Stepbrother's Gift (13 page)

I reached for James, and when I didn’t feel him, I pulled my head from the pillow and listened. The house was quiet. I could hear the low drone of cars on the street below, an errant car horn or barking dog, so softened by the thick windows as to be almost imperceptible.

I slid my legs from the bed and put my feet on the floor, and as I sat up I felt every part of my body cry out in protest. I felt tight and sore everywhere, but especially between my legs. It was a sweet ache, but a painful one. I wondered if it was his size that had done it, or maybe the multiple orgasms. It was the first time I ever came on a man while he was inside of me.

I went to the bathroom and when I finished, rinsed my face. I glanced at myself in the mirror. I looked like absolute hell. Not even worth trying to fix until after a hot shower. But first I wanted to see James.

I let the bedroom naked, immediately hearing his voice as I walked through the threshold. He was yelling at someone over the phone. I saw him sitting at the table, punching keys at a laptop as he spoke on the phone. I stood in the door frame and watched as he did his magic.

“I told you I needed that on my desk today, not next Monday.” He listened. “No, no, we can't afford to get rid of him yet, but I'm sick of this amateur bullshit.” Again, he listened. “I know that he's saved us in the past, but he has got to learn that a deadline is a deadline. Listen, I don't care what you have to do, but-” He finally noticed me standing there, looking at him while naked. His eyes grew wide for a moment as he did a once-over on me, and it made me blush. “Look, I have to let you go, but I trust that you'll have this taken care of by the time I get into the office.” He hung up his phone and put it on the table.

“That sounded important,” I said.

He laughed. “Nothing I haven't dealt with a hundred times before. It's so hard to get good help these days.” He gave me another once-over, then gestured to the stove. “There's coffee on the burner, good stuff from Columbia. Please help yourself.”

I smiled and walked over there. “If you have to put out a fire at work today, I'll be fine.”

He looked at me quizzically. “Of course I'm going into work today. What did you think, that I'd sit here and play guitar for you all day? And besides, you probably have to be getting back to school, don't you?”

My jaw dropped a little bit. His tone was callous. “Well, yeah, some time, but I thought I'd stay here a little longer.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “What do you mean, Allie? You can't stay around here. The tabloids would eat me alive if they knew I was fucking my stepsister.”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Not “dating my stepsister”, not “going out with my stepsister”, not “becoming the father of my stepsister's children”. No, he looked at this as nothing more than fucking.

“But, I thought...” I trailed off.

For a moment, I saw a look genuine concern in his eyes, but then the usual cockiness came right back. “Look, Allie. I'm glad you came, I really am. This was something that we both needed to get out of our systems. I definitely enjoyed it, but I consider that IOU paid with interest.”

The IOU. I had forgotten all about it. The text popped up in my head, practically mocking me.

––––––––

T
O ALLIE

FROM JAMES

Merry Christmas!

IOU one present

––––––––

“M
erry Christmas. Four years late, but I guarantee I'll never miss giving you a present again,” he said.

I was practically shell shocked. “We need to talk about this,” I said in the smallest voice I ever heard myself use.

He looked away, toward the window. “I thought we just did talk about this,” he said. He looked back toward me. “Now, get some clothes on. I'll give you a ride to the airport. I've already taken the liberty of buying you a plane ticket back to New York.”

My knees started getting shaky. I had never had a chance to tell him how I really felt. He had no idea that I had pined for him all these years. He had no idea that every man I had ever slept with, I had imagined being with him. He had no idea that I wasn't on birth control and that I wanted to bear his children. By buying me a plane ticket out of there, he was showing me exactly what part he wanted me to play in his life.

I knew that I shouldn't show emotion, but I felt like if I bottled it up any longer, I might actually faint. The tears began to flow as I screamed. “I don't want your fucking plane ticket, James.”

