Taking Him (Lies We Tell) (23 page)

History has a habit of repeating itself… A sick, fucked-up fantasy where he gets to be the one in charge… If you screw with her the way Liz screwed with you…

Hunter closed his eyes a moment, swallowing back bile.

Liz hadn’t screwed with him. Okay, yeah, she’d been the one to come onto him. Who’d initiated everything. But he’d wanted it. He’d been hard every time she touched him. Had been in love her for Christ’s sake. She’d messed with his head and broken his poor silly teenage heart but that was it. Wasn’t it?

If that was it, then why are you feeling so sick now?

He took a shaken breath, pushing away the thoughts. He’d wanted it. He had. And the guilt part was because she was married. And the shame was to do with his father. And the desire because she was hot.

And the helplessness?

No. Shit. He’d never been helpless. Because that would imply he’d been a victim and he’d never been that. Not ever.

Dry-mouthed and sick, Hunter bent over the basin, wiping away the blood.

What the hell was he going to do? His relationship with Vin was now screwed. The guy would never forgive him and quite honestly, Hunter couldn’t blame him. Of course he’d thought Hunter had manipulated Ellie into having sex with him. Had taken advantage of her crush. And of course his past would have been used against him.

A cold feeling swept over him. Vin had been there through everything, the staunch friend who’d given him a place to go after his father had thrown him out. Had given him such trust. A trust he’d broken to indulge his own selfish urges.

Pain rested inside his heart. A pain that all the punches in the world couldn’t obliterate.

Feathers. He needed more feathers.

A sound came from behind him and he didn’t need to turn to know that Ellie had followed him. The pain twisted. He didn’t want her here the way he was feeling right now. He’d probably say something even more awful than he already had. Something that would hurt her or drive her away like he’d driven away Vin.

“Go away, Ellie,” he said, keeping his voice harsh.

No response. He lifted his head, met her gaze in the bathroom mirror. Her face was completely white, eyes blazing with an expression he couldn’t really interpret, only knew that there was pain there.

“I said I wouldn’t let you shut me out,” she said, “and I meant it.”

Oh Jesus. She just didn’t know when to quit. “What the fuck do you want from me?” He dropped the washcloth. Turned around. “I gave you sex. I told you all about that shit with Liz. What more do you want?”

A subtle kind of strength had crept into her expression, giving it an unyielding quality. Her eyes the colour of polished steel. Even since they’d been sleeping together, there had been times when he’d unconsciously looked at her, seeing the girl he’d once known. The child she’d once been. But not now. There was nothing childish about her, and he had the feeling he was seeing the true nature of her—strong and enduring and determined.

“I want you to acknowledge what happened to you,” she said clearly. “I want you to see it for what it was. You were abused, Hunter. Liz sexually abused you.”

Just as she’d expected, Hunter’s expression closed down. But not before she caught a glimpse of fear. The same fear she’d seen in his dark eyes downstairs in the garage.

He was afraid. Afraid to admit what she suspected that deep down he already knew. That he’d been preyed on. Manipulated. And she could understand why he didn’t want to. What man wanted to admit to being abused by a woman? What did that say about them and their masculinity?

Well, as far as Ellie was concerned it didn’t say anything. Because Hunter hadn’t been a man when it had happened. He’d been a boy. A sixteen-year-old child. It hadn’t been his fault.

“You don’t bloody know when to shut up, do you?” he said, brutally harsh. “It’s got nothing to do with you.”

“Oh sure it hasn’t. That’s why Vin kept punching you in the head. And why you kept letting him.” She stopped suddenly, remembering something else. Hunter standing at the reception desk at the office, blood dripping down his arm.
I caught it on a nail…
A blood-tipped drawing pin in his pocket. Tattoos on his back. So many feathers… Ice slid down her back. “God, you wanted the pain, didn’t you? That’s why you took Vin’s hits. And that’s why you get the feathers done. Why you stick yourself with drawing pins.”

