Surviving Scotland (6 page)
As evening approached, I walked to the large hall for supper. The room buzzed with people conversing and women serving ale and food. I scanned the crowd and picked a table sparsely populated and waited. After a moment, Ioan came up and plopped himself beside me. He reached across the table to pick up a roll and stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. He grinned at me with overstuffed cheeks, and I couldn’t suppress a giggle. He winked at me and I rolled my eyes and reached for one as well, but tore off a tiny piece and popped it in my mouth. The heavy richness of the bread made my mouth water.
Soon we filled trenchers with food, and I glanced around for some kind of utensil. To pick up the food with my bare hands seemed strange, wrong. Surely there was another way?
“What? Ye’ve forgotten how ta eat as well?” Ioan asked, once he swallowed a mouthful.
“Nay, I just don’t want ta eat, like that.” I regarded the men around me, eating with their knives from trenchers, using their hands more often than not.
“What’s wrong with it?” Ioan picked up a hunk of meat with his hand and made a show of shoving the whole thing in his mouth. I suppressed a gag reflex at the juice dripping down his chin.
“Disgusting.”
“Thank ye.” Ioan spoke with his mouth full of food. His eyes twinkled, and I found myself laughing at his inability to chew the large bite in his mouth. I raised my eyebrow at his effort to manage it. His eyes narrowed and he made a show of swallowing the food almost whole. He rewarded my grimace with an open mouth, proving he had done it.
“Do ye want me ta pat ye on the back?” I asked with complete sarcasm.
“Aye, I think it’s stuck.” Ioan began to cough and I slammed my fist into his back, and he groaned.
“Ye’ve made it worse.”
“‘Tis your own fault, ye lout.” My concern grew as his coughing became more violent. “What should I do?” I asked, beginning to panic.
The coughing turned into laughter and Ioan began to shake with his mirth. I had been fooled. The anger built inside of me, and I elbowed him in the ribs, hard.
“Ach, lass, donna do that. ‘Tis rude to hurt others when they’re chokin’ ta death.”
“Ye weren’t chokin’. Ye were playin’ me fer the fool! Ta think I was actually concerned about ye!” I pushed his shoulder as I spoke. I glanced around, curious if we had drawn attention by our antics. No one was even looking our direction. The hall buzzed with noise, and I was thankful.
“Ach, lass, donna take it so personal. ‘Twas just a bit o’ fun.”
“We’ll see… you’ll be payin’ dearly for that
bit o
’
fun
,
Ioan. Just you wait.”
“I’m truly set a fright already.” Ioan held his hands to his chest and shook, offering me a frightened look before he grinned at me, patted my head, and continued eating.
I glared at him, silently shooting daggers from my eyes, but he carried on with his meal without a care. Reluctantly, I picked up a piece of meat and brought it to my lips. I was hungry. The food was hearty and tasted wonderful, so I quickly finished my plate.
“That wa’n’t so bad now, was it?” Ioan nudged me, causing me to spill my drink over my lap.
“I thank ye, Ioan. Fer a moment I was thinkin’ I wanted ta drink that water rather than wear it,” I commented sarcastically.
“Aye, ‘twas my gentle reminder that ye need to be takin’ a bath… ye kinda smell.” He leaned forward and wrinkled his nose, sniffing.
“If’n ye smell somethin’, Ioan, donna look any farther than yerself. I’ve been around fresher pigs.” I spoke softly in efforts to try and control my temper.
“I’d believe ye, lass, but ye canna remember that, can ye?” With a wink he patted me on the head and walked away, whistling.
****
It was the oddest sensation. To be somewhere and know that it should be familiar, yet feel like a stranger. Though I was growing accustomed to life at the castle, a nagging emotion pricked my mind and told me I was still missing something crucial. Over the next few days I continued to have a few flashes of memory here and there, but they always amounted to the same feeling of confusion.
A week passed with each day suffocating me, as I was still confined to the castle. Morag tried to give me projects such as embroidery or cleaning, but I longed for the outdoors. Finally, I approached my uncle, prepared to beg for the slightest measure of freedom. But Ioan intercepted my approach and with a grin, invited me on a walk to the nearby loch. My uncle stood behind him and nodded solemnly, giving me an expression that reminded me to be on guard. I nodded and followed Ioan out into the blessed sunshine.
“So, do ye want ta go huntin’ for neeps an’ tatties tonight?” I purposefully asked, as Ioan took a deep drink of water from a clear stream that fed the loch. Just as I had hoped, he choked and sputtered on the liquid and coughed.
