Sweet Seduction Sabotage (13 page)

A smile spread across my lips just as the phone rang. I didn't have one in the spare bedroom so tumbled out of bed and ran down the hall to the one on the wall across from my bedroom. I was slightly out of breath from surprise and the effort required to get there quickly by the time I answered.

"Hello?" It sounded husky too.

"Well, hello to you, Kels," Gen sounded out down the line. "Have a nice evening, or did I interrupt the encore this morning?"

"Nothing happened," I blurted, just as Drew rounded the corner already dressed for work in his clothes from yesterday, holding out a take-away coffee cup. It was from one of our main oppositions, but right then, I couldn't have cared less. I managed a shy smile and accepted the offering, taking a sip before Gen could think of a come-back.

"Well, that is disappointing. I thought I'd have some gossip to share with Lucas as we set up this morning."

"There's no gossip, and I'll be there so don't think about making any up."

"Ah, no. You won't. You're taking today off."

"I don't need today off, Gen. I'm fine."

Was I? Not quite, but better than yesterday, I think. Drew watched on silently, sipping his own coffee and leaning against the door jam to the lounge.

"Is your jaw sore?" she asked.

I flexed it. It ached. With a frown I muttered a quiet, almost inaudible, "A bit."

"Will you be in charge of Sweet Seduction as of next week for a fortnight while I relax in honeymoon bliss?"

I sighed. "Yes."

"One day off today to recuperate, get yourself a spa treatment, and then back at it for the long haul. Is it too much for me to ask?"

Another sigh. "No."

"Then it's settled. Have fun. See you tomorrow, sweet pea. Love ya!"

And then she was gone. I stared at the receiver and then slowly replaced it on the hook.

"I've been ordered to take the day off," I unnecessarily explained.

"Probably a good idea. Busy week ahead."

I lifted my eyes to his.

"How did you know it's going to be busy?"

"Well, there is a huge-arse wedding planned for this weekend and if you're half as busy as I'll be, getting final tuxedo fittings and doing last minute ridiculous tasks for my best friend in order for him to relax on his big day, then you'll be busy."

Oh.

"Plus, I plan to spend every available minute outside of work in, on, behind, beneath, and around you."

Oh
.

"Even at work, if we can swing it. I still like the idea of the District Court cloakroom."

"Drew," I chastised, but my heart wasn't in it. Somehow my heart was currently fluttering around pathetically inside my chest, too elated at the prospect of spending time with Drew.

And when had that become an excuse for my pulse rate to samba through my veins?

He took a sip of his coffee hiding his smirk.

"So, what will you do today?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I hadn't taken a day off in months.

"Meet me for lunch?"

"I'm seeing you tonight," I reminded him.

He nodded, slight frown in place.

"You're right. Don't want to make you sick of me before the big event."

I raised eyebrows at him. "Big event?"

"Gen and Dom's wedding," he explained. "Where I'm the best man and you're the maid of honour, and I'll be shagging you in a supply closet off the main hall of the hotel reception. That big event."

Oh. I shook my head.

"You've got sex on the brain." Which was an entirely ironic thing for me, Kelly Quayle, to say.

"No, Kelly," he said, leaning forward and kissing me softly against the lips.

Coffee and Drew met my tongue. The kiss deepened, the coffees in our respective hands forgotten, until I heard a splash on the floor at my back.

"Oops," he whispered against my lips. "See, it's not sex I've got on my mind, but you. I'm Kelly obsessed, and have been from the moment I laid eyes on you."

He pulled back, swept his gaze over my t-shirt and knickers attire, and smirked.

"And you're mine."

With that he offered a wink and slipped out the front door, no doubt heading to work whistling a tune, happy with the state he'd left me in. There was nothing for it, my shower would have to be cold.

Showers are tricky things. When you're alone in there, running through your daily routine without conscious thought, your subconscious takes over. Your mind wanders, and for me, right now when my life was still in tatters and only just showing any sign at all of straightening out the mess, my mind chose to fixate on my lifestyle.

That is, the lifestyle I had just left.

I didn't particularly want to dwell on where I'd been, but my mind had other plans. And by the time I'd washed the conditioner from my hair I'd managed to count up the total of my remembered liaisons.

I've never been so drunk that I've lost hours like I did on Friday night - that was thankfully a first - but time and volume made accuracy hard to achieve. With reluctant effort however, I determined the number in the vicinity of fifty.

Five-oh.

It was the water running cold down my back that made me realise I'd closed my eyes and leaned my head against the shower stall for quite some time while I digested that fact. An emptiness consuming my body, banishing any of the warmth Drew had left behind, replacing it with a familiar sensation of
nothing
.

I needed to feel.

Fuck! I needed to keep my mind occupied and make it through this moment without doing what I always did.

Seeking a hit of bliss to numb the pain of emptiness.

Reaffirming that I was alive.

