Sweet Filthy Boy (28 page)

But as if she’s read my mind, Tina clears her throat meaningfully, and I blink, straightening as I respond, “Hello, girls. And Monsieur Guillaume.”

A few giggles erupt but are quickly squelched with a sweeping look from Tina. “We also have a guest today, as you have clearly noticed. Monsieur Guillaume is deciding if he would like to enroll in the academy. Please do your best to model good behavior, and show him how we conduct ourselves onstage.”

To my absolute amusement, Ansel looks ready to dive right into the world of being a little ballerina. Tina steps back against the wall, and I know her well enough to know this isn’t any test at all; it’s only a surprise for me. I could laugh it all off, and tell them to start their stretches while I talk to Ansel. But he seems ready for action and I want her to see that I can do this, even with the biggest, most gorgeous distraction in the world right in front of me.

“Let’s start with some stretching.” I turn on some quiet music and indicate the girls should do what I do: sit on the floor with my legs stretched in front of me. I curl down, reaching my arms out until my hands are on my toes, telling them, “If this hurts then bend your legs a little. Who can count to fifteen for me?”

Everyone is shy. Everyone, that is, except Ansel. And of course he quietly counts in French, “Un . . . deux . . . trois . . .” as the girls stare at him and wiggle on the floor.

We continue with the stretches: the bar stretch at the lowest ballet barre, the jazz splits that make the girls squeal and wobble. We practice a few pirouettes—if I live to one hundred, I will never stop laughing at the image of Ansel doing a pirouette—and I show them a straddle stretch, with my leg pressed flat against a wall. (It’s possible I do this purely for Ansel’s benefit, but I’ll never admit it.) The girls try, giggle some more, and a few of them become brave enough to start showing Ansel what to do: how to hold his arms, and then some of their made-up leaps and spins.

When the class takes a loud, chaotic turn, Tina steps in, clapping and hugging me. “I’ll take over from here. I think you’ve got something else to take care of. I’ll see you here Monday evening at five.”

“I love you so much,” I say, throwing my arms around her.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” she says. “Now go tell
him
that.”

ANSEL AND I
slip out of the room and pad wordlessly back down the hall. My heart is pounding so hard, it seems to blur my vision with every heavy pulse. I can feel the heat of him moving behind me, but we’re both silent. Out of the studio and past my initial surprise, I’m so overwhelmed that at first, I don’t even know how to start.

A hot breeze curls around us as we push open the door to the outside, and Ansel watches me carefully, waiting for my cue.

“
Cerise
. . .” he starts, and then takes a shuddering breath. When he meets my eyes again, I feel the weight of every ticking moment of silence. His jaw flexes as we stare at each other, and when he swallows, the dimple flickers on his cheek.

“Hi,” I say, my voice tight and breathless.

He takes a step up off the curb but still seems to loom above me. “You called me just before you arrived.”

“I called from the parking lot. It was a lot to process, being here . . . You didn’t answer.”

“No phones allowed in the studio,” he answers with a cute smile. “But I saw the call light up my screen.”

“Did you come straight from work?” I ask, lifting my chin to indicate his dress pants.

He nods. There’s at least a day’s worth of stubble shadowing his jaw. The image of him leaving work and heading straight for the airport—
to me
—barely taking enough time to throw a few things into a small bag is enough to leave my knees week.

“Please don’t be mad,” he says. “Lola called to tell me you were here. I was on my way to meet you three for dinner. Also, Harlow mentioned that she would break both my legs along with any other protruding appendages if I didn’t treat you the way you deserved.”

“I’m not mad.” I shake my head trying to clear it. “I just . . . I can’t believe you’re actually here.”

“You thought I would just stay there and fix it at some random point in the future? I couldn’t be so far from you.”

“Well . . . I’m glad.”

I can tell he wants to ask,
So why did you leave like that?
Why didn’t you at least tell me goodbye?
But he doesn’t. And I give him serious points for it, too. Because although my entrance into and departure from France were both impulsive, he was the reason both times: one blissful, the other heartbroken. At least he seems to know it. Instead, he looks me over, eyes lingering on my legs visible beneath my nude tights, below my short dance skirt.

