Stone of Tears (33 page)

“I told you what I did so you could see the truth of his madness. He had to sacrifice that part to save the rest. To save the rest for you. I wish I could have done the same when it was done to me.”

Kahlan lifted Richard’s hand in hers, holding the back of it to her heart. “How could you do those things?” she cried. “Oh, my poor Richard. How could you? How could you do that to anyone?”

“We all have our own little bits of insanity. Some more than others. My life was a darkness of it.”

“Then how could you! How could you, knowing what it was like!”

Denna watched her from under her eyebrows. “You have done terrible things too. You have used your power to hurt people.”

“But they were people guilty of horrible crimes!”

“All of them?” she asked quietly. “Every one?”

Kahlan’s breath caught with the memory of using her power against Brophy.

“No,” she whispered. “But I didn’t do it because I wanted to. I had to. It is my job. Who I am. What I am.”

“But you did it. And what of Demmin Nass?”

The words cut through her. Her mind flooded with the memory, the sweet memory, of castrating that beast of a man. She sank forward with a wail. “Oh, dear spirits, am I no better than you?”

“We all do what we must, whatever the reasons.” Her glowing, diaphanous fingers lifted Kahlan’s chin. “I do not tell you these things to hurt you, Kahlan. The telling of them wounds me more than you can know. I tell you because I want to save Richard, so that he doesn’t die before his rightful time, and so that the Keeper does not escape.”

Kahlan clutched Richard’s hand tighter to her breast as she wept. “I’m sorry Denna … but I don’t have it in me to forgive you. I know Richard does … but I do not. I hate you.”

“I would not expect you to forgive me. I only wish you to understand the truth of what I am telling you, the truth of Richard’s madness.”

“Why! To what purpose!”

“So that you will understand what you must do. Wearing a collar is the core of that insanity. It symbolizes everything I did to him. In his mind, magic is madness, torture. A collar is madness, torture. Insanity.

“The thought of having a collar around his neck brings that madness out of the darkest corners of his being, brings out his deepest fears. He is not exaggerating when he says he would rather die than put a collar around his neck. He will not do it to save himself. If he doesn’t, he will die. There is only one thing in the world that will make him put on the collar.”

Kahlan’s head snapped up. Her eyes were wide. “You want me to ask him to put a collar around his neck.” She went weak with dread. “You would have me do that to him? After what you have told me?”

Denna nodded. “He will do it if you tell him to. He will not do it for any other reason. None.”

Richard’s limp arm slipped from Kahlan’s shaking hands. Her fingers covered her mouth. Denna was right. After what she knew now, what she had heard, she knew Denna was right.

She knew now what it had been that she had seen in Richard’s eyes when he looked at the collar the Sisters held out to him. It had been madness. Richard would never put a collar around his neck of his own accord. Never. She knew that now. Really knew it.

A small cry escaped her throat. “If I make him put on the collar, he will think I have betrayed him. In his madness, he will think I want to hurt him.” Pain welled up inside her, and she started to cry all over again. “He will hate me.”

Denna’s voice came in a soft whisper. “I am sorry, Kahlan. That could be the truth of it. We can’t know for sure, but he may very well see it that way. I don’t know how much the madness will take over when he knows he must put on the collar, when you tell him he must. But he loves you more than life itself, and will put it on for no other reason.”

“Denna, I don’t know if I could do that to him. Not after what you have told me.”

“You must, or he will die. If you love him enough, you must do this. You must be strong enough in your love for him to force him to do it, knowing the pain it will bring him. You may have to act as I would have acted, to frighten him enough to do as you say. You may have to bring the madness to full flower, make him think the way he did when he was with me, when he would have done anything he was told.

“You may lose his love. He may hate you forever. But if you really love him, you will see that you are the only one who can help him; the only one who can save him.”

Kahlan snatched desperately for a way out. “But in the morning, we were going to go to Zedd, a wizard, who might be able to help him control the gift. Richard thinks Zedd will know what to do; that he will be able to help him.”

“That may be true. I’m sorry, Kahlan, I don’t know the answer to that. It may work. But I do know that the Sisters of the Light have the power to save him. If they come, and he turns them down for the third time, he will forever lose the opportunity to get their help. If it turns out that this wizard can’t help Richard, then he will die. His time is short, days at most.

“Do you understand what that means, Kahlan? He won’t just die; the Keeper will have him, have everyone. Richard is the only one who can close the veil.”

“How? Do you know how he can close it?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t. I know only that it must be torn the rest of the way from this side. That is why the Keeper has agents on this side. That is why Darken Rahl came here. Somehow, Richard is the only one who can stop them, and also the only one with the power to repair what has been rent.

