Summer at Tiffany's (17 page)

‘
What?
But—'

‘I don't want to get his hopes up. He's found it so hard watching it happen each time and I don't want to keep looking in his eyes and seeing fear. He's so scared of everything for me . . . Thinks I should spend nine months lying on the sofa.'

‘Well, maybe he's got a point. Your job is so full-on, and the people you work with are even worse than Suzy's brides.'

Kelly hesitated. ‘Well, it's true Bebe has been especially demanding recently.'

Cassie frowned. ‘Oh, now I'm really worried! I've worked with you both, remember – I know you do everything at warp speed, and I know what a cow she is. Brett's probably right – you are doing too much.'

Kelly shook her head. ‘No, he's just looking for answers. The fact is, stress is all I know. It's relaxation and R&R that my body can't handle. Everything that's happened . . . it's just one of those things.'

‘This time will be different,' Cassie said firmly.

‘No, it won't.' Kelly shook her head again, her eyes falling to the floor as she shifted position. ‘There should have been at least three months between this pregnancy and the last, and my ob-gyn is cross that I'm carrying again so quickly. It was an accident.' Fear brightened her eyes and her hands tightened across her stomach – the protective gesture shrouded in irony given that the danger did, after all, come from her own body. ‘It's too soon. After everything my body's been through in the past twelve months . . .' Her voice cracked. ‘There's no way I'll be able to carry this baby to term.'

Cassie leaned in closer to the screen, desperate to reach through it and touch her friend, to put an arm round her shoulder and cry with her. ‘Kell, you can't go through this alone. You have to tell Brett.'

Kelly looked back at her sharply. ‘No. There is no need for both of us to go through this.'

‘But you can't
hide
it from him.'

‘I can and I will. I've got no intention of ever telling him about any pregnancy unless I get past the twelve-week mark.'

‘And when's that for this one?'

Kelly held up one hand, five fingers. Five weeks to go. Five weeks of keeping the biggest secret of her life from the man she loved. She took a deep breath.

‘So then the baby's due at the' – she quickly calculated in her head – ‘end of January?'

‘This baby's
not
due, Cass,' Kelly said forcefully. ‘That's exactly the point. I can't afford to think like that. I won't daydream about birthdates or names or any of that . . . I can't.'

Cassie's shoulders sagged at her friend's resolute stance. ‘Please, Kelly, tell Brett.'

‘
Why?
It won't change the outcome, and what's the point of burdening him with something that's so completely out of our control? It'll just mean there are two hearts broken, instead of one.'

‘But if it happens again, you need support to get through it.'

‘He's already supporting me anyway. We're still grieving the third loss.' She gave a bleak shrug. ‘He'll never know.'

Cassie shook her head despairingly. ‘I really wish you'd reconsider, Kelly. I think you're absolutely wrong on this. You should not be going through this alone.'

There was a belligerent silence. ‘Well, I guess I'm not. I've got you now. Right?'

‘Of course. You know that. I'd do anything for you.'

‘Good. So then just promise me one thing.'

‘Anything.'

‘Don't try to give me hope.'

Cassie's mouth parted, ready to protest, but Kelly stopped her.

‘No. I mean it. There's no kindness in trying to get me to believe in something that can never be. I can't battle you as well as myself. If you're going to be here for me, then it means you standing side by side with me in the knowledge that there's no happy ending to this. And if you can't do that, then—'

‘I can,' Cassie said quickly. ‘And I will.'

Kelly scrutinized her expression. ‘You promise?'

Cassie nodded vehemently. ‘I promise.'

A tiny smile softened Kelly's battle-ready expression. ‘Well, OK, then. And for the record' – she inhaled deeply – ‘I do feel a bit better that you know. It's been tough not having anyone to tell.'

‘I can't begin to imagine,' Cassie whispered.

Kelly gave a sad smile. ‘Bet you're wishing you hadn't been so eagle-eyed now, huh?'