Hunter turned his gaze away, pulling the plug out of the basin. “I’m not discussing that with you.”

“Why, Hunter? Did you think you deserve it? Did you think Vin was right? That sleeping with me is wrong? Do you think we’re in an abusive relationship too?”

His head came up at that, darkness flaring in his eyes. “
We
are having an affair, Ellie.”

“Yes, we
are having an affair. But that’s not what happened with you and Liz. She was a sexual predator who used her looks and your emotions to prey on you. And you know it.”

“No.” His voice was so flat, the denial so absolute there was no room for argument. “There was nothing abusive about it.”

“Nothing abusive? So you think it’s perfectly okay for a much older woman to seduce a sixteen-year-old boy?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw, the darkness in his eyes growing deeper, blacker. “I don’t know how many fucking times I have to say this, but I’ll say it again since you don’t seem to want to listen. I wanted it. I wanted her.”

“So if Liz had been a man and you were a sixteen-year-old girl, you would have been quite okay with it?”

His posture tensed, his jaw looking even tighter. “I’m not having this discussion. So get out of the way.”

Ellie ignored him. Instead she reached out and put her hands on either side of the doorway, gripping the frame. Making sure that if he wanted her out of the way, he’d have to remove her physically. “No. You’re not running away this time, Hunter. I won’t let you.”

He took a couple of steps forward, stopping inches from her, towering over her completely. The darkness in his eyes made her want to back away. Let him go. But she wasn’t going to. Not this time. Vin had destroyed the delicate balance between them, shattered the fragile bubble she’d been living in. She had nothing left to lose now.

“Get out of my way, Ellie.”

She gripped the frame harder. “If you want out you’ll have to get out by force.”

The tension drew taut between them. His expression was frightening—so detached and yet the look in his eyes… There was nothing detached about it. Furious. Absolutely furious.

“You have to face this,” she said, keeping her voice level. Calm. “Men your age don’t randomly stick themselves with pins. Or stand there and let their best friends beat them up. You’re hurting and that doesn’t just come out of nowhere. I know you’re afraid. I know—”

He moved so fast she had no time to prepare, one arm sliding around her waist, bringing her up against him so hard all the air left her body.

“I’m not afraid,” he hissed.

She was naked underneath the T-shirt, the heat of his skin like an open flame burning through the cotton. A hot wash of desire swept through her. It would be so easy to let this go. To put her arms around him and let him do whatever he wanted with her. Drown herself in the pleasure of his touch. She only had a few days left after all.

But she couldn’t. Because he was more important. And she knew, she bloody knew, that this was the thing eating him alive. And she could not let that happen.

“If you’re not afraid, then why can’t you admit it?”

His arm tightened. “There’s nothing to admit. She seduced me but I wanted it. I wanted—”

“She manipulated you,” Ellie interrupted. “She took from you. She abused you.”

His arm tightened even more, making it hard to breathe. “No,” he denied hoarsely. “No, that’s not what happened!”

She could hear the desperation in his voice. Saw it in his eyes. He was clinging to his denial with everything he had. Her eyes filled with helpless tears because she didn’t want to do this. Didn’t want to hurt him.

“It’s okay, Hunter,” she said thickly. “I know it’s scary to admit but—”

The words died in her throat as his other hand gripped her hair, pulling it hard, turning her tears into tears of pain. Fury burned in his gaze. Fury and desperation and something else she couldn’t identify. And then his head bent and he covered her mouth with his.

It wasn’t a tender kiss. Or even a sensual one. It was rough, fierce. She tasted blood, his blood. The blood from his cut lip and it must have hurt him, considering how savagely he was kissing her, but he didn’t flinch. And didn’t let up. The grip in her hair was punishing, pulling so tight the little prickles of pain became thorns dotting her scalp.

But she didn’t move. Didn’t struggle. Because he wasn’t fighting her, wasn’t punishing her. He was trying to escape the truth, she knew it with every breath in her body.

