Step Up (18 page)

Marcus

Senior
year had finally arrived, and my days had been spent tying up loose ends and preparing for graduation—taking SATs and senior photos and ordering my cap and gown for graduation. Because I had enough credits, I was able to graduate early. I would attend my senior prom and graduate with the rest of my class, but I wouldn't have to attend classes anymore after December. Instead, I would spend second semester working as an intern at a law firm in downtown Atlanta. I was excited about that.

I looked forward to senior prom. Of course, I would probably take Indigo—that is, if we were still together. She was acting all hard, as if she was still mad about Daria. But I was pretty sure she might forgive me soon, especially since Christmas was just around the corner. Girls loved Christmas gifts and Indigo was no different. But before we could think about senior prom, or even Christmas for that matter, we had to make it through Thanksgiving.

My family had been invited to Indigo's house for Thanksgiving. Her grandmother, Nana Summer, was coming in town for the holidays, which was a special treat for everyone who knew her. I loved Nana Summer, loved her like she was
my own grandmother, and couldn't wait to see her. We had a lot to catch up on. I would tell her all about my summer visit to Harvard and how I messed up with Indi. She would know just what I should do and how to handle her stubborn granddaughter. Nana Summer would be my saving grace.

As I strolled through the halls and to my locker, I grinned. It wouldn't be long before this place was history. Although I would miss my friends, some of my teachers and all of my coaches, I knew that I was headed for a bright future. And I was ready for the world. I reached into my locker, grabbed my Algebra book and then slammed my locker shut. I stood for a moment, watching as Indigo passed by with her girls. She looked my way, and then stopped and came over.

“What's up?” she asked.

“Nothing.”

“Why you just standing here then?”

“Just watching you,” I said. “Can I walk you to class?”

She shrugged. “I guess.”

Indigo led the way to her American History class, which was only a short distance down the hall.

“So why you still acting funny? You gonna act like this for the entire school year? You know I'll be graduating soon and you won't get to see me at school every day.”

“I'm not acting funny, Marcus.”

“Oh really? Is that why we're not sharing lockers this year and you don't wait for me after dance practice anymore? You don't even wait for me in between classes, either.”

“You're tripping.”

“Indi, I got a lot of stuff on my head right now. With school and graduation and stuff, I don't have a lot of time to play around. If you can't get past this thing with Daria, then maybe you should just…”

“Just what, Marcus? Break up with you? Is that what you want?”

“No, that's not what I want. But I really need you to have my back right now. I need you to either be my girl—or not. I can't handle the in-between stuff.” I had to be straight up with her, even if I risked losing her.

“I gotta go, Marcus. The bell is about to ring, and I can't be late for class. I'll get a detention,” she said, leaving my questions unanswered. “I'll see you after practice today. I'll wait for you.”

“Cool,” I mumbled and then jogged to my class.

Indigo needed to make up her mind—
and fast.

 

After practice I waited around for Indigo to show up as she'd promised. With the strap of my gym bag on my shoulder, I stood with my back against the wall. Indigo's girls passed by—Jade, Tymia and Asia.

“What's up, Marcus?” Jade asked.

“You waitin' for Indi?” asked Asia.

“Yeah, where is she?”

“She left a long time ago. Tameka's mom called. She went into labor and they rushed her to the hospital,” Tymia said. “We're headed over there now. You wanna come?”

“Who's driving?” I asked. I knew that none of them had driver's licenses.

“You are.” Jade grinned, and then locked arms with me. Asia pulled on my other arm.

“I wasn't really going that way,” I explained. Watching a girl in labor was not the type of evening I had in mind. “And besides, I got homework.”

“Oh come on, Marcus! We wanna get there before she has the baby,” Tymia said. “If we hurry, we can make it.”

There wasn't any use fighting with them, so I gave in—led the way to my Jeep and the four of us hopped in. I popped in a Jay-Z CD and turned it up. It would be a long
drive the hospital but at least Indigo would be there. As of late, it seemed that spending time with her was all that mattered.

Vance

As
I merged onto I-20 headed east toward Atlanta, I was flooded by a pool of emotions. It had only been a few hours since I'd received a call from my mother—excitement all in her voice because Tameka had gone into labor. I was already headed home for Thanksgiving. With Jaylen in the passenger's seat of my car, asleep with his head against the window and mouth wide open, I had plenty of alone time. The first hour, I pumped the music up as loud as I could get it, tried to drown my thoughts. Didn't want to think about the reality of what awaited me in Atlanta. In Grambling, I was a college student who played college ball and had a girlfriend who I studied with every night. I had a normal life filled with difficult classes, basketball practice and frat parties. When I arrived in Atlanta, my life would instantly change. I would be a father and my parents would be grandparents. My sister Lori would be somebody's aunt. The first hour of the drive, my heart pounded so rapidly, I thought I was having an anxiety attack.

