Authors: Brenda Rothert
“Why, because I’m a stripper? Are you afraid you’re
going to catch something from me?”
The only thought in her mind at that moment was
gratitude for the fact that she had decided not to strip, because nakedness
would not have gone well with her indignation.
“No, Abby, that’s not it at all. I bet I’ve slept
with more people than you have,” Chris said, getting up and walking to her.
“Then what?” she asked, unconvinced.
“Aren’t we supposed to be just friends?”
“Yeah. Look, this was obviously a bad idea, let’s
just go.” She turned and went backstage to retrieve the bag she had left on the
floor.
“Let’s go to my place and talk about this,” Chris
said, reaching for her. “We can come back for your car later.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” she said,
avoiding his eyes.
“Are you mad at me?” he asked, surprised. She took a
breath as she gathered her thoughts, worried her voice would break if she
spoke.
“I just don’t get you, Chris,” she said. “It’s like
you want to make me want you, just so you can reject me.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you. You can see that I
do.”
“Well, that’s counter to today’s experience,” she
muttered. “I need to lock the doors, so let’s go.”
She propped the door open as Chris walked out,
shaking his head.
“We need to talk about this,” he said.
“I have to take care of Sara and Audrey today.” She
locked the door quickly, anxious to escape before she broke into tears.
“Abby!” he called after her. She held a hand up as
she fled to her car, needing to get away.
“But you never eat ice cream,” Sara said, looking at
Abby in disbelief.
“Well, I am today. And when we finish our ice cream
we’ll shop some more.”
Abby was still brooding inside over Chris’ rejection
the day before. Wanting a man was a very big deal for her; it hadn’t happened
in a long time. Though his hands had moved over her body in all the right ways,
there had been something more about the hunger she had felt for him. It was
like it had been building since that first lunch together, and growing more
intense. It had felt so personal to her, so intimate.
Chris had become special to her. He was smart, warm
and a good listener. Her admiration for him grew every time she saw him working
at the hospital. People came to the emergency room during their worst moments:
upset, broken and hurting. He was reassuring and capable, healing people one at
a time.
And what did she do for people? She got men off for
money as a stripper. He was the best side of humanity, and she was the worst.
Next to him, she had so little to offer. And she continued feeling more and
more self-conscious about him not wanting the one thing she did have: her body.
She had decided as she pulled out of the club and
not looked back at Chris that she would ignore his calls and texts for the day.
He needed to know he had really hurt her feelings. What was bothering her more
than anything today was the fact that he’d never called.
As he lathered soap around his forearms to do an
exam on a patient, Chris couldn’t help hearing the conversation between the
young couple in the room.
“Don’t cry, baby. It’ll be okay. Shh,” the man said.
“I’m scared, Jonathan. I want this baby so much. I
can’t lose another one. I can’t,” her voice broke as she cried.
“No, Cara, don’t say that. Shh. You need to stay
calm, okay? Stay calm for the baby.”
He cradled her head to his chest as she cried, and
Chris offered them a reassuring smile as he walked over.
“Just relax while I take a look, okay?” he said. He
shifted into work mode, remembering the steps he had to perform for the exam.
It wasn’t something he did every day.
“I’ve been thinking,” Jonathan said to Cara. “If
it’s a boy, I think we should name him after your Dad.”
“Really?” The joy in her voice was contagious, and
Chris couldn’t help smiling. “Jonathan, that means so much to me.”
“You’ve been so strong through this whole thing. I
love you so much, Cara. No matter what, I will always love you.”
“Everything’s good so far,” Chris said. “I think you
were just having some implantation bleeding, which does happen.”
Fresh tears flowed down Cara’s face, and Chris’
heart went out to her. Her head dropped against her husband’s chest with
relief.
“Thank you,” Jonathan said, tears welling in his
eyes.
Chris nodded at him as he finished the exam. He had
never been envious of a happy couple, but he was feeling a twinge of …
something. The love between these two people was palpable, and he couldn’t help
thinking of the empty apartment he’d be going home to. The look of pain on
Cara’s face when Chris had entered the room had made him think of Abby, and how
hurt she’d been the day before. He hated that he’d been responsible for it.
He had thought of calling her, but he didn’t know
what to say. He wasn’t going to apologize for not fucking her then and there.
That was exactly what most men would have done without a second thought. Chris
had been thinking about her feelings instead of his own. Sex always led to
attachment, and he didn’t want to create that with Abby when they could never
have a relationship.
But as he looked over at Jonathan wiping tears from
his wife’s cheek with his thumb, Chris realized that some things went beyond being
right or wrong. The chasm between him and Abby was troubling him, because
though he had been trying to avoid hurting her, that was exactly what he’d
done.
Abby was sullen as she got into Chris’ car.
“I’ve missed you,” he said as he pulled away from
her office.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she admitted.
“I picked up some lunch and I thought we could just
park and eat, because we need to talk.”
“I’d really prefer not to dwell on it, Chris. I
wanted to have sex, and you didn’t. It’s embarrassing. Let’s just move on.”
“Of course I wanted to,” he said, exasperated, as he
parked in the back of the Case Publications lot. “But you’re my friend, Abby. I
don’t want us to have casual sex and ruin things.”
Abby sighed deeply.
“You’re right,” she said. “I just got carried away.
The truth is I don’t want that with anyone. I need to keep my priorities
straight.”
