Swing State (16 page)

29.

T
ODAY SUCKED.

When I got to school everyone was pointing and whispering again, except worse than yesterday. Everything was on the news last night. It wasn't just Ross who got suspended, but he was the main one they talked about. I heard from Mary there were some shots of the house. She saw the whole thing. It talked about how Ross was being recruited before this. No schools have commented.

She said your brother's famous. I was like whatever. I wanted to hang out with her today but she had to go see her cousin. But tomorrow she'll be up at the quarries, so I'll see her more then.

But anyway. When I got up Ross wasn't around. Neither was Mom. Don was passed out on the couch, surrounded by cans. I didn't hear him come in last night. I was reading and then went to bed.

Some nerds in the hallway were talking about Ross today and I freaked out. One of them called my brother a druggie when I walked by so I punched him. His nose started bleeding. Blood was running all down his shirt. I thought it was kinda awesome. All day I thought I'd get called down to the office for that but I didn't. Don would beat the shit out of me. He might still because of what happened at work later.

The first person I saw was Dalton. He asked if I was okay. I said yeah. But everyone was looking at me. Jack and Paul both kept staring until I was like what?

Judy got off her shift and Gary started his.

I was on fry station. It was better than being on cashier, but not much better because I could still feel everyone's eyes on me all day. No matter where I go in town, someone is like I know her, whether it's because of my mom or her dumb boyfriend or my brother.

He fucked up his chance to get out of here. I shouldn't feel good about it, but I kinda do. Like, the only guy in town who could do something blows it, and I like it. I don't know. I guess I coulda gone to Nebraska to visit him or something. Or maybe he woulda bought us all cars and houses when he went pro. But now I guess he won't get to go. He'll be stuck here with the rest of us. Maybe he'll work at Burger Hut or in the mill or something. Or he'll have to join up. Whatever it is, he'll be thinking about how he used to play back in the day.

Anyway, I was doing fries and everyone who came in knew who I was because of my stupid brother. The shift changed and Gary was there behind me, really close, like not touching me but he might well have been. I could smell his coffee breath.

He walked away and I was trying to decide what to do when these kids over by the register started in on me. One of them said YOUR BROTHER'S A LOSER really loud in a fake cough. I stood and tried to look busy with the fries and they were like hey, we know you can hear us.

I could feel myself starting to cry. How stupid is that? Starting to cry even though I'm kinda glad my dumb brother won't get out. I had to bite my lip to keep from crying right there at the fry machine. Then the buzzer went off.

I couldn't move. It was buzzing and buzzing while I stood there trying not to cry. If I moved I knew I'd lose it. This one guy out there was talking really loud about my brother. I knew that if I moved I'd start bawling and those kids out there would win. And fuck that, you know? Fuck that. I'm not crying for them. So I finally got my shit together and turned around and gave them the finger. That made me feel a little better.

I took the fries out and they were a little browner than usual but I thought maybe they were okay so I dumped them in the tray and salted them like I'm supposed to.

Of course, Gary saw everything. He came over and stood real close like before and said Dixon, those fries cannot be served. I was like they're fine, they're just a little browner than usual. The crispy ones are the best. He said they are not fine. We have the highest standards of quality here and I was like yeah, yeah.

The kids were all still out there listening. Everyone probably was. And then he said on top of that, I saw an inappropriate gesture from you. I was like those kids were calling my brother a loser. I could feel myself starting to cry again and started to bite my lip. He said be that as it may, interacting with the customers in such a manner is completely inappropriate. I was like you don't understand. He said there is nothing to understand. You have acted inappropriately.

Without thinking, loud enough so everyone heard it, I said what do you want? You wanna see my tits again or something?

I could hear Dalton start laughing, then try to make it sound like he was coughing.

Gary turned bright red. If I wasn't so pissed it woulda been funny.

Then he said you're fired.

I took off my stupid paper hat and threw it on the ground and yelled FUCK YOU at him. Then I went out and the kids were
still there laughing and they started clapping. I yelled at them YOU FUCKING GOT ME FIRED even though I was tired of that stupid job anyway. I wasn't gonna tell them that.