“If he turns the Sisters down, and this wizard can’t help him, then he dies, soon, and it will be as if the mark itself took him to the Keeper. If he can get to this wizard before he turns the Sisters down for the third time, he can learn whether he can be helped without them … without the collar. But if they come before he can get to Zedd, I must have your promise you will do what must be done to save him.”

“There is time. The Sisters won’t be back for at least a few days. We can get to Zedd first. There is time!”

“I hope you are right, I really do. I’m sure you won’t believe me, but I don’t want Richard to ever have to wear a collar, to ever face that madness again. But if you can’t get to Zedd, then you must promise me you won’t allow him to miss the chance at life the Sisters offer.”

Tears streamed from Kahlan’s burning eyes. Richard would hate her if she made him put on the collar; she knew he would. He would think she had betrayed him.

“But what of the mark? He still has the mark on him”

Denna watched her a long time. Her voice came so softly Kahlan could scarcely hear it. “I will take the mark. I will go to the Keeper in his place.” A shimmering tear ran down her cheek. “But I will only do it, I will only give up my soul, if I know it gives him a chance.”

Kahlan stared incredulously. “You would do that for him?” she whispered. “Why?”

“Because after all I had done to him, he cared about my pain. He is the only one who ever did anything to stop my pain. When Darken Rahl beat me, he cried, and he made a potion to take away my pain, though I had never once stopped torturing him no matter how much he begged. Not once.

“And after all the things I have told you I did to him, he forgave me. He understood what I had suffered. He took my Agiel to wear around his neck and promised to remember me, to remember that I was more than a Mord-Sith; to remember that I was once just Denna.”

Another shimmering tear ran down. “And because I love him. Even in death, I love him. Though I know my love will never be requited, I still love him.”

Kahlan looked at Richard as he lay on his back, unconscious, helpless, with the Keepers mark, black and bleeding, on his chest. The black and white mud painted everywhere on him made him look wild, savage, but he wasn’t; he was the gentlest person she had ever known. She realized then that she would do anything to save him. Anything.

“I will do it,” she whispered. “I promise. If we can’t find Zedd before the Sisters come back for the third time, I will make him put on the collar, no matter what it takes. Even if it makes him hate me. Even if it kills me.”

Denna’s hand reached out to her. “An oath then, between the living and the dead, to do what must be done to save him.”

Kahlan stared at the hand before her. “I still can’t forgive you. I won’t forgive you.”

The hand stayed where it was, waiting. “The only forgiveness I need has already been granted.”

Kahlan stared at the hand, and then reached out and took it. “An oath then, to save the one we love.”

They clasped hands, and shared a silent joining.

Denna took away her hand. “Time is short for him. It must be now.” Kahlan nodded. “When it is done, get help for him. Though the pull of the mark will be removed, the wound will still be there, and it is a serious one.”

Kahlan nodded. “There is a healer here. She will help him.”

Denna’s eyes were filled with compassion. “Thank you, Kahlan, for loving him enough to help him. May the good spirits be with you both.” She gave a small, frightened smile. “Where I am going, I will never see any of them, or I would send them to help you.”

Kahlan touched the back of the other’s hand, offering a silent prayer for strength.

Denna returned the touch to Kahlan’s cheek, and then knelt next to Richard. Her hand went to the mark, covering it, dissolving into it. Richard’s chest heaved.

Denna’s features twisted in pain. She threw her head back with a piercing scream that shot through Kahlan.

And then she was just gone.

Richard groaned. Kahlan bent over him, caressing him. Crying.

“Kahlan?” he moaned. “Kahlan, what happened? It hurts. It hurts so …”

“Lie still, my love. Everything is all right. You are safe, with me. I’ll get help.”

He nodded and she ran to the door, throwing it open. The elders were sitting in a small circle in the dark, just outside the door. They looked up expectantly.

“
Help me!
” she screamed. “
Carry him to Nissel! There’s no time to get her!
”

When he stirred, Kahlan lifted her head.

His gray eyes blinked and searched around the small room until they found her face. “Where are we?”

She gave his shoulder a little squeeze. “At Nissel’s. She tended your burn.”

His right hand came up and touched the bandage covered poultice. He winced. “How long … What time is it?”

Kahlan looked up from where she was crouched on the floor next to him, rubbed her eyes and squinted out the partly opened door at the gray light. “It has been light for an hour or two. Nissel is in the back room, sleeping. She was up most of the night, tending your wound. The elders are all outside, watching over you. They haven’t left since we brought you here.”

“When? When did you bring me here?”

“In the middle of the night.”

Richard looked around again. “What happened? Darken Rahl was there.” His big hand grasped her arm. “He touched me. He … marked me. Where did he go? What happened after he touched me?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. He just left.”

His hand squeezed her arm painfully. His eyes were wild. “What do you mean he left! Did he go back into the green light? Back into the underworld?”

