Survival Instinct (8 page)

They didn’t pledge their undying love- that wasn’t what their relationship was about. Not yet. No, they were two survivors banding together for companionship and support in this new lonely world they found themselves in. Nadine continued to do the more domestic chores that were easier for her as her body bloomed with impending life, and Ryan continued to take Jonesy out for walks at dusk and dawn when there was enough light for him to feel safe, but not enough to make them targets. The mattresses were moved so they were side by side, but neither of them commented on the change. They slept together every night, huddled together in the dark, both of them armed. Jonesy slept on the foot of the beds, doing his doggy best to guard both the humans whom he’d grown to love with the single-minded devotion of all canines.

During daylight hours they poured over the files she’d taken from the hospital on base those many months ago. There wasn’t anything new to learn, but they were hopeful. All the papers confirmed what they already knew- the vaccine that the military had imposed on all its personnel had started the end of the world as they knew it. The COLDEX vaccine eventually killed almost everyone who received it. Ryan didn’t know if he was the only one who survived, although surely there must be someone else out there who had received the shot and was still human. Logic said he couldn’t be the only one who managed to live, but he was the only one they knew of.

They also knew from personal experience that the plague, for that is what they chose to call it, could be spread by a bite. Something in the vaccine caused those who received it to become nothing but animalistic shells of their former selves, and they sought out civilians to bite. That bite killed the civilians, but they didn’t stay dead. They didn’t use words like ‘zombie’ or ‘undead’ but that didn’t change the reality.

“Do you realize the danger you could be in?” Ryan asked casually, carefully hiding the fear that had spurted up for her safety.

Nadine glanced up at him, confusion evident as she nibbled on a cracker and read over the autopsy report of one of the first to rise. “What do you mean?”

Ryan shook his head. “You thought that those men in the Humvee were after me, maybe because I was a survivor, maybe because I went AWOL before it all went to shit, or maybe just because they were looking for something. Maybe the something they are looking for is you.”

Fear replaced the puzzlement on her face. “What would the government want with me?” she asked, rubbing her stomach in quick, small circles as he noticed she always did when she was concerned. “I didn’t do anything.”

“But you did,” he said gently, trying to calm himself down as well as her. “You escaped, you survived, and you took military documents that prove how everything started. You have the proof to bring them all to their knees if you wanted to do so.”

She stood up, unable to stay seated as her mind whirled with the possibilities. “Bullshit, that’s just bullshit. They don’t know I have anything. I didn’t tell anyone but you, and they were here before I was. So they must have been looking for you. This is your hideout, after all, not mine.” Her voice had risen, and Jonesy let out a low growl at the fear he heard. She immediately crouched and petted his soft head, trying to calm him.

“Did anyone ever see your things?” he asked, already knowing the answer. She’d told him about the group of survivors, killing the man who ran the place, and her desperate flight that had eventually led her here.

“You know they did,” she said sullenly, angry beyond reason with him for pointing out the truth to her. “They went through my belongings back in Relief. Surely they read through the papers when they had my things. I would have, were it me.” She went back to pacing, fighting down the nausea that hit her suddenly when she thought about being the target of the men in the Humvee that day. “Just drop it, okay?”

So he dropped it, but he didn’t forget. And he knew, whether she spoke of it or not, that the idea was never far from her mind, either. But it made him wonder… if the men had been after Nadine, how had they known to look for her to begin with?

Little by little they spoke of the lives they once lived. Nadine confided her fear of raising the baby alone, and the resentment she felt about being left to do so. Ryan confessed that he’d been married once, and had a daughter. He didn’t know if his ex-wife or his child were still alive, although he knew the chances of that were slim.

Ryan admitted that he loved musicals and had taken a lot of ribbing for it from his comrades overseas when he’d gotten drunk and started belting out songs one night. Nadine confessed that when she’d first started dating Graham, it had only been to make his friend jealous, but he’d won her heart with his quiet, dependable nature. They shared nothing of importance, but every detail brought them closer together, bonded by the small truths that make up a person’s life.