A sound of frustration mixed with desolation left my lips as I towelled off. My eyes lifted to the steamy mirror, still able to see the haunted blue staring back through the fog.

"What are you doing?" I asked the woman, who appeared as though a stranger, as she pleaded for help in the mirror. "You're better than this."

I was better than this. Stronger than this. But it was hard. My mind told me one thing, by body and soul cried out another. I ached in a way that wasn't physical. It was wretched and bleak and so desperately alone.

I dressed numbly, going through the motions without much care. I did my face and hair, made sure I
looked
like Kelly Quayle, even though I no longer knew who that woman was at all.

"Who are you?" I muttered to myself, aware I was having a conversation with no one and starting to sound mad.

Which brought on a bubble of hysterical laughter and that was quite enough of that.

I had to get out of the house. I had to keep moving. I needed a distraction.

Limbs, sweat soaked skin, teeth, bliss.

"No."

I stumbled from the bedroom into the hall and careened into the wall beside the phone. Snatching the handset off its hook I crumbled to the floor, vaguely aware that my cheeks were wet. My make-up would be ruined.

Oh fuck, I needed help. How could I go from such sweet normality this morning to the deepest, darkest black? There was no rhyme nor reason. It hit like a ten tonne truck. Blind-sided me, all because I took a shower and let my mind roam.

I panted though the panic attack, clutching the handset to my chest, hearing the dial tone go from its waiting signal, to a more determined wake-the-fuck-up sound.

I could do this.

I reset the dial tone and looked at the keypad, trying to will my brain to function in a straight line. I pressed the key to the phone book and scrolled through the names.

Bad move.

Fourth name on the list was Dan. Sixth was Fred, the stupid name Abi had given Drew. Tenth was Kane. I made myself stop then and breathed through the bile that surged up my throat. Then with shaking hands I returned to the address book and deleted each one of my five, replacing Fred's name with Drew's. I pulled my cellphone out of my pocket and did the same, cleaning another part of my slate.

Sill sitting on the floor of the hall I let my head roll back on my shoulders and rest against the wall. My eyes closed and I waited for the next sensation. I expected guilt or shame, or regret or even disgust. But miraculously I felt a little proud. Mixed with a huge dollop of relief.

I was still here. I was still breathing. And the black had receded a little to a more manageable grey.

This was good. This was something I could work with. Now I just needed to keep going, keep busy, find something else to see me through the day. I couldn't go to Sweet Seduction, even if I just wanted to fill in time. Gen would boot me out, insisting I needed the break. And there was no way I was dragging her into my shadows today.

I needed to do this for myself, but that did not mean I needed to do it alone.

I flicked back through the phone book on the handset and settled on Abi. She'd understand. She'd keep me tethered until I could get to Drew tonight.

Part of me was concerned that I saw Drew as my salvation. Part of me was downright worried that I was trading one drug for another. But even alcoholics need a crutch, a less wicked and insidious vice. Or a sponsor.

Maybe Drew was my sponsor.

Maybe I was losing my mind.

Abi picked up after three rings.

"Abi's House of Horrors. You pick 'em, we stick 'em."

"That doesn't even make sense," I shot back, feeling more and more like myself having heard her happy-go-lucky voice.

"Bite me. I'm under pressure and otherwise engaged. What goes with the lawyer-lover?"

"Are you referring to me or Drew, because I just don't get it."

"Well, you're the lawyer-lover of course, because you love the lawyer. Duh."

"I don't love him."

"Well, as much as you can love a man, Kels."

And that said a hell of a lot, didn't it?

Silence.

"Kelly? Aw shit. I'm sorry, my mind's occupied and I really didn't think that one through. Are you OK?"

"It's all right, Abs. I'm just a little fragile."

Silence again. I'd never admitted a weakness to anyone.

"Jesus Kel, you're scaring me. You almost sound like a normal person." She'd said it with a laugh in her voice, trying to lift the moment from the deep hole it had become.

I decided I should help her out a little, this was getting way more awkward than Abi and I usually shared.

"Um, are you free to go shopping with me? I've got to buy a new bed and linen and, oh, I suppose a new outfit for the opera tonight."

"Whoa, whoa, and whoa. First. A new bed? Did you break the last one? Man, and I thought Ben was adventurous, I guess you weren't kidding when you said that about Drew."

I hesitated too long in answering.

"I did it again, didn't I?" Abi said quietly, all humour having left her tone.

"It's new ground for me too, Abs."

"Oh, sweetie," she said on a sigh. Then, "Fuck. I really,
really
wish I could go shopping, but big shit's hit the big fan and Nick’s got us all out on stake outs. I'm currently lying on my belly on the roof of a dodgy building in Fort Street, piss and cigarette butts sticking to my clothes, as I watch the back door of Declan King's last known hide-out through binoculars. I'd offer for you to come and join me, but honestly, this shit sucks."

I so did not know what to say to that.

"Kelly?"

"You said you loved your job," I pointed out, still a little stunned. "Really?"

