Strong (Kindred #1) (32 page)

“Do you have any?” Carter jokes.

“More than you do, Manning.”

“Show me.”

“Why?” she laughs.

“Because you, Little Miss Innocent have a tattoo! I need to see it to believe it!”

“Just show her, it’s not a big deal.” Harry tells her, grinning from his spot on the sofa, Henry propped up on his legs.

Megs stands and pulls up her t-shirt. I lean a little closer so I can see it better.

“I belong, I belong to you alone?”

“Muse.” Harry grins at me.

“And you have one too? What do you have?”

“Music notes running along my ribs.”

“Not just music notes, explain.” Megan smiles.

“Running the length of my ribs, is the music notes to one of our favourite Muse songs,
I Belong To You
.”

“I know that song!” I tell them.

“And above that is one line of script in French;
Mon Cœur S’ouvre à Ta Voix.”

“Oh, good God, I forgot he speaks French!” I gasp unnecessarily. “Megan,” I whisper. “I really fancy your husband right now.”

“I know, right?” she grins goofily at him.

“What does it mean?” Carter asks.

“What does what mean?”

“The French… What does it mean?”

“That’s the best bit.” Megan sighs.

“It means my heart opens to your voice.”

“Oh…” I sigh. “Can I marry your husband, Megs?”

“No, you can’t. He’s mine.”

“And you have another one you haven’t told her about… That you haven’t really told anyone about.”

“Yes, I do.” Harry smiles.

“What is it? Where is it?” Carter asks interested.

“It’s on my ring finger,” he holds it up. “See?”

“Yes, but what does it mean?” Carter frowns.

“Ma raison d’être.” Harry shrugs.

“In English, please.” I call over.

Harry locks eyes with Megan, smiles then speaks the words just to her.

“My reason for being.”

“That’s it!” I call, standing up. “My heart cannot take anymore, I’m going to the bathroom.”

They all chuckle at me as I walk slowly to the downstairs loo. Once inside, I sit on the closed loo seat for a few minutes trying to calm the tightening in my chest. Will anyone ever feel that much for me that they would mark their skin permanently, make a beautiful declaration of their love, for me? I go to the loo and rinse my hands before heading back into the lounge. They all stop talking and look up at me when I walk back in.

“That’s very suspicious, what are you talking about?” I ask them as I sit back down.

“You.” Megan says simply.

“And what about me?”

“Well, that we can’t tell you. Suck it up beauty!” she grins, kissing my cheek.

I don’t know where the time goes or my energy for that matter, but by four o’clock I’m exhausted and in need of some rest. Megs and I kiss and hug and she promises me a girly night soon. The journey back is pretty quick and when we get home, Carter insists on carrying me up to our flat.

After depositing me on the sofa and giving me the TV remote, he asks if it’s okay if he goes for a run. I tell him of course and he kisses my cheek and goes to get changed. Before he disappears, he brings me over some ginger ale and a bar of chocolate incase I want some, and runs out the door with his earbuds in. I snuggle down and watch Friends, falling asleep ten minutes in.

I
can do this.

I can make dinner and pretend that every cell in my body isn’t aware of her.

I can concentrate on making something I know she will enjoy for dinner. I can ignore the fact she has on some of the sexiest songs I’ve ever heard.

I
s she doing it on purpose?

I close my eyes and count to ten, taking a deep breath, I open them again.

Big mistake.

She chooses that moment to stand up and stretch her arms above her head, her tank top rises and a couple of inches of creamy, toned skin is exposed. I watch as she turns her head first left then right and groans.

God help me.

My run this afternoon has done nothing to help the need to be with her.

“It smells good.” she says, walking towards me slowly.

“I’m glad you think so, I’m making your favourite.” I smile at her, going back to stirring the pan on the hob.

“Lasagne?” she leans over and sniffs at the pot.

“Yup, and I even got you some of those dough balls you love.”

She shuffles to my side of the counter and wraps her arms around my waist, bringing her hands up to rest on my stomach. I take a few steadying breaths when she presses a kiss to the very centre of my back.

“You’re too good to me, Carter, you know that?”

“It’s nothing you don’t deserve, sweetheart.” I tell her, closing my eyes and relishing in the feel of having her so close to me.

