Steering the Stars (24 page)

     
 
“I’m sorry.”

     
 
“It’s not for you to be sorry. It’s me… and, Care, the thing is…” I trailed off.

     
 
“What?” she urged.

     
 
“I’ve been upset about it but not
that
upset. In a way, it’s almost a relief.”

     
 
“A relief?” she asked and I could tell she was genuinely curious.

     
 
“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve been with him in some form or another all of my life. He was my first kiss. The first guy to hold my hand. My first… everything! He taught me how to drive a stick shift. He brought me minestrone soup when I got strep throat last year. I’ve built a whole life around him and the idea of him.” I needed to take a breath before I could continue. “In a way, I love Owen because of who he is and what he represents but he’s not what I want. Not anymore.”

     
 
“So, this is for real
?
”

     
 
“It’s for real,” I confirmed.

     
 
“And that’s a good thing?”

     
 
“I don’t know if it’s a
good thing,
but I think it was going to happen eventually.”

     
 
“I guess so.” Caroline’s eyelashes fluttered. “It just—it seems so abrupt to me. Are you sure you’ve thought through this?”

       Owen wants me to be someone that I’m not. And I want to find someone who wants me for ME.”

       “And that’s who this new guy is?”

       I bit the inside of my cheek and said, “His name is Joel.”

       “Okay…” She gave a tentative smile and I laughed in relief. “And
Joel…
You think he likes you for you?”

       “I don’t know but I hope so. Care, he’s…” I tried to think of a way to describe Joel to Caroline. “He’s everything.”

     
 
Her laugh was incredulous. “
Everything
?”

       “Ed Sheeran
everything
.”

       She was silent. Then, she released a long high-pitched whistle and said, “Wow.”

       “So, you’re not mad at me?”

       “I’m not mad at you. I wish—well, I wish you had told me sooner.”

     
 
I winced. “I know I screwed up big time. Never again, okay?”

       “Deal.”

       “And, Care, I promise that I want you and Owen to still be friends.”

       “I can only be his friend if he’s willing to talk to me,” she pointed out.

       I pulled on my hair. “I’ll email him and explain.”

       “No, I will.”

       “But—”

     
 
“Seriously, Hannah. I’ll talk to Owen. I’ve got to work this out with him.”

       We were both silent for a minute, just watching each other through the grainy video. I saw Aspen jump up onto Caroline’s bed and circle a few times before collapsing on a mound of pillows.

       Finally, my best friend took a breath and asked, “So... Joel?”

       “Yeah.”

       “It feels weird calling him by name when I don’t even know anything about him. We need a nickname. How about ‘Racquet Boy?’”

       I scrunched up my nose. “That makes him sound like Rocket Boy’s lamer cousin. Let me think…” I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip. “The first time he asked me out was in a library.”

       “So Library Boy?”

       I nodded. “Sure.”

       Caroline smiled softly. “Okay, I want to hear everything about Library Boy.”

       “It’s a long story,” I warned, matching her smile.

       Caroline shook her head. “I don’t care about that. Start at the very beginning.”

       So I did.

I headed to my locker after class ended to exchange my morning textbooks for my afternoon ones so I wouldn’t have to stop by my locker again after lunch.

       After shuffling things around, I took a minute to check my phone. There wasn’t anything new from Hannah but after last night’s revelations, I was betting she was busy with her Library Boy.

       Joel…

       I was still struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that after years of being a “them,” Owen and Hannah were no longer together.
And
that she was already seeing someone new. Someone I didn’t even know.  

       I wanted to be supportive and understanding, but something still wasn’t right. I just felt...well,
off.
And I guess a big part of that was disappointment that Hannah had been keeping things from me. Which, when I thought about it some more, seemed hypocritical. I mean, wasn’t I doing the same thing to her by not speaking up about Homecoming or this stupid crush on her brother?

       Last night had been the perfect opportunity to come clean. To put it all out on the table. But for some reason, I’d kept everything inside. So maybe my real problem wasn’t being mad at Hannah. Maybe my real problem was simpler than that: it was
guilt.

