Tainted (14 page)

The weather was glorious. The heatwave had passed and the temperature was in the low eighties, with no humidity and a bright, sparkling sun. Holly couldn't have asked for a more perfect day.

My second present
, she thought, when she woke up.
My parents gave me Jack and now they've given me the best possible day for our wedding.

In a token gesture to wedding rituals, Jack had stayed at Henry's the night before. She and Katy had woken up early, had breakfast together, gone down to the beach for a quick swim and then come back to shower, do their hair and get dressed.

It took a while to calm Katy down enough to get her dressed. She'd been running around the house after her shower; naked, dripping water, spinning around in circles like a little whirling dervish.

“Mommy's getting married,” she kept chanting, clapping her hands.

“Not if you don't get dressed, chicken,” Holly said, grabbing her shoulders mid-twirl and guiding her to the bedroom. “Nothing can happen until you get dressed.”

She'd bought a pale green dress with white smocking for Katy, and had made a circle of daisies to go around the top of her head. When she'd finally managed to get her to stand still long enough to put on the dress and the daisies, Holly stepped back and looked at her daughter in the full-length mirror.

“Jack's right. You are a princess, sweetheart. You look like you stepped out of a fairy tale.”

“I wish there was a castle. And snow.” Katy looked up at Holly. “And a big church and horses and a long white dress I can hold the end of.”

“It will be beautiful, chicken. You'll see. Just the way it is.”

She'd once had dreams of a wedding with all the trimmings. A church full of people and flowers and music, a measured walk down the aisle in a long white dress and veil, the train of her dress trailing behind her. At first, when Jack had proposed, she'd pictured it happening like that and seen herself on Henry's arm. But she knew Jack was right as soon as he'd told Anna what he envisioned. A small, informal wedding was best. It was more intimate. They didn't need anyone else to witness their happiness. And it would have felt wrong anyway to have a church wedding when her parents weren't there to see her.

Besides, as pathetic as it might be, she had to admit to herself she'd prefer to get married without Anna, who would doubtless have worn some unbelievably sexy outfit, in attendance.

She went to the closet and took out a turquoise blue, sleeveless, empire-waisted silk dress which came down to just above her knees. It was simple, old-fashioned, and as soon as she'd seen it, she knew Jack would love it.

After she put it on, she took a string of pearls her mother used to wear for formal occasions and hung them around her neck. She had blow-dried her hair so it was straighter than it normally was, but she didn't put on any make-up. Jack didn't like make-up; he'd told her soon after they'd started going out that he thought women put on make-up for themselves, not men. “It's not necessary,” he'd said. “It looks fake. Someone centuries ago thought it up for a marketing ploy and women have been buying into that ploy ever since. It's a sham.”

“Mommy, you look beautiful,” Katy said as Holly slipped on a pair of blue high-heeled sandals. “Do you want some of my flowers for your hair too?”

“No thanks, sweetheart. I'm fine. Look at us.” They stood in front of her bedroom mirror, gazing into it. “We make a good pair, don't we?”

“We look perfect,” Katy smiled. “And Bones will look perfect too in his white bow.”

Holly leaned over and kissed the top of Katy's head. “Are you happy, chicken?”

“Yes. Jack's happy too, isn't he?”

“I hope so.” Holly nodded. “Yes, Jack's happy too. I know so.”

At noon, she and Katy walked over to Henry's, to find Jack and Henry and Judge Hearne waiting for them on the porch. As a teenager, Holly had imagined Billy as the man waiting for her as she walked down the aisle. After she'd had Katy, she'd watch a romantic movie or read a book and find herself daydreaming about a wedding, but she had no image in her mind of what her husband would look like.

Seeing Jack standing on the porch beside Henry, dressed in a dark blue suit with white shirt and pale blue tie, she had exactly the same shock of pure pleasure she'd had when she first caught sight of him beside the bus, the visceral reaction to a breathtakingly handsome man. Except this time she wasn't looking at a stranger, she was looking at Jack: the man whom she loved, who loved her, with whom she was going to spend the rest of her life.

He smiled and she smiled back, while Katy dropped her hand and ran up the porch steps to him.