She pulled at his fingers. “Richard! You’re hurting me.”

He let go. “I’m sorry.” He cradled her head to his good shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.” He let out a noisy breath. “I can’t believe how stupid I am.”

She kissed his neck. “It didn’t hurt that much.”

“That’s not what I mean. I mean I can’t believe how stupid I was to call him back from the underworld. I can’t believe I did something that stupid. I was warned. I should have thought. I should have figured it out. I let myself focus on one thing so strongly that I didn’t look around and see what was coming from a different direction. I must be mad to have done that.”

“Don’t say that,” she whispered. “You’re not mad.” She pushed herself up and looked down at him. “Don’t you ever say that about yourself.”

He blinked, then pushed himself up to sit facing her. He winced when he touched the bandage again. He reached out to run his hand down her cheek, through her hair. He smiled the smile that made her heart melt.

He sought her eyes. “You are the most beautiful woman in the world. Did I ever tell you that?”

“All the time.”

“Well, you are. I love your green eyes, your hair. You have the most beautiful hair I ever saw. Kahlan, I love you more that anything in the world.”

She forced herself to hold back tears. “I love you more than anything else, too. Please, Richard, promise me you won’t ever doubt my love. Promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t ever doubt how much I love you.”

He cupped her cheek. “I promise. I promise I will never doubt your love. No matter what. All right? What’s the matter?”

She leaned against him, laid her head on his shoulder, and wrapped her arms carefully around him so as not to hurt him. “Darken Rahl frightened me, that’s all. I was so afraid when he burned you with his hand. I thought you were dead.”

He stroked her shoulder. “So what happened? I remember him telling me how he got here, because I called him, and he was my ancestor, and then he said something about marking me for the Keeper. Then I don’t remember anything else. What happened?”

Kahlan’s mind raced. “Well … he said he was going to mark you, kill you, that the mark would send you to the Keeper. He said he was here to tear the veil the rest of the way. He put his hand against you. Burned you. But before he could do it enough, before he could kill you, I called the lightning, the Con Dar.”

He missed a breath. “I don’t suppose that we could be lucky enough that it killed him, or destroyed him, or whatever it is that can be done to a spirit.”

She shook her head. “No. It didn’t destroy him. He was able to block it, partly anyway. But I think it frightened him. He left. Not back into the green light, but out the door. Before he could finish what he was going to do to you. He just left, that’s all.”

He grinned and hugged her tighter. “My heroine. You saved me.” He was quiet a moment. “Here to tear the veil,” he whispered to himself. His brow was set in a thoughtful frown. “And then what happened?”

Kahlan steeled herself for the lie of omission. But she couldn’t bear the scrutiny of his eyes. She nestled her face against his shoulder, frantically trying to think of a way to get him off the subject. “And then the elders and I carried you here, so Nissel could tend to your burn. She said that it is bad, but that the poultice will make it well. You have to leave it on for a few days, until it begins to heal over enough.”

She angrily shook a finger at him. “I know you. You will want to take it off sooner. You always think you know best. Well, you don’t. You will just leave it on like I tell you, Richard Cypher.”

His smile faded a little. “Richard Rahl.”

She stared at him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Richard Rahl.” She forced a smile. “My Richard. Maybe you could change it when we are married. You could be Richard Amnell. Mates to Confessors sometimes take their wife’s family name.”

He grinned. “I like it. Richard Amnell. Husband to the Mother Confessor. Devoted husband. Loving husband.” The haunted look returned to his eyes. “Sometimes I fear I don’t know who, or what, I am. Sometimes I think …”

“You are part of me, and I am part of you. That is all that is important.”

He nodded absently, his eyes glistening with tears. “I wanted to help, with a gathering. I wanted to find a way to stop all this. Instead, as Darken Rahl said, I’ve only made it worse. He was right; I am stupid. It’s going to be my fault …”

“Richard, stop it. You’ve been hurt. You’re just exhausted. When you’ve rested, you’ll figure it out. You’ll know what to do.”

He gave himself a mental shake. He threw the blanket off and looked down. “Who washed the mud off me and dressed me?”

“The elders washed off the mud. Nissel and I were going to dress you,” she said, as his face turned red, “but you were too big and heavy for us. The elders did that too. They had quite a time of it. It took all of them.”

He nodded absently; he had stopped listening. He reached up to the spot on his chest where the whistle, Scarlet’s tooth, and the Agiel usually hung, but didn’t find them. “We have to get out of here. We have to get to Zedd. Right now, before anything else happens. I need Zedd’s help. Where is Scarlet’s tooth? I have to call her. Where’s my sword?”

