Surviving Michael (24 page)

‘Excuse me, buddy,’ I say, all cheerful like, and he moves out of my way, looking at me as I pass him.

Who’s the big man now in his nice suit?

Prick.

Outside, I can’t see Gerry anywhere. Where the fuck is he? I can’t call him ‘cause I have a coffee in each hand, and a small paper bag with my muffin in it under my arm. He flashes his lights at me from a parking spot and drives up to me.

Fucking hell.

I awkwardly get in balancing the two coffees.

‘Gerry, why the fuck can’t you just wait outside for me?’

‘It’s a clearway,’ he says as he drives off.

‘Then park in one of the handicapped zones. We’re on official business, Gerry. You can park anywhere you fucking like.’

Fucking hell. Gerry’s a top man when the pressure’s on, but the rest of the time he’s no craic at all.

‘We had better catch up with the van,’ Gerry says.

Christ, there aren’t any cup holders in this piece of shit. If I could get my hands on the scumbag who stole my Mondeo yesterday, I would beg to be given five minutes alone with him. Anyone who can’t respect private property can’t be expected to be respected themselves. Pure bastards.

Gerry accelerates too quickly, and I almost spill my coffee.

‘For fuck sake, Gerry,’ I say.

I’m going to knock these overtime shifts on the head. It used to be a handy few quid following the An Post van around, but it’s just a pain in the hole now. The worse part about it is I’m only doing it to pay that cunt her alimony so she can sit on her fat arse all day and mind the kids.

How did I go so wrong with her? Was she always a cunt or did she slowly turn into one over the years? And if she was always one, then what does that say about me?

I rarely even see the kids anyway. What with shift work and all that, it’s very hard to pin down an exact time I’ll be free. She doesn’t understand that. In fairness, there’s a lot going on in this world that she doesn’t understand.

She left me because she said I was cheating on her with one of her friends, which is an absolute lie. Well, I was cheating on her, but it wasn’t with who she said it was. If the truth be known, I actually slept with her cousin on the night we got married. It wasn’t my proudest of moments I have to admit, but I did give the whole marriage thing my best shot. When her cousin told me she was pregnant I thought that’d be it. But I gave her a few bob to keep it quiet and to help her out with the kid. I was relieved when she fobbed it off as her husband’s, the poor bastard.

In hindsight though, I should have just put my hand up at the time, as I wouldn’t have had to listen to years of the cunt going on at home about not working so many hours or spending some time with the family and all that bullshit.

I’m still paying her cousin though. Four hundred fucking euros a month. When the cunt found out after looking through one of my bank statements, the nosy bitch, I told her it was an old gambling debt I had to pay off. I’ve been tempted to tell her the truth a few times, just to stick the knife in, but I’m waiting till after the divorce has gone through. Then I will take enormous satisfaction in...

‘What the fuck,’ I yell, as Gerry floors the accelerator, and I almost spill the coffee.

I see the two An Post men waving and shouting at us as an SUV charges down Limekiln road. We hit another speed bump and the lid comes off my Americano and spills onto my hand.

‘Ah, Jesus, fuck,’ I yell and I drop the cup. I throw Gerry’s coffee out the window and reach for my sidearm.

Gerry, as always in these situations, as cool as a cucumber says, ‘Don’t even think about it.’

I take my hand off it, and flick on the siren and the beacon.

Then I take out my Taser gun. I only got trained on it a few weeks ago, and I’ve been dying to give it a go.

This could be my lucky fucking day after all.

I JUST ABOUT manage to grab the steering wheel with both hands when we hit the first speed bump. We all jump out of our seats, including Danny. Liam’s head whacks off the roof, and he lets out a loud ‘Fuck.’ The bag holding the money goes up into the air, and the cloth bags go all over the place.

The unmarked Garda car that’s charging after us is pounding up and down over the speed bumps like a speedboat rising and falling over a series of waves. I can see in my mirror that every time the car lands on the far side of a speed bump, a shower of sparks lights up under their car.

I’m trying to concentrate on the road ahead, but I can’t take my eyes off their car either.

We hit the last speed bump and race on, but I hear the siren from their car pierce the air. The sound seems even closer than they are, and for a second I even feel like giving up. For the last thirty seconds inside the SUV, it felt as if we’d been in a canoe and going white water rafting.

I can see the traffic lights ahead, but still keep one eye on the cop car. My heart sinks as they hit the last speed bump.