They laughed together over movie quotes and favorite books, read to each other from the pile of novels he’d collected over the years as he’d set up the safe house. They debated on baby names, and he entertained her by only sharing names that would get a child bullied in school by the harsh-natured children of the America they had once known.

But most importantly, Ryan held her hand as the labor pains started. It was early- Nadine was only 35 weeks as far as they could tell, but it was time. In the basement of the house they’d made their own, as dawn broke over the horizon and the first contractions began, Nadine went into labor and Ryan was at her side.

The world swam with pain. Nadine had heard the expression, but she’d never imagined it could be true, it could be real. Never imagined she’d know the kind of pain that felt as though it was tearing her body to shreds even as it rebuilt her life into a new shape. She would go from scared single woman to terrified single mother- not something she’d ever expected, and certainly not anything she’d ever wanted.

Oh, she’d wanted children someday, as most women did. She’d loved Graham enough to accept his proposal, and had planned their future idly as she knew eventually that proposal would lead to marriage. She’d even accepted that someday she’d have the requisite two or three kids, the picket fence, and some big, happy dog. But she was no hero, she thought as she pushed her soaking wet brown hair from her face and panted through yet another contraction. She’d planned on delivering her children the only way that made sense- in a hospital room surrounded by medical staff and doped to the gills. No, natural childbirth had never been the plan.

“Plans change,” Ryan said grimly as he wet another wash cloth and wiped her sweaty face.
“Sometimes you just have to roll with it- this is one of those times.”

Nadine had seen the comedies that featured childbirth, and she knew the women were always cursing the men at their side, snatching them up and hissing nasty things to them to the accompaniment of the laugh track, but nothing about this was amusing to her.
She wanted to scream at Ryan, curse him, or lash out so that he was in pain, too, but knew that she’d never do it. He wasn’t the father of this baby, and it wouldn’t be fair to him. Fairness didn’t really matter to her at this point, but she held her anger in check.

She’d lost track of how long she’d been in labor now, but knew it had been well over twelve hours. At first she’d slept, knowing she’d need her rest once the labor pains grew more severe and closer together. She dozed off and on, a light slumber that didn’t take her very far under or provide her with much actual rest, but it certainly passed the hours. She’d walked around until the labor pains were too severe, and then Ryan had guided her back to the mattress and helped her to lie down on her left side. She’d read the books, and knew that the left side helped stimulate blood flow, but she certainly hadn’t expected him to know it. Dimly she remembered that he’d had a child once, but it was hard to reconcile that with the man at her side now.

Nadine wept at the unfairness of all of it. Ryan had a child he’d more than likely never see again. Graham would have been a father, but would never get to hold the child they’d made together. It was all so damned wrong, and she let the tears try and cleanse the pain from her heart even as she bowed to the pain of her labor.

Ryan held her hand, and she let him. She knew he needed something to do, and she needed the support.
He’d rubbed her back through the worst of the contractions so far and ignored the mood swings that took over with distressing regularity. He’d been a rock when she’d so desperately needed one. She’d been sick at the beginning of it all and he’d cleaned up after her, wiping her mouth and helping her take tentative sips of water without a single complaint. She didn’t love him, but she appreciated him more than she could say.

“Oh, God, I don’t want to do this,” Nadine sobbed as another contraction wracked her body.
Ryan wisely said nothing as he rubbed the small of her back in tiny circles. “I don’t want this. I can’t take it anymore, it hurts, it fucking hurts.” She shrieked the last of it, and then her flesh ran with goosebumps as something outside echoed her cry. Jonesy whimpered at her side before omitting a growl and sitting up to guard his people.

