool and now this.
Eli forced himself to take a breath and glanced to Ryan. “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Holy hell. Am I gonna have to go through some kind of feelings talk?

“I am…” He stopped abruptly when he heard his tone, annoyed and irritated. “Look, I’ve got some stuff going on, but I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Okay?”

Ryan either didn’t take the hint, or didn’t care. He looked over at Eli, those green eyes so familiar. “You know it’s okay to get annoyed. I can deal with it. You’re nothing like Dad.”

“I wasn’t trying to…” Eli stopped again, realizing he had been trying to choke off anything even close to anger with Ryan. Frankly, he’d done that for most of his life, so afraid to feel anything resembling anger. He leaned back in his chair and rolled his head from side to side, attempting to ease the tension bundled there. “Okay, maybe I was trying not to be annoyed, but whatever. It’s no big deal.”

“Is this about Jessa?”

“Really?” Eli asked, on the verge of exasperation. “You’re gonna go there?”

Ryan nodded emphatically. “Uh huh. You haven’t talked to her for like a week, and you’re not all happy like you were whenever you saw her. It’s not like you have to tell me the details, but I’m no dummy. Not that you’re asking my opinion, but she’s awesome and it’s obvious you like her, so how come you’re not talking to her?”

Eli gave up inside and started laughing, shaking his head as he did. “Damn, you don’t give up, do you?”

Ryan shrugged. “Not really.”

Eli’s laugh faded and he looked at Ryan for several beats. “So you think she’s awesome?”

Ryan angled his head to the side and shook it slowly. “Not that I should be giving you relationship advice, but yeah, she’s awesome and you’re way less cranky when she’s around, so get a clue.”

Eli burst out laughing, while Ryan turned away to head back to the front of the store. “Don’t be dumb, man,” he offered as a parting comment over his shoulder.

Less than a minute passed before Gage’s shadow cast through the doorway. Eli had steeled himself to deal with facing Jessa’s brother. He had no idea if she’d mentioned anything to Gage, nor did he have any idea if Gage would bring it up with him.

Gage nodded in greeting. “Hope it’s okay I stopped by.”

“Of course. How’s it going?”

Eli gestured to the chair across from his desk. As Gage took a seat, he replied, “Busy as usual. You?”

“Same. Ryan mentioned you asked about your order. We just got a shipment of inventory in today, but I haven’t had a chance to get through the boxes. I’ll have time this afternoon if you don’t mind waiting.”

“Of course not.” Gage said, glancing to the window and back to Eli. His eyes were sharp and assessing, making Eli feel as if he was under a microscope. “I didn’t really come by to ask about the order.”

Eli stomach churned, realizing Gage probably knew about his bumbling, fumbling response to Jessa. He forced himself to breathe slowly and cocked his head to the side. “Yeah?”

“Jessa seems to think you’re not interested in anything serious with her. I think she might be wrong,” Gage said flatly.

Eli felt as if he’d been knocked off his feet and hit the ground with a thud. He stared at Gage for a long moment, his heart banging against his ribs. He closed his eyes and tried to gather himself. When he opened them again, Gage’s gray eyes, so like Jessa’s were patiently waiting.

Eli nodded slowly. Much as he didn’t want to talk about how he felt, Gage might be the only avenue he had to find out where Jessa was. “Look, I blew it. Jessa tried to talk to me, and I just plain froze. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I can see why I might’ve.” He paused and steeled himself for Gage to tell him off.

Gage was quiet for so long, Eli’s anxiety only ramped up further. Gage finally spoke. “Look, I know what I see when you look at her. Maybe you don’t know it, but it sure looks like she means a hell of a lot to you. Mind telling me if you plan to do anything about that? Or are you going to just let her go?”

All kinds of thoughts barreled through Eli’s mind, but the only thing he hung onto was that he couldn’t stand the thought of letting Jessa go. So, damn his pride, he looked over at Gage and asked for help. “Okay, here’s the thing. I have no idea what I’m doing here. My parents had a shitty marriage and my father made life a living hell for all of us. I didn’t think I’d ever have to worry about, uh, a relationship. Then, I met Jessa. I thought maybe it’d be best if I put some distance between us because I don’t ever want to end up doing anything like my father, but now I miss her like crazy. I went to look for her at the gallery and…”

Gage waved a hand sharply. “Back up for a sec. Why would you think you’d do something like your father? I don’t even know the details, but have you ever done what you’re worried about?”

Eli shook his head quickly. “No, never. Not that you need the details, but let’s just say he had a temper and it came out with his fists sometimes.”

Gage nodded. “I’ll be more specific. Have you ever laid a hand on anyone when you were pissed off? Including your dad?”