The kid who talked the loudest was like why don't you have your brother get you a job dealing weed? Without even thinking I punched him. His nose started bleeding right there in Burger Hut. That was two people in one day whose noses I made bleed.

One lady in the dining room screamed. The kid went OH, YOU BROKE MY NOSE real loud in this funny voice and I was like don't be a little bitch. One of his friends grabbed me so I punched him, too. He didn't bleed or anything but he yelled and let me go.

Gary came out from the back and said Dixon, I have called the police. I said you're a creepy old perv. I could hear Dalton laughing in the back. He wasn't even trying to cough. Gary said leave the premises and never come back. You are banned from the Burger Hut for life. I was like oh, no! Banned from the Burger Hut! How am I gonna have healthy dining choices now? I could hear Dalton laughing even louder. Gary said if you're here when the police arrive I will have you arrested for trespassing, plus whatever charges your new friends care to bring up. When he said that the kids were like we're gonna get you thrown in jail and I was like shut the fuck up and took a step toward them. They flinched. The guy whose nose I guess I broke wasn't bleeding any more but he had all these Burger Hut napkins jammed up there.

I went back inside the work area and Gary was trying to yell at me except for some reason I guess he couldn't. He was all red and had this funny voice which I could tell was him being angry. He was all Dixon, I said you need to leave the premises immediately and I was like chill out, you old perv, I'm just getting my
bag. So I walked by him into the locker room and got my backpack. It was still pretty heavy because of everything inside. I was walking out when Dalton came over with his hand up and said you're a baller. I said thanks and high-fived him. The hand slap was really loud. Then I walked out past napkin nose. He was crying.

When I unlocked my bike I saw cop cars coming so I tried to act normal and biked away before they could get out.

I figured because I punched the kid and called Gary a perv I wouldn't get paid, so I wanted to find Ding to get rid of the laptop. I biked over to the L'il Bee.

I saw the cop car in the parking lot. It had its lights on.

Instead of stopping I biked by like nothing was wrong. It was parked next to Ding's car. A cop had him up against the hood.

What if Ding starts talking about all the stuff I brought him?

And what if he talks about Ross?

I circled back past on the other side of the road and biked to the Pines. I went into a house I've never used before. I propped the laptop up on a rock and set off a couple Silver Salutes I still had in my backpack. Then I did an M-80. But after all that it still kinda looked like a laptop. So I smashed the rest outside.

I hit it with a rock over and over again until it didn't look like anything. Just a pile. I could feel how cold the ground was through my stupid Burger Hut pants. My shoulders hurt when I was done and I was breathing heavy. I think I did a pretty good job—like if you didn't know it was a laptop you couldn't tell. I picked up the pieces and scattered them around.

It was starting to get dark so I got on my bike and headed back. It was too early to go home, but too dark to go to the quarry through the woods. I went by L'il Bee again to see if anyone was
there. I didn't see anyone. I wish Mary didn't have to hang out with her cousin today.

Mom's car was in the driveway when I got back. I was like oh shit. Is she home early because I got fired? Or because of Ross's drug test? Or because Ding ratted him out?

Or me?

I wanted to get out of there but there was no place else to go. I thought I could at least get in the back way, so I took my bike around where I always do and locked it and tried to sneak in. But the door squeaked.

Mom and Don didn't care. Through the kitchen I could see Don yelling at the couch with Mom standing next to him. They didn't even know I was there.

Don was pissed. He was like it doesn't matter! Ross said come on, Don. They called after they heard about all this. They saw me on the news and watched those tapes we sent. Don was like that's not the point and Mom was trying to say stuff but they wouldn't let her. Ross said Colorado, Don. And Washington. Don said it's the principle of the thing.

Mom was like you two need to stop!

