Take a Chance on Me (8 page)

‘
H
ello dear
,' said Peggy sotto voce. Charlie was trundling down her driveway lost in her own thoughts and hadn't noticed her neighbour standing outside her own front door.

‘Is everything okay?'

‘Oh yes, thank you. I'm just watching out for the postman. I'm expecting a parcel for Bert. I want to smuggle it in before he sees it. It's for his birthday in a couple of weeks' time. If he sees a box, he'll get excited and want to open it immediately. You must think I'm quite dotty,' she added.

‘No, I don't. Bert is unique and very clever.'

There was tapping at the window, followed by barking. Bert was on the window ledge bouncing up and down, trying to attract Charlie's attention. She waved at him and he squawked back.

‘Oh drat! He's seen us,' said Peggy.

‘Look, why don't I take in the parcel? The postman should be here very soon. I'll keep it at my house until you want to collect it. That way you won't have to worry about hiding it from Bert.'

‘That would be perfect! Thank you, Charlie. I don't want to spoil the surprise for him. He loves his birthday. I've got him a little hat to wear. You'll come by, won't you?'

‘I wouldn't miss it. Last year's was huge fun. He was very entertaining. I especially liked it when he blew out the candle on his cake then sang “Happy Birthday”. Has he got many guests coming?'

‘I've invited the Wilkinson children, George, Harry and Oliver, and the Mackay girls, Sophie and Elizabeth. I thought that would be enough. I don't want him over-excited. You know how he loves to show off in front of everyone.'

‘So, what's in the parcel, Peggy?'

‘It's a basketball hoop and ball especially for parrots. I can't wait to see his little face when he opens it!' she replied, eyes twinkling.

‘He'll adore it,' said Charlie, feeling a sudden burst of affection for the tiny woman in front of her.

At that moment, the postman appeared at the end of the street.

‘There he is. I'll nip inside and distract Bert. Thank you again.'

‘Get in before he sees the postman,' Charlie whispered as Bert tapped on the window again and began meowing.

T
he next day
, Charlie had just managed to balance her Tupperware cake boxes on top of each other and had reached the café when her phone rang. She ran the risk of dropping the cakes, so she let it ring and shouldered the door open. Art glanced up.

‘I'm just making coffee for me and Patricia. Do you want one?'

‘That would be lovely, thanks. It's been one of those mornings. I dropped the fruit cake removing it from the oven and had to bake another. Then Peggy needed me to help her put up net curtains and she started talking about her son in Canada, so I couldn't get away. I've been running late ever since.'

‘How old is she?'

‘Seventy, I think. She and her husband, Dennis, ran a bar in Lanzarote until they were in their late sixties then came back here when he began to get ill. He died shortly after they returned to the UK. She's got boundless energy though. She washes her net curtains every three months to keep them ultra-white, but the last few times she's been too shaky to climb the stepladder, so I nip around and hang them for her. She's very house-proud. I hope I have her energy when, or if, I ever reach that age. She never stops. Yesterday afternoon, she was in the back garden sweeping up leaves and hauling them about in her dustbin, when I left for the hospital.

‘I don't think she's ever been ill. Having Bert around helps. He's her parrot and a very intelligent one, at that. He's been with her a few years now. Bert used to go to the bar with them both. He stayed outside on his perch, near the customers. You can imagine what he picked up from them. It took Peggy two years to get him to stop swearing. He's a wicked mimic. They ran a Karaoke night every Saturday so he imitated a few regulars and sings all sorts of songs. You should hear him singing “Like a Virgin”. Really. I kid you not. Bert even has his own Facebook page where he “chats” with fans and other parrots from all over the world. Peggy set it up after her husband passed away. It gave her a real sense of purpose and, of course, Bert loves the attention too. I really admire these older people who move with the times.'

Charlie placed her boxes on the counter, hung up her coat and set about putting the cakes out.

‘Oh, lovely. I fancy a piece of the lemon drizzle cake with my coffee,' said Art, putting the cups on a tray.

‘No you don't!' said Patricia, appearing as if by magic. ‘You're on a diet. You know what the doctor said about your weight. Maybe Charlie could take you to belly dancing classes with her. You've lost weight, Charlie. I hadn't noticed before. How much have you lost?'

‘Not much. I'm just a little firmer than before,' she replied, cutting a small slice of lemon cake and placing it onto a plate that she pushed towards Art.

He winked at her, grabbed the slice and took a large bite before Patricia could stop him. Then he waved a serviette about and pretended to dance. ‘I'll wear it off, Patty. Look, I can belly jiggle.'

His dance was interrupted by the doorbell as a couple of customers arrived.

‘I'll get it,' said Charlie. ‘You enjoy the cake.'

She forgot to check her phone until much later as she raced to the studio. She didn't recognise the number. Probably a cold caller. She deleted the number and set off to her show.

