Summer Love (6 page)

Uncrossing

Eleven

The doctor’s office had pristine white walls, clean lines, and modern furniture. A woman in her fifties sat behind a cherry wood desk. On it was a computer screen, a thick pen, and a cream file. Simone guessed the file was filled with information on her.

The doctor wore a light gray suit with a white blouse, shiny taupe nylons, and black pumps. Her silvery-white hair was pulled back in a loose bun. She had the bluest eyes and thin silver reading glasses sat on the end of her nose.

Sam sat beside Simone, holding her hand. She kept fidgeting, crossing and uncrossing her feet at the angles. This was it. The moment of truth. It frightened her to know that the doctor knew her fate, that inside the cream file was the prognosis. Of course she already knew what it would say, but she still held a flicker of hope in her chest. Simone had submitted to all the tests bravely and without comment. She’d done them for Sam.

Taking a deep breath, she glanced at him. He gave her a reassuring smile. She smiled back, knowing he needed her to be positive. She was trying. She noted the doctor’s stoic demeanor. It was the look of a woman who’d been delivering bad news for a really long time.

“Well, Miss St. James.” The doctor picked up her file and opened it, though she had the feeling it was out of habit and not because she didn’t already know what it contained. “Your results came back and you do in fact have a tumor sitting on your spine between the fourth and fifth vertebrae.” She paused. “I’m sure you’re aware of this.”

Simone swallowed, nervous. Sam squeezed her hand. It wasn’t any easier getting crappy news the second time around, but she told herself again it was for the man next to her. Sam. The father of her child. He needed to hear what the doctor had to say.

“Yes, I am,” Simone said, wiping her sweaty hand on her dress. She’d chosen to wear a flowery sundress. The weather in Dallas was scorching hot. “Of course.” She cleared her throat. Worried butterflies zipped around in her stomach.

“It seems,” the doctor quickly glanced at Sam before continuing, “that there’s another, smaller mass between your third and fourth vertebrae…”

Simone gasped.

The doctor went on, “As well as another between the first and second.”

Sam sat up straight and squeezed Simone’s hand tighter.

Simone couldn’t breathe. She tried to inhale but she couldn’t do it. She leaned over, hanging her head. Sam got out of his chair and knelt next to her.

“It’s alright,” he repeated over and over.

But the more he said it, the more she didn’t believe it. Simone gritted her teeth and forced back any emotion. Her hair had fallen into her eyes and she tucked it behind her ears. After several more deep breaths, she sat up straight. “I see. So what’s the prognosis?” Simone asked, staring at a point directly above the doctor’s head. She couldn’t look the doctor in the eyes, and she sure as hell couldn’t look at Sam. One tumor was bad enough, but three? Damn. Damn. Damn. Receiving the news the second time around was worse. Much, much worse.

Sam knelt next to her a moment longer, but when he realized she wouldn’t look at him, he moved over to his seat.

The doctor cleared her throat. “I think we need to go after the cancer aggressively. I think we should operate to remove them and then—”

“Wait.” Simone raised her hand. “My doctor told me the tumor I had was inoperable, that the only treatment was chemo. Are you saying you can operate on them?”

“Yes, Miss St. James, I’m saying I can operate and that I can get most if not all of the tumors. Once the operation is over, I’ll recommend you go through a round of chemotherapy and that should destroy the rest.” The doctor smiled slightly. “Between the two treatments, your body should be cancer free.”

Simone leaned forward. “And what are the risks of doing the operation?” Obviously if her doctor said he couldn’t do it that meant it was difficult to say the least, probably near impossible.

“Well,” the doctor took off her reading glasses and clasped her hands together. “There is a chance you’ll be paralyzed, if not fully then partially from the waist down, and there’s also the possibility that there’ll be complications while you’re on the table and you could die.”

Simone finally glanced at Sam. Was he hearing what the doctor said? She might die on the table or at least be paralyzed. Sam was pale and his jaws were clenched together.

Sam was freaking out.