Even with the siren wailing, we all hear the metallic clang, and I see the sparks shoot up into the air. The Garda car has come to a sudden stop, its bonnet lying on the road. The two detectives inside, with expressions of shock more than anger, watch their two front wheels and axle continue the chase. Crashing into a parked car, it too comes to a sudden stop with a bang.

Our delight is immense.

‘Yes, yes, yes,’ Liam keeps saying as we turn the final bend before reaching Wellington Road.

I press my foot down harder and feel the SUV shifting down a gear and accelerating. The menacing flashing blue lights disappear from my mirrors, and the siren gradually lowers like a bad song coming to an end.

I drive for a couple of minutes just to get out of the area and then pull into a lane and park.

‘Okay,’ I say, ‘time for another change of vehicle.’

None of us has a clue how to actually steal a car, so we all walk out on to the main street to find a taxi. Charlie keeps the bag with him as we wait.

Talk about a bunch of amateurs.

‘Too many taxis in Dublin my fucking arse,’ Liam says as we search up and down the road for a taxi sign.

A 15A bus comes around the corner, and Charlie starts to run for the bus stop not too far from us.

‘Here’s a bus. Come on,’ he yells.

‘Are you for real?’ Liam shouts after him, but I start to run as well, dragging Danny behind me.

‘Come on,’ I call to Liam. ‘We’ve no choice.’

Luckily there’s an old aged pensioner slowly stepping onto the bus, so we reach it in time.

We’re all sitting down when Liam gets on, completely out of breath. He starts to walk down the aisle when the bus driver calls after him, ‘Hey, who’s paying?’

Liam goes back up to him, rooting in his pockets for some change.

He turns and smiles to the three of us, ‘Have any of you got any cash on you?’

Charlie starts to laugh and looks at the gym bag. I shrug my shoulders at him.

Liam takes out his wallet and hands the driver a fifty euro note.

‘I can’t change that,’ he says.

‘Okay then, keep it so,’ Liam says and walks off.

The bus takes off as Liam sits down. He looks into the gym bag again.

‘There must be a few hundred grand in there,’ he says.

‘No, there’s more,’ Charlie says.

‘Danny, look,’ I say to him and stretch the bag over for him to see inside. He turns away from the window and looks into the bag. Giving us a smile, I get the impression that he’s happy for us, as if something good has happened to the just the three of us, and not him. It’s as if he has no part in either the present or the future of it all.

‘Everything’s going to be okay, Danny,’ Charlie says to him, but he just gives Charlie a half look and goes back to staring out of the window.

The wail of a siren is heard behind us coming in the direction from where we’ve come. We all freeze. The bus pulls into the side of the kerb as the Garda car with its blue beacons flashing comes charging after us. Charlie takes a hold of the bag but I grab his arm.

The blue lights flash through the interior of the bus as it overtakes and then passes us at speed. We all let out a sigh of relief, but as we relax back into our seats, I see the bus driver looking at us in his mirror.

‘We need to get off this bus,’ I tell the others.

‘But we just got on,’ Liam protests.

‘Nick’s right,’ Charlie says, ‘look at the time.’

I stand up and, taking Danny’s arm, make my way to the front of the bus.

‘Next stop please,’ I tell the driver.

Liam yells up at me, ‘Nick, there’s a taxi rank across the road.’

As the door closes on us, I see the driver reach up to the radio controls over his head.

‘North Wall Ferries,’ Charlie tells the taxi driver as we all get in, and head back into the city.

NICK COMES OUT of the Irish Ferries office carrying four one-way tickets to Holyhead, Wales. We make our way to the ship; our getaway and salvation. It looms large in the harbour, the tiny waves gleaming its reflection like thousands of mirrors flickering on the surface. We’re all pretty relaxed but tired, like marathon runners with the finishing line in sight. As we walk between the last few cars that are waiting to board, no one speaks. I guess we’re all dwelling on our own thoughts, dreams and regrets. We keep walking until we all end up on the upper deck of the ferry, and we all look out towards Dublin, the city and the mountains in the distance. Liam walks over to Nick and me. Danny is holding the rail with both hands and looking down into the sea, its waves lapping off the side of the ferry a hundred feet below. Liam looks deep in thought, and I think for a second he’s going to say something nostalgic about leaving.

