Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions (22 page)

Don't leave him hanging, though. Clarify your point: Some interpretations
are
better than others. If the person you are talking with thinks you have distorted the Scripture,
then
invite him to show you the error, not dismiss you with this weak response.

WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER

Taking the Roof Off is a technique designed to show that some views prove too much. If taken seriously, they lead to counterintuitive or even absurd results. Another name for this tactic is
reductio
ad absurdum.

This tactic has three steps. First, we reduce the point of view to its basic argument, assertion, principle, or premise. Second, we give the idea a "test drive" to see if any absurd consequences result when we consistently apply the logic of the view. Third, we invite the person to consider the unusual implications of her view and the truth that follows from the
reductio
.

Taking the Roof Off works because humans are made in the image of God and must live in the world God created. Any person who denies this fact lives in tension between the way he
says
the world is and the way the world
actually
is. To protect himself from this contradiction, mankind has erected a self-deception — or a "roof"—to shield himself from the logical implications of his beliefs. With our tactic, we try to remove that roof to deprive him of his false sense of security,
then
show him the truth.

V
ERY few people quickly admit that their beliefs are wrong. Some put up a real fight even when your points are reasonable and your manner is gracious. Did you ever wonder why people do that? Why do people ignore good arguments?

I think there are four different reasons for resistance, and I would like to explain what those are. Then I will give you a step-by-step plan to deal with that overconfident, overbearing, and often overwhelming interrupter I call a "steamroller."

WHEN ARGUMENTS DON’T WORK

In
chapter 2
I talked about the importance of arguments — not angry squabbles or silly quarrels, but points of view buttressed with reasons. Jesus used them. Paul used them. Peter used them. We should use them, too.

When arguments are done well, they honor God. But arguments have limits; they don't always work. When that happens, some people are tempted to think that arguments themselves are useless.

This is a mistake. If you're searching for that perfect line of logic capable of subduing any objection, you're wasting your time. There is no magic, no silver bullet, no clever turn of thought or phrase that's guaranteed to compel belief.

Yes,
rational reasons
can be a barrier to belief. The Christian message simply doesn't make sense to everyone, or it raises questions or counterexamples that make it difficult for some to even consider Christianity until those issues are addressed.

But rational appeals often fail to persuade for other reasons. At least three additional issues may compel the person you're talking with to ignore your point. They have nothing to do with clear thinking, even when objections based on reason are the first to surface. If your thoughtful response fails to have an impact, is not acknowledged — or, worse,
doesn't
even seem to have been noticed — maybe one of these reasons is lurking in the shadows.

First, people have
emotional reasons
to resist. Many have had annoying experiences with Christians or abusive churches. Others realize that to embrace Christianity would be to admit that cherished loved ones now dead entered eternity without forgiveness and with one fate awaiting them: darkness, despair, and suffering forever. Emotionally, this is something the person simply cannot bear.

Others know they would face the rejection of family and friends or perhaps suffer financial loss, physical harm, or even death if they considered Christ. These powerful deterrents can make the most cogent argument seem soft and unappealing.

Second, some balk because of
prejudice.
Their minds are already made up. They have prejudged your view before ever really listening to your reasons. They are interested in defending their own entrenched position, not considering other options.

Cultural influences are very powerful here. Resistance based on prejudice is especially true both of religious beliefs and of nonreligious beliefs (like naturalism) held with religious intensity. Often Christians defend their own denominational peculiarities in a very biased way. They plow ahead with blinders on, spouting the party line with no thought to the merits of the other side.

Finally, some people are just plain pigheaded. Their real reason for resistance is no more elegant or sophisticated than simple
rebellion.
Jesus said that people love the darkness rather than the light because their deeds are evil (John 3:19). So they persist in their mutiny, waging their unwinnable battle against God to the bitter end.

As you can see, you and I have very limited control over how other people respond to us. That is largely in God's hands. We can remove some of the negatives or dispel some of the fog — and we ought to try to do both. But at the end of the day, a person's deep-seated rebellion against God is a problem only a supernatural solution can fix.

When someone forcefully disagrees with you, do not expect him to surrender quickly. Changing beliefs is not easy to do, especially when a lot is at stake. Usually, it is a slow process for someone to admit they are mistaken about something important.

Sometimes a person's impulse to resist is so strong he will get verbally abusive. You need a plan to help keep you in control of conversations with those people who have controlling personalities and bad manners. This tactic is a defensive maneuver I call "Steamroller."

STEAMROLLER

Once in a while you will encounter people who try to overpower you. They don't overwhelm you with facts or arguments. Rather, they roll over you with the force of their personalities. Their challenges come quickly, one after another, keeping you from collecting your wits and giving a thoughtful answer.
¹
If this description sounds familiar, then you have been steamrolled. Men are frequently guilty of steamrolling, especially when talking with women, but women can be offenders, too.