Keeping her eyes on him, Simone asked, “Okay, and if I don’t do the surgery? What then? How much time will I have?”

The doctor nodded as though she expected the question. “Then you’ll live a relatively pain free life over the next two months and possibly up to a year.”

Sam closed his eyes and Simone felt the butterflies in her stomach shatter into a million pieces.

“How soon do I need to give you an answer?” Simone turned back to the doctor.

“The sooner the better.” The doctor clicked a few buttons on her computer. “I can get you in for the surgery on Friday at eight-thirty in the morning, if that’s what you decide to do.” She leaned back. “Mr. Merrick, do you have any questions?”

Sam opened his eyes. “No, not at the moment.” He stood and stuck out his hand. The doctor took it. “Thank you so much for your time, Vivianne. I really—” his voice broke.

“It’s my pleasure, Sam. Really.” She patted his hand.

Sam grabbed Simone’s arm and he walked her to the door. “We’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow. Will that be enough time?”

“Yes, that’ll be fine.”

Simone and Sam left. They walked past the receptionist desk and over to the elevator. Sam pushed the down arrow. Simone sensed the stress rolling through him.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked quietly.

He glanced over but didn’t respond.

The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. He pushed the L for lobby and they rode down in silence.

When they were outside Sam leaned over, taking in big gulps of air. Simone stood beside him, resting a hand on his back, wondering if he was going to be sick. Sabrina had been sick often enough that Simone figured she could handle it. What she wasn’t prepared for was the sob that ripped from his chest. It tore into her.

“Sam,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. They were on the sidewalk. People gave them a wide berth and she was grateful.

He seemed to suddenly realize where they were and stood, adjusted his expensive suit jacket, and grabbed her hand. They walked to his vehicle—a big black truck. He unlocked it and helped Simone in.

When the doors were shut Sam started the engine, then turned to face her. “You’re having the surgery.”

“Excuse me?” Simone said, irritated by his commanding voice. It wasn’t his decision. And he had no right to tell her what to do.

“There isn’t even a question. Of course you’ll have the surgery.” 

She buckled her seatbelt and turned away from him. “I could die,” she whispered, thinking about Sabrina. There would be no more seeing her daughter’s beautiful face, never another kiss on her chubby cheeks or her sweet feet. Nothing. Simone wasn’t ready for that possibility. If she was going to die, she needed more time. 

“You won’t die. You won’t,” he said, his voice full of anguish.

It almost killed Simone hearing the pain in his voice. He’d already lost his first love, and now he might lose her. She wished there was a way she could take his pain away. She would do nearly anything in her power to make him happy. Anything.

“You don’t know that. You heard what the doctor said. There could be complications. Or I could be paralyzed.” Simone glanced at him, needing him to really understand what he was asking. “Four days and I might not see Sabrina again.” Tears filled her eyes and leaked onto her cheek. She didn’t stop them. “Four more days and I might lose you again. Don’t you get that? At least if I don’t have the surgery I’ll be guaranteed at least another two months. That’s better. That gives me time.”

“You’re selfish,” Sam barked and threw the car into Drive. He pulled out into traffic.

Simone grabbed the dash. “It’s selfish that I want more time with the people I love?” Her mom and sisters had come to stay at Sam’s gigantic house while she had the tests done. It’d been great having them all together under one roof. Sam fit right in with the St. James girls. He was sweetly flirty with her mom and brotherly with her sisters.

And the way he was with Sabrina? He was the best father. Patient. Funny. Sweet. Sabrina adored him.

They spent the mornings together. Then Sam went to work for a few hours. While he was gone she hung out with her mom and sisters. When Sam came home he would sometimes take her out, or cook them all a meal. And their lovemaking? If she imagined the perfect lover, he would be Sam. He was everything she could wish for and more. 

She didn’t want to let that go. She wouldn’t.

