Surrender (3 page)

“Thank you,” I said, relieved that I was free to leave with Neal yet guilty at the relief of being without my son. Being a mother is always complicated, but never more so than when another man enters the picture, battling for attention.

After Elodie left, I turned back to Neal and found him standing by the bonfire, looking so damn delicious with his hands in his pockets, his wavy hair blowing in the wind. A shiver racked my body in anticipation of what the rest of the night had in store.

He held out his hand. “You ready?”

I wrapped my arms around myself and smiled.

I sure hoped so.

Back in college, when I first met Jason Sherman over spring break, I hadn't been looking for a relationship. Certainly the last thing I expected when we went back to his hotel room was a friendship that spanned years, a love affair that burned bright, then extinguished, then just as quickly rekindled.

All I'd wanted was one night of pleasure from a handsome guy who seemed decent and kind, but that one night had turned into two, then three, and soon he was saying good-bye at the airport, promising to come see me in New York.

“When can I come visit?” he asked, kissing me in front of my friends, who had already entered the security line.

“Anytime you want,” I said, feeling a strange sensation in my belly at the thought of having to say good-bye. “I'm going to miss you,” I said, surprised to actually mean it.

“Don't worry. I'll see you soon,” he said, giving me one last squeeze before letting me go. “You fly on home, little bird.”

“Julie,” my friend Veronica said as we watched Jason walk off down the terminal. “Be careful with him.”

“What? Why?”

“He's not your usual.” When I feigned ignorance, she continued, “You know, the usual kind of guy you sleep with. That guy—Jason—is different.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you're already attached.”

I waved her away with a laugh, pretending she wasn't right.

“If what I'm saying is not true, then when we get back to school, I dare you to call your usual booty call, Paul, and have sex with him.”

“What's that got to do with Jason?”

“Nothing.” She gave me a meaningful look. “Or everything.”

I chewed on her words the entire plane ride, miffed that she was insinuating something bad about Jason. When we landed in New York, we headed back to our apartment and met up with other friends. I went about my life, pretending I hadn't just met the nicest guy on a sleazy beach in Florida, denying the fact that I felt his absence like a punch to the gut.

I didn't end up calling Paul, which was just as well because it wasn't long before Jason made good on his word and came to New York.

“I think we should keep this casual,” I told him at the end of the three-day sexapalooza.

“I like you a lot, Julie,” Jason said, scratching his head. “I thought you felt the same way.”

“I do. That's why this has to end. I'd rather we end it now, on a good note, than later, when it becomes messy and bitter.”

“Who said it had to be that?”

“It will. I know it,” I said. “We live too far away for it to work.”

He pulled me close. “I wish I could figure you out.”

“You and me both.”

Before he boarded his flight back home, Jason asked why I'd waited until the end of the trip to break it off with him.

“Because I'm selfish,” I said ruefully, wishing we were back at my apartment so I could be selfish one last time. “I wanted to enjoy your company first.”

He smiled, a sad sort of smile that still popped in my head every now and then. “Enjoy my company,” he echoed with a chuckle before picking up his backpack and getting his ticket ready. “Well, you take care, Jules. Good luck with everything.”

—

Neal opened the door from the hall in the Monterey Plaza Hotel and I stared at the beautiful room inside, my head cloudy with doubt.

I could feel his dark gaze on me, heated and intense. “You okay?”

I blinked up at him, my stomach in knots. “I think I've forgotten how to do this.”

The lines around his eyes crinkled. “Then I'll have to reeducate you.” He bent down and lifted me into his arms, carrying me across the threshold and into the room in one easy motion. He loosened his hold at the foot of the bed, allowing me to slide down his body before my feet touched the floor.

I turned away and took a deep breath, wishing I had my youthful fearlessness back. Funny how time makes us aware of what we have and what we stand to lose.

I sensed Neal looming behind me, felt the wall of heat he was giving off. “What's on your mind?” he asked, touching the pad of his finger to the back of my neck. Then he reached up and pulled the clip out of my hair, sending my hair tumbling loose over my shoulders.

I closed my eyes, the trembling in my stomach traveling outward. I wanted so badly to be impetuous and brave, to turn around and take this man by the belt buckle and ride him until exhaustion. “I'm . . . I guess I'm a little nervous.”

