Steve Demaree - Dekker 09 - Murder on a Blind Date (7 page)

"I'm
nervous," I said. "I can't remember what we're allowed to talk about
and what we're not."

"If
I remember right from last time, we can talk about everything except our last
name, our phone number, and where we live. That guy last time lied to me. He
said he liked Ed Wood movies, but he hadn't even seen
Plan 9 From Outer
Space
in five years."

I was
glad I honed up on her interests, and that I'd found two of those awful movies
to watch.

"Really?"
I replied. "I love that scene in the cemetery."

"Speaking
of cemeteries, are you really a grave digger?"

"Yep.
Dig most of them at night. It's easier then. No one around."

"You
ain't afraid of no ghosts?"

"Nope.
I'm always through before
midnight
.
They don't usually come out until then."

"Well,
no wonder you like Ed Wood movies," she said as she moved on to the next
one.

After she
started talking about
Jail Bait
, I decided to change the subject. That
wasn't the other Wood movie I had found.

"I
understand you like calamari."

"Yep.
It's good with ketchup. Crunchy and all that. Kind of tastes like you might
think an octopus would taste."

I was
running out of subjects that might make me lose my appetite, so I changed the
subject again.

"You
like the food here?"

"It
was good last time. Especially those two pieces of cheesecake, and that other
stuff wasn't bad, either."

"What
did you have last time?"

"I
can't remember. That was a couple of weeks ago. But it sure was good. A lot
better than that liar they fixed me up with."

I wanted
to pull out my badge and tell her that I didn't really make extra money from
tractor pulls, but I decided to wait it out. Luckily, a few seconds later, my
best friend, our server, showed up. I figured I could keep the menu in front of
me for a while, which would mean I wouldn't have to make conversation, and I
could hide somewhat from Frank and George. I had already realized that they
would eat slowly and make sure they left just after I did.

Silence
was fine as long as we held menus between us, but eventually our server came
and took our order, and I couldn't keep sitting there doing my Harpo Marx
imitation, so I reopened the conversation. I asked her what kind of work she
did and she told me she managed a trailer park down in
Jessamine
County
. She figured she could tell me that much, since there are
several trailer parks in
Jessamine
County
. I asked her what she did all day and she told me that
she watched Drew and Ellen and some other things, and part of the time she got
on Facebook and YouTube. I wasn't sure who Drew and Ellen were. They could have
been a couple of her neighbors, or somebody on TV. The only TV I watched were
classic comedy shows and movies. I didn't remember a Drew or an Ellen in any of
them, but they could have done the shows I watch before they became famous.

Our
server came back with something or other. I can't remember if it was bread,
salad, or an appetizer, but whatever it was, I welcomed it. I filled my mouth
and let her do the talking. Eventually our entrees arrived. I ordered
shepherd's pie and it was delicious. She ordered some kind of chicken dish with
rice. I told her it looked good. She offered me some, but she seemed relieved
when I turned it down. I wasn't sure if she planned to eat all of it, plus
another couple of pieces of cheesecake, or if she would save it for the next
night, to justify spending one hundred dollars on a date, plus the price of her
meal.

Even
someone who doesn't realize that dessert is the best course of a meal would realize
that if they went to a place called The Cheesecake Factory. At a place like
that you don't leave before eating dessert. She ate only one piece of
cheesecake, but chose two more to take home.

She
turned to me and said, "Some people go to certain restaurants and hope to
sample each kind of beer they have. I plan to come here as often as possible,
until I've tried all the different kinds of cheesecake. I might try them other
desserts, too. Of course all of that cost right smart."

I didn't
have an answer for that, so I kept my mouth shut. At least we didn't have to
meet at one of those other kinds of restaurants where I would have to sit and
watch her guzzle down six different kinds of beer.

