Strong (Kindred #1) (19 page)

“Josie, please,” Megan frowns. “Henry.”

“Henry is three days old, he understands poop, sleep and your boobs, because they store the good stuff. He doesn’t understand gay sex.”

“Still. Stop.” Megan tells her.

Carmen looks up and laughs at them while a very content looking Henry snuggles a little more into her neck. Josie looks at Megan and then at Carmen and I know, without them saying anything, what they are thinking, it suits her. It does suit her and she must be hurting so much right now, but yet, she’s still smiling, still pretending everything is okay.

“You should have seen Megs, Carm,” Josie smiles. “She was amazing. Barely made a sound.”

“Is the pain as bad as they say?” she asks.

“Well, yes. But I managed to get in the zone, the music, the water and Harry all really helped.”

“Still Megs, come on. You pushed him out of your vagina and you’re tiny, it must have hurt? I’d have been swearing worse than a sailor!” Josie laughs.

“You do that anyway, Jose.” Carmen grins.

“True.”

Jack manages to look away for longer than ten seconds and comes over to stand with me and Harry. He looks over his shoulder and leans in.

“So, brother,” he smirks. “What’s going on with you two?”

“Me and Harry?”

“No, you idiot, not you and Harry. Carmen.”

“Jeez, nothing is happening!”

“Keep your voice down,” he snarls at me. “You’ve been together since the wedding it seems, something is happening.”

“We’re not together, and she’s shown me a few of the sights, that’s it.”

“What her bedroom looks like being one of them?” Harry grins.

“She’s staying at her parents, dude.” I frown.

“And? The prospect of being caught only makes it more exciting.”

“Nothing is going on, we’re friends.” I tell them.

“With benefits at least?”

“No, you two need to get some and stop being assholes!” I glare at them.

“I’m getting plenty, thank you very much.” Jack smiles.

“I won’t be getting any for a while…” Harry frowns. “Thanks for reminding me.”

Henry chooses that moment to wake up and all eyes are back on him, the look in Harry’s eyes tells me he doesn’t mind the no sex, he’s in love with his baby son and so he should be.

“You’re welcome, now, if you don’t mind, it’s my turn for cuddles now he’s awake.”

We spend longer than I thought we would with everyone and when Carmen says she’s leaving I don’t think twice about leaving too. Jack gives me a look and I know, I’ll get a text as soon as we leave and he’ll want to talk. When we get back to the flat Carmen tells me she’s going for a bath, she tries to hide the sadness, but I can see it. I decide while she’s in the bath, I’ll make us dinner. The beds have arrived and Mom and Dad bought us a table and chairs, so we have somewhere to eat dinner, we’re still using the blow-up beds as a sofa until ours is delivered though. We’ve got a routine of having dinner and watching whatever movie we fancy, tonight it’s The Deathly Hallows Part One.

I want to cheer her up, today has taken its toll on her, regardless of whether she wants to admit it to me or not. I head into the kitchen and get everything out of the fridge to make her favourite. I get to work and by the time she comes out of the bathroom, all I need to do is layer everything up.

“Is that what I think it is?” she sniffs the air as she walks into the lounge.

“What do you think it is?”

“Lasagne?”

“Yes, then it’s exactly what you think it is.”

“You’re making my favourite?” she looks at me and then bursts into tears.

“Hey, Carm…”

I walk around the breakfast bar and pull her to me, she holds on to me and sobs her heart out. I don’t have anything to say that will make it better so I don’t say anything and after a few minutes, she stills and pulls back.

“I’m sorry, Carter,” she sniffs. “Tough day.”

“It’s okay… Do you want to talk about it?”

“Henry, it’s just a reminder I won’t ever hold a newborn… Not my newborn anyway. I guess I have a lot of stuff I’m going to need to work though, huh?”

“One day at a time.” I kiss the top of her head then lean back, “Fancy a glass of red wine? I had to open it to put some in the dinner.”

“We don’t want to waste it do we?” she smiles.

“Absolutely not, sit down, I’ll finish dinner then we can start Harry Potter while it cooks.”

I make the lasagne and set the timer so I don’t forget about it. Carmen settles herself on our makeshift sofa and gets the movie ready, I grab myself a beer and settle in too.

“Please tell me you’ve got garlic bread?”

“Of course I have.” I laugh.

“You’re like the perfect guy, I might just have to keep you.” she grins, pressing play.

I’d happily be kept by you, Carmen,
I think.

More than happily.

“This one has too many emotions, I’m going to cry. Just warning you now, okay?”

“I got it, I mean, everyone cries when Dobby dies, don’t they?”

“They should do, if they don’t? They can’t have a heart.”

I wake up to the sound of crying and realise we’ve both fallen asleep in the lounge. I roll over and Carmen is still asleep.

Asleep and crying.

I don’t know whether to wake her up or leave her but the sound is horrendous so I know I have to do something.

“Carmen?” I rest my hand on my her cheek and her eyes spring open.

“Carter.” she croaks.

“You’re dreaming, it’s just a dream.” I tell her, trying to make her calm down.

“It’s not though Carter, I’m dreaming about reality, I’ve just got my eyes closed. It’s real, it’s so real.”

