Strictly My Husband: It's funny, it's romantic and it's got dancing - what's not to love! (29 page)

‘You did that,’ she said to him, nodding at the demented crowd.

‘I know,’ said Tom, grinning back at her.

‘Help me up, will ya?’ came a cry from Jerry, standing behind them.

Tom laughed and held out his hand, hauling him up with all his strength.

‘Looks like there’s quite a party going on up here,’ Jerry said, raising his eyebrows at Tom.

‘Just telling your mate how brilliant he is,’ Carly yelled at Jerry, trying to make herself heard over the din.

‘What, him?’ said Jerry. ‘Utter fuck-up until I got hold of him. You know what they say, behind every great show there’s a—’

‘Man who knows an electrician,’ interrupted Tom.

‘Precisely,’ agreed Jerry, slapping him on the back.

‘May I interrupt just for a moment?’

Tom looked down and saw Phillip standing next to the workbench, surrounded by youthful debauchery. Shit, the scores, he thought. Phillip had said he was going to get Archie to run off the show average for the whole run. He must have the result. He scrutinised Phillip’s face. He was smiling although it did look as though it was through gritted teeth. But then again he was getting pummelled in the back by not one but two foam flamingo croquet sticks, which could explain his discomfort.

Tom fell to his knees and shouted in Phillip’s ear: ‘Did we manage it?’ He knew the scores had been consistently good all week but it was never over until the fat lady sang. Particularly in show business.

Phillip offered Tom his hand, which Tom shook, thinking it was a tad over-formal.

‘Pull me up, you fool,’ Phillip said. ‘Let's tell everyone, shall we?’

Tom grabbed his hand and hauled him up to join him, Jerry and Carly on the now rather crowded steel table. Phillip coughed politely as though that
would be sufficient to grab the attention of the bawdy revellers. Tom searched the crowd for Amy to see if she could do the honours again and within moments there was a massive clatter of pots and pans. Phillip covered his ears in horror.

‘Thank you,’ he said when everyone had finally noticed the big boss was awaiting their attention. ‘Before you all go off to goodness knows where now the theme park is shut I thought you might like to hear your overall average score for the show.’

‘Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten, ten,’ came a shout from the back of the room until everyone else joined in. The only person who could calm them was Amy.

‘Will you all shut up and listen to the man,’ she screamed. ‘Oh, and by the way, for those of you who clearly failed Maths GCSE: there is no way we can get ten, as this is an
average
overall score. Can anyone tell me what an average is?’

Everyone stared back at her blankly.

‘Thought not. You add up all the scores and then divide that figure by the number of days the show ran for. Do you understand?’

Still silence.

Amy shook her head in despair. ‘In idiot speak, to achieve an average of ten, we would have to have scored a ten for every show, which we know we didn't.’ Amy turned to address Phillip. ‘May I offer my apologies for the stupidity of this cast? Numbers are not their strong point.’

Phillip looked out over the now silent crowd. ‘Can I start by offering my congratulations to you all for a job very well done—’ he began but Amy interrupted his flow by tugging on his coat.

‘I'd get on with it if I were you. Just tell us the scores and you can go home.’

Phillip nodded, then reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.

‘I'm delighted to announce that your average score for
Malice in Wonderland
has ended up as a whopping nine point two.’

The cast went wild, shouting and cheering. Tom embraced Carly and Jerry and they all started jumping up and down again, very nearly pushing Phillip from his podium.

‘However . . .’ Phillip shouted at the top of his voice.

Oh no. There's a however, thought Tom.

Everyone hushed.

‘However, if you take out the first show’s score, which we could in hindsight treat as an extended dress rehearsal . . .’ he said, pausing to look at Tom.

Tom nodded enthusiastically.

‘Then your average score from the guests of Wonderland Theme Park would be an extremely impressive nine point five.’

‘Nine point five,’ gasped Jerry. ‘Round that up and it's a perfect ten,’ he said, grinning at Amy. ‘Ten, ten, ten, ten,’ he chanted until the entire building was a vibrating cacophony of shouting tens, all pointing at Amy.

‘No,’ she screamed back. ‘You can't claim a ten. The average can't be ten.’

Jerry jumped down from the table and with the help of Tweedledum and Tweedledee lifted a kicking and screaming Amy on to his shoulders. She bobbed about above the crowd and eventually had to force a smile and start chanting ten along with everyone else.

