Sweet Surrender (5 page)

You are such a chickenshit.

She could have just kissed him. No law said she had to wait on him. And he’d wanted to; she could tell that much. She mentally replayed the sensation of his tongue sliding over her finger. She could easily imagine his mouth on her body, moving delicately across her rib cage, to the underswell of her breast and then finally to her nipples.

A groan escaped her as her breasts ached, a tingle knotting the tips into taut beads. Hard to believe that just the other night she’d enjoyed mediocre sex with John. Now in light of what she felt Gray could give her, her past experiences paled in comparison. And she hadn’t even gone to bed with him yet.

Yet. A giddy smile curved her lips as she shuffled toward her bathroom.
Yet
implied intent.

G
ray yawned and stretched tired muscles as he let himself into his apartment. He’d only get a couple of hours’ sleep. If he was lucky. But the phone tap on Faith’s office phone was in place, and all that remained was for him to get into her apartment to bug her personal line.

A twinge of guilt nipped at his gut as he palmed the key he’d lifted from Pop’s office. Pop kept spares of all the apartment keys there, and so Gray had taken the one for Faith’s apartment.

He needed to get in today as soon as she left for work and return the key before it was missed.

As he shed his shirt and tossed it on the couch, he saw his answering machine light blinking. Knowing it could only be from Mick or one of the guys from work, he shuffled over and hit the Play button.

“Gray, it’s Mick. Call me no matter what time you get in.”

Short and sweet. There was an urgency to Mick’s voice that woke Gray from his lethargy. Glancing at the clock, he shrugged and picked up the phone. Mick had said no matter what time it was.

A few seconds later, Mick’s disgruntled voice fed over the phone line.

“I didn’t send you down there to party. Where the hell have you been?”

Gray sighed in irritation. “I was getting the phone tap in place. Can’t exactly do that in broad daylight. Now what is so all-fired important?”

“Samuels was spotted in Huntsville earlier today. Woman was with him.”

“You think he’s on his way here?” Gray asked.

“I think it’s a damn good possibility. Stay close to the girl. I bet anything Samuels and the mother are headed straight for her. They probably set up the meeting when the mom called the other day.”

Gray frowned. Was that what had Faith so edgy? And did she have any idea what her mother was involved in, or was she just acting the dutiful daughter?

“I’ll keep my eyes and ears open, Mick. You know that.”

“Just wanted you to know,” Mick said gruffly. “Let me know if the tap turns anything up.”

Gray hung up the phone, not liking the implications of what Mick had reported. Was Faith involved, or was she just being used by her manipulative mother?

He scrubbed a hand over his hair and then rubbed his palm down his face. Maybe he’d call in sick tomorrow. That would give him time to slip into Faith’s apartment after she left for work, then he could return home to get some sleep.

He trudged into the bedroom and set his alarm for six. Two hours. He’d sleep for two hours then get up and wait for Faith to leave.

When the alarm went off, Gray groaned and slapped his hand over to stanch the annoying cacophony. After several long minutes, in which he argued the need to get up at all, he finally swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat there, face buried in his hands.

Knowing that Faith would leave at seven sharp, as she did every morning, he got up and headed for the shower.

At six forty-five, he called Pop’s cell phone and told him he was home sick for the day. After enduring a gruff lecture to get plenty of rest, Gray hung up and nursed his cup of coffee.

At six fifty-five, he moved to the living room window that overlooked the parking lot and nudged the curtain aside so he could see Faith’s car. As expected, at seven, she hurried out of her apartment and got into her vehicle.

One down, three to go.

He kept vigil by the window until one by one, Connor, Nathan and Micah also got into their trucks and headed off. Knowing he needed to be quick, he retrieved Faith’s key from the kitchen table and slipped out of his apartment.

He didn’t waste any time looking around. He didn’t want to arouse suspicion. When he reached her door, he slid the key into the lock and went inside.

