Sticks and Stones (11 page)

‘I see.'

‘And it's not like we would've been doing anything at home. Except getting bored.'

‘Yes. Of course.'

‘And you'd never have been able to ever take us. It's too much money.' Maddie nodded, because it was all true. And retribution continued apace. She stared across the room at the television antenna, which was casting two thin black lines on the wall behind. Like the shadow of a fork in the road.

‘Um, you want to speak to Ashley?'

‘Okay. Yes, thanks.'

Maddie could hear Sam's footsteps as he walked through the house in search of his sister. Then all sound was muffled and she guessed he put his hand over the phone while they spoke. After a few moments, clarity returned.

‘Mum? Mum?'

‘Ashley,' Maddie smiled, despite the lump that was forming in her gut. ‘How are you?'

‘Are you angry?'

‘No, of course not.'

‘Really?'

‘Really.'

Ashley breathed out audibly, as if she had been holding her breath for the past six days. ‘Mum, like I've been
so
worried about that! I thought you wouldn't be speaking to me. Ever!'

‘Of course not. Ash, I understand. I really do.'

‘Mum. I love you.'

‘I love you too. And I'm sorry about your grandad. That must have been sad.'

‘Yeah, it was.' There was silence for a moment, and then Ashley suddenly shrieked: ‘Oh my god! Did you hear where we're going today?
Did
you? The Gold Coast! Staying at
Seaworld
.'

‘Yes. I heard.'

‘Can you
believe
it?'

‘Actually, no. Not really.'

‘I've never even been on a
plane
. Well, except for when I was little but that doesn't count because I can't remember. Mum!
Dream
world!
Movie
world!
Sea
world!'

‘It'll sure be something to tell your friends when you get back,' said Maddie, suddenly needing to have that connection. Confirmation.

‘Oh my god! They're going to be like,
so
jealous!' Ashley paused for a moment, but her excitement continued to crackle down the line. ‘
And
we've got all new clothes! I've got this
wicked
pair of bathers with a matching sarong thing. They're sort of this tie-dyed purple.
And
Dad's gonna buy me a mobile phone! It'll be mainly for me and him but of course I can use it for all my friends. Oh, Mum! Don't forget to ring Georgia's mum and tell her I'm not coming this week.'

‘Okay.'

‘You know the
only
thing that I'm unhappy about?' asked Ashley suddenly, in a confiding tone. She went on before Maddie could even form an expectation. ‘Tigger.'

‘Tigger.'

‘Yes. I've
never
slept without Tigger. And now it's even worse.'

‘Why's that?' asked Maddie tiredly. She stared across at the cake sitting on the table.

‘Because he smells like home. Like our house, and our kitchen, and Guess. And you.'

‘Oh.'

‘I've got to go, Mum. We're leaving in a minute. Love you.'

‘Hang on, Ash!' Maddie stood up, as if this might help. She felt suddenly energised. ‘Are you leaving
right
now? What time's your flight?'

‘Just a tic.' Ashley didn't even lower the phone as she yelled the question out across the room. Maddie could hear Jake's voice murmuring in the background.

‘One-thirty, Mum. Why?'

‘Because I'll meet you there,' said Maddie, glancing at the clock and doing mental calculations. ‘I'm bringing Tigger.'

‘Mum!' shrieked Ashley again. ‘I
love
you!'

‘Love you too.' Maddie hung up the phone and then took a deep breath. ‘Otherwise none of this would be important.'

Maddie took the Western Freeway, passing along the periphery of small towns, all slow and somnolent in the breezy afternoon sunshine. Tigger sat beside her, staring straight ahead at the glove box with his slightly open mouth giving him a perpetual look of surprise. Ashley had got him that very first Christmas, when they had still been in the refuge. Just one of several presents that Maddie had hurriedly bought on Christmas Eve. Running from shop to shop with her arms full of wrapping paper and sticky tape and gifts. And a little bit of tinsel to try to make their room less sterile and more festive. To take their minds off all the Christmases past, and future. Yet despite his last-minute origin, Tigger had been an immediate hit. Apparently he had ‘shoulders', perfect for slipping hands underneath and holding tight.

