Sweetest Salvation (9 page)

Mrs. Morrow moved around the
bed and sat on the end. “I know what it’s like to lose the man you love. It’s
not easy. Even to this day, I think about my Frederick many times a day. And
he’s been gone seventeen years.”

“You never remarried?”

“Oh heavens
no, my dear.
He was the only man for me. That I know.”

“But,” Andy swallowed hard,
uncertain how to ask the question, running wild in her mind. “Umm, that’s a
long time, what about—”

No, she couldn’t ask.

Mrs. Morrow chortled.
“The look on your face!”
 
She shook her head. “It’s okay. Obviously you’re thinking about sex.”

Andy blushed.

“I said I’ve never remarried.
I didn’t say I hadn’t found solace in another man’s arms now and again. I might
be getting on in age but I still know what I need.”

“I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Oh, child, think nothing of
it. I don’t offend easily. I’ve had a few men in my life over the years but no
one was quite right for me.”

Andy nodded. She had a great
marriage and Patrick was everything she’d ever wanted in a husband. To be
blessed with Peter as well, her life had been perfect.

“If another man came along
and made you feel as your husband did, would you consider marrying again?”

“At my age, I’m not sure. I’m
seventy-one, my dear, probably too old to get married again.”

“But if you did meet a man
that you wanted to marry, you would?” Andy persisted.

The older woman’s gaze
narrowed on her. Andy could practically see the questions churning through the
other woman’s thoughts.

“I guess it’s a possibility.
Andy, are you really all right?”

She shook her head, tears
filling her eyes.
 
“I’m so lost.
Confused.
I’m not sure how to move past missing them. It
hurts all the time.”

Mrs. Morrow reached out for
her hand and held it tight. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve suffered. I know
it isn’t easy but you have to remember the type of man Patrick was. He would
not want you suffering as you are.
And that little boy…
Oh, Andy, he knew how much you loved him. I didn’t have the privilege of
meeting him but the love in your voice and eyes when you’d share pictures whenever
you were here…oh, that boy would want you to be happy. And have more children
someday.”

Andy buried her face in her
hands and shook with tears. Mrs. Morrow’s arm came around her shoulders. “I
miss my baby boy so much.” Her shoulders shook and the tears fell. The arm
around her tightened and held her close.

Once she pulled herself
together a bit, Andy lifted her head and laid it on the older woman’s shoulder.
She savored the warmth and loving touch of a friend.

“I’m not sure I can lay my
heart in someone else’s hands. No matter how much I believe that he’d take care
of it.”

“Who is he, Andy?” Mrs.
Morrow questioned, her tone soft, without censor.

“Patrick’s best friend,” Andy
whispered.

“That Hunter fellow Patrick
mentioned a few times? I remember how much he meant to Patrick.”

Andy nodded. “He’d always
been family. Peter’s godfather, a part of the
Sheaver
family.”

“And how have you felt about
him?”

“We’ve always been friends.
In fact,” Andy
stopped,
certain that if she said it
out loud, she’d be admitting too much.

“Go on, my dear, your secrets
are safe with me.”

Andy moved out of her
embrace, picked up her tea and held in tight in her hands as she paced the
room. “It might be nothing I guess. Back in college, when I first met Hunter,
there was an attraction there.
 
God, does
that sound awful?”

Mrs. Morrow’s hazel eyes met
hers. “Did either of you act on the attraction?”

“No, never.
I could tell we were both attracted to each another but then I met Patrick.
Looking back…
Dammit
, I don’t know. But honestly, I
felt safer, more secure with Patrick.”

“I see,” Mrs. Morrow
murmured.

“I’m a horrible person.”

“Not at all.
Andy.” The older woman paused, and patted the seat beside her, beckoning Andy
to sit down again. “Listen, you can’t regret decisions you made then and you
can’t change anything now. You must let it all go. You did nothing wrong.
Things work out the way they do for many reasons. You loved Patrick
wholeheartedly. He knew that. And it is all that matters.”

Andy wanted to believe her.
In her mind, the words made sense, but in her heart…

It felt as if she’d betrayed
Patrick for years by developing deeper feelings for his best friend, to whom
she’d once been attracted.

“You need to hear what I’m
telling you, Andy. You and Hunter never acted on your feelings for one another,
not in your years of marriage to Patrick. It’s not like you to cheat. I don’t
need you to confirm that. You would never have done that to Patrick, to your
family. But now, with him gone, wouldn’t it be easier for the first relationship
you have to be with someone familiar?
Someone who has always
cared about you?”

Mrs. Morrow’s words sunk
deep. Andy let them settle and pondered them.

They made sense. Hunter would
never do anything to hurt her.

An overwhelming urge to talk
to him flooded Andy. She needed to talk to him, figure things out.

She put her arms around her
friend and squeezed. “Thank you. You don’t know how much you mean to me.”

When they pulled apart, they
shared a smile.

“I love when you come to
visit. I hope our talk has helped?”

“I need to talk to Hunter.
Perhaps over the phone, things would be easier?”

The other woman chuckled and
patted her shoulder when she stood. “Hmm, don’t trust yourself alone with him,
do you?”
 
She grinned at Andy over her
shoulder when she stood at the door. “I’ll see you later, my dear.”

After the door closed, Andy
grinned. The old woman was coy and perceptive.

She crossed to the bed,
pulled her cell phone from her purse and pushed the pillow up against the
headboard. She climbed onto the center of the bed and reclined on the pile
behind her.

