Surviving Doctor Vincent: The Good Doctor Trilogy Book 2 (22 page)

I glanced up from the dark spot I stared at on the faux marble tabletop.

Marco’s tortured eyes stared back.

I returned my sights to the swirling pattern on the fake stone surface. I wanted to be alone.

“Can I join you?” He didn’t wait for my answer before taking the seat across from me.

I didn’t answer.

“So, you just tell me when you want me to kick his ass, and I’ll make sure you have a front row seat.”

Time to cut the bullshit. “Why did you and Sebastian agree to Xavier’s plan?”

He leaned back and raked his hands through his hair. “First, we didn’t think for a moment that he wouldn’t have told you what he had planned. Sebastian said you seemed to be prepared, confident even, that the way you responded to Xavier before entering the council chamber left him with little doubt. When you tried to knee me in the balls, I got the picture. Then I saw how frightened you were. I’m so sorry, Elaine. I wouldn’t have ever agreed to terrify you. But I went along because those people need to be stopped, I thought you knew, and I didn’t have a better plan.”

“Well, that’s good to know that you weren’t complicit.”

“Not that I’m defending him, but I can only guess in his own warped way of seeing the world, he thought your faith in him was enough.”

I laughed. “Faith might allow me to trust him enough to do a tandem skydive, or try some new crazy sex move, but Marco, those people are scary. Real ‘Hannibal Lector’ demented. My mind can only process so much. And you know what was the scariest of all?”

He reached across the table and slipped my hand in his. “What, Bella?”

“There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s crazier and more powerful than all of them combined, except for maybe his mother.”

Marco laughed. “Yes, you’re probably right, which is why he needs you.”

“I can’t control him.”

“Exactly. No one can, but you remind him every moment of what’s important. Why we’re all really here. You are what will help him maintain his compassion. As much as I despised Lydia for her methods, the one thing she did was keep him focused. You do that without trying. I know his tactics from the other night left room for improvement, but in his mind, he’s trying to protect you.”

“Well...his mind is fucked up.”

Marco shook his head and chuckled. “Simply put... Yes.”

I sipped my coffee.

“He loves you, Elaine. Don’t shut him out. Beyond you, he’s had a lot to process, too. Don’t forget that he’s not exactly operating in a normal situation. I don’t know that I’d be making the best decisions either. He’s angry with them, desperately frightened for you, and overcompensating for his insecurities. The fact that he hurt you the other night is destroying him. He hasn’t eaten since you moved into the other room.”

“Is it wrong that I’m happy he’s suffering too?”

“Wrong, no. Just means you’re human.”

I stared at the floor beyond him as I spoke. “Thank you for not...you know.”

“For not what?”

“I mean... There was nothing stopping you.”

His eyes grew wide, his brow furrowed, and he leaned across the table. His intense stare grew laced with anger. “Did you just thank me for not raping you?”

“That sounds ridiculous when you say it like that.”

He stood and slid onto the bench beside me and tucked me in his arms. “Elaine, I will make you this promise here and now. I’ll never take something from you that you don’t want to give me.” He lowered his voice. “And I’d kill anyone who would be dumb enough try.”

“I didn’t mean that you would, I mean... I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know.” He kissed the top of my head. “I asked Xavier, while you were sleeping that first night, why he thought you would have been OK with everything. He said that before you went to meet the council, he asked you if you’d willingly give yourself to me and he said your response was ‘yes.’ Of course, he foolishly believed that a pledge of trust was strong enough to overcome the encounter.”

I remembered his words, their intensity. That explained why he was so deliberate, so careful, so clarifying. He did try to prepare me in his own way. I let out a long sigh.

“Elaine, I’ve known Xavier for a long time. He is anything but malicious. I think what you saw at the mansion was the side of him that will succeed at protecting you at all costs. He needs you.” He squeezed me. “Hell, I need you. I haven’t even had a chance to tell you how much I’ve missed you. Did you know, I stood outside your door to your apartment one night after Paris, debating on whether or not to tell you what an idiot X was being, and beg you to come smack some sense into him? He really needs to stop doing what he thinks is best and ask you.”