I tried to walk by without getting into the whole thing and Don said stop right there. I couldn't not, so I stood there and went what? Don said you must know by now that your brother is suspended. I said yeah, people have been giving me shit for it all day. Mom said Dixon, language, and Don said giving you shit? All the guys are gonna rag on me because my stepson didn't get to play in the State Championship because of some reefer. Ross said I'm not your stepson. Mom was like can you two just stop it? Ross pointed to Don and was like he's always calling me his stepson.

Don took a step toward Ross and said show some respect, you little prick. Then Ross pushed him backward and Mom started screaming.

I wanted to get out of there so I went through the living room and down the hall. Ross was staring at Don with his fists up and Mom was screaming stop, stop and Ross was like I'm not your stepson. I went and locked myself in my room. I could hear thumps and stuff like that.

There was too much yelling to read and I didn't want to talk about it yet because I thought if they heard my voice maybe they'd come in, so I sat on my bed and waited for it to be over. There was more thumping and yelling and then a door slammed, and another one.

He leaves soon. Dunno exactly when. Hopefully Mom grows a pair and kicks him out. But she never does. Me and Ross have to have him around for another few weeks. Then he'll be gone.

The kids at Burger Hut knew who I was before I quit, and before I punched them. Maybe they go to school with me. If they do they'll get me back. I'm not sure they'd hit a girl, but maybe.

And the job.

And Ding. I don't know what I'm gonna do for money.

I wish Mary were here.

30.

Z
ACHARIAH HAD BEEN SO PREOCCUPIED WITH
his idea of impressing Dixon Dove that he hadn't even thought about her locker.

Instead of locking his bike and using the side door, he took the direct route, past the new, young, security guard. Zachariah thought he looked familiar.

There she was, moving books from locker to bag.

Stupid. But he'd been thinking about his idea. And his bike ride. He knew he could put most of his weight on his cast, but thought it better not to. Biking with most of his weight on his right hand—the good one—wasn't difficult physically, but remembering not to fall into his normal two-handed stance took more concentration than he thought.

He felt himself freeze in the doorway at the sight of Dixon Dove. Somehow he kept moving. Head down, he walked by, hoping she wouldn't notice him—and hoping she would

She didn't.

* * *

He had it all figured out. Just a few pieces missing.

To impress her. Get her to like him. If he could do that, he could do anything. Write a better game show. Start a bakery. Get his dad to stop hitting him.

It seemed impossible initially, but he knew how.

* * *

At lunchtime he went straight to the library computers. It wasn't until the bell rang that he realized he'd forgotten to eat his chips and sandwich.

* * *

He went down to the basement when he got home. His dad had a workbench there that he never used, covered with power tools and half-full toolboxes.

Inside one, he found sanding belts. Sanding tape, too.

31.

W
HAT THE HELL WAS THE NAME?
Guy who sang high. Him. Song he did. Name not in the band. What was it?

So, Roy, the lady said. What do you think?

Should he say something? About the cast? She would see. Must've. And didn't say anything. But it was right there. On his lap. Heavy. Greenish mesh over plaster. Never had one before. Always thought just plaster. Covered with autographs. Friends. But green mesh. And no one to sign it. Could have her do it. She'd be the only one. Lady at the office. Got me the job. He'd let Artie sign if he wanted to. Mark. If he ever saw him again.

I could do that, he said.

Stand there. More to be seen than anything. Like MPs. Everyone knew. Go easy around MPs.

She started talking about his military experience blah blah training blah blah.

Was playing lefty. Getting better. Felt it. Practice. Might win more. Save righty. Third game. First two easy. Challenges. Stripes off a bumper. Solids off a ball. Hadn't done that in a while.

Played. Good game. Door opened. More people. Looked quick. Didn't recognize them. College age. Maybe they'd play.

“
It Keeps You Runnin
'.” The guy with the voice. Singing in his voice, “
It Keeps You Runnin
'.”

Roy?

Yes?

Are you with me?

Oh. Yes. Uh. I was just thinking. About how great the job will be.

Hoped he hadn't fucked it up.

Lady smiled. Very good. I hope you understand there are risks. Since the death of the previous security guard the district tried to cut the position, but apparently students have been wielding knives in plain view in the hallways.