By the time she reached Melton, Maddie knew she was going to make it with time to spare but tension remained coiled within, like a spring. At Tullamarine she took the ramp into the carpark and parked not far from the suspended walkway that led to the airport proper. People were everywhere, large families pushing trolleys overladen with precarious suitcases, bored children barely under control, backpackers looking tired and somehow grubby regardless of whether they were at the beginning of their trip or the end. A mass of humanity with one hundred different languages being spoken at once, all of which somehow came together to form a thick layer of rising, falling, noise.

With Tigger hugged against her chest, Maddie dodged her way through the crowd to the bank of overhead monitors, scanning departures for a one-thirty flight to the Gold Coast. And there it was: gate seven. She breathed out with relief and closed her eyes for just a moment, before launching herself back into the throng. But this time it seemed she was going with the flow and it was much easier, all the way to the security checkpoint and then through to the other side and along the concourse past each of the gates. One, two, three, she made herself slow down and lowered Tigger so that he was held at her side. Four, five, six. Seven. Ma ddie paused and scanned the crowd which had already begun to form even though the flight wasn't due to board for another twenty minutes.

‘
Mum!
'

She turned and there was Ashley, right behind her. Standing there with a huge grin on her face. New jeans with a hot-pink T-shirt that read
Yes, the world really
does
revolve around me!
Maddie didn't stop to think, or even wonder where the others might be, she just stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

‘Hey, you're squishing me.' Ashley wriggled out of the embrace, still grinning. She looked down and saw Tigger. ‘
Mum!
You brought him!'

‘I said I would, didn't I?' Maddie held him out and then smiled as Ashley grabbed the toy eagerly, clearly not at all concerned about appearing childish. ‘Where's Sam? And your father?'

‘Having coffee over there. C'mon, I'll take you.'

Maddie tried to see past Ashley's shoulder but there were too many people, so she just followed. They weaved across the main concourse towards a cafe that was set in a mostly glass-panelled alcove, with clusters of tables and chairs. Rows of stationary airplanes could be seen through the windows, with hoses snaking from their bellies and little trucks with trailers zipping their way underneath. Ashley led her mother towards a marbled pillar at the back, adorned with vibrantly fake asparagus ferns, and suddenly there they were. Her breath caught in her throat and she froze, just standing stupidly as Ashley dragged her chair out next to her father. On the other side of the table was Sam, and beside him, opposite Jake, was another woman.

‘Hey Mum,' said Sam awkwardly.

‘Sam.' Maddie dragged her eyes towards her son. ‘How are you?'

‘Good,' he nodded and then glanced across at his father before ducking his gaze, busying himself with his milkshake.

‘Coffee?' asked Jake suddenly, and it was like being asked something terribly complex, where she had to dissect each syllable just to have the word make sense. She nodded, but only because she wanted desperately to appear as if all this meant nothing. He stood up and lifted a chair from an empty table nearby, swinging it across and placing it before Maddie. Then, without really looking at her, he made an exaggeratedly courtly gesture towards the chair and left, already sliding his wallet out from his rear pocket.

Maddie watched him go and then sat down at the head of the table, reaching across and clumsily hugging Sam. He drew back almost immediately.

‘Steady on, Mum. God.'

‘Fine then.' Maddie pretended to
pretend
to be upset. She felt a surge of annoyance towards Sam that surprised her. To break the moment she took a deep breath and looked across at the other woman full on. ‘Hello, my name is Maddie.'

‘Nice to meet you. I'm Natalie.' She gave a slight, uncomfortable smile and then immediately glanced over towards the coffee counter, as if to see how long Jake would be. This, as much as anything else, brought a sudden lump to Maddie's throat. She felt sick.

‘
Thank
you for bringing Tigger,' said Ashley again, hugging him against her chest so that the soft toy stared across the table, looking surprised.

‘That's okay.' Maddie concentrated on her daughter, giving herself a few moments to track everything about her face. The slight dimple, the way her dark eyelashes seemed to cluster thickly at the corners, the residual baby fat that still plumped her cheeks. She took a deep breath, and then pushed the earlier annoyance to one side as she turned back to Sam. ‘Hey there. You're very quiet.'