But Cassie didn't think it was funny, and as they hung up, she immediately reached for the diary by the sofa, counting as she flicked through the pages before making three entries in red pen, vividly outlining each day with a decisive circle:

9 July – 9 weeks

30 July – 12 weeks

30 January – baby due

Kelly might not count the days, but she would. She would keep the secret, but she would also, secretly, dare to dream for her friend.

‘Hey, stranger,' Henry smiled, closing up the newspaper and getting up from the upturned bucket on the fire escape to plant a kiss in the centre of her forehead as she staggered into the kitchen the next morning, wearing his T-shirt and a hangover. ‘You were already asleep when I got back last night. I'm guessing it was a heavy night with Kelly?'

‘Something like that,' Cassie groaned, pushing her hair back from her face. A cone of sunlight fell through the open door and she reached for the kettle like she was blindfolded.

‘Just sit,' Henry instructed, planting his hands on her shoulders and steering her towards the yellow bucket, where she sank down gratefully, her head tipped back against the wall as she listened to the birds and let the sun warm her up. ‘You look like you could do with a bit of help being revived this morning. And we do need you revived – Arch deserves a wide-awake homecoming, don't you think?' Cassie's eyes widened in surprise and she looked back into the shaded little kitchen. ‘He's coming out today?'

‘This morning. In fact' – he checked his watch – ‘Suze was hoping to be back in time for
Jeremy Kyle
. She reckons if anything will speed up his recuperation and get him back to work, it's that. Women made pregnant by their sons-in-law on today's show, apparently.'

Cassie felt sick – and immediately wondered how Kelly was feeling.

‘Then I should get ready,' she said, standing up from the bucket and heading for the bedroom, but Henry reached for her as she passed, his arms wrapping round her and gathering her into him.

‘Not so fast,' he murmured, his cheek resting on her shoulder as he kissed her neck softly. ‘I've missed you.' She sank back into him as his hand began to wander.

‘I've missed you. I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.'

Henry's hand stopped and he shot her a guilty look from behind his eyelashes. ‘Well, perhaps I was.'

She pulled back a little. So her instincts had been right, then? ‘But why?'

‘It's been a tough few weeks, all things considered, Cass: thinking I was going to lose Arch, actually losing the expedition, then running into your ex the very day I was working as a waiter . . . It's not been a great time for my ego.'

‘Oh, Henry, you know I don't—'

‘I know,' he smiled, squeezing her bottom affectionately. ‘But as you well know, the male ego is an exceptionally fragile thing. I'm not used to feeling . . . redundant, I guess. In every sense of the word.'

‘I would love you if you worked as a waiter, a circus clown or . . . I don't know, an optician.'

He laughed, a rich sound she realized she had heard far too seldom recently. ‘Well, luckily for you, it's still going to be saying “Explorer” on my CV for a while yet.'

Something in his tone . . . She looked back at him, first in puzzlement, then excitement as she realized what he was saying. ‘You've got the funding?' she whispered.

‘Well, not for this year, sadly, but if I want it, I know a man who knows a man who's interested in associating his wealth with a good cause. He'll double the shortfall from this year, and if you factor in the club's grant too, we'll be able to go further next year, for longer.'

It was the benefactor they'd been waiting for! Cassie clapped her hands excitedly and did a little jog on the spot.

Henry grinned as he felt her body moving against his. ‘And it gets better.'

‘How? How can anything top that?' she squealed.

‘The rent's now fully paid up till October. I just texted the landlord to let him know.'

‘How did you do that?' she gasped.

‘I've got a trip lined up – leaving in ten days.'

‘
What?
' Cassie asked, a note of panic suffusing her excitement. This was good news, of course it was, but he was going
so
soon? ‘Well, what is it? Where are you going?' she asked, placing her hands flat against his chest.

Henry fell still and she felt the atmosphere between them change. ‘It's a sailing trip.'

No. Her hands fell away, her gaze falling to the apple tree beyond the window as her jaw jutted.

Beau Cooper . . . She felt sick at the thought of that man taking another step into their lives. He radiated toxicity.

