Taking the Fall (19 page)

He began to rebuff by shaking his head and started to offer up another excuse, but Molly had officially put an end to his attempt. Grabbing hold of his chin, she stopped him.

Her physical touch was sheer ecstasy, but the way she was looking at him was telling him something was off.

He stared into her emerald pools and something just began to click.

No, it couldn’t be.

He had an overwhelming feeling he had made a terrible decades’ old mistake.

Hope is clouding my memory.

Then she said the one thing that he had no doubt was anything but complete truth.

“I was a virgin when I came back from Boston,” she stated slowly and clearly, all the while her eyes never leaving his.

All the years that had passed by were proving to him it was a lie, yet without a moment’s doubt, he knew it wasn’t.

No!

Please!

He had to be sure. He had to sound like a complete asshole to confirm the truth.

“You mean to tell me you didn’t fuck your way through the entire college student body?” He knew his choice of words was crude, but it was as if his tongue had lost all forms of politeness.

The look on her face expressed the level of shock and hurt she was experiencing.

FUCK ME! You stupid, stupid asshole!

Hunter walked three feet away before turning around to stare at her in disbelief. He just kept pacing, running his hands through his hair and mumbling to himself.

And his sweet, beautiful girl let him.

“Hunter?”

With his large stride, he was in front of her a moment later. Crouching low so they were eye to eye and forgoing the line he had been keeping, he cupped her face with his hands and said in a quiet pained filled voice, “I will answer whatever questions you want but just answer this one last question for me. Did you sleep with anyone your first semester of school?”

A single tear rolled down her cheek, and the last of his composure threatened to crack.

He thought she wouldn’t answer. He deserved to have his question hang between them.

You deserve the noose your disloyalty caused.

But
his
Molly would never be that cruel.

She
would never believe something in her gut and with one bad word throw it all away.

No, that fault remains on your shoulders.

“No! I’ve only slept with one man in my life and that was after I married him.”

String me up!

“How senseless could I have been?” Hunter scolded. He hung his head in shame and disbelief, dropping his hands because he no longer deserved the privilege.

All the years that have passed and all the pain and anguish was for nothing. Hunter didn’t know if he should scream, cry, wail, or beg for forgiveness.

All were probabilities yet all seemed insufficient.

What kind of man knew exactly what he wanted and then when so close to seeing it through, threw it away so easily?

“A different guy every other day . . . not coming back to the dorm room at night . . . having fun and enjoying college life . . . going to some island with a couple of guys . . . she entered looking so haunted.”

Hunter didn’t even question it. The thought never even occurred for him to do so. Instead, he internalized the news and saw red. He was so angry that she hadn’t saved herself for him—he just snapped. For a night that he had waited for three years to finally arrive, he was doing deeds one hour later with a girl he didn’t know to deal with the broken heart he had just endured.

Take off your clothes . . . open your legs for me . . . you want to be fucked, don’t you?

Shame blanketed him and he felt its weight all the way down through his soul.

“God, Molly! I don’t know what to say . . . do you want me to leave?”

There was anger and hurt evident on her face, but he also saw when something shifted on her face.

It was not an expression of judgment of spite but rather of exoneration.

She answered with a small shake of her head.

He not only ruined thing for himself, but he failed her and the devotion of love he’d silently pledged to her during his teenage years.

Considering she hadn’t thrown him out or slapped his face, he felt certain that she would give him redemption if he asked, just as he knew he would be cowardly and demand it. He didn’t deserve her. He wasn’t worthy of her, yet he found himself willing to cling to any small morsel she would throw his way.

“No words can explain the shame and self-loathing I feel.”

Then she did what she should not have but he was so grateful she did—she reached for him, gently cupping his cheek.

He leaned in, allowing his rough cheek to rub against such softness.

Soon, she was soothing him, offering appeasement as she consoled his rioting emotions.

He didn’t deserve her kindness, but he so desperately latched onto it. It was the only constant in a world where reality had been flipped upside down and inside out.

“Oh Molly, I don’t even know where to begin. I owe you so much, yet all I can do is continue to operate in a way that is nothing short of selfish.”

He did the most selfish thing he could think of, he pressed his lips to hers.

He deserved the slap that should have come.

Instead, she remained rigid for a moment before softening and granting him the privilege he was too cowardly to ask for.

So many emotions were rolled into this kiss, and he honestly couldn’t tell you if he meant it to be sweet, seductive, apologetic, mercy-filled, or a last resort. All was true, but all were part of this first attempt to undo the domino effect of the mistake he made that wrecked both their lives.

And it was absolutely brilliant.

It was better than he had ever experienced and better than he had ever thought possible; it was as if he was touching the sun. Her lips were soft and welcoming, never questioning, just following his lead. He tilted his head slightly and silently begged for entrance. She permitted, and he swept his tongue inward and knew her taste would never leave his tongue. She was coy and sweet yet hot and distinctive. Molly’s kiss was perfection. All he dreamed and envisioned never even came close to its reality.

It is your own damn fault you are closing in on forty, and you are just experiencing the epitome of a true wonder on Earth.

He felt like he could kiss her forever, and he wasn’t sure if he had when he knew he owed her words, something to the effect of, “I’m a coward and the worst excuse for a man,” but even now with new mental light, he continued to be greedy and couldn’t break away from her or their kiss. He tried to be gently but with each passing moment, he knew his aggression was beginning to show. Not only for the years he had been robbed but also for the sheer pleasure he was deriving from this one act.

Before too soon, Molly placed her hand on his chest pushing lightly against his sternum. Ending the kiss was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do.

But considering it was the most humble of prices, he could pay.

