Sweet Texas Kiss (Sweet Texas Secrets) (17 page)

Gently, he moved her onto her back and ran his fingers over her skin, leaving a sizzling trail in their wake. Unable to open her eyes yet, knowing that he was looking at her with something close to love and not sure she could take any more, she basked in the glow of his touch. Lowering himself over her, he gently pushed her thighs apart so he could enter her, and she opened her eyes. She was right. His gaze was hungry, intense, and open, and yet she was unafraid. She pulled him into her arms. He offered her the freedom to explore what could develop between them without the need to protect herself. Gavin was solid, a man who didn’t play games with emotions, even when they weren’t pretty. He didn’t toy with people. He told you how he felt, and damn the consequences. And tonight he powerfully demonstrated to her how he felt. She arched her back to meet him, losing herself in his embrace. Too soon, he finished and collapsed beside her.

As their breath slowed, he held her in his arms, kissing her hair and tracing lazy circles on her skin with his fingertips. She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Words were inadequate for the swell of emotion she felt, but she eventually spoke. “I think I could happily spend the rest of my life in this bed with you.”

“We’ll have to settle for the rest of the night.” She could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, the bass timbre rumbling beneath her ear.

“I’ll take it.”

He ran his hand down t her arm and entwined his fingers with hers. “You know, when you didn’t call me or stop by my office today, I worried that I had scared you off last night.”

Should she tell him that she had planned to leave earlier? The truth was that he
had
scared her a little, but he wasn’t the problem. Her fear of commitment and intimacy had pushed her to hide, not him. Admitting that she almost ran out wouldn’t help anything, though, and the experience they’d just shared would be dampened if she brought it up.

“There was a time when I couldn’t have handled the intensity of what we share, and I definitely would have run away from it.” He squeezed her hand. “Something happened today, and it made me realize what I want.” She curled herself around him, wanting to be as close as possible. “Things are different now.”

“What happened?” He sounded curious, but his voice was still lazy with satisfaction, and she imagined a future filled with nights at his side, snuggled together.

“Mr. Procter had a heart attack, and I filled in for him with his teen group. His daughter tracked me down and asked me to meet with them so they wouldn’t be on their own. I thought it would be weird, and it kind of was, but after a few minutes everything was fine.”

He tensed beneath her, breaking the spell. “Oh no, is he okay?”

“I called the hospital after I left the school, but there hasn’t been any change. They’re only allowing family to visit right now, so I haven’t seen him. He’s in critical condition in the ICU, and we’re all hoping for the best.”

“It’s a good thing you met the kids already. I’m sure it was nice for them to have you there to help out.”

“It helped me, too. I sang with them.” Her throat tightened, and she swallowed. “I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I didn’t want to let them down. It was the first time I’ve sung in years, and it was scary as hell, but it’s time I stopped holding myself back.”

He shifted, moving away from her enough that he could prop himself up on his elbow. “Wow. I know you said you don’t perform anymore, but you haven’t even been singing to yourself or with friends? How was it?”

She grinned, giddy with the excitement of getting her mojo back and glad that he realized how major it was. “It was amazing.”

He trailed the back of his hand gently down her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear. “That’s incredible.”

“It’s because of you.” Her words came out as a whisper. “Being with you has unlocked something inside me.” Everything was so new between them, but she wanted to let him know. “You’ve made me feel important, like the future was one of possibility instead of a dead end.”

Singing with the kids made her realize that she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life hiding. Her guilt over Tori’s death might never go away, and the loss might never stop hurting, but she didn’t have to stand still forever. There was a chance for her.

“You are important, and your future is full of possibility, but I didn’t do anything.”

“You took a chance on me. Even though I avoid everything and everybody that might make me feel anything, you tried. It made all the difference.”

He pulled her close again, and she settled against him, enjoying the warmth of the perfect fit and breathing in his clean, masculine scent. “I’m pretty sure you had it inside you all along, but I’m happy to take credit, if it means I get to hold you like this.”