“Ye deserve that.”
He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and gave me an unrepentant grin as he coughed some more.
“Did ye really think I’d believe ye?” I asked indigently.
“Lass, ye did believe me. Who did ye ask?” He cleared his throat then crossed his arms and leaned back against the tree, waiting for my response.
“‘Tis none o’ yer business.”
“Ahh, so ye did ask… proves my point.”
“How so?” I crossed my arms as well.
“If ye didn’t believe me, why would ye have asked?” Ioan’s victorious grin was maddening.
“What I wouldna give ta dunk ye in the loch an’ hold yer head under water.”
“Ach lass, then ye’d miss me braw face, no’ ta mention me nice backside.”
I snapped. It was the last straw, and I no longer cared that somehow I knew it was wrong to accost a man; I wanted him to pay, dearly. I circled the tree where he leaned back, completely relaxed, which only fed my anger. Ioan’s eyes followed my movement with curiosity but he didn’t move. I edged closer, planning my revenge.
“Donna think about it, Elle. ‘Twillna work.”
“What willna work?” I continued to move closer, measuring my steps. I concentrated so that I’d time it perfectly to shove him just enough to send him sprawling into the loch.
“Ye know what, I’m a warnin’ ye, it willna turn out well for ye.”
“Oh.” I stopped and glanced down, slumping my shoulders. Ioan’s posture changed and I lunged, pushing him toward the water. Ioan grasped for a branch, but it snapped, and he went sprawling into the loch with a mighty splash. I shot my hands into the air and did a little victory dance. It was an amazing feeling, besting Ioan. He stumbled up in the shallow water and gave me a murderous glare. I knew I should stop my grin, but it wasn’t possible.
“I’ll give ye to the count of three to run, Elle. One….”
I turned and shot away through the trees, knowing I’d never be able to outrun him, but perhaps I could hide.
“Two!” I heard him call behind me, and I scanned the forest for a place to crouch or shield myself from Ioan’s certain advance.
“Three!”
Water splashed from Ioan’s boots as he ran through it to the shore, then silence. A large tree offered some protection and I rushed behind it.
“Where are ye, lassie…?” Ioan’s taunting voice wasn’t far away, and I frantically searched for a better hiding place.
“Elle!” Ioan continued to call, my heart pounded. “Wee Haggis!”
There was no place to go, so I chose to wait and maybe, just maybe, he’d pass me. Sure enough, after a few moments, Ioan’s footsteps sounded next to where I hid. He passed, but if he turned around even the slightest bit, I’d be caught. Though I knew it was foolish, I still chose to run the opposite direction.
“Found ye!”
I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, but it was no use. Ioan caught up with me and reached his hand around my waist and pulled me backward through the air, and I landed on top of him in a heap. Instinctively I rolled off of him, twisting his arm back enough to free myself. Ioan was up in an instant, watching me curiously. We circled each other, evaluating the other’s movements. I matched Ioan’s steps and counteracted his small attempts at throwing me off. After a moment, he lunged at me, but I spun and sidestepped, so that he would miss me. Ioan’s face registered confusion and respect before it split into a wide grin.
“Ach, so we’re to play like that, are we?”
Ioan came at me again, but from the side, and I ducked and rolled, escaping him once again. His grin grew wider and he picked up a stick and tossed it to me. I caught it mid-air and automatically took a defensive position. I didn’t have time to question how I knew how to do all this, because as soon as I had taken that position, Ioan advanced with his own stick and began to attack. He slapped my stick-sword and I fought back, strike for strike. After a moment, I began to take an offensive position rather than defensive, Ioan’s smile began to fade, and in its place was a look of concentration. We lunged, parried, and spun, each unable to best the other, ‘til Ioan took me by surprise. With a lightning-fast maneuver, my stick-sword flew through the air, and Ioan caught it with his other hand. He gave me a cocky grin and took a bow.
“I suppose ye want me ta clap for ye?” I was breathing heavily, but laughing. This was the most fun I could ever remember, though that didn’t mean much in my current situation.
“Of course!”
Ioan bowed again, only this time he glanced at me expectantly. I shook my head but clapped anyway.
“Thank ye!” Ioan’s clothes dripped onto the already saturated earth. He wiped his brow with his hand and shook his head spraying me with water.
“What are ye doin’!” I shouted, putting my hands up to shield myself from the water.