‘
W
ell done
, ladies,' Jasmine gushed, applauding each of them. ‘You managed the routine perfectly. What an improvement from the last time. No one forgot the moves. And, you look very professional. You look like you've been doing this longer than four weeks.'

‘If you'd said four weeks ago that I'd be able to belly dance like that, I'd have laughed at you,' said Marcia, wiping her brow with the back of her hand.

‘Same here. I know you told us we'd improve quickly, but I didn't believe it would happen so quickly,' agreed Susannah. ‘I love belly dancing. It's funny how remembering the moves to a routine, and doing it at the same time as everyone else, can give you such a buzz. The music is intoxicating too. Every time I hear a song with a good beat, my hips start moving. I can't help myself. I hope I'm not pushing my trolley down an aisle in, say, Asda or somewhere, and a song kicks in that I like. I'll be whooshing off, shaking my booty all over the place, way out of control,' she added and demonstrated by thrusting her hips dramatically towards the mirror.

‘We've only got one more class and then, sadly, that's it,' said Jasmine, turning off the stereo.

‘It's gone far too quickly,' commented Charlie. ‘I wasn't sure what to expect when I first arrived, but I've thoroughly enjoyed it.'

‘I'm just going to make a phone call,' said Jasmine. ‘Take your time. I don't have any classes after this. I'll see you on Friday. We'll do the routine a couple of times and then I'll give you a taster of what you can learn if you decide to take the intermediate classes. Thanks very much.'

They said their goodbyes to Jasmine and collected their belongings. Susannah removed her belt scarf and placed it carefully in a large shopping bag from which she extracted a purple and blue hat with large flaps that covered her ears.

‘We've certainly improved since the piggy-snorting episode, haven't we?' said Marcia with a laugh.

‘Oh, don't! I still shudder at the memory.'

‘I bet that man still thinks about it at times,' said Susannah. ‘Or maybe it's only my husband who has fantasies about such things. He said he'd have loved to have seen it.'

‘You told your husband?' asked Charlie.

‘Yes, well,' said Susannah, going pink. ‘We were… well… you know… and it sort of came up.'

‘Oh my,' exclaimed Charlie. ‘It
was
in the bedroom, wasn't it?'

Susannah went redder.

‘It was!' shrieked Marcia. ‘You were playing games in the bedroom and I bet you ended up showing him what happened here in the studio.'

Susannah gave her a sheepish look. ‘Not quite like that, but we experimented, and that is all I'm going to say on the matter.' She did up her coat, avoiding any further eye contact with the others.

‘Susannah, you are a dark horse. Or, were you a dark pig?'

‘No, a naughty schoolgirl who needed a proper spanking, if you must know,' replied Susannah with a wicked grin.

‘I bet you threw in a few squeals for good measure though,' continued Marcia.

‘Well, possibly one or two.'

‘I'm really glad for you,' Charlie said. ‘It's transformed you. And, by the sounds of it, it's transformed Dave.'

‘Yeah, joking aside,' said Marcia, ‘I thought you were looking a lot happier. It had to be more than just hanging out with us, although we are pretty awesome chicks.'

Susannah laughed. ‘Let's just say, things are getting better. I don't feel I've reached an impasse now and I'm not spending every night on my own at home watching the telly while Dave goes out with his mates. Now, I'd better get home. I've got some new moves to show off.'

‘Night, Susannah. See you on Friday. Are you going straight home, Marcia?' Charlie asked.

‘Yep, me too. I've got an appointment with a packet of wax strips, a pair of tweezers and an entire tub of body cream. I'm going out with my new man tomorrow and I want to be prepared for any eventuality.'

‘Hope you have a super night. You can fill us in on all the details next time.'

‘All of the details?'

‘Maybe not all of them.'

‘Bye Charlie.'

Charlie parted company with Marcia and strolled to her car parked in the small car park adjacent to the studio, next to Jasmine's sparkly new Citroen C1. She checked her phone en route. She had another missed call. It had gone directly to her answerphone leaving no number on the screen but the person had not left a message. She threw her bag onto the passenger seat, started the engine and turned on the radio. Cindy Lauper was singing about girls having fun. Charlie was certainly having fun with the girls at the moment but she wondered if she would ever have fun again with a man. For a moment she pictured the man who had caught her on all fours. Then she shook her head, reprimanded herself for such thoughts and set off, assisting Cindy with the chorus.

M
ercedes had drafted
in Sean to help Charlie on her show because the crew for
Nosh for Dosh
were filming Mercedes. They were quite a distraction and several members of staff had already passed by the studio in the hope of being caught on camera. After today's filming, Mercedes was taking the rest of the week off for the show and to prepare for it. And Mercedes had, as promised, arranged for Charlie to be involved in the show, although it wasn't exactly the role Charlie had planned and she had her own preparations, which she was more than a little anxious about, to see to before the big day. Why had she let Mercedes talk her into this?