“I'd pick you up, princess, but I don't want to muck up your dress,” Jack said.

“Can't have a mucked-up dress,” Henry added, patting his great-granddaughter on the head. He had on white flannel trousers with a blue jacket, and was looking both paternal and distinguished.

Holly went and shook hands with Judge Hearne, a gray-haired avuncular man who was wearing a black robe, but one which didn't completely cover the red lobster motif of his blue trousers. Jack had joked that he should wear his Lobster Pot T-shirt to the wedding, and Holly decided the judge's trousers were yet another sign that this wedding was destined, that the heavens were looking down on them with a big nod of approval.

The service was straightforward. They'd debated about creating their own special vows but finally decided against it. “You know me,” Jack had said. “I don't want some trendy service; whatever we might say won't add to the traditional vows—they cover everything that needs to be said and there's a good reason that they've been in use for so long. Poems and our own words can go in and out of fashion; these vows are eternal.”

When Judge Hearne stated, “I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride,” Jack gathered Holly to him in a huge hug, kissed her briefly, then pulled back and winked. The way her father used to wink at her sometimes. Katy jumped up and down, clapping, and Henry said, “Time to break out the champagne.”

It had all been simple and beautiful and, as Katy inevitably announced, “Perfect.” Henry poured champagne for the judge, Jack and her and a glass of ginger ale for Katy. When she begged to have a sip out of Holly's glass, Holly gave in, but stopped her firmly when she tried to glug down more.

Henry had made lobster salad for their wedding lunch and had set up a little table in the shade on the side of the porch where they could sit and eat, looking out over the water. Judge Hearne took off his robe, revealing a lobster-red golf shirt, and helped himself to a huge plate. He then proceeded to regale them for half an hour with tales of his fishing exploits, before stopping mid-sentence, checking his watch and announcing he had a golf match to play in.

After he'd wished them the happiest of marriages, he left and Henry chuckled, saying, “Nice man, the judge, but those fishing stories are fifty percent wishful thinking and fifty percent more wishful thinking. I took him out with me once and he was a nuisance. Managed to hook himself in the thumb and hook me in the ankle. A real liability on a boat. Anyway, what's the plan, you two? When are you off to Vermont?”

“We're leaving late afternoon.” Jack had his arm around Holly and squeezed her shoulder. “Holly and I are going for a sail in the Sunfish after lunch. I'm going to show her what a good teacher she is and what a good learner I am. We'll go for a nice, long, relaxed sail and then come back and hopefully get going in time to make it to the inn for dinner.”

“That sounds like a good plan. What do you think, Mrs. Dane?”

It took Holly a second to realize Henry was addressing her; when she did, she smiled, touched her gold wedding band with her left thumb, and reached up to put her hand over Jack's.

“I think it's an excellent plan. What about you, Katy? Are you all right with Jack and me going for a sail on our own?”

“Yes.” Katy nodded, rhythmically patting the head of Bones, who was lying at her feet. “Bones, you can go see Jack now. Go on. It's OK now.”

Bones didn't move and Holly was surprised to hear the anxiety in Katy's voice when she said again, “It's OK, Bones. You can go see him now.”

“What are you talking about, Katy? Why is it OK for Bones to see Jack now? I don't understand.”

“I thought now Jack can say.”

“Say what?” Holly looked over to Jack, who raised his eyebrows and shrugged.

“Say about being the Explorer.”

“What?” Holly's heart dropped from its great height with a crash.

“He is, isn't he?” Katy's eyes were beseeching.

“Sweetheart.” She looked at Jack again, then at Henry.

“Princess.” Jack went over to Katy, knelt down on the porch in front of her. “You've got the wrong end of the stick.”

“What stick?”

“I mean . . .” He took her hands in his. “I'm not an explorer, I'm afraid. Just a waiter. A good waiter. A very good waiter. But I don't explore. I stay at home. With you and your mother. Remember I told you when I first met you I'm not an explorer. That's OK, isn't it? You like waiters, don't you?”

“But I thought . . .” Katy bit her lip. “I know you are. You are.”

“I'm your stepfather now, princess. Which means I'm a special kind of father. Who loves you very much.”