The feel of her soft curves pressed to my back, the scent of her surrounding me, more tantalising than anything ever could, or has been before. All too soon she pulls back and walks over to the refrigerator, pulling out a big bottle of ginger ale and filling her glass with ice and the drink she seems to survive on lately.

“Feeling sick again?”

“I always feel sick lately, the only thing that helps even a little bit is this stuff.” she holds up her glass.

“Do you think they’ve noticed a sales increase lately?” I joke.

I’m rewarded with one of her smiles, a genuine, warm smile that goes straight to my heart and makes it pick up speed.

“Probably. Won’t they miss it when I’m better and no longer getting through six bottles a day?” she smiles, before she heads back into the lounge and settles herself on the sofa.

I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be able to keep this up for, how much longer I can pretend that I don’t want to be more than friends, that I don’t want to wrap her in my arms, call her my girl and show the world she belongs to me.

It’s not about you, Carter.
The voice in my head keeps reminding me.

No, it’s not.

I look over at her smiling at something on her phone and I’m reminded it’s about her. As is our usual routine, we have dinner and Carmen listens to some music while I’m on my laptop. Everything is just how it should be until out of the corner of my eye I see Carmen shaking, I pause what I’m doing and lean over to see if she’s okay.

She isn’t.

She’s sobbing and my whole chest aches for her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Everything is wrong, I don’t know what’s going on right now.”

“It’s okay,” I try to soothe her. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t know what we are Carter, I don’t know what anything is.”

“We don’t need to know, just go with it.”

“Just hold me, please? I’m so scared right now that everything is out of my control and I just don’t know what to say. So can we just say nothing and be together? Can we just accept that this is what we are to each other right now? That things are changing but that I don’t know what to do with them right now?”

I take a deep breath and swallow down the words I desperately want to say;
no I want to be closer to you, I want you to know that I love you
, there, I admitted it for the hundredth time in my head, but you won’t let me say it out loud.

“Okay.”

She stands and pulls me with her, resting her head on my chest as I wrap my arms around her, bringing her flush against my body. The song playing is one I’ve heard lots of times before, it’s one of Mom’s favourites. I have memories of her and Dad dancing to this together and I have a fuzzy memory of dancing with a girl to it once, it can’t be of any importance or I would remember it. All that matters is that we’re creating a memory right now, a memory that’s just ours.

“You know I can’t be without you?” she whispers as a new song begins.

Taylor Swift. Carmen loves her and not a day goes past that she doesn’t play at least one of her songs.

“I don’t get that,” I tell her, holding her tighter to me. “You don’t want this to be anything more than friendship, what do you mean you can’t be without me?”

“I mean I can’t be without you, I thought we could be friends, but I need you to need me, I need you to want me in spite of everything and not because of it. I need you so much. I need you in my life and not because I’m sick, but because my life has been so full, so colourful and warm since you walked into it. Because you have been the light I’ve needed and that I’ve clung to like my lifeline since this whole thing started. You are the most thoughtful, kind and caring man in the world. You’ve been there for me from the very beginning and I want to be there for you… Forever if I have it.”

She looks up into my eyes and stops moving to the music. I have no choice but to look down at her and read every emotion she has, every word she’s spoken, clear on her face.

“We have longer than forever, I’m not going anywhere and neither are you, I promise you that.”

She raises her face and I lower mine and slower than I thought it would be, our lips touch and nothing else matters.

“Carter… Come to bed with me.” she whispers as she takes my hand and leads me down the corridor and to her bedroom door.

“Wait.”

I’ve been in this room so many times before, I’ve slept in this room so many times before, but this is different. I’m certain she doesn’t have sleeping on her mind and I’m not sure how I feel about that. A big part of me wants to lift her into my arms and not think about anything except how she feels, how she tastes and how she sounds when I join us together. But the sensible part of me knows this is bigger than anything either of us have ever experienced before.

“Why?”

“Because I think this is something we’re both going to regret in the morning, that’s why.”

“It isn’t, not for me. I won’t regret this in the morning.”

She looks at me, so certain that this is what she wants, I’m what she wants. I’m over pretending that she isn’t everything I want too. I hold her to me and trail my mouth across from one ear to the other, then down her neck and across her collar bone until I reach the valley between her breasts. She groans and arches into me and I realise, everything I’ve ever wanted, I’m holding right here in my arms.