She took
a piece of paper from her purse, unfolded it, and checked off three of the
items. I could see that it was her cheesecake list. I wondered if she had the other
desserts listed, too. It was almost enough to make me reconsider the card I
would send back. The old Cy would have sent nothing worse than a yellow card,
and might have sent a green card. The cheesecake she ate that night was some
type of chocolate cheesecake. The two she ordered to take home were a raspberry
one, and key lime. I ordered the turtle cheesecake, with hot fudge sauce to
pour over the top. I had managed to eat only half of my entree, and was pretty
sure that I wouldn't be able to eat all of my cheesecake, but I did order a
second piece to take home with me. There was no way I planned to get two
cheesecakes to go. Just in case she was the murderer and didn't look the part,
I didn't want to give her an additional motive. As I sat there counting the
hours, I hoped Sam came up with more information for me on the other women in
the area before I filled out an application with a different name and hobbies,
for my second date.

+++

As I sat
there, I was sure that the clock had struck
midnight
. The woman across from me had aged during the hours I sat across from
her. And I wanted to get out of there before she ordered another entree, even
though I saw no problem with her appetite. I  had been there, done that.

Finally
the earth and the stars aligned and I realized that she had eaten all she was
going to eat. For the last twenty minutes I sat there and thought of an excuse
where I could leave first. My reason didn't have anything to do with her. It
had to do with the people I knew in that place.

"I
know we're not supposed to leave together. Would you mind if I left first? I
don't live near here and I'm afraid to leave so late, afraid I might fall asleep
on the way home."

I could
tell she was trying to decide if I was telling the truth, and she wasn't quite
sure. But she had no choice but to release me. I was thankful I didn't have to
kiss those bright red lips goodbye, but I was more hoping that I could get away
first and without George and Frank seeing me leave. I wasn't sure where Lou,
Thelma Lou, and Jennifer were. They must have been seated in a different part
of the restaurant. I wasn't able to leave undetected, but at least neither
George nor Frank followed me as I left the restaurant.

I walked
back out into the cold and tried to remember where I had parked. I remembered
that I had walked a long way. I headed off in the general direction where I
thought I had parked, looking for my van. And then my uncomfortable boots
reminded me that I had some wrestler's truck. I tried to remember what color it
was other than rust, then I remembered it was a faded gray. Finally, I found
it, reached for my keys, and realized that I needed his key instead. A key that
I needed to insert in the lock and turn. I didn't look forward to driving out
of my way, out in the country, late at night, to this guy's house, but I wanted
my van back. I was afraid that if I kept the truck overnight the wrestler might
think I wanted to swap and would sell my van. I wondered what this guy would
have thought of Bambi. Maybe she has a rust-color truck, too.

I drove
out of the parking lot and tried to forget all that had happened that night.
That meant I wouldn't think of Bambi, but of some nutcase out there who was
running around killing men. Bambi was merely one gumball in the machine, and
the chances of her being the murderer were just one in several hundred. I
questioned how much it was going to help me to "date" three of these
women. Chances were that none of the three the dating service would pair me up with
was the murderer. I was hoping that Sam would soon find out more information to
help me identify the killer. Should I just give up and let someone else take
over? And what if the killer was someone in
Las Vegas
who came here long enough to murder a few people and then
went back to the strip? And what could the motive be? Rejection? Could it be as
simple as finding a woman who dated three men who gave her green cards? Or
jealousy? Finding a man whose former girlfriend had met someone a lot better?

+++

I took
the country roads back to Hilldale, thankful that there was no ice or snow on
those roads. Actually my route took me on past Hilldale, to a remote location
on the other side of town. It was after
10:30
when I pulled down a driveway that was long overdue to be blacktopped
again. I put the lights on bright, because the driveway was narrow, and there
were trees and animals nearby. I knew that none of the trees would move. I
couldn't say the same about the animals. I slapped the steering wheel as I hit
the brakes and came to a stop. My van was nowhere to be seen. I focused, tried
to remember if I was at the right house. I thought I was, but the first time I
was at this guy's house was just a few hours before, and I didn't pay a lot of
attention to where he lived. I thought about walking up to the door and
knocking, but there didn't seem to be any other vehicles there and it was dark
inside the house. I sat there for five minutes, trying to decide whether or not
to wait. Should I keep the guy's truck overnight, go back out to the road and
check out another house on down the road, or wait to see if the guy came home?
I figured ten minutes wouldn't matter that much, so I would give him that long.
Just before the ten minutes were up I saw a light in the distance, heading down
the driveway. I figured it was either the guy I wanted or the next one in line
to borrow his truck. I felt a sigh of relief when I recognized my van, and
there were no dents on the front or the side that I could see. The guy came to
a stop and popped out.