“Don't be.” He took hold of my wrist and lifted my arm above my head. Then slowly, he began to press lingering kisses from my wrist down my arm, pausing at length at my shoulder before moving to the other arm. He splayed both his palms on my back, his touch light, and brought them upward, sliding them up over to the sides of my neck, then to the front, where he cupped my chin and tilted my head back and to the side.

With my pulse racing, I submitted to the gentle movements as the anxiety slowly meshed with desire. He brought his lips down on the side of my neck, breathing a low rumbly sound against my skin while his hands slid down the front of my dress, tracing and molding to my curves. His fingers found the hem of my dress and stole under, caressing and exposing my thighs.

He bit my earlobe. “Lift your arms,” he said in a raspy voice.

I did as told and enjoyed the sensation of the satin fabric gliding across my skin, setting me into momentary darkness as it slipped over my head. He placed the dress over the back of a chair and returned, his fingers whisper-soft as they trailed down my spine.

“You're not wearing a bra.”

I twisted my head and looked at him over my shoulder. “The dress wouldn't allow for it.”

He bent down, his mouth inches from mine. “Oh, I wasn't complaining,” he said a moment before taking my mouth in a searing kiss. His hands snaked around to my stomach and pulled me roughly against him, pressing my ass against his erection. “I'm very grateful to the designer of that dress.”

The chuckle died in my throat when his palms slid upward and cupped my breasts, which were heavy with want. I closed my eyes as he pinched my nipples between his fingers, rolling them between his thumb and forefinger until they were hard like pebbles.

I languished in the beautiful torture until I couldn't bear it anymore. I twisted in his arms, all trace of nerves now completely gone, and grabbed the back of his head. “I want you naked. Right now.”

“So demanding,” he said but stepped away, his eyes fixed on mine as he undid his belt. A confident smile played along his lips as he grasped the back of his sweater and pulled it over his head, taking his undershirt along with it. A second later, his pants pooled around his ankles, and he stepped out of them, kicking all articles of clothing aside. He stood before me with his hands on his waist, legs planted apart, looking so very pleased with himself. As he should be.

Neal was beautiful in his masculinity, with his wide, muscular chest that tapered down to slim hips with the iliac crest indentation on each side. He flexed, and his stomach muscles popped up, revealing his defined six-pack. My eyes traveled downward, to the point at which his athletic thighs met and his impressive cock stood tall and thick.

“Look at you,” I breathed, congratulating myself for picking a perfect specimen with whom to have a fling.

He took a step closer, hooked a finger on the front of my thong panties, and pulled me against him, the skin-on-skin contact eliciting a moan from my lips.

“No, look at
you,
” he whispered, pushing my panties down my legs, allowing me to step out of them. “You really are a beautiful, mythical creature.”

He walked me backward until we reached the wall, his eyes pinning me in place. “Open your legs,” he said, urging my thighs apart with his knees. Then, without warning, he dropped down to his knees, riveted by the sight before him.

My heart thudded wildly at the sight of him, at the fact that this sexy man was kneeling before me, intending to undertake dark deeds with my body. “I haven't done this in a long time,” I said, the nerves sneaking back.

“How long?” he asked, his breath tickling my thighs.

Years and years. “Too long,” I breathed.

“Then I'll make it worth the wait,” he said with a grin before taking hold of my ass and pulling me toward his face.

The shock of his warm tongue against my bare skin almost made my legs buckle. I leaned against the wall for support as he kissed me, his tongue darting through my folds and caressing my most sensitive spots. With his chin, he urged my legs farther apart, and he dove in once more, taking hold of my throbbing clit between his teeth before his tongue went back to work.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Ooohhh . . .” My hips rocked of their own accord, seeking more of him. He groaned against me and slipped two fingers into my cleft, massaging that sensitive spot inside while he continued to pleasure me with his tongue.

All my inhibitions dissipated when I gripped his hair and ground into his face, the pressure building and building. “I need you inside me,” I said between moans. “I want to squeeze your cock.”