As he scanned the living room, he grinned. Weren’t most women supposed to be neat freaks? Clutter abounded, and it looked as though she performed a striptease on the way to her bedroom. Pieces of clothing lay tossed aside, forming a path from the door toward the hallway.

His gaze focused in on her computer several feet away. It sat atop a wooden desk, piles of paper and books scattered across the surface. Her screen saver hadn’t come up yet, and what was pictured on the monitor gave him serious pause.

Porn? She’d been looking at porn? Despite the urgency of the task at hand, he simply couldn’t walk away. The idea that she’d be surfing pornographic websites seemed incongruous with the image she projected.

He walked over and leaned in closer. Hmm, not a porn site, at least not in the typical fashion. The website was actually an informational on bondage and submission. Couples in a variety of poses dotted the page, and Gray couldn’t help but picture Faith in the woman’s stead.

Did she harbor dark fantasies? Sweet, easily blushing Faith with a penchant for kink? The dichotomy turned him on and intrigued the hell out of him.

Then he frowned. Was she just another woman all too willing to give up control in the bedroom, live for the fantasy then forget the whole thing the next morning? It wasn’t as if he hadn’t had his fill of those women.

Oh, they were more than willing to play a role, one that only extended to the bedroom, but when it was over with, they became a completely different woman.

He wasn’t into pretend shit. He wasn’t some damn puppet to have his strings pulled then be put back on the shelf until it was time to play again.

He shook his head and smiled ruefully. He was getting worked up over nothing. And letting past experiences color his perception of something he had no idea about. Who knew what Faith was up to or why she was looking at submission sites. It wasn’t any of his damn business.

Remembering the fact that he had a job to do, one that didn’t include figuring out a dozen ways to fuck Faith, he hurried into the kitchen. After arranging the tap, he headed for her bedroom, sure he’d find another phone there, but after a quick search of the house, he only discovered the one in the kitchen.

Quickly surveying the living room and kitchen to make sure he hadn’t disturbed anything, he strode to the door, opened it a tiny crack and peered out. Not seeing anyone, he let himself out, locking it behind him. Then he hightailed it back to his apartment and the promise of a nice long nap.

Faith raised her hand to knock on Gray’s door but hesitated at the last minute.

“Don’t be such a ninny,” she muttered. “Just because you can’t be around him two seconds without blushing doesn’t mean you’re a spineless wimp.”

Shifting the sack she held in her arm, she pressed her lips together and knocked. She waited several seconds then knocked again, louder this time.

Finally the door opened, and she blinked as Gray, a shirtless Gray, stood in the doorway. He leaned against the frame for a minute, and she let her gaze wander down his body. He wore only a pair of jeans, and his bare feet stuck out from the pants legs.

As she glanced back up his body, she stopped at his chest. He folded his arms over his rib cage, and she couldn’t help but admire the bulging muscles of both his arms and his upper chest.

He only had a smattering of hair in the hollow and then a fine line leading downward to his navel. She felt the dreaded heat of a blush as her eyes settled on the fly of his jeans.

Finally she jerked her gaze back up. He was eyeing her lazily, his blue eyes studying her much as she’d been studying him.

“I, uh, sorry to bother you. Pop said you weren’t feeling well.” She thrust the bag toward him. “I brought you some homemade chicken and dumplings.”

He smiled as he took the bag. Then he stepped back. “Come in, please.”

She hesitated for a minute then followed him inside.

“This was sweet of you. You shouldn’t have come all the way over here. I’m feeling much better now.”

He set the bag down on the bar separating the small kitchen from the living room then looked back at her again. “Just let me grab a shirt, and I’ll be right back.”

She fidgeted as he walked down the hallway to his bedroom, and when he disappeared she let out a long breath. She turned her attention to the bag on the bar and removed the plastic container holding the chicken and dumplings.

Not wanting to stand there like an idiot, she walked around the bar into the kitchen and set about looking for a bowl. When she found one, she hastily transferred the contents of the plastic container to it and thrust it into the microwave.