"Sorry!
George didn't tell me if you were bringing the truck back tonight or tomorrow.
Did you see the note I left you on the door? I ran out of pork rinds and what good
is a movie without pork rinds?"

I removed
my cheesecake and what was left over from my entree from his truck, and he
plucked the bag containing his pork rinds from my van. I thanked him for the
use of his truck, and he told me that if I gave him five hundred dollars to
boot that he would be willing to trade vehicles with me. I told him I would
think about it and hurried away down the narrow driveway, trying to locate the
moon again.

I managed
to get home without any more delays, pulled into my driveway just before
11:30
, and hurried in the house and to bed. I hoped a
good night's sleep would prepare me for what I expected the next day. George
was the first to call, just after
10:00
.

"Cy,
my wife has to run into
Lexington
today and we were wondering if
you and your playmate are registered anywhere?"

"Just
at the Humane Society."

"Maybe
it was the lighting in that place last night, but it seemed like you were a bit
uncomfortable. Was that the first time you've had a date in a while?"

"No,
I think it was the ambiance."

"The
what?"

"That's
another word for the riffraff they serve in that place."

"I
noticed that you left first so you could get the truck and pick her up at the
door. You didn't break down out on some country road, did you?"

"No,
but your friend did offer to trade vehicles with me, provided I kick in five
hundred dollars."

George
laughed.

"I
can understand. That truck has given him a lot of memories."

"Well,
I don't plan on it giving me any more memories."

George
laughed again.

"So,
Cy, have you decided to marry this one, or are you going to take a chance on
the next one?"

"No,
George, this one is yours if you want her. I'm just waiting until I find out if
she's the murderer before I give her to you."

"I
admit she's quite a killer. My wife told me she used to wear lipstick that
color twenty years ago. And I ran into Lou and a couple of women after you
left. One of the women was crying, said she had given you the best years of her
life."

"If
it's the woman I'm thinking of I think her best years are ahead of her. Well,
thanks for checking up on me. Did Lou by any chance tell you what time he'll be
checking in?"

"No,
but I think he's concerned about you."

"I'm
concerned about him, too. I keep hoping he'll start taking his medication.
Either that or get himself an old hound dog."

I hung
up. George must have called Frank as soon as he quit talking to me because ten
minutes later Frank called.

"Cy,
it's Frank. I'm just checking up on you, making sure you're still alive. You
know how I need to be the first one to call whenever a body turns up."

"Well,
as you know, one turned up last night. But she lives down near Nicholasville,
so she's out of your jurisdiction."

"So,
you're planning on moving down there after you tie the knot?"

"I
don't plan to tie any knots, but I'm sure I'll have to move farther away than Nicholasville.
You know how they keep looking for someone after they've hung three police
officers."

"Three?"

"Yeah,
counting Lou. He hasn't checked in yet, but I'm sure he will."

"But
he doesn't count. He's a has been. He doesn't work any longer. Kind of like
you."

"Goodbye,
Frank. If I find any dead bodies I'll send them your way. It'll keep you out of
restaurants."

Lou took
his time calling. It was afternoon before I heard from him.

"What
took you so long to call, Lou? The others checked in hours ago."

"I
wasn't sure if you came home last night."

"I
thought about waiting out in the bushes at your place, with a round of
buckshot."