She stands up and walks into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. I sit there, totally unsure what to do. Do I leave her? Do I go and knock on her door and make sure she’s okay? I don’t know, I’m clueless and I hate feeling useless when I know someone needs my help. I sit there for another ten minutes and decide I’ll text her, it seems stupid but if she doesn’t want to see me, at least she can talk this way.

Me:
Can I do anything?
x

I hear her phone make a noise from her room and a few seconds later mine buzzes in my hand.

Carmen:
No, I’m sorry. It’s just all too much right now. I’m sorry for waking you x

Me:
Nothing to be sorry about. Are you sure you don’t need anything? x

Carmen:
Positive, going to try and sleep. x

Me:
Always here x

I head into my room and try to sleep, but I can’t get my brain to switch off. I have so many things running through my head I don’t know what to do with them. I look at the clock 4.56am and decide maybe a run will help. I change into some sweats and put my sneakers on. I write a note for Carmen letting her know I’ve gone for a run and put my headphones on. When I step outside, I press play on one of my running playlists and the sound of Oasis blasts in my ears.

I start slow, then pick up speed as I approach the park. The street lights are slowly starting to go off as the sky is light already. I make a circuit of the park and on my second circuit, pass other runners out for their morning run.

The morning is the best part of the day; it’s calm and still and it gives you time to think, time to work through things before the day gets going and more gets piled into your head. I keep going and before I realise it, I’ve been out for over an hour. I make my way back to the apartment and let myself in. Carmen is still in her room, so I shower and get some breakfast. I’m just turning the bacon when she appears looking tired.

“Morning.” she almost whispers.

“Hey,” I smile. “Coffee?”

“Please.” she sits on the bar stool and rests her head in her hands.

“I’m not going to ask how you are… Stupid question. But would you like some breakfast?”

“What is it?” she sniffs the air. “Bacon?”

“Bacon, pancakes, eggs…”

“I didn’t think I was hungry, I guess I am.” she smiles.

“What are you doing today?” I ask as I scramble the eggs.

“Shopping.” she groans as she takes a sip of her coffee.

“Girls love shopping, why aren’t you smiling?”

“It’s for hospital stuff.”

“Oh.”

“Can you come with me to the shop?” she asks as I place her plate of breakfast in front of her.

“Sure. What do you need to get?” I take a seat next to her and tuck in, starving.

“Everything. New pyjamas, toiletries, things I know I’ll want to eat after the surgery. I was going to ask Mum, but she’s so… She just can’t cope with it all right now and I know the next few months will be tough on her and Dad, so I’d rather they save their strength for that.”

“You only have to ask, and I’m there, actually,” I smile. “Sometimes if you don’t ask me I’m still going to be there.” I laugh.

“I think I’m going to need you to be, Carter. I shouldn’t ask you to be, but I am.” she says, spooning a mouthful of scrambled eggs into her mouth.

“You haven’t asked, I offered.”

“Then I shouldn’t accept,” she looks at me and swallows. “You’re the only person who isn’t going to crowd me. Everyone else, as much as I love them, they want to make it all better and do everything for me and I don’t want that. When I tell Megs and Josie, I know they’ll want to do everything they can for me, I’d be the same if it was one of them, but if I’m going to beat this thing, it’s going to be exactly that, me doing it. No one else can fight this battle for me.”

“It’s not letting someone else fight it, it’s letting someone else be there for you. There are going to be times you’re going to need someone else to be strong for you, and I’m no expert, but I’d guess the more people you have around you when that time comes, the better.”

“I know,” she reaches for my hand and squeezes it. “Let me just get over this hurdle first, yeah? Then when I crumble, you can all hold me up.”

We finish breakfast and Carmen heads for a shower while I take the time to check in with Lex.

“Oh, now he calls!” she huffs down the phone.

“I’ll hang up if you’re going to be like that.” I warn her.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Carter? Why did I have to find out from Mom that you’re not coming back with us? That Carmen is sick… Why didn’t
you
tell me?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you to start with, then I told Mom and Dad because they need to sort things back home, don’t they? I didn’t not tell you, I just haven’t told you yet.”

“Is she okay?” she whispers down the line. “I can’t imagine what she’s going through right now.”

“She’s as okay as she can be. I don’t really know what else to tell you, Lex. I just wanted to check in.”

“Can we have dinner?”

“Not for the next few days, Carmen’s three days away from surgery and I want to be here for her if she needs me.”

“Can I… Can I come over?”

“I’ll see what Carmen feels like doing, don’t take it personally, Titch, I just don’t know if she’s going to want to see anyone right now.”

“Mom said she hasn’t told Josie?”

“She wants to get over this first, and they were on their honeymoon.”

“She’ll go crazy, you know she’ll want to know. I’m so sad for her Carter, I don’t know her well at all but she must mean something to you if you’re prepared to do this. If she means something to you, she means something to me and I want to help.”

“I know you do,” I smile, she always wants to help. “I’ll see if Carmen is up to it, if not, while she’s in the hospital, maybe we can have dinner then?”

“Sounds good to me. If I can do anything, will you let me know?”

“I will… You okay?” I ask, sensing she wants to tell me something.

“Tyler… Laney sent me a message, said she’d seen him out. Why when I think I’m getting over him, does something happen and it’s like I’m right back at square one?”

“I don’t know, Lex. I wish I could tell you what to do to get over him.”

“I don’t want to get over him, I want to be with him.” she whispers.

“We’ll have dinner, yeah? I miss you Titch.”