He sighed deeply, like a big brother lecturing a little sister. “Allie-”

“No, you know what?” I stormed out of the kitchen and back to the bedroom, grabbing my purse and storming back. “Here's the money you gave me yesterday.” I sheepishly realized that I had broken one of the hundred dollar bills. “Well, $195 of it anyway. I bought a coffee at your stupid shop. I don't need it, and I don't need you.” I wadded up the bills and threw them at him, only they only made it like a foot before they floated impotently to the floor. I was in such a rage that I hardly cared.

“Allie!” he yelled.

“I'll find my own way home,
thank you very much.”
I crossed my arms and wished to heaven I wasn't naked. I just didn't sound competent without clothes on.

James crossed the difference between us in an instant. “Allie!” he shouted at me. For a moment, I thought he was going to slap some sense into me like an old movie, but he just looked at me with those beautiful green eyes of his.

“I don't want your stupid plane ticket,” I repeated, only now I sounded like a sullen child.

He put his hands on my shoulders and shook his head. “I know you're mad right now. But this could never work out. You know that.” He held me close to himself, hugging me for a moment.

I knew he was right. I knew that of all the people in all the world, the last person I should be hugging naked was my stepbrother. We were supposed to behave like siblings. We weren't supposed to be lovers. But that didn't change the way I felt. It didn't change the fact that I ached to bare his children and that more than anything, I wanted him to want me.

He gave me a squeeze and laughed. “Remember when I told you to take the bus home instead of giving you a ride myself, back in high school?”

I let out a sarcastic snort. “You're not making me feel better.”

“Sorry. Well, let me get you home to New York. We can count that as payback for mistreating you that day.”

I thought about it. “A plane ticket is a lot more expensive than a car ride home,” I pointed out, still feeling like I was going to start sobbing at any moment.

“Shut up. Just think of it as payment with interest.”

There that word was again. Interest. The only terms that James could understand were business terms. I broke the hug and looked up at him, just managing to nod.

“And part of that trip home includes covering any incidentals, so please...” He turned around and picked up the scattered bills, smoothed them out, and handed them back to me. “Take this money and use it to get home. Enjoy whatever's left.”

I was too emotional to argue, so I held out my hand and accepted the money, nodding again.

“That's good. Now get showered off and dressed. I'm leaving here in fifteen minutes.”

***

F
ifteen minutes didn't leave a lot of time for thinking in the shower. I was in shock as I let the water run over me. I let soap run all over my body, I thought of how silly I had been to make any plans to begin with. Society wouldn't care that we weren't blood related, all they would see is a brother and sister raising a family together. It wasn't fair, but it was the way the world worked.

The only time I started crying again was when I rubbed the soap over my belly.

What had I been thinking? How could I have ever wanted something as twisted as this? The little voice in my head chastised me for being so stupid, yet I still loved the idea of James' baby in me.

I got out of the shower and got dressed as quickly as possible. My sweater smelled of my sweat, and my panties were soaked with James' semen. I'd have to throw them away when I got home.

When I left the bedroom, James was already dressed in his suit. Without a word, he grabbed his briefcase and went to the door, holding it open for me so we could leave. I took one last look at the apartment, knowing that I'd never see it again.

We got in the limo and James immediately put up the partition between the driver's seat and the passenger area. He tensed up. “Allie, I know that you're mad right now. I don't want to have to ask you to sign a non-disclosure agreement, but-”

I knew exactly what he was going to say, so I cut him off. “I'm not going to tell anyone, James.”

“Not your roommate. Not Tessa. Not our parents.”

“I won't tell a soul,” I said. It was the truth. I would be too embarrassed to tell people that I slept with my stepbrother.

He relaxed. “Good.” For a while, we rode in silence. Then, he spoke up again. “Allie, promise me something?”

I shrugged.

He sighed. “Promise me that you won't end up with someone like me. Find and marry a nice guy. Someone who has time for a family. Someone who will treat you right.”

It was an uncharacteristic moment of honesty from him. “What about you? Who will you end up with?”