Soon I decided to turn down the music; think things through like a man. There was a baby who was coming soon, and would need me. She would be small and weak, and
wouldn't be able to do anything on her own. I wondered what the baby would look like; wondered if she would have my eyes or my funny-shaped ears. I hoped not. I hated my ears and hoped that the baby would inherit Tameka's ears instead—and her smile. She had a beautiful smile. And she had that cute little dimple in her cheek when she laughed.

I hoped that Tameka was okay. Hoped that she wasn't in too much pain. I'd heard that childbirth was the worst pain ever and that sometimes women died during childbirth. Even though I was sure that Tameka hated me, I hoped that she wasn't in much pain. I felt guilty for not telling Lexi that Tameka was in labor; the next time she saw me, I would be a father.
I would be a father.
Those words lingered in my head and wouldn't go away. They scared me, but at the same time they gave me joy. I smiled to myself and then glanced over at Jaylen, who was snoring louder than the music. Wanted to make sure he hadn't witnessed the smile on my face. He would think I was crazy. There was also a smile in my heart and I wasn't sure why it was there. But I knew I wouldn't be able to relax until I made it to the hospital.

After I hopped onto 285 headed south, I knew that I was almost there. Jaylen was finally starting to move around in his seat. His eyes popped open.

“Where are we?”

“Close to home,” I said. “I'm headed straight for the hospital.”

“Did she have the baby yet?”

“Not yet. My mom said that she's still in labor.”

“Wow, it's been hours. How long does it take to pop a baby out?” Jaylen asked and then straightened in his seat.

“My mom said that first babies take a long time,” I explained. “I can drop you off at your house if you want me to.”

“Nah, I'm good. I with you, bro…for as long as it take.
At least until I get hungry. Then I got to find my mama's kitchen. I have missed her cooking like crazy.”

“Same here. Nothing like my mom's cooking.”

 

As I pulled into the hospital's parking garage, my heart started pounding again. I was glad that Jaylen wasn't aware of my emotional roller coaster. On the outside, I was cool and calm, but inside I was going crazy and fear was about to overtake me. I stepped out of the car, threw my leather jacket on and zipped it up. Jaylen and I stepped into the hospital lobby and looked around for a minute.

“Which floor?” Jaylen asked.

“I don't know. I guess the floor where babies are born.”

Jaylen found an information desk and approached the blond woman who sat behind it. “Can you tell me which floor babies are born on?” he asked.

“That would be the maternity ward.” The woman smiled. “Third floor.”

“Thank you,” Jaylen said and, grabbing the elbow of my jacket, led the way to the elevators. I was glad, too, because suddenly my legs were stiff. He called for the elevator and once it arrived, I stood there. Couldn't move.

“You coming?” he asked, stepping inside.

I knew that Jaylen had said something but I wasn't sure what. “What's wrong with you, man? We're going up…to the third floor…you know, the maternity ward.”

He pulled me onto the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor. When the doors opened, I spotted a pregnant girl wearing a plush pink robe and strolling through the halls. She couldn't have been more than sixteen and I wondered if her baby's father was around, and if he was just as scared as I was. With her belly protruding, she struggled just to take a few steps. I wondered why she was wandering
aimlessly through the halls instead of relaxing in a hospital bed with her feet in the air.

“You're doing good, Jasmine,” said a nurse who passed by dressed in scrubs. “Keep walking…just a little bit more and you'll be ready soon.”

You'll be ready soon?
Ready for what?

“Vance!” My mother rushed toward me. “I'm so glad you're here. She's in there! They're prepping her.”

“You mean the baby's about to come?” I asked as I hugged my mother.

“Yes, she is.” Mom smiled, and then hugged Jaylen. “I'm so glad you both made it. She's fully dilated.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“It means she's about to give birth at any moment,” Mom said. “Come on. She's been asking for you. She wants you in the delivery room. But you have to hurry so you can get cleaned up.”

“Whoa…” I stopped in my tracks. “The delivery room? I don't know about that, Ma. I don't know if I'm ready for all that.”

“What do you mean? This is your child coming into this world, son. Don't you want to witness it?”

I suddenly felt hot and it seemed that I was sweating uncontrollably.

“I think I'll just find the waiting room…you know, where all the other dads are.”

“At least come in and say hello to Tameka. Let her know you're here.”

Reluctantly, I followed my mother down the long hallway and into a room where Tameka was reclining on a bed and her mother was holding her hand. Tameka's eyes were closed and her face frowned; she was breathing heavily through her lips.

