Take a Deep Breath (Lake of the Pines) (13 page)

“Be quiet, you” Hannah said aloud. She opened the door to
Cam’s truck and placed a box of cookies on the front seat. She pulled a piece
of paper and a pen out of her purse and scrawled out a quick thank you note.
Moments later she was in her Honda headed toward the hospital.

Cam cut the power to the chainsaw and set it on the ground.
He tossed off the safety glasses and ear muffs into a pile next to it. He wiped
the sweat pouring into his eyes with the back of his glove. Grabbing the bottle
of water that sat on a nearby log, he finished it in one long gulp. His back
and arms ached, but at least his head was clear. The huge branch of the birch
now lay in manageable chunks of wood. Cam glanced up into the branches of the
tree and frowned at the large branch still trapped among the other branches of
the tree. It looked stable, but still needed to come down before it fell on
something or someone. He had a ladder in his truck, but didn’t think it was
quite tall enough to reach. The idea of teetering at the top of a tall step
ladder with a chainsaw in his hands did not appeal to him. He’d seen enough
chainsaw accidents during his time working in the emergency room as a resident
that he knew it was one injury he wanted to avoid. He pulled his cell phone off
his belt and used the browser app to search for the number of the local tree
service. The phone rang several times before someone picked up. Just as Cam
suspected, they were pretty busy with storm damage clean up. They took down his
information and told him they’d be out to take care of the branch early the
following week.

A breeze came off the lake. Cam stood a moment and took a
deep breath into his lungs and exhaled. He rolled his shoulders and stretched
his neck. He felt more relaxed now. More focused. Pulling his work gloves back
on, he squatted down and gathered a load of wood in his arms. A stack of wood
already lined the back wall of the cottage next to the porch. He started a new
row next to the more seasoned wood. He let each piece drop to the ground
vertical to the wall. Back and forth he went, gathering the chunks of wood from
beneath the birch tree to the wood pile behind the cottage. In a rhythm, his
thoughts became clearer. Just as his morning runs had helped him find solutions
to the worries of the moment, so had the physical labor of cutting and
gathering wood. With each piece of wood he stacked, he became more confident
about his relationship with Liv.

He loved her. He’d always loved her. He knew without words
that she loved him. Yes, she needed space and time to think, but in the end Cam
felt confident that their love would prevail. He’d give her time and wouldn’t
pressure her. When the time was right, he’d tell her how he felt with words and
actions. He’d never particularly liked living in a big city. In fact, the fast
pace of it was what had burned him out in the first place. Maybe a change to a
small town in Ohio is just what he needed to be happy. That and Liv and Sara.
Yes, Sara too. Only knowing the girl a matter of weeks, she’d crept into Cam’s
heart as well. The more he thought about the idea of leaving Chicago and
setting up a practice in a rural town, the more excited he became. As soon as
he got back, he’d start making phone calls and put his condo up for sale.

Finished for the day, he loaded his equipment into the back
of his truck. Ready to head home, he remembered he needed to let Mrs. Adams
know about the tree service. He munched on another cookie as he rummaged
through the glove box for a pen and some paper with one hand. He found a
rumpled, yellow notepad. Even with all the windows rolled down the cab was
sweltering. Grabbing a couple more cookies, he got out and let down the gate.
As he sat with his feet dangling over the edge, he ripped off the first page of
the note pad - an old list of hardware supplies and measurements – crumpled it
and tossed it in to the bed of the truck behind him. He took another bite of
the cookie.
If I keep eating these, I’m going to get fat,
he thought,
taking yet another bite. He hadn’t had lunch though, so he reasoned a couple
extra cookies wouldn’t hurt. He fished a bottle of water out of his six-pack
cooler, shook the water off it and cracked open the lid. The cool liquid tasted
like heaven. Next he jotted a quick note to Mrs. Adams thanking her for the
cookies and letting her know when the tree service would be out. He sat
thinking for a few moments and bent his head over to write a second note to
Liv. When he finished, he taped both notes to the front door and left. Now all
he had to do was to wait.