I can do it.

So when can you start?

Right away. Today.

Couldn't believe the timing. Everything happened. Got fired, the bar, now bills, probably. Didn't know how that would work. And the lady didn't look like someone farted. First time.

I'm glad you called, she said. We had the position open up last week. You'll be perfect for it.

Wouldn't be that bad shooting lefty. Couldn't be, right? So good like that with pool. He could learn. Give him something else to do. Pool hard now. Could carve a notch into his cast. Might fuck it up. Or his hand. So going to the woods to practice would be great.

The gravel pit. Hadn't been for a long time. Not since before he left. Him and Artie. Bunch of bottles and cans in a row, one by one. He was better than Artie. Remembered that. Better at something than Artie. Now pool too. But then nothing. Artie, of course, cheered every time and yelled YEAH HAHA GET
'EM. And he meant it. Roy wished he could do that. Be like Artie. Cheer other people. Started to. Overseas. But was jealous. Sucked at first in Basic. Other people didn't have to clean shit. Jealous of that. But afterward he was in the middle. Not the best, not the worst. Blended in. Everything but pool. Felt people jealous of him. Over there. Here, just wanted to win money. Didn't rub it in people's faces. Knew what that was like. Artie was just like haha and not mad. Or jealous. Had everything going for him. Girlfriend, job.

Now he'd have one. Again. Wouldn't fuck it up.

W-2, I-9. Just filled that stuff out. Had all his papers. Would do it again. She said training would be short. Needed the position. Sudden vacancy and all. And the problems I mentioned, the knives. Roy tried to remember if there was a guard when he went to Armbrister High. Couldn't. But wasn't looking for one. Sometimes when you weren't looking for something you couldn't see it. Then you started and it was right there.

New song. Started slow. Then happy. Some lady. Foreign name. Dutch. Belgian. Something. Liked it okay. What was it called?

When it happened, the guy he didn't recognize said hey, can I get a game. He said sure. Let me just finish with these. The guy said okay and went to the bar. Came back with a beer.

Nothing from Ahmed. Was afraid. Thought a big envelope would come back with a bill. Letters from court. Or the guy. With the Hummer. Court summons. Something. But maybe not. Someone there could fix it for free. Mark. Dmitry. One of the other guys. Or the garage had insurance.

Didn't see how bad it was. Ahmed yelling, telling him he was fired. Take off the shirt. Then he left. Wasn't like it was plastic. One of those little cars, economy, the whole thing
would have broke. Busted the frame. Irreparable. But a Hummer? Made of metal, right? Not plastic? Could withstand a fall? So maybe that was it.

Kept hoping for a check but knew one wouldn't come.

99 Red Balloons Go By
. That was it.

Didn't tell her about the garage. Hadn't updated. Didn't think he needed to. Ahmed didn't know everyone. Garages he knew. Junkyards. Towing companies. Couldn't go everywhere. But he had kids. Patterson said that. At the Double Scoop. So a chance. But he got the job. Had it. She was giving it to him. Brought his paperwork in case. Sign the line. Get it done. Shouldn't worry.

Hand itched. Heard that meant healing. Didn't know which part was itching. Hard to tell. Felt the same, but knew it wasn't. Pins. How much did they cost? A lot. Get the same thing at the hardware store for a buck.

Didn't see them put in. Passed out. Didn't remember much. Remembered it happening, but not after that. Kinda remembered the hospital. Waking up and some nurse saying Royal, do you know where you are? Thought oh God I'm hit they got me and went back down. Brought himself down. Didn't want to deal. They told him afterward it was drugs. Made sense. But he still did it himself. Could have woken up. But didn't want to. Thought he was back there. Couldn't do that. Couldn't handle it. Being back. Had dreams like that sometimes. Woke up in a bunk in basic. Woke up in a bunk in the barracks. Woke up sleeping in the desert. Basic one was the worst. Had that one the most. Knew he wasn't supposed to be there. Told the DI. There's been a mistake. I'm not supposed to be here. Knew he was right. Knew he had already done everything. Been overseas. Been shot. Been discharged. But the DI wouldn't let him go. Had to do it all over
again. Everything. New guys with him. Make friends with them. Go overseas with them. Watch them get hurt. Killed. Come back. Be broke. Never find a job.