Holly thought Katy was going to burst into tears. Instead she made a funny face, screwing her lips to one side, and then looked over at Henry.

“Henry, can we play Ping-Pong now?”

“Of course, Katy.” Henry went over to her, picked her up in his arms. “But I think we'd better get changed out of these fancy clothes first. I have your shorts and T-shirt in your room upstairs. Why don't you run up and change?” He put her down on the porch. “Off you go—skedaddle.”

She ran to the screen door, opened it and disappeared into the house.

“Jesus H. Christ.” Henry rubbed his forehead. “Did you know she thought that?”

“Of course not,” Holly replied, bridling. “I had no idea.”

“Jack?”

“Absolutely not, Henry.”

“What a fuck-up.”

“Actually, she didn't seem that bothered.” Jack was up off his knees and back at Holly's side. “She seemed more interested in the Ping-Pong than my status as non-Explorer.”

“You think so?” Holly turned to him. “Really?”

“She had an idea, that's all. And she found out it wasn't the right idea. She doesn't even know what a father means, not really. I'm sure she'll be fine.”

“You don't think I should go up to her now, explain about Billy?”

“No way. You'd just confuse her. I bet you anything she'll be running through that door in a few seconds, desperate to get a Ping-Pong bat in her hand, with no thought whatsoever for the Explorer.”

“I don't know.” Henry shook his head. “This whole Explorer business has to stop. It's always been wrong. Holly, you should think about—” But he was interrupted by Katy, who bounded through the screen door in her shorts and with her T-shirt on the wrong way around. “Let's play, Henry. Come on.” She grabbed his hand and tugged it.

“Chickpea, are you sure you're all right? Do you want me to stay for a while?”

“I want to be with Henry and Bones. You and Jack go.”

“OK.” Holly looked at her daughter, standing impatiently, tugging at Henry's hand, and for the first time she saw Billy in her. Her blonde hair had probably come from Billy's side, but it had never reminded Holly of Billy—it was thicker and more platinum than his. Her eyes and nose had a slight twinge of Barrett to them, but Katy had been otherwise unmistakably Katy, her own individual genetic print. Yet when she said, “I want to be with Henry and Bones,” something about her mouth, the straight line it made, resembled Billy's when he was being stubborn.

So Billy had managed to make his presence known, like in a fairy tale when the evil fairy godmother shows up at the party and casts a spell. For a second, when Judge Hearne had asked if anyone had any objections to the marriage, Holly had looked around, terrified that Billy might be hiding in a bush or behind a tree and would spring out and try to stop them. This unexpected reminder of him was like a thorn in her happiness, but only a tiny one, and one almost instantly removed. Katy's expression changed; as she leaned down to pat Bones, she became Katy again.

I'll have to talk to Jack. When we're in Vermont. We have to face this Billy business and decide on the best way to introduce him to Katy. But it will all be fine, because we're so happy now we can handle anything.

“Before we all go our separate ways—” Henry stood up “—I'd like to make a toast. To Holly and Jack. And Katy, of course. You deserve the very best in life, and I feel sure now you'll have it, together. I'd like to take some credit for this match.” He smiled. “But you would have found each other again without me, I'm sure.

“Jack, I welcome you to our family. It's a real pleasure to have such a wonderful grandson-in-law. Not to mention one who can fish. I'm looking forward to many more fishing trips. But I want us to raise our glasses, too, to the people we love who aren't here. They're all still a part of us and I'm sure they're sharing in our happiness. Let's raise our glasses to you and to them.”

They all stood, raised their glasses, and drank. Holly kissed and hugged Henry; he held her tightly, then pushed her away, saying, “Shit, sweetie, I'm too old to cry. Go. Get out into this beautiful weather and go sailing.”

After they'd changed and Jack and she had walked down to the beach in their bathing suits, they began to drag the Sunfish down to the water. Just before they reached the water's edge, a memory of her mother calling out, “You forgot your life jacket, Holly. Come back,” slammed into her heart. This intense, overwhelming surge of sadness she felt should have hit when she was putting on her wedding dress, or when she was saying her vows, not when the ceremony was over and she was doing something as mundane as getting a Sunfish into the water.