Her mother, Mel, smiled at me as I entered the room. “She's having a contraction,” she whispered.

After the contraction was over, Tameka opened her eyes and looked at me with tears in them. I gave her a smile, hoped that it would ease her fears.

“Hey,” I said with a cracked voice.

“Hey,” Tameka said.

“Vance, you can take over from here.” Mel stood and my heart started pounding again. “All you have to do is hold her hand and help her through the pain.”

“You'll be just fine, baby,” my mother said and then she and Mel left the room.

Left me to do this alone. Didn't they know we were just kids? I had no idea what I was supposed to do or say—or not do or say. I approached the chair next to Tameka's bed, took a seat, grabbed her hand and intertwined her fingers with mine. No words were spoken between us but it felt as if we were on the same team and moving in the same direction.

Tameka

The
best part of the day was when Vance walked into my room and grabbed my hand. Even though I was in pain, I managed a smile. I was so happy to see him. He seemed so nervous, and so was I. But at least we were nervous together. With each contraction, I squeezed Vance's hand and he caressed my arm. I was ready for the labor to end. I was ready for my baby to be born.

“So how's school going?” I asked Vance, just to break the ice.

“It's cool. College is a lot of work,” he said. “What about you? Was it really bad when you went to school on the first day…being pregnant and all?”

“Yeah, it was pretty bad the first week. But after that, people got used to seeing me and I wasn't so much a freak anymore.”

“You think you'll be able to get back on the dance team after you have the baby?” he asked.

“I hope so.”

“That's cool.”

Small talk with Vance helped me through some of the contractions, helped take my mind off of them. But when the pains started coming every second, the small talk became irritating
and I just wanted Vance to shut up. I didn't quite remember when Dr. Franklin rushed into the room, but he was suddenly giving me instructions, telling me to push the baby out. I pushed with all my might. Pushed until Dr. Franklin said he could see the baby's head.

“You're doing fine, Tameka,” he said. “Now just relax for a minute and I'll tell you when to push again.”

It wasn't long before he was telling me to push. Push. Relax. Push. Relax. It was exhausting. But shortly after that, he held a pale little girl into the air and all the pushing didn't seem to matter anymore. She was so tiny and beautiful and I couldn't stop staring at her. I couldn't even remember the pain. It was a blur to me. I was too curious about the little girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs.

“It's a girl.” Dr. Franklin smiled.

I already knew that. I'd had a sonogram done months before. He didn't seem to mind that it was a girl. In fact, after the nurse cleaned her up and wrapped her in a warm blanket, Vance held the little bundle in his arms and stared at her as if she wasn't real.

“What's her name gonna be?”

“Maybe Vanessa,” I said. It was a name that I'd chosen months before because it began with the same letter as Vance's name. “Vanessa Dionne.”

“Vanessa Dionne Armstrong,” Vance added. “I like that.”

He grabbed her small hand and wrapped it around his pinkie finger.

“Give her here and go tell everybody to come and see her.”

Vance gently placed Vanessa into my arms and then smiled. “She's so…dang, she's so little…and cute.”

“Yep, she is cute, huh? Kind of like her mama.” I grinned.

“She looks just like you,” he said and then left the room.

That was the best moment ever.

 

My parents rushed into the room, followed by Vance's parents and his little sister. A few minutes later, Indigo, Jade, Asia, Tymia and even Marcus came in to see the baby. Mommy and Mrs. Armstrong seemed to fight over who would hold her next. When Indigo finally got her turn, Marcus stood over her—both of them admiring little Vanessa. After Indigo passed Vanessa on to Jade, she reached for Marcus's hand and I knew that they must've finally squashed their differences. At least I hoped so. Marcus was a great guy. At least she had someone who loved her and wanted her.

As I glanced over at Vance, who was finally holding his daughter again, I suddenly remembered that he belonged to someone else. Soon the newness of the baby would wear off and Thanksgiving would be over and Vance would be headed for Grambling again—and into the arms of the girl that had stolen his heart from me in the first place. I knew that whatever moment we were sharing would be short-lived. I didn't care. I would remember this day for the rest of my life.

 

After all the excitement died down and everybody went home, I managed to finally doze off. I was awakened in the middle of the night by Nurse Liz, the night nurse who had been assigned to care for the baby and me. She was holding Vanessa in her arms.

“Hello, Miss Tameka. Little Vanessa is hungry. Would you like to feed her?”

I would like to get some sleep…finish the awesome dream I was having! It was about Vance and me. He'd finally come to his senses and dumped that girl at Grambling. We were getting married—I had on a beautiful white dress and my
hair was styled in a bunch of curls. I had on a pair of strappy heels that I'd seen at the mall. And Indigo, Jade, Asia and Tymia were my bridesmaids. They were dressed in purple gowns. It was so real.