Your time in the military makes you an ideal candidate, she said. He tried to pay attention as she talked but the song ended and a new one came on. Songs all the time. Everywhere. Couldn't ever escape. The news, he liked that. At the garage. People calling up to talk about it. Stuff that happened. He thought he could get used to it. Listened to sports talk radio sometimes. Liked that. Mut and Merloni. Good guys. Knew about sports stuff. Sox. Pats. Didn't make him feel dumb like the news stations did. At first. But he started to get it. Quick. Three days. Hated it at first, hung out with Mark. But he started to like it. Like hey, they talked about this stuff before. Some war, but not much. Mostly politics in the United States. And Europe. Wasn't bad. Kinda liked it. Mark asked him to do stuff and he did it and listened to the radio. Thought about news he'd learn like that. Hanging out in the garage, doing his job, listening to the news. Might be able to go to an expensive bar with Artie sometime and talk to ladies. Drink an expensive beer and say you know, this beer is very hoppy and exports are going up and some lady would say that's really interesting. I'm so interested in what you're saying.

Didn't know what this one was. Had heard it, but wasn't sure. Doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo (pause) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-dahh-hhhh. Didn't know.

Played good the first game. Almost won. Guy looked familiar. Wasn't talking much. Just your shot and stuff like that. Thought he had the guy on the ropes. But he fucked up. Missed a shot. Guy got it. Sank the eight ball.

Let's play again, the guy said. Roy said wanna play for the game? The guy said sure. Didn't try as hard. Made a lucky shot, missed a few he shouldn't've. Made sure to be angry when he missed close ones. Not real mad, but mad enough. Like frustrated. Then the guy said wanna play for money? Roy said sure. Lost that one. Did double or nothing, got him to go best of five. Switched hands.

Then the guy was like I need a beer and came back with five other guys. The ones who came in after.

One of them was familiar.

The one he was playing with said is this the guy?

Familiar guy said yeah. That's him. The hustler. Got a bunch of my money.

The guy he was playing with said we're gonna settle this outside.

Two pretty big guys. Two regular. If it was just the regular guys he might take them. Fight them. Or he might yell to Patterson CALL THE COPS. But the biggest guy stood back and took a knife out of his pocket. Far enough away from everyone so no one could see. Just him.

Knife guy said we're going outside. All of us.

So he had to go.

Three of them first, then him, then knife guy. Wished he opened a tab. Didn't. Paid as he went. With a tab Patterson might've gotten mad. Roy, you forgot to pay. Come out. Call the cops. Thought she probably did anyway. Who else would have? Not those guys. They took him around the corner. Dark there. No one could see. He'd have to thank her. Hadn't been back since. Why bother? No money. Couldn't play pool with a cast.

Kicked him in the nuts first. Went down. They knew how to do it. Then he felt boots kicking him. Hurt. Curled up. Covered
his head. Yelling and kicking and calling him a motherfucker. Mostly got his legs. Balls aching into his stomach. His arms. But then hands on his wrist pulling his arm away from his head. Motherfucker thinking you're so smart switching hands? Crunch. Felt his hand go. Never felt pain like that. Even when he was shot. Screamed. Couldn't help it. Same thing again. Crunch. Didn't know what it was. Doctor said something harder than a foot. A boot, maybe? Didn't know. Felt something warm on his face and thought oh no I'm bleeding but it kept coming and wasn't blood thick and it stank and he knew it was piss. Before he passed out he thought they're humiliating me.

DI telling him he had to do it all again. Passed out. Woke up dry in a cast.

The pause. That's what made him know. Figure it out.

“Take It To the Limit.” One more time. Old song. Didn't even know who it was. Or how he knew it. Just did.

So Roy, she said. When can you fill out the paperwork?

Now, he said. Right now. I brought everything. Just in case.