‘Cass, someone dropped out. I had to take it,' Henry said urgently, finding her hands and placing them against his chest again. ‘We needed the money – you know we did.'

‘I know. But did it have to be with him?'

‘This is the opportunity I've been waiting for. And, you know, I've been thinking – it was so weird running into Beau the other day and now this space has come up . . . it's like maybe this was meant to be.'

‘Oh, so Archie's heart attack was all part of some divine plan to reunite you and your old partner in crime?'

His expression changed, but he didn't say anything further.

She instantly felt bad. ‘And so . . . what? This is the trip with the boat made of bottles, is it? You're going to try to convince me that sailing the ocean on a boat made of taped-together plastic bottles, with less than two weeks' notice, is a good idea?'

‘I know it sounds alarming, but nothing's going to happen to me.'

‘Of course something's going to happen, Henry. There'll be a storm and it'll break apart in the swell; you'll be bumped by a whale and it'll break apart—'

His hand cupped her cheek. ‘Hey, look, I know it sounds scary, but it's a lot more high-tech than it sounds. There's some serious corporate money behind it. Plus I've got more experience than any of the others combined; I'm co-skipper.'

‘So it's all a done deal, is it? I don't get any say in the matter?'

He shook his head. ‘The money was too good to turn down.'

She stared back at him, frustrated that he thought she'd accept that excuse. This was not just about the money and they both knew it. He wanted to do this; his ego needed it. Beau had tapped into his old friend's thirst for adventure, his hunger for the adrenalin rush.

‘Listen, you know I wouldn't sign up for something without weighing the risks. Beau rang last night as I was on my way back from the hospital and we met up for a drink at his flat. He showed me the presentation they made to the sponsors on his iPad. It's boss. You wouldn't get big guns like Evian, Nike and the America's Cup involved with something like that unless they knew all the bases were covered. They can't afford to have six guys dying in the middle of an ocean on a boat with their logos on. This is an important ecological statement that has the weight of industry titans behind it. There's nothing tricksy or Hicksville about it. It's an absolute peach of an opportunity for me, Cass. You must see that it's got my name all over it?'

She sighed. ‘Of course I do. But—'

He pressed a finger to her lips quickly. ‘Just trust me. I'm doing this for us, Cass.' He trailed that finger down her neck, between her breasts . . . ‘But if you're still not sure, I can tell you more about it while I treat you to a full-body massage.' He winked and she couldn't help but laugh, knowing full well just how persuasive those techniques could be.

Of course, Cassie knew she could make him stay if she let slip that Beau had her naked picture on his bedroom wall – she could bet her entire alimony that Beau wouldn't have allowed his old friend to catch a glimpse of that in the flat last night! – but that would only trample on his ego further. Nothing was going to change the fact that Luke had taken that picture and Beau had bought it, and besides, Henry needed to get back on track – he needed to get back on track more than she needed to avoid Beau Cooper's lascivious stares. He needed to get back to doing what he loved, doing what made him Henry and not just an optician or a waiter or a clown. As much as she didn't want Henry to go, it would be worse to keep him here in those circumstances, to position herself as a pawn between him and his new boss, his old friend.

‘Just remember,' he grinned, his hands finding the hem of her T-shirt. ‘If duffer, better drowned. If not duffer, won't drown.'

A reluctant smile escaped her as she rolled her eyes.
Swallows and Amazons
was his favourite book, and that was his favourite line.

He pulled her T-shirt off in one easy motion so that she stood naked before him in the beam of light – that mannered politeness of the last few days gone again. He was back to being himself. He would never convince her that sailing an ocean on a boat made of bottles was anything other than dangerous and reckless, but it was precisely those qualities that drew him to the job; this spirit of adventure was who he was – it was what made him the man she had fallen in love with.

His hands skimmed her curves with assured deftness and she felt herself respond to his touch. When it was just them, just this, everything felt so right and easy. She had no concerns about their now, their future. It was just the people in their pasts she was worried about.