‘Tenerife,’ he says as if answering a question, and proving me wrong. ‘That’s the best place we should go.’

‘Why not just get out of Europe altogether,’ Nick says.

‘Is Tenerife in Europe?’ he asks.

‘Jesus, we could live like kings for years in the Far East,’ I say, holding up the sports bag.

‘Thailand, that’s in the Far East, isn’t it?’ Liam says. ‘Charlie’s right. Fuck Tenerife.’

‘Wait a second, Nick says, ‘the first thing we have to think of is...’

‘I have to go back.’

We all look at each other, uncertain which one of us has said that. Then we all look at Danny, standing just outside our circle.

‘You’re what?’ I say.

‘I have to go back,’ Danny says again.

It’s the first time I’ve heard him say anything since Ricky died. His voice is weak and seems to come from somewhere in the past. A place the rest of us have already left behind. A place that we don’t want to go back to. I realise we never asked his opinion in anything we’d done since yesterday, but then again it wasn’t any of us who had shoved Ricky to the ground. With all due respect to Danny there is no fucking way I am going back willingly to face that mess we’ve left behind.

‘No, you don’t have to go back, Danny,’ Nick says.

‘I have to. I need to,’ he says with more determination this time. ‘I’m going to turn myself in. I’m sorry. It’s the right thing to do. I...’

‘The right thing to do,’ I interrupt him, ‘is to get the fuck out of here. We can all talk about guilt and what’s right and wrong when we’re sitting on a beach somewhere.’

‘I’m not saying you should come with me,’ he says.

‘Don’t fucking worry. We’re not,’ Liam says, and then turns to us for reassurance. ‘Sure we’re not?’

‘No fucking way,’ Nick says.

I get as close to Danny as possible and look him straight in the eye. ‘Danny, what the fuck did we rob the van for if you’re going to turn yourself in?’

‘I’m sorry.’

I hold the gym bag full of cash up to his face. ‘Well it’s a bit late for that now.’

Nick reaches out and takes Danny’s shoulder.

‘We’re all in this together,’ he says. ‘We’ll get through this together.’

Tears start to flood out of Danny’s eyes, but Nick keeps his hand on his shoulder and stands close to him. I can almost feel the weight of grief overcome him as he puts his hands up to his face and starts to shake. Nick grabs him by the other shoulder, but his tears are so strong that I can see them flowing through his fingers and down the outside of his hands.

We all stand there for a minute until he finally takes his hands down and wipes his face with his sleeves. He looks straight at Nick.

‘I’ve killed the father of Ruby’s baby,’ he says. ‘Do you not realise that? Do you not realise what I’ve done? I just couldn’t live with myself. That baby will never know its father because of me.’

He wipes his face again, trying to compose himself. He turns his gaze away from Nick, not looking at anyone in particular.

‘I should have stayed with Ruby,’ he says. ‘I’ve been a fucking eejit. What a waste. What a fucking waste. I’m so sorry, Ruby.’

Nick grabs him by the shoulders again. ‘Danny, don’t do this.’

‘I have to, Nick. I have to. I’m sorry.’

‘They’ll lock you up for years, fucking years,’ Liam shouts at him. ‘They’ll lock us all up. Fifteen, twenty years. Can you imagine that? Think about it.’

‘I’ve killed his dad,’ Danny repeats. ‘Do you not realise what that means? I’ve no choice now. I can’t live with the pain of it. Jesus, the guilt. Can you imagine that, Liam?’

He takes a few steps back away from us. Steps of determination.

WHAT THE FUCK is goin’ on? One minute we’re all happy as Larry, and the next Danny is breakin’ up the whole buzz of our group.

‘I’m sorry. And I don’t want any money. I won’t tell them anythin’. I promise. I promise. I have to go back now.’

As far as I’m concerned he can go back if he wants. Christ only knows the shite that’s goin’ on in his head.

Charlie walks over to him, but I think he’s wastin’ his time tryin’ to convince him to stay.

‘Danny, wait,’ he says to him, ‘listen to me.’

‘Charlie, don’t,’ Nick says.

‘I’m sorry, Charlie,’ Danny says, ‘I just can’t live with it.’

‘Listen to me,’ Charlie says again.

‘Charlie, for fuck’s sake, this isn’t the time,’ Nick shouts. ‘Just leave it.’

‘And when is the time?’ Charlie says to Nick. ‘What the fuck am I supposed to do?’