Ryan grabbed her hand and squeezed tight. “You will draw more of them here,” he said in a low voice. He’d stripped his shirt off and his upper body gleamed with sweat, but he’d explained to her that the undead things outside seemed to hear the fans when he’d run them, and that was a lot more dangerous than being hot. His face was nearly as sweaty as hers as he looked into her eyes, his expression as serious as she’d ever seen it. “You will draw them, and if those men in the Humvee or others like them are nearby, they will know that there’s a swarm of them because someone is alive here. You cannot scream, no matter how much it hurts.” She turned her face from him and squeezed her eyes shut like a child wanting something to go away just by wishing it hard enough, but she couldn’t block his reasonable voice out. “Squeeze my hand, punch me, do almost anything else, but you must be quiet, I’m sorry.”

“I want drugs,” Nadine cried, and hated herself for the weakness. “I want something for the pain.” She felt another contraction blossom in her body and knew the time to bring her child into the world was upon her. Ryan wadded up a washcloth and shoved it in her mouth when she prepared to scream again. She hated him for it, even as she knew it was deadly necessary. There were screams and howls just outside the window and she knew that her inadvertent noises earlier had drawn a horde of them.

Ryan clutched her small hand in both of his and she looked up at him, startled. She was as naked as the baby that would soon be in her arms, and
he’d been checking her periodically. It should bother her, having him kneel between her legs and check her so intensely, but since she didn’t have an obstetrician her to help with her delivery, she’d take what she could get. Now he nodded at her and smiled brilliantly. “All right, Nadine, it’s time to push.”

She needed no urging- her own body had told her so, after all. She squeezed his hand with all her might
and bore down. She knew you were supposed to push with each contraction but they all ran together until she couldn’t tell where one ended and the next began. She pushed and screamed into the washcloth. She screamed all her pain, her fear, her rage and her sorrow. She screamed until, with one last push, she felt the pressure release like a cork from a bottle of champagne.

“Stop, stop a minute, the baby’s head is out,” Ryan said. He’d already torn through all her bags until he found the baby kit that held the nasal aspirator and he used it now, sucking the nose and mouth before he encouraged her to give one final push. She was exhausted, weeping from it all, and the pain was all mixed up with the relief of being able to push. Nadine bore down one last time and she didn’t scream- she growled wordlessly as she pushed the baby from her womb and the child let out its first shaky, watery cry. “Congratulations,” Ryan said as the tears ran unchecked down his smiling face. “You have a baby girl, Nadine. Now she just needs a name.”

He held the gore-covered child up so she could see her daughter for the first time, and she raised her tired arm so she could remove the washcloth from her aching jaws. She cleared her throat as her baby cried, and chills wracked her body as the things outside echoed the baby’s squalling. “For your mother and for her father,” she said as she let the tears run down her face. “Her name is Cassidy. Cassidy Grace Jones.”

“What the Hell do we do now?” Nadine hissed, clutching her baby to her chest as they hid in the branches of a tree nearby. Jonesy was nowhere to be found, having run off when they’d been overrun four days ago. Between the cries of her labor and the squalls of the newborn baby, they just couldn’t do it anymore- they had to flee their safe haven. She didn’t even have the luxury of tears over the loss of what had become their dog. All her focus had to be on Cassidy and keeping them all safe.

It had all started so quickly. There’d been the sound of splintering wood as the horde outside pressed together, beating at the door and making strange hooting noises as though they wanted to talk but couldn’t quite remember how.
Although Nadine had clutched her daughter to her breast almost immediately, the damage was already done. The creatures knew they were there, and wanted to find a way towards fresh meat.

Did they starve? Nadine thought about it almost idly. Humans had been consumed rapidly at the beginning, and now they were either well-hidden or dead. Food, fresh flesh, was difficult to come by. Would these things die when their food supply ran out? Could they starve like their living counterparts? It didn’t truly matter, not at the moment, but it was a damned good question about the end result. If they couldn’t starve to death, the only solution was to kill them all, and that would take years, maybe decades. The human race just didn’t have that kind of time- they were the minority now between the vaccinated and the bitten.