“I'm sorry, I was sleeping,” I said. “Can't you just give her a bottle?”

“Well, it's always good for the new mothers to feed their own babies…get used to doing it. When you take her home, you'll have to do this, honey.”

I didn't have the strength to fight it. I just grabbed Vanessa in my arms and took the warm bottle from Nurse Liz's fingers. It was still awkward holding the baby, but I knew I needed the practice. Mommy told me that I needed to secure her neck and head. I did that and then stuck the nipple of the bottle into her mouth. Her eyes were bright—she was wide awake at three o'clock in the morning! How could someone so small have so much energy at this hour? It was scary. Was she planning to be awake every morning at three o'clock?

“I'll come back to check on you in a little bit,” Nurse Liz said and then stepped out of the room.

I was nervous to be alone with the baby. What if I messed up? It was hard to believe that this little person belonged to me—I was responsible for her. I would have to feed her and change her diapers. I'd rock her to sleep in the middle of the night and play with her tiny fingers and toes. I would have to make decisions about her life and take her to see the doctor. She was mine. All mine.

After Vanessa's feeding, I rocked her to sleep. Soon, Nurse Liz came back for her and I was able to get some sleep. I was grateful for sleep because I was plenty tired. When I woke up, the sun was beaming through my window. I managed to sit up in the bed and when I glanced across the room, Vance
was asleep in the orange chair near the door. I watched him for a moment. Wondered how long he'd been sitting there.

“Hey,” he said once his eyes popped open.

“Hey. I didn't know you were here. How long have you been here?”

“About an hour. You were sleeping so hard, I didn't want to wake you,” he said. “I just came by to see Vanessa. I saw her in the nursery. She was knocked out, just like you.”

“Well, I guess so. We both had a long night. She was up at three and I had to feed her.”

“Three o'clock in the morning?”

“Yep,” I told him. “And it's almost time for her feeding again. You wanna feed her this time?”

“I don't know. She's so…you know…tiny.”

“You just have to hold her carefully. That's all.”

I picked up the remote control that was attached to my bed, started surfing the channels until I found MTV. Somebody was having a DNA test done to find out if her fiancé was the father of her baby. Turned out, he wasn't. She started screaming and crying and ran offstage. Her fiancé covered his face with the palms of his hands. He was hurt. I wondered if Vance believed that Vanessa was his or if I'd have to find my way to the show and have a DNA test done, too. I wondered if he was going to flake out on me and disappear. I wondered if he would still want to see Vanessa after he made it back to Grambling. I wondered if he would call or write and come home for her birthdays. So many unanswered questions.

“Vanessa has my nose,” Vance stated. “And her fingers are long and skinny like mine. My mom said she has piano fingers.”

“Yeah, her fingers are long and skinny.”

“Maybe she'll play ball like me,” he said.

“I doubt that.” I laughed. “She'll probably be a dancer.”

Vance and I laughed and talked like old times—two parents planning our child's future. I remembered how much I missed him. Wished things could be the way they were before Grambling. There was a time when we had so many plans for our future. We couldn't stop talking to each other. It was as if we had to cram a year's worth of conversation into one morning. I barely even heard his phone ring. I hoped that he would silence it, particularly since he wasn't supposed to be talking on it in the hospital. But he didn't silence it, he answered.

“Hello,” he said. “Hey you, what's up? Yeah, I miss you, too…”

I miss you, too.
It was as if my heart stopped beating. It had to be his girlfriend on the other end of the phone.

“…I know. I'm at the hospital right now…seeing Vanessa…”

Seeing Vanessa? If he's here to see Vanessa, then why is he all up in my room watching TV?

“…Okay, I'll call you later…yeah, me, too…”

Did she say that she loved him?

He hung up, looked my way. “Sorry about that.”

“You're not supposed to have cell phones in here,” I explained.

My mood was different. Once again, a girl named Lexi had stolen my joy. Nurse Liz walked in with Vanessa and a warm bottle and I was grateful. Things were suddenly awkward and we needed to change the atmosphere.

“He's gonna feed her.” I volunteered Vance before he had a chance to protest.

Nurse Liz placed Vanessa in Vance's arms and smiled. “Here you go.”

He adjusted her until he found a perfect fit. Her head relaxed against his arm and he stuck the nipple of the bottle into her mouth. I watched the two of them. Wished I had
my digital camera so I could capture the moment and remember it forever. Instead I burned it into my memory and hoped that it stayed there. I guess in life, you held on to the precious moments—even if they were short-lived.