“No. Never.”

“So stop thinking you’re something you’re not. If that’s the only reason you’re blowing it with Jessa, stop being stupid.” Gage’s bluntness hit him right in the chest.

Eli was quiet, his heart thudding, as he took in Gage’s words. Somehow, Gage’s point-blank directness made him realize his own actions, or lack thereof, showed the opposite of what he’d been worried about all these years. He met Gage’s eyes and nodded. “Okay then. Tell me how to find Jessa.”

A
few days later
, Eli stood outside a nondescript steel building. At best, he’d guess it was a warehouse. Gage had given him directions and assured him this was where Jessa was staying with their sister and brother-in-law. Apparently, the brother-in-law in question owned a private security business here in Seattle. After Gage’s brutally blunt heart-to-heart with Eli, Gage had told him how to find Jessa. Eli thought about texting or calling, but he felt like he needed to do this in person.

He walked to the only door he could see on the building and entered. The inside wasn’t any more informative than the outside of the building. A modern reception area awaited him with a sleek, simple industrial feel to the space. A petite woman with dark brown hair and eyes to match stood to greet him. “Can I help you?” she asked politely.

Eli felt like she could see right through him with her sharp gaze. She was all business in a tidy black suit. He nodded. “I hope so. I’m looking for Jessa Hamilton. Gage told me she was staying here, but I’m not sure…”

His words trailed off as the woman stepped to the side of her desk. She glanced back to him quickly. “Your name?” After he stated it, she tapped a button on her phone. A male voice answered. “Hey Jo, what’s up?”

“I have an Eli Brooks here to see Jessa.”

“Be right out.”

Eli’s heartbeat, which felt like it was running on high idle between the adrenaline and the emotions cresting through him, kicked into a higher gear. He’d prepared himself to talk to Jessa and pour his heart out, but he wasn’t so sure how much he could handle on his way there.

Only a few seconds passed and a door to the side of the waiting area opened. A tall man with dark hair, bright blue eyes and an intimidating presence approached him. Eli would bet money the man was ex-military. The man reached him and held a hand out. “Eli Brooks, I presume?”

At Eli’s nod, the man shook his hand firmly. “Aidan McNamara. Better known to the Hamilton family as Becca’s husband.”

Eli nodded again and managed to utter brief, polite sentences, all the while wondering when this man would tell him where Jessa was. When he couldn’t wait anymore he blurted his question out. “I was hoping to see Jessa. Is she here?”

Aidan’s eyes, far too knowing and assessing, scanned Eli before he nodded slowly. “She is,” he finally said firmly. “Follow me.”

They went down a long hallway and up a flight of stairs before reaching a door. They went through two passcode doors before entering a spacious apartment. It was hard to believe an apartment was in this building. It was sleek and modern, like the downstairs, although soft touches of color brightened the space. Hardwood flooring and high ceilings made the area feel open and airy. The room they entered was an expansive living room and kitchen. A woman stood from the couch where she’d been reviewing some paperwork, which she set neatly on the coffee table. She was tall and dark and bore a striking resemblance to Garrett. Eli figured she must be his twin sister Becca.

She strode briskly around the couch and approached him, holding her hand out for a firm shake. “Becca Hamilton.”

After he unnecessarily offered his name, she stepped back and crossed her arms. “Jessa is here, but you’d better have something good to say because if not, I’ll be escorting you out.”

Dear God. He had to find a way to get through this. Becca was, well, she was frightening. Before he had a chance to reply, he heard footsteps and turned to see Jessa walking into the room from the other side. His heart gave a hard thump and set to pounding so hard, he feared they could all hear it. He tried to take a breath, but his chest and throat were tight. What he wanted to do was walk to her and wrap his arms around her and soak in all that she was—warmth, lightness, joy, kindness and the sexiest damn woman he’d ever known. But he had an audience, a rather intimidating audience.

Jessa reached them, her eyes coasting over him and then landing on Becca. She surprised him by putting her hands on her hips and glaring at Becca. “I don’t need you to be my guard, you know. I can handle this myself,” she said firmly, a tinge of defiance in her tone.

Becca’s eyes bounced from Jessa to Eli and back again. “Fine.” She looked to Aidan. “Come on.”

Aidan stepped to her side, his gaze bemused. “Where are we going?”

“Out to lunch,” Becca replied with a grin. Hooking her hand in the crook of his elbow, she steered him to the door. “We’ll be back in about an hour.” With a wave, they exited the room, the door clicking shut behind them.