“You look beautiful,” he says. “In fact, you look so beautiful I’m a little at a loss for words.”

I’m so relieved I burst forward. He curls into me and his face is in my neck. His arms seem long enough to wrap several times around my waist. I can feel his breath on my skin and the way he shakes against me, and when I say, “This feels so good,” he just nods, and our embrace seems to go on forever.

His lips find my neck, my jaw, and he’s sucking and nibbling. His breath is warm and minty and he’s whispering in French, some words I can’t translate but don’t need to. I hear
love
and
life
and
mine
and
sorry
and then his hands are cupping my face and his mouth is on mine, eyes wide and fingers shaking on my jaw. It’s a single, chaste kiss—no tongue, nothing deeper—but the way I’m trembling against him seems to promise him that there’s so much more, because he pulls back and looks victorious.

“Let’s go, then,” he says, dimple deepening. “Let me thank your girls.”

I’m starving for him, for us to be alone, but somehow even more excited just to have him here, with my friends, like this. Taking his arm, I pull him to my car.

ANSEL PUTS HIS
dress shirt back on as he talks about his flight, the odd feeling of leaving just after work and arriving here at dawn and then having to wait all day to see me . . . all kinds of little details that skirt the edges of the bigger What Now? I steal glances at him as I drive. With the darkening sky behind him, he looks undeniably polished and gorgeous in his lavender button-down and slim charcoal pants. Even though I’m clearly just coming from a dance class, I’m not going to bother changing. If we went back to my place, no doubt we would stay there, and I need to see my girls, to thank them. And maybe more important, to let
him
thank them.

I slip on some more functional flats and take him directly to meet Harlow and Lola at Bar Dynamite, pulling him through the crowd, smiling so huge that my
person
is with me, my husband, my Ansel. They’re sitting in a curved booth, sipping drinks, and Lola sees me before Harlow does. Dammit if her eyes don’t immediately well up with tears.

“No.” I point at her, laughing. For all her tough exterior she is
such
a sap. “We aren’t doing that.”

She laughs, shaking her head and sweeping them away, and it’s a strange blur of greetings, of my favorite people and husband hugging each other as if they’re the best of friends and merely haven’t seen each other for a while.

But in a way, it’s true. I love him, so they do, too. I love them, so he does, too. He pulls two chocolate bars from the inside pocket of the jacket he has slung over his arm and hands one to Lola and the other to Harlow. “For helping me. I got them at the airport, so don’t look too excited.”

They both take them, and Harlow looks down at hers and then back at him. “If she doesn’t bang you tonight, I will.”

His blush, his dimple, a quiet laugh, and the teeth pressing into his lip again and I’m done for. Fucking kill me now.

“Not a problem,” I tell her as I toss his jacket onto the seat and drag him, wide-eyed and grinning, after me onto the dance floor. I honestly don’t care what song is playing—he’s not leaving my side the entire night. I step into his arms and press into him.

“We’re dancing again?”

“There’s going to be a lot more dancing,” I tell him. “You may have noticed I’m taking your advice.”

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. He rests his forehead against mine before pulling back, meeting my eyes. “You just implied you’re banging me tonight.” His grin gets bigger as his hands snake around my waist.

“Play your cards right.”

“I forgot my cards.” His smile wilts dramatically. “But I did bring my penis.”

“I’ll try not to break it this time.”

“In fact, I think you should try your hardest.”

The bass shakes up through the floor and we’ve been semi-yelling this playful banter, but the mood slides away, cooling between us, and the moment grows a little heavy. We’ve always been best at flirting, best at fucking, but we’ve had to pretend to be someone else for us to open up sincerely.

“Talk to me,” he says, bending to whisper the words into my ear. “Tell me what happened that morning you left.”

“I sort of felt like I had to step up and face what comes next,” I say quietly, but he’s still bent close, and I know he’s heard me. “It was shitty of you not to tell me about Perry, but really it just gave me the shove I needed.”

“I’m sorry,
Cerise
.”

My chest tightens when he calls me this pet name and I run my hands up and down his chest. “If we’re going to try to do this, I need to know you’ll talk to me about things.”

