Surrounded (Unsettled Series Book 2) (19 page)

That thought was even more surprising. A week ago I wasn’t sure where we stood, and now I was dreaming about our future—our family no less! I shook the thoughts from my head and turned to him.

“Do you have a lot of memories with them?” I asked, wrapping my arms around his middle.

“Yeah, me and Scott always looked forward to the summers because we could count on Pépé taking us fishing or going to Disneyland. But we also were just fine going to Giants games. One summer Scott caught a foul ball and got it signed afterwards. I spent the rest of the week trying to steal it from him.” He smiled deviously. “I just knew I was going to be able to bribe him to give me that ball, but no dice. Now he has it framed and sitting in his home office just to taunt me.” We both laughed.

“So it just mocks you every time you see it, huh?”

“Pretty much,” he grinned. “I’m still working on a way to get that ball added to the trophy case in my office.”

“Do you and Scott compete a lot with each other? You know, have that whole sibling rivalry thing?”

“Nah, not really. I think he just wants to show me and the world that he’s able to do anything he sets his mind to, with or without his leg. He wants us to run the New York marathon next year. We’re waiting to see if we get selected. I’m only doing it for him. I run as a workout, but I don’t love it enough to become a marathoner.” He shook his head, pride gleaming in his eyes. “Even though Scott’s the younger brother, he makes it easy to look up to him.” 

If only I could find a way to keep that glint in Logan’s eyes, and keep his demons away for good.

Later in the day we headed out again, and picked up a couple items at the grocery. We decided to eat outside on the patio, facing the Golden Gate Bridge. God, his grandparents had an amazing house with a spectacular view. I could see how this place held so many positive memories for Logan and his family. It was a vast contrast to the empty place in Virginia that Logan called home. That place lacked the warmth and personality of his grandparents’ house.
This
place was somewhere memories were made and not easily forgotten.

After the kitchen was cleaned, Logan and I made our way back outside to watch the day fade into night. I cuddled into Logan’s lap, feeling his warmth.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he murmured. The candle in the middle of the table flickered as the wind blew.

“Me too. I’m glad we are here together.”

“Turn around, I got you something.”

“Oh really?” Surprises from Logan were always good. I turned my back to him and waited, wondering what he had up his sleeve. I felt his hands come around my neck and something heavy settle just above my breast.
A necklace.

“Can I open my eyes now?” I asked.

“Okay.”

I looked down and grabbed the pendant. At the base of a necklace hung a light green emerald encrusted in a circle diamond setting. I turned the pendant in my hand and on the back read two words: Going Steady.

It made my mouth curve into a wide smile. It was so old fashioned, and yet so perfect for where we were right now. I turned to Logan and planted a warm kiss on his lips.

“You know you don’t have to bribe me with shiny things right?” I asked against his mouth.

“I know and I’m glad, but this was something I planned on giving you before everything happened.” He brushed his fingers over the pendant. “When we met, I told you that I gave you flowers to say all the things I couldn’t. And now you have this,” he tugged at the jewel around my neck, “to remind you that I’m devoted to you. Just promise me that you won’t let the shit storms that come our way affect how we live our lives. I need you. More than you know.”

“I promise.” I leaned in and let my lips tell him all the things th
at my heart wanted him to know.

“What do you want to do today?” Logan asked.

“Seriously, if it’s before nine, I can’t even discuss this topic,” I mumbled from underneath the blanket.

“Well, unless you want to miss the ferry, I highly suggest you get up.”

“Ferry?” I peeked my head out from underneath the comforter.

“Yeah, I thought today we could go to Angel Island. So wake up and don’t forget to bring your camera.” The smell of bacon forced me to push the blanket further down my body.

“Did you cook?

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep… woke up early.”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?” My gut already told me the answer.
Nightmare.

“Bad dream,” he said flatly.

I knew staying at his grandparents’ house wasn’t a good idea. This was
exactly
what I was afraid of. At least I didn’t discover him lying on the floor.

“When did you get up?” I asked.

“After three.”

“Logan…”

“Can we not talk about it? Our ferry leaves at ten forty five.”

“When it comes to that topic in particular, how come you’re allowed to shut down on me, but when I do the same, you tell me don’t be afraid to let you in? Logan, you can’t clam up when it suits you.”

“Babe, I really don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want you to worry about me. I’m not shutting you out. I just don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m surrounded by the memories daily, but you help me forget. Okay?”