I chuckled. “That would solve a lot.”

“He spends so much time wrapped up in his own head, that he forgets to think. Does that make sense?”

“With Xavier, in some weird way, it does.”

“When you’re done with your coffee, why don’t you go talk to him?”

“I’ll think about it.” I toyed with the brown paper that encircled the cup.

“Look at me.”

I turned my head slowly toward him. Marco was always so easy to be around.

He placed his lips on mine in a soft kiss. “No matter what happens. I’m here for you.”

“Thanks.”

Another quick kiss, he stood, and then exited the lobby.

* * *

I
knocked. Marco opened the door to the hotel room, and greeted me with a big smile, one I didn’t return.

Sebastian busied himself with a laptop at the desk in the corner. He stopped typing as soon as he saw me enter the room. Bursting out of his seat, he hurried toward me, and captured me in a suffocating hug. He kissed me on top of the head. “I think Marco and I could use some coffee. We’ve got a lot to do today. We’ll be back.” His gentle hand rubbed my back before the two exited the room, leaving me alone with Xavier.

On the other side of the half-wall, the doctor sat hunched over at the edge of the bed, his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his knees.

A spike of anger increased my pulse, but when he looked up at me, his eyes red, the part of me that knew he was as much a victim in all of this as I was, pulled me to him.

I padded toward him and stopped at his feet. As angry as I had been with him, those people had to be stopped. I needed answers. Nothing made sense. How was I even involved?

“I’m not going to lie, what I saw in the council room frightened me. I did trust you Xavier, but I also trusted my father. Just like him, I saw someone different standing at that table in your place the other night. Someone capable of things I can’t even imagine. Capable of taking my love and turning it into some sick depravity. I’m tired of being the fool.”

He cinched his arms around my waist and urged me to him. “What you saw was an act. Nothing more. I derived no pleasure from your fear. Including you was a necessity, however. Monica, my sister, Victoria England’s second child, has been feeding me information about the council. Victoria confides in her. She warned me about how she deals with subjects that aren’t created by them. Mostly, because it threatens her validity. I anticipated her reaction. I don’t know how much I can trust Monica, but her insights have all panned out. She told me Victoria was my birth mother. I wasn’t the least bit shocked when Victoria made her little announcement.”

“You could have told me.”

He nestled his head against my chest. “I debated, but wasn’t sure what would happen. I figured if you just trusted that I knew what I was doing, you’d follow along as I improvised. I prepared for the worst, but hoped the night would never come to that. They are far more devious than I expected.” He pushed down on my hips, urging me to kneel on the floor in front of him, between his legs. “Elaine...”

“What?”

He combed his hands through my hair. “I’m so sorry.” The sorrow in his voice started to break down the fortress I had built to protect me from him again. His hand cupped my cheek. “How can I make it up to you? I’ll do anything. The look in your eyes as the usher carried you out of the room... Until that moment, I wasn’t sure if your reaction was an act or not. I knew then, I’d screwed up. That I needed more than your declared faith and trust. That I may have lost you forever, and there was nothing I could do. I hoped that Marco could salvage the situation. Tell me... Anything... I’ll do anything.” He buried his face in my neck, encasing me in his arms; he slid off of the bed and onto his knees in front of me, forcing me back against the wall.

I didn’t know how to answer him. Could things ever be the same? Could I get over the terror my heart felt when I thought he’d betrayed me?

He tugged me closer, enveloping me with his body. “We can leave. New identities. Forget it all. Move to a remote island where they’ll never find us.” He let out a deep breath. “Alaska. We can move to Alaska with your sister. Forget all of this. I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life proving to you I’m not that person. Please... You may think you gave yourself to me, but in truth, Elaine, you own me. All of me.” He squeezed me tight, and his body shook along with his breath when he exhaled.

The first teardrop hit my collarbone, and my resistance crumbled. Perhaps he was a master manipulator, and I was damned to always be the fool. As hard as I worked to push my pain aside, I couldn’t help but feel his. I wanted to take the hurt away. Why did I always feel the need to save him from himself? All those times I wished I had the power to comfort him, to undo the wrongs perpetrated against him, how could I deny him when the only thing standing in the way was my own pain?