Hannah’s eyes welled with tears. Sara looked so tiny lying
in the big hospital bed her leg propped up with pillows and an IV tube snaking
out her arm. Liv sat slumped in a chair beside Sara’s bed with her eyes closed.
Hannah silently entered the room not wanting to wake either of them. She set
the bag from Cam down on the rolling tray next to the bed. Sun poured in from
the big window on the far side of the room through the drawn-back curtains. The
light spilled over the colorful flowers, stuffed animals and balloons that
filled every empty space. Liv’s sisters must have found out about Sara’s
accident, Hannah guessed. She moved aside a potted plant with a stick balloon
in the shape of monkey that read “Get Well Soon” to make room for the vase of
flowers and stuffed animal she’d just purchased in the gift store. The soft
sound of the vase tapping the metal shelf was enough to rouse Sara.

“Grandma!”

Hannah turned back around as Sara struggled to sit up in
bed.

“Here, let me help you.” Hannah fumbled with the bed
control, but managed to raise the head up a bit so Sara could sit up a little.
Next, she readjusted the pillows behind Sara’s head and back. “Is that better?”

“Yes, much.” Sara nodded. “Thanks Grandma.”

“How are you feeling today?”

“Better. I really want to go home, but the doctor is taking
forever to get here.”

“She’ll be here before long, I’m sure.” Hannah reassured the
little girl.

“I know, but I want to go now.”

“I know you do. Waiting does stink! But for now, you should
rest. You’ve been through a lot these last two days.”

“Oh. Hi Gram. I didn’t hear you come in,” Liv said. “Here,
you can sit in my chair.”

“Don’t be silly dear. Sit back down.”

“Really, it’s okay, Gram. I need to get up and stretch a
bit.” Liv walked around the table. She poured some water into the Styrofoam cup
that sat on the tray and offered it to Sara.

Sara scowled. “I’m not thirsty, Mom!”

“I know, but you need to keep drinking fluids.” Liv insisted
until Sara took a small sip through the red and white striped bendy straw.

Hannah reached for Cam’s gift bag and handed it over to
Sara.

“Here you go Sweetie. This is from Cam.”

As Hannah said his name a look of guilt washed over Liv’s
face.

“Oh, boy!” Sara grabbed the bag and drew the soft plush
purple animal out. Hugging the hippo to her chest she buried her face in it. “I
love it! She’ll sleep right next to Boo Boo Bear!” Hannah drew the covers up
around the two stuffed animals and smiled. Sara looked over to the door behind
Hannah. “So, where is Cam? Did he stop at the cafeteria to get some coffee or
something?”

“No. I’m sorry, Sara. Cam couldn’t make it to the hospital
today. He dropped this off this morning. He wanted me to let you know how sorry
he is that he couldn’t bring it by himself and that he hopes you get to come
home soon.”

Sara’s smile fell in disappointment. “Oh.” Her mouth formed
the shape of the word she uttered.

Liv stroked her daughter’s hair back from her face. “Why
don’t you try to get a little more sleep while we wait for Dr. Brack?”

After only fifteen minutes, Sara already felt tired and her
eyelids grew heavier by the second. “I don’t want to sleep.”

“Okay. How about if I put the TV on for you instead? Liv
flipped the TV on and switched it over to the Disney Channel. Sara nodded
“yes.” Within five minutes, she was asleep again.

Liv pressed a kiss to her daughter’s forehead. She turned
the volume down on the television and walked to the window. Sara’s room had a
great view of the parking lot. Liv studied the scene below her. An older couple
made their way to the front door. The man held the woman’s arm and helped her
up the curb. Behind them a frazzled mother holding the hands of two children
struggled to see as the wind whipped her hair in her face. She stopped to brush
it out of her eyes and reposition her purse on her shoulder. Liv could see the
words “stop!” form on the woman’s lips. The young child froze just as a red car
skidded to a stop in front of him. The woman rushed up to the boy and Liv could
see her scolding her son and then bring him into her tight embrace. The red car
slowly moved away and pulled into a parking spot toward the back of the lot.
Liv wondered what each of their stories was. She liked to watch people from
afar and make up stories about what their lives might be like. It always amazed
and overwhelmed her to think about all the millions and millions of people in
the world each with their own unique story waiting to be told.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hannah joined her
granddaughter at the window and put her arm around Liv’s waist. She frowned.
Liv had lost more weight.

Turning from the window, Liv faced her grandmother. “About
what?”

