Tamed (15 page)

Kenzie pushed off the swing, moving into Gran’s warm arms and being led to the bench on the back porch. Gran sat first and Kenzie followed, snuggling herself into Gran’s hold as the dark sky reflected her mood. “I couldn’t be in there anymore,” she whispered.

Gran tightened her arms around Kenzie, and her voice became gentle. “That’s all right, darling. You don’t need to be. We’ll stay right here until everyone leaves.”

Kenzie forced herself back from the memory, tears trickling down her cheeks. God, she missed Gran’s hold—the warm embrace that told her everything was going to be okay. That no matter what happened, she had Gran’s love. Kenzie had craved that hold more than once in her life.

Noise came from downstairs in the bookstore, and Kenzie curled up on the couch, staring out at the dreary day. Even the sky was fighting against its tears. All day it seemed like it was going to rain, but it hadn’t. Not through the church ceremony of her mother’s funeral, and not when they got back to the bookstore to hold the lunch that Kenzie never understood. If Kenzie died, she didn’t want the people she loved to busy themselves with making stupid sandwiches for people she was only an acquaintance with. She hoped they’d just spent time together.

Staring at the gray sky, she couldn’t cry anymore. In fact, she found herself able to cry only on the day she saw her mother lying dead in her bed. No more tears, Kenzie told herself. She couldn’t possibly fall apart anymore. Her soul felt frozen, almost stuck in time, shocked by the events that had unfolded in the last year.

Kenzie heard the door creak open, and she shifted her head against the couch, seeing Gran entering the apartment. Wearing a long black dress, Gran examined Kenzie in the way she did with her soft features, then she moved to her. She grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and placed it over Kenzie before sitting down and shifting Kenzie’s legs onto her lap.

Gran said nothing, so Kenzie stared out the window again, wishing the sky would cry. Almost as if it could show her how to do it. A few minutes passed before Gran said, “I know you don’t want to talk about what you’re feeling. I’m never going to make you, but I want you to hear me and never forget what I’m going to tell you now, okay?”

Kenzie nodded against her leg, continuing to look out the window.

“Don’t let what your mother has done lead your life,” Gran said with thick sadness in her voice. “What she has done was her choice. It was selfish. It was heartless. Don’t let your legacy be what your mother has left.”

“I’ll never be like her,” Kenzie all but spat. There might be no room for sadness, but it appeared there was plenty of room for anger.

Gran squeezed Kenzie’s leg and sighed. “I know that, my love, but don’t let darkness guide you, either. You’re too special. A light in this beautiful world, and it would be a shame for that light to go out. Feel what you have to feel now. But don’t stay long in this anger, Kenzie, and don’t let it destroy you.”

Drawn back from that moment, Kenzie grasped the grass below her as her chest heaved with her deep breaths. She remembered those words that Gran had said as if it were yesterday. Kenzie also knew a truth in her soul—when Gran had lived, Kenzie had stayed that girl for Gran—hid the anger and the hurt—but when Gran died, that restraint had left Kenzie. All that filled her was red-hot anger, as it did now.

She scowled down into the dark water, and her body quaked from the inside out. “Why did you have to die?” she heard herself saying. “Why did everything have to change?” Things were so normal before Joslyn’s death, what childhood should be.

Happy.

Innocent.

She recalled the moment when her mother said Kenzie should’ve died, not Joslyn, and tears leaked from her eyes as her voice rose, her anger pouring from her body. “It shouldn’t have been me.” The wind breezed by her, feeling like icy fingertips brushing across her flesh. “It shouldn’t have been anyone.”

A rock lay in front of her and she picked it up and threw it into the water, not sensing sadness welling inside her but more and more fury. Not at her life now. At the life that had been handed to a little girl who should’ve been riding bikes and laughing with friends, not being known as the girl whose sister died and whose mother killed herself.

Her chest constricted as she jumped to her feet, grabbing another rock and throwing it with all her might. “How could you do this to me?” she screamed, without knowing who she was screaming at. Her mother; her sister; Gran, for leaving her when she was the only one that Kenzie had left. “If you never left me, I would never have had to face life knowing that I had nothing.”

Her screams were loud, but she didn’t care who heard her. She didn’t care about anything right now, except for the rage vibrating through her. “I needed all of you. I didn’t deserve this. I shouldn’t have been left here. Alone. Without any of you.” She dropped to her knees, feeling everything inside of her breaking open, tears raining down her cheeks.