Somewhere along their kiss, his hands moved to hold her precious face. He couldn’t bear to let go so he leaned his forehead against hers as if he was subliminally saying the words his tongue seemed too cowardly to say.

“Hunter . . .” she breathed.

“Shh . . . Beautiful, I know . . . I need to . . .” he attempted over and over, but the continuation of one thought was just too much for him to handle.

“Your kiss was nice.” She blushed giving him yet another reprieve.

I should plead and grovel at her feet. Something to show her that whatever penance I am given will not only never be enough but too kind for the likes of me.

Yet all he could do was smile at her understatement of what was sure to have been the earth moving.

Perpetually the peacemaker, he was not even worthy to be in her presence let alone be this intimate.

He owed her so much—sonnets and poetry—yet all he could come up with was sarcasm. “Nice? Beautiful, there are a lot of words that are a hell of a lot better than nice to describe our first kiss which has been twenty years in the making and just as long overdue.”

She bit her lower lip in response, and he felt it straight behind his zipper.

He stepped away to get space and perspective, all the while realizing he no longer could function without some sort of physical connection with her.

Realizing your life should have taken another path will have the effect on a person. Especially when the reason it veered so horribly off course was because of a believed lie.

But now was the time to begin the long road of trying to put into words what she should have heard an era ago.

He took off his suit coat, throwing it over the closest chair. He reached for her hands and said a silent prayer when she didn’t pull away. He walked her over to the corner seat at the counter. Once she was seated, he stood so close that she couldn’t look anywhere but at him.

As patient as ever, Molly didn’t say a word, she just waited for him to begin.

“I was so jealous of the years that separated us. But I was raised that some things just could not be preyed upon. Age difference, especially in teenage years, was one of them. I respected you enough not to pressure you, but it couldn’t stop me from seeking you out. You were always so happy and a breath of fresh air. I was drawn to you and once I admitted to it, I didn’t see anyone else. I didn’t want to see anyone else. So much that staging spontaneous coincidences became a part of my daily activities. How the ugly green-eyed monster became my constant companion.” He smiled in an embarrassed way but forged on. “It went to such an extreme of me being jealous of Reed because you two shared a honest friendship that I feared daily would change into something more. He got to be in your presence every day while I had to settle for distance and the shadows.” His voice showed honest regret. Molly just squeezed his hand, and that small gestured showed him so much. “Reed shared your smiles and heard your laughter. He got to study with you in the quiet of the library and he got to walk with you home from school because you were both going the same way.” Hunter feared his words weren’t making any sense, yet she needed to know the depth of feeling he had for her then. “I wanted it to be me. I wanted to know that I had a right to hold your hand, to steal kisses during the bonfires or in a private moment over there in the back booth. I just kept telling myself that I just needed to wait until you graduated. Then I could confess how I felt. However, it never seemed to be the right time, and then you had left for school suddenly. I knew then when you came home from break, I would make sure I was here. I can’t even explain to you how many times I got in my car at Yale with all intention to drive to Boston to see you. I had even gotten pretty close a couple of times with what I considered a witty reason to tell you why I was there, but each time I was afraid of what you would say. I decided that Spring Break was it. I had it all worked out, and I was more nervous than I would ever care to admit. But then . . .”

“It went to shit.” Molly’s description was short and sweet and completely perfect in explanation.

Birds of a feather.

“I’m so sorry, Molly. Sorry seems so small in comparison to what I owe you. I don’t deserve the chance I so desperately am begging for. I know. You would be completely right to tell me where to stick my cap. But, please, I’m begging you, give me a chance to make this right. Give me a chance to show you how it should have been. I should have never doubted the person I knew you to be. The person I was completely infatuated with then.”

She had moved and hadn’t attempted to say anything.

Fear began to climb up his spine, when he didn’t think he could endure another agonizing moment he whispered, “Say something . . .”

He searched her unchanging face, willing to give anything for just a glimpse in her head, but then she spoke and he knew how lucky of a bastard he truly was.

“I thought it was because . . . never mind.” Molly eyes finally diverted at her blush.

“Tell me,” he begged. He placed his finger under her chin bringing her attention back to him.

He wasn’t going to go another moment without her.

“I thought it was because you only considered me just Molly,” she trembled.

Oh, beautiful, how could you ever doubt yourself in such a way?

Hypocrisy at its finest, Dennison.

The time for self-revulsion was not now. Now was the time to clear up any doubts she’d ever had.

“You were never just Molly. You had a piece of my heart then, even when you didn’t know it.”

“This is such a mess.” Molly got up and paced. He followed her afraid she would bolt.

“I know it is and I’m telling you I will find out why she . . .”

Molly turned and raised her hand to stop his flow of words. She wrapped her arms around herself and let out a deep sigh, avoiding looking at him.

And he felt it like a physical blow.

“Look Hunter, I’m not an idiot. I can read between the lines. Let’s not try to figure that part out, let’s just focus on going forward. You mentioned something about wanting to be my friend.”

Panic overtook him at that one word.

He would be lucky to call her friend, but that was the furthest from his intended goal.

“Friendship is not what I want.”

“It is really nice to hear you say that,” Molly answered with a smile that was sure to melt even the most solid of stones.

The panic that was so solid a moment ago suddenly began to evaporate. Replaced with a feeling that was once his most loyal friend; hope.

This is what I’ve waited for my whole life.

He slowly and tentatively stepped closer to her until he stood so close that her scent surrounded him and he could see the spray of freckles on her nose clearly.

“I can say a lot of nice things, but I’d rather show you what I consider nice.” Hunter leaned in to kiss her again, but stopped and moved his head back slightly before asking, “Friendship only, is that what you want?”