“Whatever has that sad look on your face?”

“It’s just been a long two days. I’m anxious to get Sara
home where she belongs.”

“Is that all? Do you want to tell me what happened with Cam?
I saw that look on your face when his name came up.”

“Really, there’s nothing to talk about there either. We had
a fun couple of weeks, but it’s over now. It was just a typical summer
romance.”

“Typical?”

“Yeah, well. You know how things go. We both got caught up
in the past. But you can’t go back.”

“I see. Does Cam think what you have is a summer romance
too?”

“If he doesn’t now, he would have figured it out in a few
weeks. Sara’s accident just brought the end sooner. He has a great life as a
doctor in Chicago. He doesn’t need to get mixed up with someone like me.”

“What do you mean, ‘Like me’?” Hannah asked confused.

“You know Gram. I have a lot of baggage – my anxiety
attacks, Sara, my ex-husband. It’s more than anyone can ask.” Liv tried to
reassure herself that she’d made the right decision.

“Don’t you think that’s Cam’s decision to make?”

“Really, Gram. It’s the best for everyone.”

“Best? Does this have anything to do with Ron’s tirade last
night?”

“Cam told you?” Her eyes grew narrower. She couldn’t bear to
think he’d repeated the ugly words that spewed from Ron’s mouth to her
grandmother.

“He didn’t go into any details. Just that he got the feeling
Ron didn’t like him very much. He said he thought it best to stay away while
Ron was here. He didn’t want to be the catalyst that caused a scene in front of
Sara, which led me to believe Ron had already caused at least one scene.”

“Oh.” Liv was quiet for a moment. “Let’s just say Ron was
his usual charming self. He accused me of being too busy fooling around with
Cam to notice what our daughter was doing.”

“Liv, Sara’s accident wasn’t your fault. She could have just
as easily wandered off when I was watching her.”

“But the thing is Gram; I
was
fooling around with
Cam. We were kissing and I didn’t give Sara a second thought. I was so wrapped
up in him and couldn’t, didn’t think. I let myself drown in the feelings of him
loving me, touching me.” Liv broke off and turned back toward the window. “I
was so selfish. I should have gone outside to help Sara with the sticks.
Instead, I….” Tears streamed down Liv’s face. Her ears pounded as she
swallowed, struggling to control her emotions.

Hannah folded her granddaughter into her arms. “It’s okay,
baby. You’re only human. You deserve to be loved and to be happy.”

“Yes, but not at Sara’s expense. It’s time I focus my energy
on her.”

“Honey you could have just as easily been making lunch or
doing a load of laundry when Sara wandered off. Don’t deprive yourself of a
good, loving relationship out of some sort of guilt or misplaced sense of
duty.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” Liv’s voice turned hard. Her
mouth straight and her shoulders rigid, she turned from her grandmother and
stared out the window again.

Hannah knew the subject was closed and let it drop. Her
granddaughter could be stubborn at times and she knew better than to press it.

“Would you like a cookie? I brought a container of chocolate
chip, peanut butter and snicker-doodle cookies…”

Liv’s stomach turned over at the thought of putting food in
it. She knew she needed to eat though or the knot would never release itself.

“Sure Gram.” Liv pasted a smile on her face. “You know I
can’t resist a snicker doodle.” Liv bit into the soft cookie and savored the
taste of cinnamon.

“Have you had lunch yet?”

“Gram. You’re starting to sound like my mother now.”

“Speaking of your mother, have you heard from her or your
father yet?”

“I did.” Liv confirmed as she continued to nibble at her
cookie. “She called earlier. The connection was really bad, but she sounded
good. I told her not to worry about anything. Sara was fine. She wanted to cut
her vacation early and come home now, but I told her not to.”

“That makes the most sense. She should enjoy her time away.”

“Yeah it sounds like she is. She was telling me about a boat
trip she and Dad took. I guess they actually saw a whale jump. I didn’t get
many other details though as the call dropped. That big, stuffed bear in the
corner wearing the Caribbean shirt is from them.”

Hannah looked to where Liv pointed. The bear was almost as
big as Sara. Her son and daughter-in-law never did anything small. “So when do
they get back?”

“They’re scheduled to fly back the Friday after next.”