Steamrollers have a defining characteristic. They constantly interrupt. As soon as you begin to answer, they hear something they don't like in your explanation, interrupt,
then
pile on another challenge. If you try to go down the new path, they interrupt again, firing questions, changing the subject, yet never really listening to anything you say. You find yourself constantly off balance and on the defensive.

Though there are benevolent steamrollers — overly excitable, but not hostile—most are insincere. Steamrollers are not usually interested in answers. They are interested in winning through intimidation. It is easier for them to ask the hard questions than to listen to an answer that is more than a shallow, 10-second sound
byte
.

Because steamrollers are so aggressive, you must manage them aggressively, though you do not need to be rude. For some, it will take a little courage and intestinal fortitude to face up to such a powerhouse at first. However, once you learn the following three steps to stop a steamroller, you will discover that getting back into the driver's seat is easier than you thought.

Step One: Stop Him

The first step in dealing with a steamroller is a mild one. Even though you may feel pushed to your limits by the annoyance, don't fire back in kind, guaranteeing a head-on collision. Don't buckle at the knees, either. "Once your opponent has intimidated you and knows it, you've lost," says William
Dembski
, a veteran of many encounters with hostile challengers of intelligent design.
²

Instead, your first move should be a genial request for courtesy. Stop the intrusion by momentarily putting the discussion on "pause." Then, briefly get permission to continue your point without being interrupted. Use a little body language if you need to, raising your hand a bit for emphasis.

It takes longer to describe it than to do it. Simply hold up your hand and gently say, "I'm not quite finished," and then continue. Often this is all you need to do to restore order to the conversation.

If the steamroller is especially aggressive, be calm and wait for an opening. Do not try to talk over him if he isn't cooperating at first. When you get a pause, don't be afraid to ask for adequate time. Quickly negotiate an informal agreement. You ask him to give
you
something — patience and courtesy — so that you can give
him
something in return — an answer. Here are some variations:

•    "Is it okay with you if I take a few moments to answer your question before you ask another? I'll give you a chance to respond when I get done. Will that work?"

•    "That's not a simple issue. I need a moment to explain myself. Is that okay?"

•    "Let me respond to your first challenge. When I'm done, you can jump in again with another. Is that all right?"

•    "That's a good question, and it deserves a decent answer, but that will take a few minutes. Are you okay with that?"

Notice the negotiation here. You make a petition, and he grants it. With more aggressive steamrollers, it is especially important for them to verbally consent to your request. (Of course, if a person answers "no" to any of these questions, you might ask him why he brought the challenge up in the first place.)

Be careful not to let annoyance or hostility creep into your voice. That would be a mistake, especially with this kind of person.

Don’t let a steamroller get under your skin. Being defensive and belligerent always looks weak. Instead, stay focused on the issues, not on the attitude. Talk calmly and try to look confident.

Be sure to respond adequately to one question before you are forced to tackle another, but don't take unfair advantage of the time you buy with this little negotiation. Make your point,
then
ask, "Does that make sense to you?" This invites him back into the conversation. Give him the courtesy of offering you a reply without interruption. You do not want to be a steamroller yourself.

Step Two: Shame Him

If the steamroller breaks trust with your agreement, or if you can't succeed in stopping him in the first place to negotiate an orderly conversation, proceed to
phase
two of the Steamroller tactic. This step is more aggressive. It also takes a bit more courage because you will now be directly confronting the rudeness of an impolite person. You might consider using his name at this point. It will soften the exchange.

What’s in a name?
Plenty.
A person’s name is sweet to him. Keep this in mind when conversations begin to take a hostile turn. At the first sign of tension, pause and ask their name. Then use it in a friendly manner as you continue. It really helps take the edge off.

You tried to stop the steamroller. That didn't work. Now you want to shame him for his bad manners, but you want to do it with integrity. Start by taking the same basic approach you did in step one. This time, though, make an explicit request for courtesy.

First, ignore any new challenges he has introduced. Do not follow his rabbit trails. Second, address the steamroller problem directly. If you are not able to get the floor right away, let him talk. When he finally pauses, look him in the eye and calmly say something like this:

•    "Can I ask you a favor? I'd love to respond to your concern, but you keep breaking in. Could I have a few moments without being cut off to develop my point? Then you can tell me what you think. Is that okay with you?" Wait for a response.

•    "Can I ask you a quick question? Do you really want a response from me? At first I thought you did, but when you continue to interrupt I get the impression all you want is an audience. If so, just let me know and I'll listen. But if you want an answer, you'll have to give me time to respond. Tell me what you want. I need to know before I can continue." Wait for an answer.