“I know I send mixed signals. I don’t want a
relationship, but it’s hard to be around you and ignore how attractive you
are.”
“Maybe we should stop spending time together,” she
suggested.
“Is that what you want?” he asked, his brows knitted
together with concern.
“No. I like being with you. I hardly have any
friends, and it’s nice to be around someone I can be myself with. We just need some
firm ground rules, like no kissing.”
“Or lap dancing,” Chris said, smiling.
“Right. I won’t do that anymore.”
“Could you also avoid wearing those black stockings
and heels you had on the other day?”
“Which ones? The lacy thigh-high ones?”
“We should avoid talking about them, too. Just try
to wear long, baggy pants if possible.”
“Okay. And no baseball hats for you. It would also
help if you could avoid wearing that cologne you always have on.”
“You like that?” he grinned.
“Stay focused. Ground rules.”
“I am. Let’s just keep an honest dialogue open about
the things the other does that create…unwanted arousal.”
“Yes, good. Let’s do that.”
“So we’re okay? Still friends?” Chris asked.
“We’re okay. You still want to go bowling with me
and the girls this weekend?”
“Of course.”
Abby smiled as she watched Audrey and Sara playing
pinball in the back of the pizza parlor. Audrey had a look of deep
concentration, and Sara was smiling jubilantly.
“We may have to bring Justin next time so I have
some bowling competition,” Chris said, grinning. He and Abby sat at a table,
talking as the girls played.
“He’s worse than I am,” she said, laughing. “Are you
in some doctor bowling league I don’t know about?”
“We did do that one year,” Chris admitted. “And can
I ask, now that the girls are out of earshot, if you wore those jeans to
distract me?”
“These old jeans?”
“Those old jeans,” he said with a knowing look.
“Your ass looks incredible when you’re throwing the ball in those.”
“Well, thanks. I’ve had these jeans for a couple years.”
“I’ll need to add them to the list of things you
can’t wear when we’re together.”
“Noted.”
“You’re really doing well with Audrey and Sara,
Abby. They’re great kids.”
“That’s nice of you. I do my best, but they still
don’t have what kids should.”
“You love them and take care of them. It doesn’t
matter if you’re their Mom or not.”
Abby smiled, embarrassed by the tears welling in her
eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her face
self-consciously. “No one’s ever said anything like that to me. It just got
me.”
“Let’s go get ice cream,” Chris said as they got up
from the table.
“I already ate a piece of pizza, I can’t have ice
cream, too.”
“We’ll share one.”
Abby marveled at the sense of contentment she felt
with Chris. She’d never felt lonely before, but being with him gave her a sense
of happiness she’d never had. Was this what she had been missing by never
having close friends? They had only known each other a short time, but it was
getting harder and harder to imagine life without him.
Sara had finished her ice cream in the car, but
Audrey nursed hers slowly, taking it down to the basement as she followed Sara.
Abby passed the waffle cone she and Chris were
sharing back to him.
“Don’t give me any more,” she said.
“Abby, you could stand to put on a few pounds.”
“The only place Mickey wants me to put on weight is
my boobs,” she said, walking into the living room to pick up a blanket from the
floor.
“What do you mean, implants?” he asked, incredulous.
“Yes. I’m straddling a B and a C, and he wants me to
be a D. He harasses me about it all the time.”
“Don’t do it,” Chris said, looking serious. “You’re
perfect just the way you are.”
“No, I won’t…” Abby’s thought drifted away as she
saw Tim, her former stepfather, walking down the hallway toward her, buttoning
the fly of his jeans.
“Abby,” he said when he got to the living room.
“This the new sugar daddy?”
“What are you doing here?” she asked, the color
draining from her face.
“I came to pick up my girls for a visit. I was
killing time with Kathy while I waited. Audrey, Sara!”
Abby’s eyes widened in horror as her younger sisters
pounded up the stairs.
“Dad!” Sara called happily, running toward him.
Audrey stood back cautiously.
“Girls, get back downstairs,” Abby said briskly.
“Right now.”
“Nah, how ‘bout coming home with me for the night?”
Tim asked Sara.
“Get downstairs!” Abby said, a note of panic in her
tone. “I mean it, you guys.”
Audrey grabbed Sara’s arm and pulled her toward the
stairs as Sara looked back forlornly at Tim.
“But we haven’t seen him in so long,” Sara said
sadly. Abby listened to the thud of their feet on the stairs, waiting until
they were gone to turn back to Tim.
“Get out of this house,” she hissed.
“My family lives here,” he said congenially.
“They’re not your family anymore,” Abby said.
“Kathy and I will always have a connection.”
“Yeah, as long as she’s desperate enough to screw
you for drugs,” Abby said icily. “This is my house. I own it. I pay the bills.
And I will not have your dysfunction here.”
She felt Chris standing behind her and was comforted
by his presence, but also embarrassed by the scene he was witnessing.
“I’m taking my daughters,” Tim said levelly.
“Kathy’s passed out, anyway.”
“Over my dead body.” Abby was shaking with fury, and
Chris rested his hands on her shoulders.
“Come on, it’ll give you a night alone with
loverboy,” Tim said, growing agitated.
“You will never take those girls anywhere, and you
will never be alone with them, and you know damn well why!” Abby said angrily.
“Are you still whining over that? It was years ago.”
“Get the fuck out of my house or I’ll call the
police right now and report it,” Abby threatened.