Stone Cold (35 page)

“Okay I’m in
, but this is the last time. Oh she better be worth it after all the trouble you’ve gone to.”

“Thanks
Eden. You’re the best sister ever.”

“Stay safe Conall.”

Conall returned to Iraq and immediately began working with Dr. Hamilton again. He felt freer than he had in a long time.

Eden
went to the ferry landing as promised. She waited for more than an hour but Hannah never showed.

On the way home
Eden rehearsed what she was going to say to Conall.

“I’m sorry Con Con but your crush didn’t make it this year. No
. That sounds too abrupt and almost like I’m happy about it.”

She tried again.

“I waited all day without eating but I didn’t see her. No. That sounds like it’s all about me.”

Eden
focused on what her brother would want her to say.

“Conall, I’m really sorry but Hannah didn’t make it to the ferry landing this time. I’m sure she’ll be there next year.”

She was happy with her third choice but decided to wait until he contacted her again to give him the news.

Chapter 30

Another year had gone by since Josh had deployed and
Hannah was prepared for his return. She’d started planning the wedding but it wasn’t for another year so she wasn’t committed to anything except the church and reception site reservations.

Her job was going well and there was a chance that she was going to be offered a year long position in their
London office. She’d always wanted to live abroad for a part of her life and this was a golden opportunity to do so. If they offered her the position, she didn’t see how she could turn it down. It would mean having to juggle people and other things in her life but it was well worth it.

Josh had made it home and they spent nearly every day together as usual. He seemed tired to Hannah, not his usual happy go lucky self.

“Is everything okay babe? You seem like your mind is somewhere else. Are you feeling sick?”

He was looking out the window, watching some children playing in a pile of leaves on their neighbor
’s lawn.

“What? No, I’m fine. I’m just a bit jet lagged I think. Why don’t we go out to dinner tonight. I’ve been dying for a nice thick juicy steak with mashed potatoes and gravy.”

Hannah could tell he wasn’t being completely honest. She’d begun to think he was suffering from PTSD. He wasn’t himself at all.

“Sure
, we can do that. I haven’t been out for awhile myself. So how was your tour? I’m kind of worried about you since it was so long this time.”

Josh had seen way to much death and everything else that a war zone has to offer. He didn’t want to wo
rry Hannah or anyone with the details or how badly it was affecting him. He didn’t want to appear weak.

“I really don’t want to go into that now and frankly I don’t think you ever want to know about my military experiences so let’s just leave it at that.”

She decided to change the subject. The Josh she knew would never have responded to her in that sharp tone.

“I’m ready to go to dinner if you are.”

“Let’s go then. I’m starved.”

During dinner, Hannah and Josh started to get reacquainted. The longer they were apart the more time it took for them to get used to each other again.

The next few months were blissful. He wanted to help with the wedding plans so she gladly let him. He still wasn’t his usual self and she could tell that getting involved with the details of the wedding perked him up.

She hadn’t been thinking about Conall as much while Josh was with her and she wasn’t fighting her future with him like she’d done before. She was prepared to go the distance with him if she wasn’t going to get to be with Conall.

Before long, it was time for him to go on his next tour.

“Hannah, I’ve been thinking. Do you realize that the next time I come home it’s going to be for good and we’re going to be getting married the following month?”

It’s the first time she’d seen a glimpse of his old self since he’d been home.

“I know
, I can’t believe it myself! It seems like it’s taking forever but I know it’ll be here before we know it.”

“I for one can’t wait. This has been a dream of mine since I met you.”

Her heart ached for him. She wanted to be able to say the same thing back to Josh and really mean it but it would be a lie.

“Josh, there’s something I’ve been meaning to discuss with you. It’s about my job.”

“Okay tell me.”

“I’ve been offered a year long position in my companies
London office and I’m thinking about taking it. I’ve always wanted to live abroad for a little bit and this would be ideal.”

Josh didn’t respond right away. She could see the concerned and disapproving look on his face.

“When would you start?”

“They want me there in June.”

“This June? But what about the wedding? It’s in October and you’d still be working in London.”

Hannah knew this was going to be an issue for him.

“I know and believe me I’ve thought about that and I think it’ll be fine. Gina and Lana have offered to help me with the rest of the wedding plans and I can come home about a week before the wedding to do all the last minute things that need to be handled.”

“And after the wedding? Am I going to have to wait here
without you until you’re done your assignment?”

“No. I was thinking we could take our honeymoon in Europe and then we can live together in
London until June.”

Josh was trying to make sense of it all. It was something he hadn’t expected and it had thrown him for a loop.

“So that means I’ll have to put my career aspirations on hold until we move back to the states?”

“It won’t be for that long and you deserve to have some time off after everything you’ve been through.”

“What makes you think I want any time off? I don’t want to be anyone’s charity case. I’m supposed to take care of my family and that’s what I’m going to do!”