He sat back on his heels, his chest heaving as he licked his lips. “What else?” he asked with a ragged breath. He stood up and walked to the dresser, his back turned to me as he ripped open the condom packet and applied it. “Tell me what else you want.”

“I want you to take me against this wall, make me come so loud your neighbors will wish they were getting fucked, too,” I said, feeling like my old self again, that same woman who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to demand it.

His muscles rippled under his skin as he stalked toward me, his cock impossibly large and proud. “I love it when you talk dirty.” His body slammed into me, and he grabbed my hair as he kissed me roughly. “Julie,” he said between breaths, “I don't think I can be gentle right now.”

I grabbed hold of his cock and squeezed, making his entire body tense. “I don't want gentle. I want you to fuck me.”

He let out a strangled gasp then grabbed me by the hips and flipped me around. He took my wrists and planted my hands on the wall above my head, then tugged my ass away from the wall. The swollen head of his shaft teased at my opening but he made no move to penetrate. “If you want it, come and get it,” he ground out against my ear.

I pushed away from the wall and backed onto him, moaning as he slid partway in. I retreated, then slammed back onto his shaft, shivering as he pierced me even deeper. I pulled away one last time but before I could move, he grabbed my hips and plunged into me to the hilt.

“Fuuuck,” he groaned.

I clenched involuntarily, almost climaxing from the fullness of him. Vibrators did not even compare to the feeling of this thick shaft, warm and pulsing inside me.

“Yes,” he whispered as he slid out then drove back in so deep it lifted me to my toes. “You feel so amazing,” he said, nipping at my shoulder.

I could only hiss out my agreement as he did it again and again, his movements unhurried yet almost savage in their intensity. I felt helpless pinned against the wall but it was a beautiful surrender, a laying down of arms. For this moment, I was without armor and it left me feeling vulnerable and powerful at once.

The pressure built and built, winding my muscles tight, until he thrust in and broke me apart. I screamed as the orgasm racked my body, filling my veins with lightning.

He crushed his mouth to my neck and came with a growl, his cock embedded firmly as he spent his seed. After several seconds, he laid his forehead against my shoulder, breathing hard, still holding me tight.

When my legs threatened to buckle under me, he pulled out then lifted me in his arms and carried me to the bed. “Hold on,” he said before disappearing into the bathroom to take care of the condom. He came back a few seconds later and sat on the side of the bed, trailing his fingers along my sides, an inscrutable expression on his face.

“What are you thinking?” I asked, touching the light brown hair covering his thighs.

He shook his head. “I don't think you're ready to hear it.” Then he crawled over and kissed me tenderly, aligning his naked body along mine on the bed.

“Try me.”

He stopped, his eyes lit with mischief. “No.”

I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off with a deep kiss that I felt all over my body. By the time he drew away, I'd all but forgotten what we were even discussing.

—

We had sex again and again, filling the time between with conversation, until the sun's rays began to peek around the thick hotel curtains.

“If you could be anything, do anything, what would it be?” he asked, brushing his fingers through my hair.

“I'd be a dancer in New York,” I said without hesitation. It was a dream I'd already lived, before I'd given it up for love. “Or really anywhere. I just want to dance again.”

“What else?” he said, his eyes drifting shut. “Tell me something else about you, Julie.”

I leaned over and kissed his eyelids. “Why don't you sleep already?”

“Because,” he murmured, gathering me in his arms, “I have a sneaking suspicion you won't be here when I wake up.”

“That's true. I have to get going.”

He buried his face in my hair, his nose nuzzling my cheek. “Stay.”

I let out a soft sigh and lay in his arms for a few moments, indulging in a fantasy where I was caught in a state of loved-up bliss. I watched him sleep peacefully and, in the quiet darkness, gave myself permission to imagine him fitting in my little family and becoming the father that Will deserved.

But, like all fantasies, this, too, would never come to life. Will and I would go back to Dallas, and Neal would go back to wherever he lived, and never would our lives intersect again. Just like I originally intended.

I slipped out of his arms a few minutes later and dressed, casting him one last regretful glance before making my way out of the hotel, the tug in my belly proof that I hadn't done enough to protect my emotions. I walked away faster from the man who had somehow already broken through my defenses, determined never to see him again.