She wanted to scream to the heavens above, fight against anything she could to somehow regain what had been lost to her. To somehow right all the wrongs. To find the innocence of her childhood. To remember the time when she came to this camp and was just a kid. To experience moments of happiness that weren’t stolen away by tragedy. To believe that life didn’t end in despair. To trust that happiness could last forever.

“I hate you!” she shouted, knowing there were so many people she was saying that to. “I hate death. I hate suicide. I hate that you all broke my heart. I hate that you gave me this life, one where I don’t trust. One where I don’t believe I deserve to be happy. One where I doubt everyone around me. One where I can’t be open to love without the fear that it will break me.” Her voice hitched and she dropped her head, sobbing loudly now and placing her hands on the grass below, the only thing grounding her to reality. “I don’t want to be that person anymore.”

On her knees, she wept, holding nothing back. Not anymore. Her tears fell onto the grass below with her hard sobs. She allowed herself to cry in a way she just hadn’t in so long, not since the night she saw her mother lying in her bed covered in blood.

All the anger, all the pain, all the hurt flowed like a river washing out of her body, and she could do nothing to stop it. Porter had made her confront things that she didn’t know she needed to face, reminding her of the girl she once was.

Sweet.

Playful.

Adventurous.

He saw only that girl.

She wanted to only see the same.

Porter squealed his tires outside of Kenzie’s bookstore and slammed the car into park. He stormed out, making it into the bookstore in under three seconds. Concern fueled his steps, causing his gait to be tight and his actions to be rougher than usual. When he entered the store, the door shook on its hinges as he slammed it shut behind him.

He discovered Sawyer sitting in the chair by the bay window. Porter heard the fury in his voice. “Where is she?”

Sawyer’s features darkened as he pushed out of the chair. “I don’t know.”

The irritation burning through Porter was not directed at Sawyer. It wasn’t his fault that Kenzie was a sneaky little thing and slipped out the back door when no one was looking. He turned to the young brunette standing behind the counter, who gave him a wide-eyed stare. “When did Kenzie leave?”

“Hours ago,” the employee with the sweet pansy eyes said. “Kenzie told me that she needed the morning off. I’m only here for another hour or so.”

Porter ran a hand over the back of his neck, turning to Sawyer, who was now leaning against a bookshelf with his arms folded. He considered his friend, and Sawyer’s frown reflected to Porter that Sawyer understood his frustration. All Porter had been doing was trying to keep Kenzie safe, and off she went with no thought as to the danger she was putting herself in.

Someone clearing her throat caught his attention. Porter whipped around, spotting Kenzie standing near the bookshelf at the back of her store. She approached slowly, cautiously. Then she looked from Porter to Sawyer to her employee before she sighed and said to the woman, “Thanks for coming in today, Sammy. You better go now.”

Damn right she better go.

Porter was only too glad that Kenzie had enough sense that an outsider to the looming conversation was not a good idea. She stayed quiet as her employee fetched her purse under the desk. No one moved or said a word as Sammy left the bookstore, quietly shutting the door behind her. Porter was sure the tension was thick enough in the air that a knife wouldn’t even cut it.

After a few moments of Porter staring down Kenzie while she held her chin high, she finally sighed. “Okay, so you’re pissed I left.”

“Pissed?” Porter repeated in astonishment.

She rolled her eyes. “Red-hot angry, then?”

“Something like that,” he growled.

Kenzie nibbled her lip and then said to Sawyer, “As you see, I’m fine, so you don’t need to babysit me any longer.”

Sawyer’s jaw clenched before he straightened up off the bookshelf, though his frown stayed firmly in place. “I’m glad to see that you’re safe. Not the smartest of decisions you’ve ever made.” He focused on Porter and his features tightened further. “Do you need anything else from me?”

“No,” Porter said with tension vibrating through him, before turning his focus back on Kenzie. She shifted uneasily on her feet, and he didn’t mind that she was unsteady. She would answer for what she put him through; there was no doubt about that. “I have some news that I’ll call you about later.”

“I’ll be around,” Sawyer replied.

The door shut behind Sawyer, and Porter jerked his focus away from Kenzie, moving to the door. He locked it and flipped the sign to indicate the store was closed. When he moved to her, Kenzie was glaring at him.

“Um, excuse me,” she said with an obvious snarl. “My store doesn’t close down for lunch or for anything.”

“It does now,” Porter retorted, as he approached her with lengthy strides.