***

When she and Sam arrived back at his house, Sam told her mom and sisters what the doctor said. They talked and argued, but Simone needed to see Sabrina. She went into her daughter’s room. It’d been done in Winnie-the-Pooh, just like her room back in Bandon, but this one was much larger.

Simone went to her daughter’s crib and peeked inside. Sabrina wasn’t asleep, but stared wide-eyed at the mobile above her. Sabrina’s eyes were ringed with red. Simone knew her daughter was tired. 

“Hi, baby-girl. Can’t you sleep?” She wound the knob at the top of the mobile. The Winnie-the-Pooh theme song played as Tigger, Eeyore, Piglet, Rabbit, and Pooh twirled in a slow circle.

Sabrina had recently learned to clap and did it all the time. She clapped and her eyes brightened as she watched the characters move. 

“What, Sabrina? Are you happy?”

Sabrina smiled and cooed.

“You want Mommy to hold you?” Simone reached in and picked Sabrina up, then went over to the table and changed her. Sabrina had on the cutest pink outfit with Piglet on the front. Simone placed a clean pair of socks on Sabrina before picking her up. Her baby snuggled into the crook of Simone’s neck. Sighing contentedly, Simone sat in the rocking chair. A feeling of serenity enveloped her. Her daughter in her arms was exactly what she needed.

“Mommy doesn’t know what to do,” she said softly, rubbing Sabrina’s back. “I don’t want to leave you—ever. But if I don’t have the surgery, that’ll happen soon.” She kissed the top of Sabrina’s head, smelling the delicious smell only babies had. “If I have the surgery, there’s a chance I’ll be completely cancer free and I could live a long time, long enough to see you married and have children of your own.” Simone leaned her head against the chair, closing her eyes, trying to imagine her life as an old woman. 

And that’s what made her decision for her. She wanted to be around to be a grandmother or at least around long enough to see Sam go gray.

There was a light creaking sound and Simone knew someone had come in. She opened her eyes and saw Sam. The worried expression on his face softened.

“I’ll do it,” she whispered, glancing down at her beautiful baby girl. Sabrina had finally fallen asleep.

His body relaxed and he heaved a giant breath. “Thank you, Sim. I’m so glad you decided. It’s going to be great. You’ll see.”

“I hope so,” she said and truly meant it.

Sam took Sabrina from her and laid the child in her crib.

Simone took his hands and whispered, “There’s a lot to get done in four days.”

He raised a brow. “Like?”

She needed to have a serious talk with him. She wanted to make sure everything was in order where Sabrina was concerned. Specifically, she wanted to make sure that if anything happened—like she died—Sam wouldn’t keep Sabrina from her mom and sisters. They were her daughter’s family as much as Sam was. Sabrina needed them and they needed her. They’d been in her life since the day she was born. Simone’s mom and sisters adored Sabrina. She wouldn’t let him keep Sabrina from them.

Then there were the monetary issues. Sam’s name was on Sabrina’s birth certificate, but because they weren’t married that didn’t mean much. There were two options: Do a DNA test or get married. Either would legally bind Sabrina to Sam, especially since she was his.

“We need to talk.”

Sam allowed her to tug him from the room. When the door was closed, he wrapped her in his arms. “Tell me.” He brushed a piece of hair out of her eyes. The small gesture caused her whole body to shiver.

Simone wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. “It’s about Sabrina. I want to make sure she’s taken care of. That if anything happens, she’ll be safe. I don’t want—”

Sam put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to meet his. “Simone.” He kissed her softly, tenderly, his lips massaging hers. “I love her. I’m in love with you. Nothing will happen, but if something does, she’ll be taken care of.” He kissed Simone harder, pushing her mouth open, exploring with his tongue. She clawed at his back, begging with her body that he move closer. He lifted her into his arms and walked them into his bedroom.

It was twice the size of the one she’d wakened in a month ago. It was lush, decorated in white and gold and black. An enormous chandelier hung in the middle of the room. There was a king-sized bed and a sitting area with a fireplace directly across from it. To the right was the in-suite bathroom and next to that was an enormous walk in closet.