"Is
that any way to talk to a friend who spent an entire night protecting you from
a murderer?"

"Maybe
next time we trade places?"

"I
think I'll pass, Cy. It was nice last night. I could tell everyone was jealous
because I had two good-looking women."

"Did
you give both of them a green card?"

"I'm
leaning toward yellow. I want to keep my options open."

"I'm
glad to hear that. You should hear back this week on that application you sent
in to the dating service. Write this down so you won't forget. Your name is
Norville Ledbetter."

"Very
funny. I don't look anything like a Norville Bedwetter."

"Have
it your way. Maybe the woman they fix you up with will see through you right
away. You interested in reading today?"

"I
thought I might."

I looked
at my stack of books as I asked Lou what he wanted to read. We talked it over
and decided to spend our weekend with Mary Higgins Clark. That sounded good to
me. She was one of my favorites.

The last
thing I told Lou before I hung up was not to answer the door in case some cute
young thing knocked on it. Particularly if she had something to drink in her
hand.

+++

I located
the Mary Higgins Clark book, read a couple hundred pages, then took a break for
a nap. It's nice to be able to take a nap whenever I want, and not have to take
one to catch up on all the sleep I had missed.

A little
less than an hour later I woke up and looked out the window. No one was
sneaking up on me, trying to kidnap me. I wouldn't mind getting kidnapped, as
long as the kidnapper was Jennifer.

I was
feeling good so I walked over to the Wii and gave it a workout. I warmed up by
dodging oncoming soccer balls, then switched and played some ping pong. I upped
the ante and moved on to tennis, before ending with boxing. I was tired by the
time I got through, particularly my arms. I lay back in the recliner before wrestling
up something for supper. My refrigerator no longer looked like one found by a
homeless man, who stored his under the bridge where he slept during the summer.
Mine had even been upgraded from one that looked like it belonged to Oscar
Madison, but it didn't quite mirror one from one of those cooking shows on TV.
In other words I had a couple of choices other than a peanut butter sandwich. I
fixed the one that took the least time and plopped it down on a TV tray while I
located a movie suitable for Saturday night for a man who was all by himself
and full of himself. I opened the case, carefully removed
Dirty Harry
,
and
slid the DVD into the player.

+++

I got up
Sunday morning and started working, checking items off my list. I wanted to
eliminate looking in the mirror while I shaved, but was too afraid if I did so
I would draw blood. I shaved, showered, and popped out of the bathroom without
needing reconstructive surgery. I was even able to fix my breakfast without
burning myself and eat it without spilling any on the shirt I intended to wear
to church. I usually don't burn myself when I eat cold cereal, but I have been
known to spill some of it. I wanted my streak of good luck to continue, so I
spent some time with God before heading out to spend more time with Him. I
prayed and read my devotionals, put my shoes on, and walked over to the phone.
It was time to call Lou to see if he had been kidnapped again. This time he
answered on the first ring. That was good because it really depresses a person
if they get kidnapped twice in the same month. There were two bad things about
Lou's first kidnapping. One, the kidnapper, who more than likely was also a
murderer, hadn't been apprehended. Two, because Lou escaped we never got to
find out what he was worth to the kidnapper. I cast my vote for $2.99.

"Hey,
Cy! Have you looked outside this morning?"

"No.
Are you trying to tell me that someone stole my van in the middle of the
night?"

"No.
Just wanted you to know that the white stuff we have been expecting has just made
an appearance."

"Lou,
haven't you heard of Head and Shoulders?"

"I'm
talking about snow."

"How
much so far?"

"My
guess is a sixteenth of an inch, but they're saying we might get ten inches or
more by the time it quits."

"If
they're saying that, I'm saying I won't be going anywhere after I get home from
church. So, are you ready? I'm out the door as I speak."

I picked
up my keys, put my coat on, and headed out the door. As I hit the first step a
huge snowflake hit me in the right eye. Well, at least the ground wasn't
covered yet, and I didn't think it would be too bad when church was over.