Kenzie took a step back, and Porter wondered what his expression portrayed. He’d never seen Kenzie back away from anyone, but Porter had never been pushed in this manner before. He got right into her space and folded his arms, scowling at her. “Do you have any idea what thoughts were running through my head finding out that you had left?”

She looked down. “Chest-beating thoughts?”

“I thought you’d been abducted,” he roared, unable to control the wrath invading him. “I thought someone had gotten to you. I thought the worst fucking things, Kenzie.”

She lifted her head and said softly, “I’m fine.” Though she couldn’t hold his examination long and moved toward the back of the store. “So you can ease up on the testosterone.”

Porter followed her, finding her in the storage room with endless boxes on the shelves. “Where did you go?”

“I went to think,” she replied, reaching for a book in one of the boxes on the floor.

He couldn’t stand this distance between them, nor could he stand the thought that she didn’t trust him. “Put that fucking book down and look at me.”

Kenzie dropped the book with a loud thud, and her eyes widened. Porter had been pushed—too far, it seemed. He attempted to control his voice as he added, “Why would you leave without calling me to go with you?”

“I didn’t want you there.”

Porter paused, considering her. He noticed the slight tremors in her hands, and wasn’t blind to the fact that Kenzie somehow seemed
better.
She appeared like she did when she was reading, a little more peaceful. He took a step toward her and his voice softened. “Why?”

“It’s hard for me to think around you, all right?” She jerked away from him. “I have some things to work out. Things that I don’t need you to help me with. Things that I can work through better without a big, commanding Dom hovering over me.”

While her statement was honest and that pleased him, it also frustrated him right down to his bones, as it told him how far away Kenzie truly was from him. A woman who cared about him would depend on him, not to heal or fix her, but to lean on. He was done, tired of being careful with her, tired of pretending that her behavior didn’t drive him insane.

Before, he’d let her wiggle her way out of it. Before, he wouldn’t demand an answer. Before, he’d let her walk away. Not anymore. He refused to let her sass her way out of this and denied her the right to force him to live in her distant world. “Tell me where you went.”

“No.”

His brow arched. “No?”

“Fuck no.” She glared. “Is that clear enough for you?”

His control vanished, as did all emotions inside him. No anger sizzled through him. No annoyance touched his soul. She was submissive. He was Dominant, and he’d been pushed enough. He closed the distance between them, fueled by an intensity that he didn’t dare control. The part of his soul that dominated life, and all those within it, no longer sympathized with her.

He sucked in a deep breath, and his patience for her evaporated.

She gasped when he gathered her in his arms, and she gasped again as he dropped his mouth to hers. He kissed her with all the intensity that Kenzie had been begging him for. The thoughts of her being in danger, of her keeping him out, of her wanting to push him away when all he wanted to do was care for her, consumed him. For once, he did what Kenzie did when she was with him: He forgot his mind and gave in to his body.

His needs.

His desires.

His demands.

“No more distance, Kenzie,” he growled against her mouth, reaching for her shirt and yanking it off. “It ends now.” He kept his mouth moving with hers in a sensual dance as he pulled down her shorts and panties. Her breath hitched as he opened his jeans and shoved them and his boxers down. “Realize it now and don’t fucking forget it; I care about you.” He pushed her up against the shelves, so the side of her face pressed against the box. “I care if you’re in danger. I care about your heart, and you’re going to fucking allow me that right.”

Kenzie fought against using her safe word. What Porter was asking for now stole her very soul, but
God,
she wanted him. The way he took over now, commanding her body with no apologies, it all consumed her. Heat slid right through her as his penis touched her damp folds from behind, and she melted with his eager touches. She felt whole, grounded, and more than anything, she didn’t want to fight him anymore.

His dominance felt good.
Really good.

She’d done things her way for so long, and that had only gotten her isolated and ignoring the world around her. His guidance, his touch, it all opened her to something new. A sensation that she never wanted to let go of.

In his arms, she felt like the girl she’d once been, without so much tragedy in life. She liked who she was with Porter. More important, she liked that Porter saw only the good parts of her. That he wouldn’t allow her to be anyone else. That she was safe to be herself with him, and that nothing else mattered. She wasn’t the girl whose sister died, whose mother killed herself; she was only
Kenzie.

Above all else, she loved that he fought for her.

He thrust forward and wrapped his arms around her from behind. There was no space between them, no distance that he would allow. It reflected affection. It portrayed exactly what he intended; nothing she could do would distance him now. She also felt the sizzling heat of pleasure roaring through her as, inch by inch, he filled her.