“I could stay here forever.”

He kissed the top of her head. “Me, too.”

Eventually, Gavin untangled himself. Macy took the opportunity to enjoy the sight of him as he pushed up off the bed, stretched, and walked all the way around to the other side of the bed to reach the bathroom,. Strong muscles moved beneath his smooth skin, his hair was pleasantly ruffled, and his smile told her that he was feeling everything she was. He pulled on boxer shorts and leaned over the bed to kiss her again. His eyes fell to a spot on the floor, and his brow furrowed as he leaned over to pick something up.

It was the note she’d left. They must have knocked it to the floor earlier. Her heart sank. After everything they’d shared, the words she’d written earlier seemed unbearably flippant and cruel. The woman she’d been earlier in the day, the one who’d blown off such an incredible man, seemed like a stranger.

“Don’t read that,” she blurted. Which was exactly the wrong thing to say if you wanted someone not to read a note addressed to them. With her heart in her throat, she rubbed her temples as he read. His relaxed expression tightened and benign curiosity gave way to confusion as his brow furrowed. His jaw clenched, and he crumpled the paper a bit before looking at her, his eyes pools of disappointment.

“You were going to leave town without even saying good-bye?” His hand fell to his side, and the letter fluttered again to the carpet. He scraped his hand over his face, then yanked his shirt off the floor and pushed his arms into the sleeves as he shrugged it onto his shoulders.

Macy pulled the blankets up to her collarbone, tucking them around her body, and sat up. “I’m sorry. I wish I’d never written that, and I hope we can get past it. I just want to forget I ever thought about leaving. That was then, and things are different now.”

“How? You were going to leave, with only this note to explain yourself, and it couldn’t have been more than eight hours ago. How can things be that much different between then and now?”

His voice had risen, but he wasn’t shouting. Worse, he was not completely surprised by her actions. She deserved it, she knew it, but there had to be a way to turn it around. “I was afraid. After you kissed me last night, I ran because it’s so hard for me to admit that I have real feelings for anyone.”

“You don’t disappear on someone you have real feelings for, Macy.” He found his jeans and pulled them on.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back. Can you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive. You don’t owe me anything, and you’re free to come and go as you please. I’m just glad I found out that you don’t know what you want sooner rather than later. Probably saved me a lot of heartache.”

“I do know what I want, though. I want you. I want us.”

“You can’t possibly mean that for sure, Macy. If you think I’m fine with being walked out on, that I would kiss you like I did last night and it wouldn’t mean anything to me, then you don’t know me.”

“I do know you.” She wrapped the sheet tightly around her and moved to the end of the bed, raising herself up on her knees. Reaching out, she traced a light scar above his eyebrow with her fingertips. “I know that you got this when Gage lost his grip on a baseball bat. I know that you always prefer the book over the movie, that you take your coffee black, and that you decided to become a vet after your first dog died. I know that you smell like sunshine and your kisses make me weak. You’re the kind of guy who saves kittens and buys his employees flowers. I know you.”

He ran his hand over her hair, stopping to gently squeeze the nape of her neck, and kissed her gently on the forehead. “Then you know that I don’t do things halfway. As much as I like you, it won’t work if I can’t trust that you’re a hundred percent certain about me. I think you need some time to think about this to be sure.”

With a sad look, he disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her alone. As usual.

A few days later, Macy sat in an oversized leather chair at the huge walnut conference table in a generic meeting room, watching rivulets of condensation trail down her glass of water. Her agent and the show's producer went back and forth about scheduling, compensation, marketing, and other details about the new show she was being considered for. The opportunity was a perfect fit, and she would’ve been ecstatic to jump-start her career revival if things hadn’t ended so badly with Gavin.