       Because, even if she’d hemmed and hawed about it, Hannah had at least told me the truth about Owen. But not me. I still hadn’t confessed my crush. In fact, I had bold-faced
lied
to her when I told her I was interested in Miles. God, for the first time in my life, I had actually lied to my best friend! What was wrong with me?

       “You ready?”

       I jumped like a cornered animal and whipped my head around to see Henry leaning his long body against the locker next to mine.

       “I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said easily.

       “No, I’m fine,” I answered quickly, grateful that Henry couldn’t read minds.

       “So… are you ready?” he asked me again.

       “Ready for what?” Baffled, I slipped my phone into my backpack along with my books and slammed the locker closed. ‘Did I miss something?”

       “It’s Friday.”

       Still not following, I nodded. “Uh-huh.”

       Henry smiled with one side of his mouth. “Which means seniors get off-campus lunch.”

       “Um, okay?”

       “And I want you to come to lunch with me.”

       “But I’m not a senior,” I reminded him.

       He shrugged it off. “No, you’re not, but I’ve heard exceptions are made every once in a while.”

       “Like when?” I challenged.

       “Like when a junior has been eating lunch alone every day for over a month,” he said in an overly serious tone. “The administration considers that to be dangerously antisocial behavior.”

       Embarrassed, I glanced down at my feet. It was true that I had been eating lunch by myself, but I hadn’t realized that Henry was paying such close attention. “I don’t know, Henry.”

       “It’s not like I’m asking you to help me plan a bank robbery.”

       I pursed my lips. “Still.”

       “Or hide a body.”

       This made me laugh. He took the opportunity to wrap his arm around my shoulders and steer me toward the exit. “Did I mention that we always go to Taco Casa?”

       “But…”

       “Or that guacamole is free on Fridays?”

       I looked over my shoulder to make sure the hallway was free of teachers. I wouldn't be skipping class, but I'd still be leaving campus without permission, which was completely out of character for me. “I’m not sure about this.”

       “Come on, Care. You know you’re only putting off the inevitable because I’m not taking no for an answer. And you need to consider Alec and Jaxson. The longer you hold us up, the longer they’re going to be sitting there waiting.”

       Alec Freeman and Jaxson Campbell were Henry’s teammates and, from what I could tell, his best friends. Over the past few years, I’d seen them many times at the Vaughn house when I was hanging out with Hannah, but I’d never spoken to them. Not once. I doubted they even knew my name.

       “What if I get caught?” I asked, biting down on my lip.

       “Care, it's okay to break the rules every once in a while.”

       “Gotta live a little?” I said remembering what he’d told me the night we baked cookies.                      

       His face lit up. “Exactly.”

       I knew I was done arguing. When Henry Vaughn smiled like that it was impossible to tell him no. “Okaaay…” I relented. “Taco Casa it is.”              

       When we arrived, Henry pointed out a corner booth. Leaning down so that his mouth was close to my ear, he said, “We always try to get that one because it’s closest to the salsa station and, let me tell you, Jaxson can eat the hell out of some salsa and chips.”

       “Nice.”

       He laughed and placed his hand on the small of my back. “Strategic planning.”

       Jaxson and Alec were already sitting in the booth and as we approached, I saw that Alec’s girlfriend, Emily, was there too. She was a pretty blonde with bubblegum pink lips and killer eyelashes. I’d had history class with her last year, but all I knew about her was that she was a popular cheerleader type who always looked like a walking mascara advertisement, and that she was good friends with Elise Rivers, Henry’s ex-girlfriend.

       Alec was tall and lithe with jet-black hair and equally dark eyes. Next to him, Jaxson was shorter and almost stocky, with sandy blond hair and even more freckles than I could claim. Both guys were wearing their varsity track jackets, and I found myself wondering why Henry never wore his anymore. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d seen him in it.

       “Hey!” Henry hollered to the table.

       For a terrified moment, I worried that his friends would be annoyed that I was joining them or even start to laugh, but my fears vanished quickly. As soon as Jaxson noticed us, he lifted a hand and shouted back, “It’s about time!”

       Alec chimed in. “We got a shit-ton of food so ya’ll don’t even need to worry about ordering.”

       “Good deal,” Henry said, jostling his friends over so that there was room in the booth for us.