He smiled. “I like the bachelor life just fine.” He looked out the window. “But I can't really see myself ever getting married to someone who didn't remind me of you.”

I saw his sadness, but I said nothing. He looked out the window for the rest of the trip to the airport. When we got to the terminal, he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “I'll see you next Christmas, Allie. Call or email me if you ever find yourself in trouble.”

I let him hug me, feeling his warm embrace for the last time. “Thanks, but I don't think I'll need your help.”

He sighed again, then released me from the hug. I got out of the limo and walked right into the terminal without looking back.

A
nd that was that. I got on the plane, flew back, and took a taxi back to my campus. I managed to make it back just in time to change my clothes and go to my last class. The last thing I needed was to get additional absences for this time off.

When I got back to my dorm room, I just laid on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. My hands automatically rested on my belly, and I couldn't help but think about James' seed, probably already claiming my egg, claiming my body. I wanted it, yet it was possibly the most terrifying thing I could think of. It would bond James and me together forever.

Nicole came back and asked why I was so mopey. I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't even text Tessa and tell her all about it. Everything had changed, and nothing had changed.

The rest of Wednesday passed in a blur. I was still sore on Thursday, but I managed to get myself out of bed and to my classes. I had my phone on silent, but when I got out of class, I noticed that James had emailed me a couple of times. He had some nerve. Here I was, trying to forget he even existed, when he kept reminding me about him. I deleted them without even reading them.

That evening, I went to do laundry. I dug around in my jeans pocket to get everything out of them, when out popped the flyer listing the coffee house band schedule. I thought of Anne, maybe looking for me to be in the audience. I really wished I could have been there, but I'd probably never set foot in Boston again.

Still, as I did my laundry down at the laundromat, I found myself wondering what kind of music played. I remembered the small music studio in James' place, and I wondered what kind of music he played as well.

Stop it
, I thought.
James is dead to you.

On Friday, I caught up on my homework. My phone kept chirping emails at me, and every time I saw it was James, I tossed it in the trash without even thinking about it. I was almost starting to feel good again. Nicole must have noticed. “Glad you're over whatever boy dumped you,” she said, oblivious to my actual feelings as usual. “Want to go clubbing?”

I laughed. “Are you single now?”

“Uh, yeah, I'm always single,” she said, her valley girl persona shining through for a moment.

“What about the guy you hooked up with on Tuesday night?” I asked.

She scoffed for a moment. “He was into some weird stuff, I wasn't interested. He didn't get that some girls just want to have fun.”

I giggled a little. That was Nicole, always into fun. I didn't always agree with her brand of fun, but I needed to get out of here a little bit. “Yeah, let's go clubbing.”

“Yay! Let's go check out that new place on 5th street!” She was practically jumping up and down with excitement. “I can be ready to go in two hours.”

Typical
, I thought. I'd take thirty minutes to get ready and have to wait on her for ninety minutes. “Great!” I said, forcing cheerfulness out with the word. “You take first shower.”

“Way ahead of you,” she said, pulling her shirt over her head and heading into the bathroom. It was really nice having a bathroom in our dorm room, even if we shared it with the room next door.

Nicole took her typical thirty minute shower and came out wrapped in a towel. She quickly blow dried her hair and I rinsed off. When I came out of the shower, she was sitting in bed, typing at her computer with curlers in her hair. When she would take them down, she would have the most beautiful hair I had ever seen. Mine never looked half as good as hers did. I was definitely envious of those curls.

I knew that it took a long time to curl her hair, but I started to get dressed anyway. I put on my favorite top, a gold shiny shirt that tied around my neck and lower back and left my entire back exposed. A simple black skirt would look fantastic with it tonight. Hopefully, I'd find a guy to help me forget James.

As soon as I was dressed, there was a knock at the door. Nicole didn't even look up from her computer, leaving me to do it. I laughed to myself as I went to the door to open it up.

When I opened the door, I felt my heart began to race.

“James, what are you doing here?”