"Well, not so much now and I think it's about to friggin' rain. But the prick has been sighted on a number of occasions recently, in and around Auckland, and radar has gone bat shit crazy with something big he has planned."

"That does not sound good," I offered.

"You better believe it, sister. Otherwise I would be sexy dress shopping and shagalicious bed testing with you all afternoon."

"Well, I think your current task is more important."

"Yeah," she agreed softly. "It doesn't look good for King's enemies right now, and that includes Nick."

"Be careful, eh?" I whispered. "You and Ben mean the world to me." My voice cracked in a ridiculous show of emotions.

I was just so damn emotional right now.

"Oh, Kel. I promise once this is all done, we'll get together and watch cheesy movies and get shitfaced drunk."

"OK," I said, not wanting to point out that I was thinking of ditching the alcohol as well.

A clean slate means a clean slate. Well, in my case, kind of. I still had Drew. Which did manage to bring a smile to my face.

"I'll just have to test the shagalicious bed and choose my slinky, sexy outfit on my own," I offered.

"You gonna be OK?" Abi whispered.

"I'll be fine, Abs. I'm a survivor."

A pause, then, "Kelly, thanks for calling me. For asking me." I knew what she meant. I'd asked for help, albeit disguised in a simple shopping trip. I'd never done that before.

"Of course," I whispered back. "We're best friends."

We hung up after that and I realised, despite not being able to spend time with Abs, I wasn't feeling black. I felt... pink. Which was strange, but then maybe the fact that I'd put myself out there, let her see a little of what was going on, felt risky and invigorating. A little bit red. And because she didn't shoot me down in a way I had always thought someone would when you exposed your rotten core, it also felt good. Not bad.

I could handle pink. It was way better than black.

I spent the rest of the day shopping, doing chores, making an impromptu visit to the doctors to get myself tested and cleared for any... well, you know what. The results would take ten whole days. But I considered it a valuable investment in time.

Fifteen years I lived that lifestyle. I made sure to be regularly tested and always used protection, never went bare. But it had been a month since my last test, not overdue in the scheme of my previous lifestyle. However, now I couldn't wait to be cleared.

It represented the start of my new life. Until I had that piece of paper in my hand I would always feel connected in some small way to who I had been up until now.

Ten days couldn't come fast enough, as far as I was concerned.

I returned home just in time for the delivery of my new bed. The delivery guys were kind enough to take away the old one, doing all the heavy lifting and leaving me with a brand spanking - heh, I liked that term - new shagalicious bed.

I wondered if Drew and I would use it this evening, after the opera. I wondered if he'd make love to me in this bed.

I spent a little too long lying out on it imagining what making love to Drew would feel like. By the time I realised that, it was just going on five in the evening, and I hadn't made the bed or eaten since a muffin on the go around lunchtime, or started to get ready for Drew. He'd text messaged me earlier, to say he'd pick me up at six for dinner, prior to the theatre at eight.

He was taking me on a date. I'd had dates before, of course, but this felt different. This felt special. This felt... right.

I turned the stereo up loud while I fussed with the bed, making it perfect, letting my mind wander on all the things I could do to Drew when I had him between the thousand count cotton sheets I'd just bought. These were pleasurable thoughts, more pink than black, more red than grey.

I showered, and primped and preened and took an exorbitant amount of time with my make-up and hair. I was just looking at my refection in the mirror when the doorbell rang. I took one last look, nodded to myself, and then skipped - yes, skipped - down the hallway to open the door.

He was in a tux. He looked fantastic. Just off black, made to measure suit that curved across his shoulders. A crisp white shirt hugging his pecs, gold cuff-links with some sort of lion design at his wrists. His hands holding a bunch of flowers.

He'd brought me flowers. I couldn't breathe.

My eyes darted up to his face and caught the first real view of
him
. His mouth was parted, his pupils dilated, a shine sparking in the beautiful grey depths. He licked his lips, let a breath of air out on a rush and stammered, "You l..look spectacular."

My smile was a mile wide.

"Are those crystals?" he asked, letting his eyes devour my body in the figure hugging purple studded floor length dress.

One strap over a shoulder, the other bare. A tight fitting bodice that made my cleavage look like a page three model's and a slit up the side that showed off the smooth, tanned and bare skin of my left leg. It was a little slutty, a little sexy, and absolutely me.

I can't help it. Even when wiping my slate clean, I have no desire to change the way I dress. If it's not correct, then I'm sorry. But looking at the admiration and lust on Drew’s face right now, I couldn't believe that my fashion sense was wrong.

"Yes, hand stitched," I finally replied. The dress had cost a fortune, but it was my way of celebrating a new start, and by the time I purchased it, I'd made it through most of the day without going back to black. It was a reward of sorts. And I loved it.

"I love it," Drew announced, echoing my thoughts. "Please tell me you're panty-less under there."

I raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't you like to know?"