Thanks to Mrs. Morrow’s
words, she knew the best thing for her was to reach out to Hunter.

She’d made the fast decision
to visit the B&B when she’d woken up beside Hunter on the couch at the club
five days ago. She’d panicked and needed to reconnect with something familiar
that had belonged solely to her and her husband.

Guilt had flooded her. She’d
had sex with her husband’s best friend. Though it was ridiculous to feel as if
she’d betrayed Patrick, her heart had other ideas.

She couldn’t allow herself to
speculate on what Patrick would think of her. She couldn’t regret it. She’d
wanted Hunter as much as he had her.

After she’d slid off the
couch quietly as possible and gathered her clothing from the floor, she’d
quickly dressed, then looked down at Hunter, still sleeping.

He looked so peaceful,
face
calm and relaxed in sleep. The absent tension in his
face after so long was nice to see. The sadness from the last year had eased,
and she realized how much pain he’d also been in.

His relationship with Patrick
had been strong, without a doubt, and she was angry with herself for being so
absorbed in her own pain that she hadn’t helped him with his grief.

She’d been such a bitch to
Hunter this last year. He’d needed her just as much as she did him. Once it
dawned on her how selfish and cold she’d been to him for so long, it was
essential to get away from him. How could he even look at her after how
horrible she’d been to him?

Scrolling through the
contacts on her phone, she pulled up his, took a deep breath,
then
hit send.

Tapping her fingers on her
thigh, she waited nervously for him to answer. After what seemed a dozen rings,
she was just about to hang up when she heard his voice. Butterflies fluttered
in her belly.

“Hello,” she heard him say
again.

“Hunter,” she said, voice
shaking.

“Andy?”

“Yeah, umm,
hi.”

“Hey, how are you?” She heard
the note of concern in his soft voice.

“I’m okay. Is this a bad
time?”

“No not at all, I’m working
from home for a few days.”

“Everything
all right at work?”
 
She didn’t want to talk about the club, but she didn’t know how to start
the conversation she knew they needed to have.

“No problems there. Just
quieter here, and gives me time to think.”

Here’s
your opening, take it.

“Thinking is good.”
 
God, she was such an idiot. Her throat felt
tight and dry. The words were stuck in her throat.

His chuckle wafted over the
line. “Sure. Listen, Andy, I can hear the nerves in your voice so I’m going to
cut right to the chase of things. I’ve left you dozens of messages over the
last few days, since I woke up to find you gone. Are you all right?
Really?”

She remembered the texts he’d
sent that she hit ignore on. He cared about her. She should have been a better
friend, if he considered her even that now, and let him know she was okay.

“I’m sorry, I needed some
space. I should have replied.”

“All right.
I understand what you’re going through, too. He was my best friend. To be with
you like that wasn’t an easy decision for me, either.”

“It didn’t seem too difficult
when you threw that ultimatum at me.” Andy said, anger seeping into her a bit.
He’d pushed her, forced things between them to take a different path.

She had to wonder if her
anger was because she’d wanted him. For years, the attraction she’d once felt
for him lay smothered and forgotten. In the moment he threw down the gauntlet,
the attraction had resurfaced and she was forced to face it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have
said that.”

“No, you have every reason to
be angry. The heat of the moment, concern about the path you were on… Hell,
Andy, I didn’t know how else to stop you. I care about you.”

Her skin tingled at the
gruffness in his voice. “I know. It’s difficult for me not to feel guilty, like
I betrayed Patrick.”

He sighed. “I understand. But
if there’s one thing—and I’ve said it before—Patrick would have wanted is for
you to live again. It’s not your fault, no way at all.”

Tears filled her eyes as she
leaned back. “How can I ask for any type of happiness when I lost my little boy
and caused his father so much pain? Hunter…”

“You have to know that no one
but you can make your decisions. And no one but you is blaming you for what
happened. Life happens as it does. We learn from it. Pick ourselves up and move
forward. I miss them too. Every day I want to call my best friend and tell him
something about business or whatever, but I can’t.”

Andy swallowed. She knew his
pain but never allowed herself to think of anyone else suffering as much as she
was. Had never thought to care about how he was feeling. She had stopped being
there for him. But he’d never stopped wanting to be there for her.

“I’m not sure how to find
myself again,” she admitted.

“I can’t tell you how to move
forward, but will say that you start by reconciling yourself to the fact that
nothing is your fault. You have many loved ones around you who care about you.
And support you. You’re not alone.”

“A step at a
time.”

“Exactly, that’s all you can
do. There’s no pressure here.”

She smiled. “No more
ultimatums?”

“Well, depends on what the
choices are.
And how tough I have to be.”

The conversation shifted, as
did the tone of his husky voice. She shivered and her nipples beaded.
Dammit
, she had to pull herself together. This wasn’t why
she’d called him.

She coughed to clear her
throat. “How you make me feel scares the hell out of me.” Her eyes widened, she
wanted to recall the words as soon as she left her mouth. They weren’t what she
expected.

“Trust me, the feeling is
mutual,” he said, gruff and soft. “But I’ve had longer to live with mine. Why
don’t you tell me more? What do I make you feel?”

She frowned, confused by his
“I’ve had longer”
comment, but pushed it
aside, thinking he wasn’t saying things correctly.

“Weak in the knees, I guess.”

“
Hmm,
and…?” he asked.

“Very cared
for.”

“That’s a given.”