Eventually though, it hurt too much, and she let out a small, helpless sound of pain. And the agonising grip around her waist loosened so suddenly she gasped.

Hunter had gone white, his eyes like holes full of black water. “I wasn’t a victim,” he said roughly. “You understand? I wasn’t!”

Oh God. She put a hand to his face and he flinched away. But she didn’t remove it. Kept it there, pressed against his cheek. “I know, Hunter.” Tears filled her eyes but she didn’t bother to wipe them away. They weren’t important. “I know that’s what you think. But you were only sixteen. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Don’t. Don’t say it.” He kissed her again, harder, savage. His hands slid up underneath the T-shirt, gripping the softness of her buttocks, squeezing so hard she gasped. Then he broke away, ripped the T-shirt off her. He wasn’t gentle, his hands shaking with suppressed violence as he picked her up, jerked her fingers from the doorframe and walked with her into the bedroom.

Then he flung her down on the bed.

Ellie lay there. Didn’t move. Her heart felt like it was breaking apart because she could see the struggle on his face, feel his pain and anger leaking through his usual detachment like blood from an open wound leaking through a bandage.

His black eyes glittered as he looked down at her, the detachment slipping. His breathing sounded ragged, his movements as he undid his jeans sharp, jerky. Then he pulled them off so he was naked.

“You can’t blame yourself,” she said, feeling the tears slide slowly down her cheeks. “You were a kid. You thought you were in love. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Shut up!” His hands on her thighs were hard, forceful as he pushed them apart. “Shut the fuck up!”

She should have been afraid. He was so angry, the rage pouring off him like monsoon rain off an iron roof, and he was so much stronger and more powerful than she was. But she didn’t feel fear. She only hurt. For him. For what Liz had done to him. For what he couldn’t admit.

And she didn’t know what to do, what was the right path to take for someone who’d been hurt like he had. She only knew he couldn’t keep on doing this.

Because it was going to destroy him.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Hunter,” she said as he knelt on the bed between her spread thighs. “What you’re trying to prove. But you can’t turn me into your victim. Everything I’ve done with you I did because I wanted to.”

“Just like I
wanted
everything she did to me.” His voice was a rough growl as he lifted her legs around his hips, pulling her up then shoving into her brutally hard. “Everything.”

Ellie drew in a sharp breath because it hurt. But she didn’t look away from him, from the tortured expression on his face. “I want you. Do you understand? I want you.”

He shook his head, a sharp jerk of denial. Then he began to move, hard and fast, and she started to tremble because even though he was rough, her body still wanted him. Still craved this. “I want you, Hunter.” She said it aloud, so he knew, so he’d realize. “I want you so much.”

But he shut his eyes, closing her out.

No, he wasn’t going to escape. Not this time. She wasn’t going to let him.

Ellie locked her thighs around his waist. Then she pushed herself up and reached for his shoulders, pulling herself into his lap. His eyes flicked open, staring into hers, inches away.

She slid her fingers through his short, thick black hair. And held him still with all her strength.

“If you’re going to fuck me, then do it with your eyes open,” she said.

Fury blazed in his face. “Don’t you—”

“Listen to me, damn you! I want you, Hunter. I want you so much. I want you inside me. I want you to fuck me. You’re not forcing me. You’re not making me do anything I don’t want to do. “

His hands on her hips were so tight it was painful. He growled, shoving deeper inside her. She gasped but didn’t let go. Holding onto him to keep him looking at her. “I want everything you do to me. Everything. Even hard. Even rough. Understand?”

“Stop talking for fuck’s sake!”

“No!” She gripped him like he was drowning and she was desperately saving his life. “I’m trying to show you there’s a difference. Between what your body wants and what you want. And just because she made you hard, it doesn’t mean you wanted it!”

“Ellie, stop!” The words were harsh and desperate and full of such anguish it sounded ripped from the depths of his soul.