       Before I could even catch another breath, Emily had made a plate for me with two tacos and a chimichurri. “Is this okay?” she asked, blinking her doe eyes at me.

       “Um, yeah,” I muttered.

       “Babe,” Alec told her, passing a bowl across the table. “You’ve got to get Caroline some of the guacamole.”

       So, they
did
know my name. That was my first surprise of the lunch. The second came a few seconds later when Jaxson asked me how the play was going.

       “You know I’m in the school play?” I asked in astonishment.

       Still shoveling beans into his mouth, he looked between Henry and me. “Well, sure. Isn’t that where our boy has been almost every afternoon? That’s what he told us.”

       “Yeah… I mean,
yes
, Henry’s been working on the sets.”

     
 
“For credit in carpentry class,” Henry added.

       “So,” Jaxson pushed me, “how’s it going? I took a drama elective with Ms. Cobb last year and that lady is cuckoo.” He made a spiral motion beside his ear.

       “It’s, uh going well I guess. I mean, I’m completely terrible,” I said with a bashful shake of my head.

       “That’s not true,” Henry said forcefully in between bites of a taco. “Caroline has the lead role and she has it nailed down. She just needs to forget about the audience.”

       “It’s not that simple,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat even more.

       Henry’s eyes narrowed on mine. “Isn’t it?”

       Emily looked at me thoughtfully. “When I was a freshman, my mom wanted me to try acting, so I auditioned and got a small part in
The Pajama Game
. I was so nervous I thought I’d pee my pants on opening night.”

        Was this really happening? Was I actually having a regular conversation with Henry’s friends? “But it was okay? You got through opening night, right?”

       Emily shook her head. “No, I took one of my mom’s Xanax and passed out before the show even started. Someone else went on in my place.”

       We all laughed.

       After that, the rest of lunch sped by. The guys chatted and ribbed on each other. Emily rolled her eyes and guffawed good-naturedly. I contributed to the conversation occasionally, but mostly I sat back and watched. I was more comfortable being on the sidelines. Plus, I liked watching Henry and his friends interact.

       As we were walking to the cars afterward, Jaxson cuffed me on the back of the neck and happily asked, “Did you have fun with us, Caroline?”

       “Yeah,” I said truthfully. It really had been more fun than eating alone.

     
 
“Good.” He nodded at his friends. “I’m glad these guys were on their best behavior.”

       Henry smiled carefully. “So, does that mean you’ll have lunch with us next week?”

       Before I could answer, Emily made a moaning noise. “Just so ya’ll are aware, I have Homecoming committee meetings during lunch every single day for the next two weeks.”

       “Because it’s crunch time and you are the woman in charge,” Alec said, pulling her to his side and kissing her forehead.

       Emily groaned some more but she was also smiling. “Caroline, are you going to Homecoming?”

       I pointed to myself. “Me?”

       She laughed. “Yes! Are you going? Because I’ve been developing this whole idea for the theme. You will be blown away by what we’ve come up with.”

        “If you’re not already planning on it, Caroline,” Jaxson said in a teasing tone. “You should know that I’m still looking for a date.”

     
 
“Um—” I started but Henry interrupted.

     
 
“She has a date,” he stated simply without one trace of his usual easy smile. In fact, it was unsettling how serious his expression was right now. Jaxson glanced between the two of us a few times before a look of understanding crossed his face.

     
 
“You two?”

     
 
Henry answered his question with a look—look that said, “don’t go there.”

       “But just as friends,” I said quickly.

     
 
Jaxson dropped his hand from the back of my neck and let out a playful whistle. “I see how it is. Henry always did have a thing for redheads.”

       If I hadn’t been already looking at Henry I might have missed the subtle flush that appeared on his cheeks. I lowered my gaze to the pavement of the parking lot, but I couldn’t help the small smile that formed on my lips.

       I knew it was the most ridiculous thing to be happy about. It didn’t mean anything. He could have meant redheads like Jessica Rabbit or Christina Hendricks; not redheads like Caroline McKain. But even knowing that didn’t stop the tiny flicker of hope that ignited in my chest and spread across my middle. A part of me so desperately wanted to believe it was possible, but the other part of me knew that holding on to false hope can be a dangerous thing.