Hannah nodded.

“If you don’t mind Gram, I think I’ll go down to the
cafeteria after all. I could use a walk.”

“Sure. Take your time. I’ll be here in case Sara wakes up or
the doctor comes. I’ll call your cell phone if she does.” Hannah settled back
in the vinyl chair and pulled out her latest knitting project.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” Liv headed down the hall toward
the elevators. Several nurses smiled at her as she passed by. The urge to get
outside and breathe overwhelmed Liv. Sitting in the hospital room with her
grandmother had begun to make her feel claustrophobic. She knew she had to get
out of there before she had a full-blown panic attack. Instead of taking the
elevator down to the basement and the cafeteria, she pushed the L button and
got out at the lobby. Moments later she stood under the hospital awning,
willing her body to settle down. She walked down the sidewalk and followed it
around the building. She took a deep breath with each step and exhaled.
Finally, after the third time around, her racing heart slowed to its normal
rate and the nausea that had washed over her subsided.

She sat on a bench outside the main doors to the hospital.
Rows and rows of petunias in various shades of purple and pink filled the
flower bed next to her. Liv watched as a bee went from one bloom to the next.
Her mind wandered back to Sara. As a mother Liv knew that Sara came first now,
no matter what. She knew she’d made the right decision about Cam. Now wasn’t
the time to get involved with someone. Sara needed her. Maybe someday she’d
have a second chance at love, but just not now. The fact that her daughter was
lying in a hospital bed told her she couldn’t have both. Yes, she loved Cam.
The ache in her heart wouldn’t let her forget that. Letting him walk away the
night before hadn’t been easy, but she didn’t see any other way. They lived
different lives. They’d made different choices. And now, she had to live with
hers.

Her cell phone beeped, interrupting her thoughts.

“This is Liv,” she answered without looking at caller ID.

“It’s Grandma. Dr. Brack is here.”

“I’m on my way up now.” Liv ended the call.

Dr. Brack was just finishing her exam of Sara when Liv came
back in.

“Nice to see you again,” Dr. Brack said, extending her hand
out to Liv.

“You too.” Liv shook the doctor’s extended hand.

“I was just apologizing to Sara for taking so long to get up
to see her. I got caught in the operating room and just finished up.”

“You must be tired.”

“A little, but a little tiredness is worth the end results.
Sara looks good to go. I don’t see any signs of infection. She doesn’t have a
fever, so I think she can go home today. However, I can keep her here another
night if you’d prefer. It’s up to you.”

“I want to go home today!” Sara piped in.

Liv smiled. “It sounds like today it is then. Thank you,
doctor.”

“Okay. I’ll sign her discharge papers and the nurse will be
in to take out her IV and go over your instructions for home.”

“Great. Thanks again.” Liv turned to her daughter. Sara beamed.
She definitely was ready to be sprung. After the doctor left another hour or so
passed as they waited for the nurse to remove the IV and get the final
paperwork together. Liv helped Sara out of her hospital gown and into the fresh
t-shirt and shorts Hannah had brought along. Liv pulled a sock onto her left
foot.

“No more flip-flops for you! We need to go shopping and get
you some sturdy tennis shoes.”

Sara rolled her eyes at her mother. “Mom, I like my flip-flops.
Tennis shoes are too hot!”

“I know, but I really think you need something a little more
stable.”

“But, Mom…”

“No buts about it.” Sara was definitely feeling like herself
again. Liv brushed out Sara’s long hair and pulled it back into a loose pony
tail at the back of her neck. “Better?”

“Better.”

The nurse came in with the wheelchair and a cart. Liv and
Hannah filled the cart with the various stuffed animals and flowers while the
nurse helped Sara into the wheel chair. Hannah went down ahead of them to bring
the car around. The nurse pushed Sara down the corridor while Liv followed with
the flower cart. Hannah pulled around just as their motley parade made its way
out the front door. It took a bit of rearranging, but they finally managed to
fit the majority of Sara’s gifts into the trunk of Hannah’s Honda. Sara sat in
the back seat with her leg propped up. On the floor, more flowers, plants and
stuffed animals crowded in. Liv sat in the front seat with a stuffed animal in
her lap and a vase of flowers between her legs. She looked over her shoulder at
Sara.