Stranded (6 page)

The
weeks
that followed were hell. Tamsin couldn’t seem to rouse herself from
the aching misery that followed her around like a slinking black dog. Jed was
never far from her thoughts. She both longed for and shunned company: when she
was alone, she sank into a pit of grief, but when she was with people, she
couldn’t concentrate on conversation, her attention constantly turning inwards.

 
At first she
had nourished a vague hope that she might be pregnant, that she could be
carrying a part of Jed inside her. But her period came, quashing any chance of
that.

One of the first things she did after returning to London
was to contact Damien to tell him it was over; but he had already left for New
York, not bothering to wait for her answer. It was a huge relief, though it
left her with nowhere to stay, since she’d given up her flat to move in with
him. He’d boxed up her stuff and parked it on her friend Cassie. He hadn’t even
left her a
note,
though she supposed it was lucky he
hadn’t merely thrown her belongings into the street. So that was it, the link
between them was severed for good.

So she stayed with friends, taking time off work, trying to
get her life back on track. And, as the months passed and spring blended into
summer and then the leaves started to turn gold, she gained a sense of peace
and resignation. She began to take up the threads of her life again after her
prolonged break. Though whenever she fingered the Viking talisman at her throat,
she would be filled with the energy of the island and, in her mind, would be
back among the gorse and bracken, or swimming in the cove with the seabirds
circling overhead. When that happened, she would be charged with sexual energy
and would play with her breasts and clitoris, bringing
herself
to a brief but intense orgasm, while images of Jed and their lovemaking played
across the screen of her inner eye.

And she was restless now, as though her old life no longer
fitted. Drama had lost its attraction: she no longer wanted to work in theatre
or with students, though she had no idea what to do in its place. The city seemed
claustrophobic and smutty, somehow - she would rather be in the fresh air, with
the wind blowing her hair about and the sea singing its hypnotic song.

At last, when September was well underway and the nights
were drawing in, she could bear it no longer. Slinging a few essentials in her
car, she phoned her parents to let them know she was going to Cornwall for a
week or so to think her life through, and then headed for
Polgorrow
.
She hadn’t told them much about Jed, so they put her depression and
rootlessness down to her breakup with Damien, and were all in favour of her
getting away.

When she arrived, the cottage was chilly and she set about
building a fire in the grate in the sitting room, where she sat with a mug of
tea and a scraped together meal of egg and chips. Replete, she drowsed for a
while then, unable to face the cold bedroom, fetched a duvet and snuggled down
on the sofa.

By morning, the central heating had warmed the whole place
through, but the fire had cheered her last night, so she raked the embers and
built it up again, leaving a heartening blaze while she washed and dressed and
ventured into the brisk morning air, finding her way down the garden to the
creek.

There was no boat now to tempt her, and, anyway, the tide
was out and egrets picked their way among the mud flats, yellow feet flashing
on the end of long black legs, their white feathers dazzling in the early sunshine.
A mist was rising along the opposite bank, shrouding the trees and deadening
sound. Tamsin turned to go back to the house, ready for breakfast, her spirits
more buoyant than they’d been since spring.

Then she froze. There was someone by the back door, his
shape, with its broad shoulders and slim hips, achingly familiar. She began to
walk faster, unable to believe her eyes, eager to find out for sure, though she
could think of no reason for Jed to be here.

Then they were face to face and she was devouring him with
her eyes. He looked thinner than before, his features gaunt and strained, hair
shorter and swept back from his brow to reveal worry lines that she didn’t
remember being there in May. He also looked unsure of his reception, even as he
stood his ground. Her heart was stuttering and leaping, but she kept her face still,
wondering why he was here and what he was going to say.

In the event, he stood mute, one hand tentatively held out
to her and she took charge, opening the door and leading him into the warm
sitting room. He followed meekly and sat on the sofa in front of the fire,
automatically holding his hands to the blaze, as though he’d lost the power of
speech. She sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder, feeling an
unexpected calm spread through her.

‘God, Tamsin,’ he said at last, eyes despairing, ‘I’ve been
a total idiot. I know it’s far too late to salvage anything between us - you
must hate me - but I needed to come and make my peace with you…’

‘But…how did you know where I was?’

He ran his hand through his hair, sweeping it from his
face, and rubbed his eyes with the backs of his hands like a small child, and
Tamsin was touched by his vulnerability.

‘You gave your parents’ address and telephone number in the
flight log,’ he began, voice still hesitant. ‘I rang them and they told me you
were down here. They said you’d mentioned me pulling you from the sea, and they
thanked me for saving your life.’ He gave a small grin and went on: ‘They were
relieved it wasn’t Damien asking after you.’

Questioning him about how he had found her was a delaying
tactic and, underneath her calm, Tamsin was shaking. A thread of hope was
weaving its way into her frozen emotions. He’d said he’d been an idiot - did
that mean he had had a change of heart regarding their relationship? She
suddenly knew that she was more emotionally secure than he was at this moment,
though she didn’t doubt that Jed would find his strength again.

Feeling very sure of herself now, she asked him, ‘What did
you mean, it’s too late for us?’

‘Tamsin, could I have been more cruel to you? I was in
total denial. My feelings for you were so powerful that they scared the shit
out of me. When Fi turned up, wanting another chance, it seemed the ultimate
let-out clause. She’d already hurt me, so what more could she do? She was the
safe option while you, you challenged my feelings in every way,
I
didn’t think it was possible to experience such
all-encompassing emotion. I could only think that if you got bored and ended it
between us, I would never recover, so I took the easy way out. Of course, it
only took me a day or two to see it would never work with Fi. You are
loving
and giving, but Fi is demanding and always wants her
own way. Though it took me a few more weeks after that to work it all out
properly; and then I was pretty sure you wouldn’t want to take your chances
with me after the way I treated you. But I needed to face it all and make my
peace with you. I know it’s too late for anything more, but do you think you
could forgive me?’

Then Tamsin moved closer and took his hands in hers. ‘Are
you saying you want us to give things a go? Because I haven’t stopped loving
you and I’m willing to take the risk if you are.’

She saw the hope flare in his eyes, his face breaking into
a wide smile. She had forgotten how toe-curlingly gorgeous he was.

 
‘Tamsin, come
back to the island with me. I have to do a two-week stint to cover for one of
the others. We can have space and time
together,
get
to know each other without the thought of your departure hanging over us. I’ve
never loved anyone as much as I love you. If you don’t want me, I’m not sure I
could handle it.’

Tamsin’s heart soared. She knew he meant every word, knew
he wouldn’t run from her again. ‘But I do love you and I know it will all work
out.’ As she spoke, she
rose
to her feet, pulling her
sweater over her head, unzipping her jeans, stepping out of her clothes to
stand naked before him, the fire striking redder lights from her russet hair. She
gathered her breasts into her hands, cupping them, holding them out to him,
running her fingers over her nipples then down over her hips.

He groaned and began to shed his own clothes. ‘Tamsin,’ he
whispered, voice hoarse, ‘are you sure?’

In answer, she stepped towards him and wound her arms around
him. ‘Surer than I’ve ever been about anything,’ she answered, pulling his head
down to hers, claiming his mouth, then taking his length into her, riding him
as they stood, till at last they sank to the floor, locked together, moving
towards a consummation that would bond them forever.

✪✪✪✪✪✪