He shrugged. ‘I'm just . . . I dunno.'

Maddie used her peripheral vision to examine the other woman, who was still studiously gazing towards the counter. She was quite attractive, with long auburn hair caught up in a messy bun that allowed wavy tendrils to frame her face. Hazel eyes and a narrow nose and rose-pink lipstick to exaggerate her rather thin lips. A slightly receding chin that sloped down to a long, graceful neck. A little younger, most likely, perhaps in her early thirties.

‘I'm sorry,' said Sam suddenly. ‘About the holiday and all.'

Maddie focused. ‘What? Oh
no
, Sam. You don't have to be sorry. Not at all.' She reached out and touched him lightly on the back of his hand. ‘Why shouldn't you have a holiday with your father? I
want
you to have a good time. It's not like you have to pick sides or anything. We'll sort it all out.'

‘Okay.' Sam flashed a look at her and then nodded. He took a noisy slurp of his milkshake.

Maddie smiled again, now warmed by the fact she'd guessed correctly. That she
was
a good parent. She wanted very much to glance across at the other woman and gauge her reaction but wanted, just as much, to avoid making eye contact. Then her smile faded as a cup brimming with frothy, chocolate-sprinkled coffee was placed before her; a cappuccino, which she hadn't drunk for years. Jake slid into the chair opposite and looked at her expressionlessly.

‘Thank you,' said Maddie quickly. She stared at the coffee, and then made a show of sugaring and stirring. Straightening the cup so that the logo faced front on. Buying time.

The silence stretched uncomfortably, broken only by the occasional sound of someone drinking, and the nonstop noise that billowed around them from the other tables. Maddie sipped her coffee and stared at the fern closest to her, as if it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen. She thought of all the questions she wanted to ask, like where to from here? Why didn't you take out recovery orders? Why didn't you want me punished? Who is she?

From the corner of her eye she saw the woman glance over at Jake and there was something in her gaze, some tacit communication, which immediately told Maddie they had been together for some time. And she had a sudden, piercing image of them both naked, in bed, atop corrugated, sweat-slicked sheets. Auburn hair spread across the pillow. Jake on top thrusting his way within, harder, deeper, with that look of intense concentration he always bore towards the end.

Maddie blinked and then flushed even as her gut twisted like knotted rope. She rubbed her arm and stared into her coffee knowing that she had to make an effort to look up again, say something, smile. Act normally. And then, quite suddenly, Ashley's hand came over and found its way within one of her own, stilling all movement. A small gesture that meant so amazingly much. Maddie gazed into her lap, at the two entwined hands, and thought that she had never, ever, loved her daughter so much as she did right then. It
consumed
her.

‘Finished?' asked Jake suddenly, roughly.

Maddie glanced across but he was pointing towards Ashley's milkshake. The girl shook her head even as she began scraping down the inside of the glass. Maddie glanced down at her own hand, now curled in her lap like a comma. The first boarding call sounded, echoing metallically within the cafe. People began rising, noisily collecting bags and errant children.

Maddie cleared her throat so that she could infuse her voice with brightness. ‘Well, you two. Off to the Gold Coast! You're going to have
loads
of fun.'

‘I'm going to do
every
ride,' said Ashley excitedly. ‘There's even rides at Movieworld, you know. Like one that goes right inside a mountain and then down a waterfall. So that you get soaking wet.'

‘Excellent,' said Maddie with a grin. She glanced down at the writing sprawled across Ashley's chest. ‘I like your T-shirt.'

‘And my jeans?' Ashley twisted so that she could stick out one leg.

‘Very nice. It's all very nice.' Maddie made her voice upbeat, approving. She wanted these few moments to last forever, but at the same time every nerve clamoured for the final boarding call. Just to get it all over with.

‘Guys?' said Jake suddenly. ‘Could you say goodbye to your mother and then leave us for a few minutes? We need to discuss a couple of things. Nothing to worry about.' He smiled to emphasise the words and then turned to the woman. ‘Nat? I'll only be a minute.'