She set it for two minutes then rummaged around for a spoon. Just as the timer went off on the microwave, Gray sauntered back in, this time wearing a T-shirt. It was all she could do not to sigh in disappointment.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he protested as she gestured for him to sit down.

“Sit,” she directed. “It’s all done anyway.”

She removed the bowl and stirred the dumplings before plopping the bowl in front of him. “Do you want something to drink?”

He put his hand on her arm. “Faith, sit down. You don’t have to wait on me.”

“I should probably be going,” she hedged.

“Do I make you nervous?” he asked as he stared intently at her.

“W-why would you ask that?”

“Because you’re making a habit out of running away from me,” he said.

She sank onto the barstool across from him like a deflated balloon. “Oh, no, I mean, well, yes, you make me nervous.”

Her hand came up to her mouth in mortification. Had she just said that?

He chuckled. “At least you’re honest.”

“I’ve made a pact with myself to start being more direct,” she explained.
God, Faith, shut up!

His eyes twinkled, and he grinned. “Then maybe you’ll tell me why I make you nervous.”

“Not that direct,” she muttered.

He laughed and picked up his spoon. “Mmm, this is really good. Not only are you beautiful—and adorable—but you’re an excellent cook as well. I’m dying to know why you’re still single.”

She glared at the mischief in his eyes. He was totally yanking her chain.

“Maybe I haven’t found a man worthy of my beauty or culinary skills,” she said airily.

He raised his spoon in salute. “Touché.”

“I really should be going. My lunch hour is almost over, and I have a lot of paperwork to do this afternoon.”

“Have you eaten anything?” he asked.

“I’ll get something when I get back to the office. I just wanted to see how you were feeling.”

His gaze caressed her face, his expression intense. “I appreciate it.”

She stood awkwardly, smoothing down nonexistent wrinkles in her jeans. She reached into her pocket for her keys and headed around the bar. As she passed him, he reached for her wrist.

A surge of warmth raced up her arm as his fingers pressed into her skin.

“Thank you,” he said huskily.

For a minute, she thought he’d kiss her, just as she’d thought he would last night. But again, she was disappointed as he let his fingers slide off her wrist.

“I’ll see you later,” she said as she started for the door once more.

F
aith got out of her car and headed back into the office building. When she rounded the corner into her office, she was surprised to see Connor and Pop sitting in chairs eating pizza.

“Hey,” she said in delight. “I thought you guys were eating out today.”

“Well, we came by to eat with you,” Connor said. “But you weren’t exactly here.”

Her cheeks prickled, and she fought to maintain a neutral expression. “I took some chicken and dumplings over to Gray. I wanted to see if he was feeling any better.”

“That was nice,” Pop said with an approving nod. “How was he?”

Faith walked over to the open pizza box and took out a slice. She picked up a napkin and took her chair behind the desk. “He seemed to be feeling better. I think he must have been in bed when I knocked because he looked like he’d been asleep.”

“Have things been okay with you, Faith?” Connor asked bluntly.

She blinked in surprise, the pizza stopping its rise halfway to her mouth. She set the slice back down and looked over at her brother.

“Things are fine. Why on earth do you ask?”

“Pop and I have been worried,” Connor said. “You just seem distant lately.”

A momentary rush of panic swelled in her throat. Had her mom called when she wasn’t in the office? Did they already know that Celia was in dire straits again?

She hated these situations. She never wanted Pop or Connor to regret inviting her into their lives. No way would she burden them with issues involving her deadbeat mother. They’d done more than their fair share of dealing with Celia.

“Faith?” Pop’s gravelly voice interrupted her dire thoughts. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine. You two worry too much.” She smiled reassuringly at them both.

Connor grunted. “Worrying is what we do best.”

Faith concentrated on her piece of pizza, chewing and swallowing mechanically. What would she do if her mom called when Faith was out of the office? What if Pop or Connor answered? Would her mom hang up or lay out her sob story regardless of who was on the other end?