“Xavier...”

His hands rubbed up and down my back, while he buried his face in my hair, drowning his sobs in my auburn strands. The muffled gasps and inhalations escaped as he tried to mask the fact that he had been overcome.

This wasn’t faked. This was the Xavier Vincent I knew. An undeniable intensity he wore like armor, but it blinded him in battle, for anything beyond his passion. Inside was a man who bled like any other when the blade struck the heart. “Xavier...”

He wound his hand in my hair and cradled my head against his chest, gripping me like a small child might seek comfort in a doll or teddy bear. I was his anchor, but he was set adrift. His heart thudded in his chest, and his sobs echoed from the inside out.

I spoke, hoping he could hear me through his storm. “Xavier, your intentions are always noble. But I need you to start considering me. Stop underestimating me. If you truly want forever, and that wasn’t an act, you need to stop thinking about what you can do for me and start thinking of us as one, not independently. If you think your job is to protect me, then that’s all you’ll do, and we’ll keep ending up here. I don’t need your protection, Xavier. I need your love. If you always love me as the first thing you do, all those other things will fall into place. I don’t want a keeper. I want a companion, boyfriend, a lover...a husband, whichever you want to be.”

He gripped my hair and pulled my head back gently, so he could look into my eyes. My heart broke when my hair, moistened with his tears, fell against my neck.. He was broken. It was more than I could handle. No matter how angry he made me, I wanted to save him. So I did exactly what I asked him to do and put my love of him first. “I love you, Xavier. Can you learn to love me?”

“Oh, Elaine...” His mouth ravaged mine. He forced my mouth hard against his, devouring me, and I swallowed every whimper that escaped. He paused and held his cheek against mine. “Teach me. Teach me how to love you. I have so much inside for you. It overwhelms me and comes out all wrong. I’ve never been in love, Elaine. Love is so simple...” He brushed his lips along my ear. “Yet so complicated.”

“It shouldn’t be. Love isn’t a puzzle. It isn’t a formula. It’s an element. Love either exists, or it doesn’t. When you try to change the essence by combining it with something else, you lose the original purpose.”

“But Sebastian, I’ve seen you with him and there’s love, a different kind than with me.”

“The source is the same. The heart isn’t limited in its capacity. Much like air, love seeps into everything. You each have different fractures on the surface and my love fills them naturally, without thought, without complication. Simply because it exists. If you have to overthink it, it’s not love.”

He kissed my neck, allowing his lips to caress my skin with each one. “But every time I stop thinking... I feel like I’m going to lose myself in you.”

“Then let go. Because if you truly love me, you’ll never be lost, you’ll always be home.”

Giving him the words made me realize, I had been doing the same thing. I’d been afraid to lose myself in him. So many things terrified me about him, but the biggest was being consumed and losing my identity. I kept part of myself from him, when what we really needed was to go down in flames together.

I lifted the bottom of his T-shirt as he captured my lips.

When I bumped his chin with his shirt, he backed away, and raised his arms, helping to pull the cotton fabric over his head.

I spread my hands on his chest, running fingers over the planes underneath the light dusting of hair.

He covered my hands with his, guiding them over his racing heart. “Have I told you how much I love your touch?”

I smiled. “I don’t know if you’ve said those words exactly, but I’ve heard you moan my name.”

He chuckled and slid the sleeves of my dress down my shoulders, sending a shiver down my spine. His fingers trailed to the clasp on my bra and unhooked it. With his arms around me, his breath heavy against my ear, I heard his plea, “Don’t ever leave me. I’ll be lost.”

“Stop keeping me at a distance.”

Slipping the straps off my arms, he allowed each breast to fall free and tossed my undergarment aside.

“I’m trying, Elaine. I really am. It’s hard to feel something so intense and not react to everything regarding you with the same fervor.”

I dragged his warm hand over my breast and savored the feel of his touch. “Then channel it into our lovemaking. I can take your intensity in the bedroom, but where it concerns our lives now, you either include me in everything or let me go.”