“I promise. I will.”

“I’m sorry I left the way I did.”

His dimple flashes for the tiniest second. “Show me you’re still wearing my ring and you’re forgiven.”

I hold up my left hand and he stares for a beat before bending to kiss the thin gold band.

We sway a little, not moving much, while all around us people bounce and shake and dance on the floor. I lean my head into his chest and close my eyes, breathing in every part of him. “Anyway, we’re done with all of that. It’s your turn to babble tonight.”

With a little smile, he bends close, kissing first my right cheek, and then my left. And then he touches his lips to mine for several long, perfect seconds. “My favorite color is green,” he says against my mouth, and I giggle. His hands slide down my sides, arms wrap together around my waist as he bends close, kissing his way up my neck. “I broke my arm when I was seven, trying to ride a skateboard. I love spring, hate winter. My childhood best friend’s name was Auguste and his older sister was Catherine. She was my first kiss, when I was eleven and she was twelve, in the pantry at my father’s house.”

My fingers glide over his chest, up his throat, and link at the back of his neck.

“My greatest trauma was my mother leaving for the States, but otherwise—and even though my father is a tyrant—my childhood was quite nice. I was terrible at math in school. I lost my virginity to a girl named Noémi when I was fourteen.” He kisses my cheek. “The last woman I had sex with was my wife, Mia Rose Guillaume.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “My favorite food is bread—I know it sounds horribly boring. And I don’t like dried fruit.”

I laugh, pulling him in for a real kiss—finally—and
Oh
.
My. God.
His mouth is warm, already accustomed to mine. His lips are both soft and commanding. I feel his need to touch, to taste and fuck barely restrained, and his hands slide down over my ass, pulling my hips into him. His tongue barely touches mine and we both groan, pulling apart and breathing heavily.

“I’m not sure I ever made a woman come with my mouth before I met you,” he admits. “I love kissing you there. And I love your ass, it’s perfect.” With this, I feel his length stir against my stomach as his hands squeeze me. “I like any kind of sex with you, but I prefer being on top of you . . . You make missionary feel dirty the way you grab and move under me.”

Holy shit.
I squirm in his arms. “Ansel.”

“I know the exact sound you make when you come; you could never fake it with me.” He smiles, adding, “Again.”

“Tell me everyday things,” I beg him. “This is killing me.”

“I hate killing spiders, because I think they’re amazing, but I’ll do it for you if you’re afraid of them. I hate being a passenger in a car because I prefer to drive.” He kisses his way to my ear, whispering, “We can live in San Diego, but I want to at least spend summers in France. And maybe we will move my mother here when she is older.”

My chest almost aches with the force of each heartbeat. “Okay.”

He smiles and I touch his dimple with the tip of my finger. “And you really are moving here?”

“I think in February,” he says with a little shrug. As if it’s so easy. As if it’s a done deal.

I’m relieved, and I’m torn. It makes me giddy to have it so easily settled, but it’s only July. February is so far away. “That seems really far away.”

“I’ll visit in September. October. November. December. January . . .”

“How long are you staying?” Why haven’t I asked this yet? I’m suddenly dreading his answer.

“Only until tomorrow.” My stomach drops and I feel suddenly hollow. “I can miss Monday,” he says, “but need to be in to work on Tuesday for the first phase of the hearing.”

There’s not enough time. I’m already pulling him through the crowd, back to the table.

“You guys—”

“I know, Sugarcube,” Harlow says, already nodding. “You have twelve hours. I have no idea what you’re doing in this place. Go.”

So not only did they know he was coming, they knew when he was leaving. They’ve talked through all of it. Holy hell I love my friends.

I kiss Harlow, I kiss Lola, and shove our way to the front exit.

SOMEHOW WE MANAGE
to make it back to my apartment with our clothes still on. I pray we don’t wake Julianne as we trip, kissing, up the driveway, and then bang into the side of the garage, where Ansel slides his hands up under my dress and beneath my underwear, begging me to let him feel me. His fingers are warm and demanding, pushing aside the flimsy lace and sliding back and forth over my skin.

“You feel unreal,” he whispers. “I need you bare. I need to see you.”