“Givin’ ye less than ye deserve. In fact…” Ioan’s green eyes sparkled with a mischievous glint and I took a step back. He took a step forward and I took another one back only to find myself against a tree. Ioan chuckled and advanced faster. His arms reached around and pulled me into a tight hug, soaking my clothes.
“Aaaahhh!” I squealed against his freezing body.
“Shh, lass, yer warm. Donna move.”
“Get away from me! Ye are like a wet dog!”
“Woof.”
“Eww! Ye are getting me soaked to the skin!”
“That’s the idea.”
I shoved hard and Ioan backed away but only far enough to see my face.
“I told ye it wouldna turn out well for ye.” Though Ioan’s voice was teasing, his eyes smoldered, and my belly flipped in response. Lost in his emerald gaze, I couldn’t have glanced away if I’d wanted to. He held me captive. The heat that began to radiate from his body, as he was pressed up against mine, made my skin prickle with awareness. I clenched my fist to resist the urge to caress his jaw. His dark hair appeared black, since it was wet, and it made the color of his eyes burn with a deeper intensity.
Ioan’s gaze searched my own, and his eyes traced the lines of my face as if memorizing them. His eyes locked onto my lips and his expression was tormented. He leaned forward slightly. Was he going to kiss me? I wanted him to. With a desperation I didn’t know existed, I wanted to feel his lips caressing my own and be lost in his warm embrace. I held my breath and waited, watching the inner conflict in Ioan’s eyes, wondering which side would win.
His lips hovered just over mine, and his warm breath tickled my skin. I swallowed compulsively, and I gently exhaled the breath I was holding. Ioan’s eyes drifted closed, but he didn’t move closer; he stood frozen just a breath away from kissing me. All I needed to do was lean slightly forward to meet his lips. But if I were to experience my first kiss, at least the first kiss I remembered, then I wanted it to be given, not taken. For what seemed like an eternity, I waited, but then Ioan stepped back. His eyes watched me intently, searching for answers to questions I didn’t know.
“Ioan…” I whispered, my voice hoarse from the tension of the past few moments.
His eyes darkened with desire but he blinked quickly and turned away. He stared into the trees for a moment before turning back toward me. His handsome face turned up into a familiar grin and he tipped his chin up as he spoke.
“I’ll race ye to the castle. I promise to go slow.”
He raised his eyebrows in challenge and I grinned back, though part of me was even more confused at his change in demeanor. I shook my head at him, and then took off, knowing whatever distance I was able to achieve wouldn’t be enough. Ioan passed me, turned and ran backward for a moment, winked, then rushed ahead taking a piece of my heart with him.
****
Later that night as I was lying in my bed, I thought over the almost-kiss. I was certain I hadn’t imagined his intent as I replayed Ioan’s face gazing down at me. But something was stopping him; I just wished I knew what. I shook my head and rolled over, kicking the blankets off, then pulling them back on when I grew chilly. I thought back over our mock duel. When Ioan and I had fought in the woods, every move I had made was instinct, but why? Where did I learn to sword fight? Where did I learn how to maneuver from a hold? Obviously part of my mind was aware of my training before I took sick, but why couldn’t I remember any of it? Frustrated, I sighed and rose from my bed. My mind continued to spin from Ioan to my inability to remember anything of my past for certain.
More often than not, my mind would dwell on Ioan. His behavior puzzled me. The annoying friend I had come to tolerate had become much more, but I wasn’t sure what. Who was the real Ioan? The man I followed into the forest, whose silent footsteps captured me before I had a chance to escape? Or was he the honorable one who was going to take blame for my own disobedience? Perhaps it was the one who chased me through the woods, sword fought, then almost kissed me. I sat before the dying fire and dropped my head to my hands. What scared me was that I suspected that he was all of them: the warrior, the compassionate friend, and the tease, but also a lover. That combination would surely prove fatal to the already crumbling walls around my heart. Oh, why couldn’t he have simply stayed annoying? At least then I’d be able to fall asleep without knowing I’d dream of his face, once I succumbed to the darkness.
With a heavy sigh I rose, then paced to the small window and gazed out. The moon was full and offering generous light over the keep courtyard. I watched two guards pace the perimeter. What were they guarding against? Were the Jacobites that close? Perhaps I wasn’t as safe as I thought. The idea sent a shiver through my body and I walked back to bed, accepting its warmth. I closed my eyes and resigned myself to the dreams I knew would come.
Ioan.