Eli’s heart was about to pound its way out his chest, but he forced himself to breathe and turned to face Jessa. Damn. She was beautiful. Her blonde streaked brown hair had an added streak of purple on one side and was pulled back in a loose ponytail with tendrils escaping and framing her face. She wore her usual leggings and a stretchy mini-skirt, both black today, paired with a fitted gray t-shirt that hugged every inch of her lush breasts. Making her ensemble just
so
her,
she had on a pair of socks with cows all over them. The joy only she could elicit rose within him and he itched to touch her. But first, he had to make this right.

Her silver-gray gaze, slightly guarded, met his. “Hey there. I, uh, didn’t expect to see you here.”

He nodded slowly and managed to speak. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. You?”

He took a deep breath, marshaling every ounce of his courage. He felt so silly to be nearly paralyzed by this woman, but he was. She’d come to mean everything and he had to find a way to convince her to come back to Diamond Creek. He’d already planned to agree to some kind of long-distance relationship if that’s all he could have.

Another deep breath and he met her eyes, steeling himself to do the thing that scared him the most. “I haven’t been too good actually. I’ve, uh…” His words ran out.
You’d better do this, man. Don’t chicken out now.
Another breath. He was getting really good at this whole breathe through it thing. “I’ve missed you. A lot. I’m, uh, I’m really sorry I blew it when you came to talk to me at the harbor. If you can believe it, Ryan told me to stop being such an idiot. I don’t know how to explain, but because of how things were with my parents, I just decided it’d be better if I didn’t try to do the whole relationship thing. It was never anything to worry about until I met you. I, uh…damn, this is hard.” He paused and looked over at Jessa. Her gaze was pinned to him, her eyes bright with tears, and everything about her expression encouraging him to continue. So he did. “Look, I’m not sure what love is because I’ve never had any experience with it, but I’m pretty sure I love you…”

Jessa flew at him, flinging her arms around him. He lifted her and held her close, turning his head into her hair and just breathing her in. Tears clogged his throat and he swallowed against the tightness. The emotion almost overwhelmed him. Being able to hold her again after the week from hell was such a pure relief, he could hardly bear it. After several long moments, she leaned back and looked at him. She cupped her hands over his cheeks and smiled. “Wow! I didn’t expect that,” she said softly.

His heart swelled. “I didn’t expect you,” he finally managed.

She leaned forward and brought her lips to his. He felt as if he’d been underwater and finally came up for air. She was his air. The feel of her lips against his, her tongue stroking boldly into his mouth and her soft sigh when she drew away nearly undid him. She wiggled and slowly slipped from his arms and took a step back.

He’d pretty much wrung himself dry the last few days and didn’t even know what else to say at this point, so he just soaked in the sight of her. She bit her lip and glanced over. “I suppose you might want to know that if I knew what love was, it would be what I feel when I’m with you,” she said with a smile that morphed into a soft laugh.

He tugged her close and wrapped his arms around her again.

* * *

L
ater that night
after takeout Thai dinner with Becca and Aidan, Jessa glanced over when Eli rested his head against the headboard and rolled it to look at her, his eyes somber. His muscled chest gleamed in the low light cast from a lamp in the corner. His brown hair was mussed from her running her hands through it after he’d taken her to an explosive climax and made her forget where she ended and he began. She was languid and relaxed, completely at ease.

“So, I had one more thing to ask you,” he said, his voice low and gravelly in the quiet room.

Her skin prickled at the mere sound of his voice. She turned to face him, crossing her legs and tucking the sheets over her lap. Her skin was bare and a bolt of need shot through her when he reached over and dragged a fingertip along the curve of her breast.

At her sharp intake, his eyes whipped up. “Couldn’t help it.”

“What did you want to ask me?”

“If you would come back to Diamond Creek…to stay with me.”

Her heart leapt when she realized he’d come all this way to talk to her and somehow she’d neglected to mention she always meant to return to Diamond Creek. The way he put his heart on the line meant all that much more because of what he hadn’t known. Tears pressed at the back of her eyes.

“Eli, I was already planning to come back. I just came down here to take care of a few logistics.”

His green eyes widened and then he smiled, a slow, breathtaking smile. “Wow. I feel like an idiot. I was all ready to tell you we’d find a way to make it work even if you wanted to stay here. So, you were going to stay in Diamond Creek even if things didn’t work out for us?”

She nodded, the wave of emotion easing inside. “I thought about coming back here, but I have more reasons to stay there. Don’t get me wrong, I
really
want things to work out for us, but staying in Diamond Creek is the right thing for me. I have more family there than here. Things are going great with the gallery, and it just made sense. After today, you couldn’t tear me away from there.”

She leaned over and slid a hand into his hair as she brought her lips to his. When she pulled back, she saw her own feelings reflected in equal measure in his eyes.