Embarrassment, hot and raw, crawled up her spine and wrapped around her neck like a vise grip. Why now? Why after all this time did her mother have to worm her way—or try to worm her way—back into Faith’s life? Because if Faith had her way, Celia would stay the hell away.

“What do you think of Gray?” Pop spoke up.

Faith looked up in surprise. “Huh?”

“Seems like a good fellow,” Pop continued. “Too bad about his partner. I bet Gray made a damn fine cop.”

“Is he quitting?” Faith asked curiously. Had Gray decided to take a permanent position with Pop?

Pop shook his head. “No, not that I know of. Far as I know, he’s just taking a break.”

“Ah, you made it sound like he wasn’t going back or something.”

Connor swallowed his last bite of pizza. “I don’t see him as the quitting type.”

On that he and Faith agreed.

Pop shrugged. “Sometimes a man just needs a change. That’s all I’m saying.”

The phone rang, and Faith dropped her pizza. Pop looked quizzically at her as Connor reached for the phone. Faith lunged for it and slipped the receiver from underneath Connor’s grasp.

“Malone’s,” she said as cheerfully as her frayed nerves would allow.

Her shoulders sagged in relief when she heard the person identify himself and ask to speak to Pop.

She held the phone out to her father. “It’s for you. Raymond Jarrell.”

Pop wiped his hands on a napkin and reached for the phone. As he took it, Faith’s gaze flickered over to see Connor staring at her, his brow furrowed as if he was trying to see right into her head.

She looked away then gathered up the empty pizza box and escaped the office with it, heading to the larger trash can in the back. As she stuffed it into the large plastic can, Connor’s hand closed over her wrist.

She turned, and his concerned gaze met her head-on.

“What’s going on, Faith?”

When her gaze drifted downward, his other hand cupped her chin and directed her eyes upward to meet his.

“You know you can come to me with anything, right?”

She smiled, feeling the sting of tears at his loving concern. “Yes, I know, big brother. Everything is okay. Really.”

He looked doubtfully at her but let his hand fall. “I’m here when you’re ready to talk about whatever’s bugging you. Just remember that.”

He bumped her nose with his knuckle then turned and walked back toward the front.

Faith sighed and closed her eyes. She hated lying to them, but she also hated the idea of them knowing her mother was calling again. She knew Pop would take over, shield her from the calls, even going as far as to change the business number or screen all the calls, but she couldn’t allow that. It was time for her to take a proactive stance, one that didn’t allow for her mother’s manipulation.

Was it horrible to admit that she simply felt better when her mother was out of sight and out of mind? When she didn’t have to think about her or wonder what mess she’d gotten herself into.

Again the prick of tears stung her eyelids, and she gritted her teeth in irritation.
Don’t let her do this to you. Not again. She’s caused you enough emotional angst for a lifetime
.

Faith took several steadying breaths as she tried to gain control of the surge of emotion and grief she felt. No matter how hard she tried to steel herself against the emotional fallout her mother caused, it always hit her square in the chest. There was too much sadness and regret buried behind the protective barrier Faith had built to keep her mother out.

“It wasn’t your doing,” she whispered. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She forced herself forward, down the hallway back to her office. She was careful to adapt a serene expression, hopefully something that didn’t belie her inner turmoil. As she headed toward her desk, Pop looked up.

“We’re heading out, Faith. You going to come over for dinner tonight? I’m cooking your favorite.”

She grinned. “Would I miss corn dogs and Tater Tots?”

“Smart-ass. I’m making lasagna and garlic bread. Connor’s coming, so you two could ride together if you wanted.”

She glanced over at Connor, who raised his eyebrow in question.

“Sure, that sounds great, Pop. I’ll look forward to it.”

Pop put a hand on her shoulder and dropped a kiss on top of her head. “You take care and be sure and leave here at a decent hour. We’ll be out for the afternoon, so if you need us, just holler.”

On impulse, she reached out and hugged him, burying her face against his chest. He seemed surprised at first then folded his arms around her, squeezing her tight.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said gruffly.