“All of our things are in the spirit house.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face, thinking, then combed his fingers through his hair. “All right.” His solid gaze came to her eyes. “I’ll go get the tooth and call Scarlet, and get our things together, get them ready to leave.” He gently squeezed her upper arm. “You go to Weselan, and put on your wedding dress. While we wait for Scarlet to come, we can be married. We’ll leave when Scarlet gets here.” He kissed her cheek. “We will be married, and we’ll be in Aydindril with Zedd before dark. Everything will be all right, you’ll see. Everything will be all right. I’ll find out what I did wrong, and fix it. I promise.”

She put her arms around his neck. “We will fix it,” she corrected. “Together. Always together.”

He laughed quietly in her ear. “Together. I need you. You light my way.”

She slipped away from him, and looked at him a sternly. “Well I have instructions for you, and you are going to do as you are told. You are going to wait here until Nissel says you can get up. She said that when you wake, she has to change the poultice and bandage and give you medicine. You are going to stay here until she is finished. Understand? I don’t want you getting sick and dying on me now, not after I have gone to all the trouble of saving you; and a great deal of trouble it was.

“I’ll go to Weselan so she can finish fitting my dress. When Nissel is finished with you, then,” she shook a finger at him, “and only then, may you leave to go call Scarlet. When you are finished here with Nissel, and when you have called Scarlet and gotten our things together, come get me, and I will marry you.” She kissed the end of his nose. “If you also promise to love me always.”

“Always,” he said with a grin.

She rested her wrists on his shoulders, to each side of his strong neck, and clasped her fingers together behind his head. “I will wake Nissel, and ask her to hurry with you. But please, Richard, don’t waste any time after that. Call Scarlet quickly, quick as you can. I want to get away from here. I want to get away before Sister Verna even comes close. I don’t want to take any chances, even if she isn’t supposed to be back for a few days. I want us away from here. Away from the Sisters of the Light. I want to get you to Zedd so he can help you with the headaches before they can get any worse.”

He gave her a boyish, lopsided smile. “What about your big bed in Aydindril? Don’t you want to get to that in a hurry, too?”

With a finger, she gently squashed his nose flat. “I’ve never had anyone else in my big bed before. I hope I don’t disappoint you.”

He gripped her waist in his strong hands and pulled her to him hard enough to make her grunt. He pushed her hair back off her neck and gave it a tender kiss—right where Darken Rahl’s lips had been. “Disappoint me? That, my love, is the only thing in the world it would be impossible for you to do.” He gave her neck one more tickling kiss. “Now, go get Nissel. We are wasting time.”

Kahlan pulled on the fabric, trying to bring it up as much as she could. “
I’ve never worn anything cut this low. You don’t think it … shows too much?
”

Weselan looked up from the floor where she was fussing with the hem of the blue dress. She took the fine bone needle from her mouth as she rose to appraise her client’s fit. She studied the expanse of flesh a moment.

“
You don’t think he will like it?
”

Kahlan felt her face flush. “
Well, I think he will. I hope so, but …
”

Weselan leaned a little closer. “
If you are worried about him seeing that much, maybe you had better reconsider this.
”

Kahlan lifted an eyebrow. “
He is not the only one who will be looking. I’ve never worn anything like this before. I’m … worried that I don’t do it justice.
”

Weselan smiled and patted Kahlan’s arm. “
You wear the dress well. It looks beautiful on you. It’s perfect.
”

Kahlan still fretted as she glanced down at herself. “
Really? Are you sure? I fill it out properly?
”

Weselan’s smile widened. “
Really. You have fine breasts. Everyone says so.
”

Kahlan felt her face redden. She was sure of the truth of the casual statement. Among the Mud People, commenting favorably on a woman’s breasts, in public, was no more odd that were a man elsewhere to tell a woman she had a pleasant smile. It was an uninhibited attitude that more than once had caught her off guard.

Kahlan held the skirt out to the sides. “
It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever worn, Weselan. Thank you for all your hard work. I will treasure it always.
”

“
Maybe someday, if you have a daughter, she will wear it when she weds.
”

Kahlan smiled and nodded.
Please dear spirits
, she was thinking,
if a child comes, let it be a daughter and not a son
. She reached up and touched the delicate necklace she wore, her fingers turning the small, round bone strung among a few red and yellow beads.

Adie, the bone woman, had given her the necklace to protect her from the beasts that dwelt in the pass through the boundary that at the time had separated Westland from the Midlands. The old woman had told her it would help protect her child one day.

Kahlan dearly loved the necklace. It was just like the one her mother had received from Adie, and had, in turn, given to Kahlan. Kahlan had buried it with her childhood friend, Dennee. Since Dennee’s death she had missed her mother’s necklace.

This one was all the more special because the night before they had gone through the pass, Richard had added his oath to the necklace, to protect any future child she may have. Neither she nor Richard had suspected at the time that there was any way that child might possibly be his.