I was wondering why he thought he could bring me here and not talk about it, but guys weren’t always great at seeing the big picture. I tried again. “But—”

“Breakfast is getting cold,” he warned, stepping back.

“Fine.” I flung the blanket off my legs. An argument was not the first thing I wanted to do right when I rolled out of bed. I couldn’t force Logan to vanquish demons he wasn’t ready to face. “Let me get a shower and then I’ll be awake.”

Logan’s eyebrows rose at my comment. “I can help you wake up you know.”

“I think you’ve done enough
helping
.”

Logan’s mouth turned up into a sly smirk. “What do you mean?”

“You helping me out of my jeans last night turned into two hours of strenuous exercise.”

“I’m failing to see how that was a problem.” He stepped playfully towards the bed, and leaned down over me.

“You’re going to make us late,” I warned, reaching up to palm his face. He bent down and planted a silky kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers down my arm, making goose bumps appear. My body instantly melted under his touch.

Would I ever get sick of this man? I doubted it.

“Since you don’t want to be late, get up,” he teased, pulling back again. I scowled at him. Was he kidding me right now? He’d worked me up only to douse ice water on the fire.

He must have noted my expression because he said, “We’ll have time for me to ‘help’ you later. Over and over again if you want.” He winked at me and headed for the door. Just like that I was alone and aching for a release. Damn me and my big mouth.

“Do you want something to drink?” Logan asked.

My body swayed with the motion of the ferry as it crashed against the waves. We’d made our boarding time. It had worked out perfectly because we’d missed all the commuters heading into San Francisco. That’s what Logan said anyway.

“No, thanks,” I replied. “What made you want to come out to this place today?”

“It’s one of the last places I went with my grandparents before the accident. I actually haven’t been back since then, but I thought you might like it. It’s actually a state park.”

“I’m sure I’ll love it,” I said, my voice flat. I didn’t know what else to say. I felt like every place Logan took me revolved around his grandparents. While I could understand the p
ain he felt about the accident—and the memories—it wasn’t healthy for him to continue to torture himself with painful memories of his past—instead of the happy ones. If we were going to move forward we both had to find a way to move on from past insecurities. There was a difference between honoring their memory and wallowing in it—something I suspected
neither
of his grandparents would’ve wanted. Just earlier in the morning Logan said he didn’t want to talk about his nightmares because he was always surrounded by the memories. But yet, here we were—about to do something else that would inevitably remind him of them.

“Babe?”

“Yeah,” he replied, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. My ponytail gave way as strong gusts of wind hit my face.

“Would you mind if we just went back?”

“Why? Is everything okay?”

Here goes
. “I want to be honest—and please don’t be upset—but I feel like it’s time for us to make memories of our own…memories that don’t revolve around your grandparents’ deaths. I’m afraid that going to Angel Island is going to spark another nightmare or another bad memory to add to the many others that taunt you daily. I get that you haven’t completely healed, but I want us to…”

“Move forward.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s no forgetting what happened, but how do you move on if you spend your whole life looking back?” I lifted my hand and placed my palm his cheek.

“I guess you don’t.”

I sighed deeply at his response. “Babe, look. I promised that this time I’d be different with you. I know I was a coward the first time in the ring, but I’m damn sure going to fight for you now, Logan. I didn’t do that with Elizabeth, but I want to stand next to you now and fight all the demons of your past that you’re too scared to face alone. I completely respect your wanting to keep the memory of your grandparents alive—making sure their deaths weren’t in vain. But babe, you can’t live your life
for
them. You’ve already done so many great things to make them proud. When will that be enough?”

“I don’t know,” he said, loosening his arms from around me. “I really don’t know.” He combed his hair with his hand. “I’ll be back in a while.”

When Logan walked away, I wondered if I went too far. I’d said some hard truths to him that I suspect he wasn’t ready to hear, but he needed to face them. I wanted to go after him, but I decided to give him his space. We were on a boat so he wasn’t going very far. At least I wouldn’t have to chase him down the way he’d done with me.

This wasn’t how I’d wanted our conversation to go, but it
was
time for me to bring this to his attention. It sucked that this was the first time I was in San Francisco in a long time and my mood now matched the gray clouds that lingered in the distance. To occupy my attention, I took my camera out of my bag and walked over to the safety rail. I took a few shots of the now departing island in front of me, hoping that Logan’s mood lifted.