Ryan yanked her from her reverie, answering the question she’d forgotten she had even asked. “We have to clear a swath out of here, and there’s really only one way.” He’d left most of their supplies at the base of the tree they’d scrambled up, but he’d snatched up a sniper rifle on his way out of the house. He’d told her what it was and the name meant nothing to her, but the fact that it was silenced sunk in just fine. Now he raised the scope to his eye but turned to look at Nadine once more. “When I give the all-clear, you must be ready to get down from the tree as quickly as possible and run like Hell.” Without waiting for a response he sucked in a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

The explosion scared the Hell out of her- she hadn’t expected it. Cassidy startled but fortunately gave no cry. Her eyes were a dark blue that promised to eventually become brown when she was older, and those eyes tracked rapidly back and forth but she stayed quiet in her mother’s arms. Nadine held her across her body in a sling, but it
wasn’t secure enough for the dizzying heights they found themselves at, and she clutched the baby to her breast as she prepared to scamper down from the branch she was perched on.

She’d thought Ryan meant to pick their pursuers off one by one. It hadn’t occurred to her that he would simply put a round into the propane tank beside the cabin instead. She prayed that the men in the Humvee were nowhere nearby as she made her way to the ground with Ryan at her side. Her lower body felt tight, strained from the delivery, but she didn’t have time to lie around and recover. Their only chance of survival was to flee now before it was too late. Nadine put the two bags she’d originally brought with her over her shoulders and Ryan snatched up the two larger ones. By unspoken agreement they turned their backs on the cabin and moved diagonally from the horde. All the undead from miles around would be drawn to the smoke and flames. They’d have no better chance than this.

They didn’t speak- there was no need for words. Ryan took the lead and she gratefully let him. He knew the area, after all. She used the time to think, and ignored her body’s protests to all the movement.

They’d stayed for three days, but couldn’t allow themselves any longer than that.
It gave Nadine’s body some additional healing time, but not nearly as much as she needed. Cassidy had torn her some on that final push and Ryan carefully and methodically sutured her up. He’d had the standard first aid training to do so, and she was mostly numb in her most delicate areas after delivery. He’d also bathed Cassidy, diapered her and clothed her before passing her back to Nadine to breastfeed. Her breasts were swollen and tender, aching for the release that only nursing her child would provide her with.

They slept in snatches, and took shifts to do so. Those things could be heard trampling through the upstairs like wild animals as they sought fresh blood and meat. Every time Cassidy cried they went crazy, hooting and hollering and pounding the walls and floors as they sought a way to the prey they were so eager for. But like most animals, after a few days they’d staggered off
seeking access to easier prey. When it was nearly silent upstairs they gathered up the packs they’d already stocked and prepared to flee. Ryan took point and Nadine held her baby close to her with one hand as she brandished the knife in the other. Jonesy had driven them off and that had been the last they’d seen of him. Ryan dispatched the few stragglers and they took to the tree for nearly a day.

Now they were homeless once more, nomads wandering the land as they sought another place to call their own. An affluent neighborhood stretched out before them and they aimed their feet in that direction without a word spoken. There was glass and brick and grimy pools that must have been the owner’s pride and joy once upon a time. Now it was just a slimy example of how times had changed. They pressed onward until they found a structure dead center of the community. Nadine stayed at the door as Ryan went inside to clear it of any threat to the three of them.

She stayed on guard, knife held in a death grip as she waited for him to return. Sweat trickled down her back and she desperately needed the bathroom. She would need to change Cassidy’s diaper as well, and she wanted nothing more than to find something soft to curl up on and sleep for a few precious hours. She shifted anxiously as she heard footsteps approaching. Ryan came through the door, eyes wide and panicked. A man was behind him, and he had a pistol pressed to Ryan’s head. “Don’t even think about doing anything stupid,” the man growled. His eyes tracked restlessly over Nadine’s body before he caught sight of Cassidy. “Well, well… get your ass in here, or I’ll kill him quick and take my time with you.”