‘Well done,’ said Phillip, turning to Tom amidst the chaos. ‘I wasn't sure this was all going to work out but it's been a massive success. Commercial spends are up fifteen per cent as well so Head Office are coming in for a meeting at the end of next week to find out how we did it. You're around next week, aren't you?’

‘Should be,’ he replied, glancing over at Carly.

‘I think they might ask you to look at the entertainment offering at some of the other group attractions, so be ready for that.’

Tom nodded, but looked blank, struggling to take in what Phillip was saying.

‘You understand this could be a big opportunity for you,’ continued Phillip. ‘They’re very impressed with the reaction they saw this evening. They’re rethinking entertainment and you could be a big part of that.’

‘So they liked it?’ asked Tom.

Phillip nodded. ‘They really liked it. Especially the scores, of course.’

‘Of course,’ said Tom. ‘So I still have a job then?’

‘More than that,’ said Phillip. ‘This could lead to something much bigger, Tom. Seriously well done.’

‘Thank you,’ replied Tom, feeling a little dazed.

‘So is Laura here?’ Phillip asked, casting his eye around the room.

‘Er, no. I don’t know where she is actually. She disappeared after the end of the show.’

‘Shame. I wanted to thank her too. We would have given up if it hadn't been for her, wouldn’t we?’

‘Probably,’ Tom was forced to agree.

‘Will you pass on my thanks? Tell her I'll be in touch soon. I’ve got some thoughts on a few other projects she can help us with. She's clearly got a good head on her shoulders, that one. No idea why she married you,’ Phillip said with a grin.

‘Neither do I,’ replied Tom.

‘Well, I'll leave you to it. Have a good night. You deserve it. See you tomorrow.’

‘I've booked a day off.’

‘Oh, right. Well, Tuesday then.’

‘Yes. See you on Tuesday.’

Chapter Thirty-Four

Laura

Laura was curled up in her pyjamas at home, trying to block out the turmoil in her brain by watching the
Strictly Come Dancing
results show, when her phone rang.

‘Where the hell are you?’ she heard Hannah whisper. ‘Why aren’t you here? I really need to talk to you about what’s happened this afternoon.
I’ve had one
,’ she hissed.

Laura looked at the phone in confusion. She’d assumed Hannah must be ringing to ask why she wasn’t at the after-show party where Tom would be having the time of his life with Carly, his ‘favourite leading lady’. She turned down the volume on the telly to make sure she could hear what Hannah was saying.

‘What did you say?’ she hissed back.

‘I said I’ve had one,’ Hannah whispered again and then laughed.

‘What have you had?’ asked Laura, pressing pause on the TV. She was starting to get impatient.

‘Are you ready for this?’ asked Hannah.

‘I’ve no idea!’ cried Laura. ‘You rang me!’

‘You are so not ready for it,’ declared Hannah.

‘If you say so,’ said Laura sarcastically. ‘Go on then, spit it out. I’ve got Claudia Winkleman hovering very strangely.’

‘I really don’t know how to tell you.’ Hannah laughed again.

‘Are you pissed?’ asked Laura, suddenly feeling suspicious. She checked her watch. The party must barely have started.

‘Possibly,’ replied Hannah. ‘I opened a bottle before everyone arrived. But, Laura, I feel so happy I could burst.’

Laura looked at her phone in amazement. ‘Excuse me but I am speaking to Hannah, aren’t I?’

‘Yes!’

‘You don’t sound normal.’

‘That’s because my normal was bloody miserable,’ Hannah said. ‘Now
I’m happy and hope very much that this will become my new normal.’

Laura picked up the remote control and switched Claudia off. Anything that made Hannah swear deserved her full attention.

‘So what has brought on this dramatic change in personality?’ she asked.

‘You’ll never guess.’

‘For goodness’ sake, just tell me,’ screeched Laura.

‘I had a moment
and
I danced with him, and now I understand all those things you’ve been going on and on about,’ Hannah announced.

‘What do you mean you had a moment? And you danced? But you never dance.’

‘I do now. But only with Will of course.’

‘Whhaaaaaaat!’ exclaimed Laura. She dropped the remote control. ‘What did you just say?’

‘I said I’ve danced with Will,’ she repeated.

‘I don’t understand,’ Laura said when she’d gathered herself. ‘What are you trying to tell me, Hannah?’