‘Could we have Mercedes sitting there wearing her headphones, please? Yes, if you could wave your pencil at the presenter… as if you are cueing her in or something. That's it. You're a natural at this, Mercedes. Sorry, what's your name? Sean. Could you keep out of shot? Thank you. Yes, over there would be great, lovey. Watch out for the cable. Trevor, can you shine the light more onto Mercedes? Better, much better.'

Charlie wondered how she'd have coped if it had been her. As much as Charlie wanted to be on the show, she wouldn't have enjoyed this part. Mercedes seemed to be at ease with it all. She did exactly what the producer wanted and wasn't fazed by the reshooting. He seemed to be constantly dissatisfied with the lighting and kept moving the crew to get better angles. Mercedes took it all with good grace and kept smiling.

On the show you only saw each contestant in their natural environment for about five minutes. So far, they had been filming for the best part of a day and still did not seem to have what they needed. The hospital authorities weren't too keen on an entire crew being in the hospital, so they were confined to the studio area and unable to film in the rest of the hospital.

‘Mercedes, darling, how about you go outside the studio now to collect a request for the show? I know we're not allowed to go and see the real patients, but if, what's your name again? Sean. If Sean could go outside and hand you a piece of paper, you could pretend it was a request. Sean you need to look a bit sorry for yourself. Try and look like you're ill. No, not that ill. Fake a limp or something. Davina, slap some white powder on his face, sweets. Make him look poorly. There, that's much better.'

‘Come on, Sean. This could be your big break. A movie agent could see this and want to sign you up as a zombie in the next blockbuster movie,' said Mercedes and wheeled off with the crew, Sean trailing behind her.

Charlie ignored the team as best she could as she continued with her show. ‘That was “Muskrat Love”, a big hit in nineteen seventy-six for Captain and Tennille. Award yourself two points if you got both of their names right and if anyone's wondering what “Muskrat Love” is about, it's about two muskrats making love, who'd have guessed? Although, I'm not too sure what a muskrat is, is it just a rat? Anyway, the song wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. In July 1976, First Lady, Betty Ford, invited Captain and Tennille to perform at the White House. Queen Elizabeth was a guest at that time and when they played “Muskrat Love”, the Queen was the only one who didn't applaud at the end. Well, fancy that! One was not amused! In January 2014, Darryl “Captain” Dragon and Toni Tennille decided, after several decades together, to end their marriage. I wonder if we should expect a new release from them soon, “
Farewell
my Muskrat Love”.'

‘And here's your last trivia question for today: Local lad, Ozzy Osbourne, was lead vocalist in the band Black Sabbath, but what is Ozzy's real first name? You can have a bonus point if you know both his first names. No cheating by nipping on Google. Remember, we have nurses watching you. Answers in a minute, but first, just for Spud in ward fourteen, this is
“Paranoid” by Black Sabbath. Please don't wave your air guitar about too much, Spud. Enjoy.'

She turned off her microphone and Sam came into the studio singing along to the track.

‘You're early. Let me guess. New T-shirt. Smart haircut. You're here in case the cameras come in and do some filming.'

‘Guilty as charged,' replied Sam and slumped down in the chair opposite her. ‘Actually, it was a good excuse to come in early. We've got the grandkids over and little Rosie is going through one of those difficult phases. I can't stand the noise. It's quieter here. Even with Ozzy yelling,' he added.

‘Not my first choice, but we have to please all the people,' said Charlie. ‘Do you know the answer to the question?'

‘John. John Michael Osbourne,' responded Sam.

‘Correct. You have earned yourself two points. Well done Mister Trivia.'

‘I confess, I cheated. I checked the answer on my phone as I walked into the studio. I knew you'd ask me.' He sat back, eyes twinkling. ‘Where's the star of the television food show anyway?'

‘Gone off with one of the walking dead to pretend to collect requests. Didn't you see her? She should've been just outside the studio. Management won't be pleased if they're mooching about in the corridors. Hang on. Track's ending.

‘Hope you enjoyed that, Spud. That was Ozzy Osbourne, or as his mum called him, John Michael Osbourne. Give yourself a pat on the back if you got that right and didn't cheat like Sam the man here. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the quiz today. Remember it's just for fun. I'll have some more questions for you next week. And now, something to relax us all, this is the Commodores
.
'

She turned up the volume on the deck and silenced the microphone.

‘Watch out,' whispered Sam. ‘Here comes the television crew. Lord above, who's that with them?'

‘Sean of the almost dead. He's supposed to be a sick patient. They weren't allowed to use a real one.'

‘Do they need any other extras? I could offer my services.'

‘Go and see Staff Nurse Lesley on reception. She might lend you a doctor's coat.'

‘Great idea. I'll go and see what I can do. I've got half an hour spare before my show begins.'

Sam pushed back his chair, hauled his large frame from it and ambled out. Charlie saw Mercedes through the window again. She pulled a face at Charlie. Sean was back in position behind the glass. His face was pasty white. The production team were still filming. Thank goodness she wasn't doing
Nosh for Dosh
. She was better behind a microphone than in front of a camera.