He shifted his hips, hard and determined, as if his dominance simply couldn’t be held back anymore. She wouldn’t stop him. She wouldn’t back away now. Her heart and soul were wide open, and in his care, she knew she was in safe hands. The musky scent of their lovemaking swept through her nostrils as sweat coated her skin, her body shaking beneath him. Each thrust of his shaft inside her brought her higher, though it wasn’t about the pleasure sending her there, it was about his hold. The message in his lovemaking.

This is real.

This is your present.

The past just doesn’t matter anymore.

You cannot push me away.

She recognized all of that in his embrace, and in the way that he had her completely surrounded by his strong body. Years she’d been alone. Years she had forced herself to believe that was better and that life would always disappoint her. Now she only felt like she was disappointing herself.

His dominance soared through his rough thrusts, and she shut her eyes, appreciating what he’d done for her. Appreciating that he never did walk away, no matter how much she had wanted him to. That Porter had stayed solid in every sense of the word.

He’d seen her so clearly, it had only made her want to see what she used to be, too. His patience, his care, his comfort…it all made Kenzie so aware of herself and the reasons she acted the way she did. It didn’t matter what happened with Porter from this day on; she would be forever grateful to him for that reason alone.

His grunts deepened and her moans grew louder as he never touched her breast or made this between them sensual. This was Domination. This was a statement. One she heard loud and clear.
No more running. I’ve got you.
And Kenzie melted into that beautiful control.

He never moved away from her back or stopped from squishing her up against the boxes on the shelf. He took her roughly, commanding her body, pinning her where he wanted her to stay, taking her as roughly as he wanted to.

Heaviness formed low in Kenzie’s body and a wild sensation rushed through her, drawing screams from her throat at the unexpected intensity building inside her. His cock grew harder and thickened inside her. Her muscles strained, her eyes pinching shut as she sensed her orgasm going to a place it had never gone before.

As if he sensed the same, he began pumping harder, skin smacking against skin, and in those very moments Kenzie felt tamed in his command, as the squirting of her cum was pushed out of her body through his hard, punishing thrusts. He roared his release as her entire body shook in a way it never had, her quivering orgasm blowing her world apart.

Before she could recover and as she still forcibly trembled against him, he withdrew, sending his semen to wash down her thighs. He turned her to him, his eyes were blazing, not reflecting satisfaction in their lovemaking, only confirming to her this wasn’t about sensual heat, it was about his position of power over her.

“Talk to me, and do it
now,
” he growled, gazing so deeply into her eyes.

She drew in a deep breath and found no way to fight him any longer. “You can’t fix me.”

“You’re right, I can’t. I also don’t think you need to be
fixed.
” A gorgeous flush covered his cheeks. “But I can be there for you. You only need to let me.”

She couldn’t hold back from him, not now, not after all she’d realized. “Happiness failed me not once, not twice, but three times. This…depending on others…it’s really hard for me.”

“I. Will. Never. Fail. You.” A possessive edge filled his voice. “Tell me where you went.”

She swallowed the thickness in her throat and found herself replying without even thinking about it. “I went to the lake where my sister died.”

He hesitated as awareness drifted across his expression. “Both your mother and your sister died?”

She nodded, hating the tears welling in her eyes, yet at the same time she was so damn appreciative that he didn’t focus on the
issue.
He simply talked about the truth. She found there was something special in that. Something that brought relief. “Within a year of each other.”

He brushed his finger under her eye, as if willing her tear to fall so he could catch it. “Handed a shitty deal, for sure, Kenzie, but life can and will get better.”

She leaned in to his hold. “Yes, it can, and I’m getting there. But this isn’t something that can be quickly bandaged up.”

“You don’t need to be bandaged up. You are fine just as you are.” He slid his fingers across her cheek and softly embraced her face, considering his actions moments ago were anything but gentle. “I know you, Kenzie. I think I know you more than you realize. If you don’t want to share those experiences, then don’t, but don’t shut out those who care about you.”

Tears fell from her eyes, yet they weren’t from sadness. Her shattered heart felt a little less cracked. “I’m trying to stop myself from doing that.”

“I’m pleased you are, because you have many people who love you and would give you a shoulder to lean on whenever you need it.” He gave a long sigh that spoke of a relief deep inside himself. “Promise me that you will never leave me wondering if you are in danger again. Please share at least that.”