‘We danced. In the basement. Me and Will, to Ed Sheeran.’

Laura racked her brains to try and understand what this could all mean. She still couldn’t fathom what on earth Hannah was trying to tell her. Then something struck her.

‘Did you dance to “Thinking Out Loud”?’

‘Yes,’ hissed Hannah.

‘Oh my God,’ Laura screamed.

‘It was a moment, Laura. A real moment. Just as he sang “People fall in love in mysterious ways”.’

Laura was speechless.

‘Have you taken drugs?’ she asked eventually. ‘Did one of the dancers give you something?’

‘Of course not. I’m not stupid.’

‘You’re married and you danced with Will on the dance floor you told your husband was a waste of money. Stupid could be relevant at this point.’

Hannah went quiet for a moment.

‘I think it’s the most sensible thing I’ve ever done in my life,’ she said
solemnly.

‘But . . . but . . . Will?’ asked Laura. ‘Since when? How the hell did that happen?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Hannah. Now she sounded bewildered. ‘Well, I guess I had a kind of inkling when he told me about that other woman.’

Laura gasped. ‘You’re the other woman?’ she exclaimed.

‘I guess I must be,’ replied Hannah, sounding almost as shocked as her friend was.

‘Did he tell you at the time that it was you? Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘No, no, of course not. He wouldn’t tell me who it was but I do remember he looked at me strangely,’ continued Hannah. ‘I just brushed it off then, thought perhaps he was hung-over from the night before or something. Wasn’t feeling well. But every so often since I’ve caught him looking at me in the same way. And I’ve found myself looking at him in that way too.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me any of this?’

‘Because I didn’t know for sure, did I? I couldn’t really believe it. I didn’t think you could tell anything from just a look.’

‘But you can,’ cried Laura. ‘Haven’t I been telling you that?’

‘I know, I know, but I didn’t really believe it until today.’

‘So how did it happen?’

‘Well, he came round to fix some more lights up for Jerry. I was helping him and we got talking and all this stuff came out, Laura. I kept banging on about how most people spend their lives miserable because they never actually say what they mean and then Will put Radio Cornerstone on.’

‘I bet that killed the moment.’

‘It didn’t. Ed Sheeran was on and we just looked at each other and, well, we started dancing.’

‘It was a moment?’

‘It was a moment.’

‘Wow.’

‘I know. It was amazing, Laura, really. It felt so right. I’ve never felt like that before.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘Jerry came home.’

‘What?’ cried Laura. ‘Did he see you?’

‘I don’t think so. He was carrying an enormous box down to the basement ready for this party. I don’t think he could see past it.’

‘He can’t have done. I’m sure Jerry would have a lot to say about finding his wife having a moment with his electrician in the middle of his beloved dance floor.’

‘He’s not just an electrician, you know.’

‘Bloody hell, you really have got it bad if you’re defending his occupation.’

‘I love him, Laura,’ she said quietly.

Laura blew out her cheeks and pulled the phone away from her ear to stare at it in amazement.

‘So what are you going to do?’ she asked finally.

‘Well, I’m going to start by telling Jerry tomorrow that it’s over. I’d tell him tonight if I could but I can’t ruin his party for him. I’m hoping then he’ll still go to Australia. Give him some time to adjust. Then when he gets back we can see what happens next.’

‘And what about Will? Are you going to tell Jerry about him?’

‘Let’s see what happens, shall we? The important thing is to be honest with Jerry about our marriage. He can’t be happy either, so I don’t think it’s going to be that difficult.’

‘Oh God,’ groaned Laura.

‘What, you don’t think I should tell him?’

‘It’s not that. But I think Tom is leaving me.’

‘Oh, come on Laura.’

‘But he’s going for an audition in the West End with Carly. It’s all coming true, Hannah. I saw the way he looked at Carly this evening, and I know he’s going to ditch me for her.’

For the first time Hannah was quiet on the end of the phone.

‘Do you remember what I said to Will?’ she said eventually.

‘No,’ said Laura grumpily. ‘I didn’t think you did much talking, it was all about the moment.’

‘What I said to Will was that most people spend their entire lives being miserable because they don’t say what they really mean.’

‘And your point is?’

‘Just talk to Tom, please, before you do anything stupid. Tell him whatever is in your heart or you will regret it for the rest of your life.’