It would be easy to get involved in working on two shows, maybe even returning to recording and touring, and convince herself that she was fine on her own. She’d become adept at pushing her feelings down in the years since Tori’s death, and this would be no different. She’d never forget him, but she’d no doubt tell herself that she didn’t deserve him and would move on with a semblance of a life. In her heart, she knew she wouldn’t take the steps to become a certified teacher or a therapist, and, truthfully, she wondered if that would even be enough for her if she did. Before she retreated within herself, her music career had been exhilarating. Now that she could sing again, there was a chance she could return to the way it had once been. It wouldn’t be the same without Tori, but she had to move on somehow.

Was there a way to balance a relationship with Gavin with a revived singing career? Would that be enough for him?

He wasn’t the kind of man to go for a watered-down commitment. He was serious, and he was future-focused. She had to be all in with him or nothing, and while she knew she wanted to, she didn’t know if she could.

She sat up straighter in her chair, focusing on the meeting and pushing her romantic ruminations aside.

“How does the
Musical Chairs
schedule work with
America’s Next Country Star
?”

“Currently, we’re in production at the same time as
America’s Next Country Star
,” the producer answered. “That might make for some long days, but the good news is, from what I can tell, our shoots are shorter since there’s no extra activity like on your other show. Without the mentoring and practice with the contestants, your time commitment will be significantly shorter. We also shoot on a condensed schedule, so while the days can be long, you’re done with the contract much sooner.”

“It might not be easy, but we can make it happen. I’ll need to chat with Macy privately before we make any decisions.” Her agent’s neutral tone didn’t give anything away. One of the things Macy had always loved about her was that she kept their enthusiasm for projects quiet until terms were agreed upon. Nobody could ever get away with a lowball offer because they knew Macy wanted the job.

Still, knowing how easy it would be to shut down the part of her that wanted to fall in love by filling the time with other obligations tempted her to take the job without any further consideration or negotiation. Life would be easier without a relationship with Gavin. She wouldn’t have to stretch and grow, would never have to open herself up to the possibility of loss, and wouldn’t have to learn how to be vulnerable and intimate with someone. She could throw herself headfirst into revitalizing her career and probably stage a big comeback.

It was too late to protect herself, though. Gavin was already in her heart, and she’d already been intoxicated by the hint of what life with him could be like. She’d never be able to forget what she’d longed for, and in her heart she knew that work alone couldn’t fulfill her anymore.

Karen wrapped up the meeting with her customary brisk manner. “The show is great, and I think it would be an amazing experience. We’ll discuss it and get back to you.”

The show producer and her agent packed up their things, and the producer shook hands with Macy. “It was nice to meet you. I look forward to hearing from you.”

“You, too, thanks.” Damn it, the show did sound amazing, and before she fell for Gavin, it would’ve been a dream job. Already, her heart beat for him, and a future without him was unthinkable. She couldn’t stay in Nashville and have Gavin, but would she regret turning down the show to go full circle back to the small, nowhere town of Sweet Ridge? If she could be with him, her tiny hometown wouldn’t seem so unimpressive. Was there a way to have a career and a life with Gavin?

When the door closed, Macy and Karen were alone in the huge room. Karen scooted her chair closer to Macy, grinning.

“So? What do you think?
Musical Chairs
is amazing, and you’ll be terrific on it!”

A month ago, this would’ve been a no-brainer: popular show, worked with her schedule, a way to move forward with her television career. Now, the thought of coming back to her old life in Nashville, without Gavin, left her feeling cold. And even if their relationship didn’t last, he’d awakened the sleeping giant within her. She couldn’t continue hiding from her true passion, and she had to start making music again.

“Honestly, I think I’d like to pass.” A thrill skipped down her spine with the realization that she was ready to put plans into motion.

Karen sat back, her expression carefully neutral. “Oh?”

“When I was back home in Sweet Ridge, I spent some time with some very special people, and something just opened up inside of me. I want to sing again.”

A huge grin took over Karen’s face. She leaned forward and slapped the table with an open palm. “Hot damn, girl! Why didn’t you say so in the first place? This is great news!”