He left the room in a huff.

Hannah thought about going after him but this time she knew he needed to be alone. This is a side of him she’d never seen before this leave. Something had definitely changed in Josh and she felt he needed to get some help for it.

It wasn’t long before he apologized.

“I’m sorry for how I acted. The more I think about it the more I kind of like the idea of living in London for a few months. I can start my job search when we get back. I want you to take the job if you really want to.”

She was elated.
He didn’t need to know that she had planned to take it even if he didn’t want her to, even if it meant calling off the wedding.

“Then I’m going to take it. I can’t wait to tell everyone.”

Over the next few weeks, Josh seemed to be better. Hannah did ask him to talk to someone when he returned to Iraq though and he promised he would.

It was March and it was time for him to go on his final tour. This was the hardest it had ever been for her to see him off. Maybe it was because she knew it was
the last time and then she’d be his wife; she wasn’t quite sure. She still didn’t shed any tears but her heart felt heavy.

With Josh gone, Hannah was thinking more and more about Conall. It was down to the wire. Next month
would be her last chance to see him before she was a married woman and she planned on being there. Nothing could keep her away. She hoped he was on leave so he could make it too.

Sara
had confirmed their plans with Aunt Grace. It was time for the trip again and everything was set. They would leave first thing in the morning.

Hannah awoke to the best mood she’d been
in for months. As far as she was concerned, nothing could dampen her spirits or ruin her day.

Her phone rang as she was getting in the shower.

“They’ll leave a message if it’s important,” she said to herself.

Whoever it was did leave a message so after her s
hower she decided to listen to it while she got dressed.

“Hannah, please call me as soon as you get this message. It’s urgent.”

Her mother’s voice sounded like something terrible had happened. She was half afraid to call her back. With her heart beating rapidly Hannah made the call.

“Mom? What’s going on? You’re message scared me.”

Sara took a moment to respond. Through tears and a shaky voice she said, “There’s no easy way to say this honey. Josh’s dad called me this morning and told me that he’s been killed in action.”

Hannah stood there in stunned silence. Her hand released the phone as her vision became blurry and the feeling went out of her body. Everything went black as she fainted and hit the floor hard.

“Hannah? Hannah. Oh my gosh I’ll be right there.”

Sara
was in her car and on the road in no time. Hannah hadn’t come back to the phone and she hadn’t disconnected the call either so she knew something had happened.

When she got to her apartment, she found Hannah out cold on the floor in her kitchen. She had a bump on her head and a cut that needed stitches.

“Hannah, wake up. You need to get some stitches and I can’t lift you by myself.”

Sara
was shaking her shoulder and Hannah started to come to.

“What happened? Where am I?”

“You’re on your kitchen floor. I have to take you to get some stitches because you cut yourself when you fainted. I should’ve had you sit down before I told you about Josh.”

As she was sitting up, everything came rushing back to her.

“Oh my gosh, Josh!” she cried out.

Sara
grabbed her daughter and held her while she sobbed.

“I can’t believe he’s dead. I can’t believe he’s gone! How did this happen? He only had a year left and then we were supposed to get married!”

“I know baby, I don’t understand it either. It’s so unfair.”

They sat there for the better part of an hour, consoling each other and trying to make sense of his death.

“I know you don’t want to go anywhere right now but your head is bleeding and it’s not going to stop without some stitches.”

Hannah was in shock. “I know. Let’s go now. There’s nothing more I can say or do so let’s just go. I need to get out of here.”

Sara took her to the emergency room where they stitched her head.

Hours later, her phone had not stopped ringing. Everyone that knew Josh was calling to offer their support and condolences.
Lana and Gina had come over to help take the calls and handle guests who dropped by.

*****

The next few days were a blur to Hannah. She barely remembered getting out of bed let alone the funeral. All she could think about was what a terrible girlfriend and fiancée she’d been. Josh had deserved better and her guilt was immense.

Sara
noticed that Hannah was in great pain. She knew it was because of Josh’s death but she sensed there was something more.

“Hannah, I know you like to keep things private and I’m not trying to make you say something you don’t want to tell anyone but you can tell me if there’s something that’s bothering you.”

Hannah was at an all time low. She had been trying to handle her feelings by herself but it was to the point where she had to tell someone and what better choice than her mom.

“
I’ve been carrying around a tremendous amount of guilt for a long time about something. When Josh died, I thought it was going to go away but instead it got worse.”

Sara
had a feeling it was about Conall.

“Would you care to tell me about it?”

“I have to. I can’t take it anymore so here it goes. Ever since I went on that field trip to the Statue of Liberty in 9
th
grade, I’ve been head over heels for this guy I met on the ferry. His name is Conall, and ever since, we’ve been trying to meet when you and I go to NYC. So far, we’ve missed each other every time.”