Taming Damian (11 page)

“Fine. Suit yourself. I’ll get a gin and tonic.” She walked around to the other side of the bar counter and turned back toward me. “But tell me something.”

“What?” I grabbed a clean glass and began to make her drink order.

“Why did you ask me to pretend to give you a blowjob? I assume it was to make that girl upset. But how did you know she was going to be here?”

I handed her the gin and tonic. “I just wanted to hurt her.” I looked away from the blonde as I felt a wave of guilt consume me. 

“Well, you definitely accomplished that.” The blonde chuckled as she sipped her drink.

“You think?” I was not convinced.

“Hello? Did you not see how pale her face got when she saw me? Did you not see how hard she tried to fight back those tears?”

“Right.”

As much as I wanted to believe that Alexis was as cold-hearted as my mother, I knew the blonde was right. Alexis had looked hurt when she thought this blonde had given me a blowjob.

When I had seen Chris half naked at Alexis’s door earlier, I had been fuming and had wanted to do something that could cause her to feel half the pain that she had caused me. But as I thought back to the hurt that I had seen in her eyes, my chest tightened at the memory. I’d thought that the sight of her in pain would somehow help ease my own.

But it hadn’t.

The sight of her in tears had crushed me beyond belief, and I’d had to turn away from her to avoid seeing any more. I had to keep my composure and make her believe that she hadn’t hurt me, that knowing she had been with another man hadn’t ripped out my heart. She’d already broken me, but I just couldn’t let her know that she had succeeded.

Just then, there was a commotion at the front of the bar. I looked over and saw Chris barreling toward me, his face dark with rage.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I stood up taller and gave him a stone-cold look. He was the last person who was going to see me in pain. “If you want to gloat, it’s not going to work. I—”

“You fucking asshole! I’m not here to gloat! Get your head out of your own ass.”

The next thing I saw was his fist flying toward me before I felt the impact against my jaw.

The taste of blood invaded my mouth as I lifted my head back up and readied my fist. “Fuck you, man! You already got the girl. Get out of my fucking bar!”

Chris shook his head as he looked at me in disgust. “You don’t fucking deserve her.” His words came out slow and forceful, and it was as if each word were a punch to the stomach.

My jaws tightened as rage took over and I lunged at him.

He ducked and pushed me against the far end of the wall. “I knew you’d hurt her. Do you know she’s upstairs crying her eyes out because of you!? You have no idea how much she loves you, you piece of shit!”

“Don’t patronize me! If she really loved me, she wouldn’t be fucking you!”

“Get a clue, asshole! As much as I want to fuck her, she’s too in love with you to go for it.”

It took me a second to process what he had just said. “What?!”

“I haven’t fucked her since she left Iowa.” I saw the hatred and jealousy in his eyes and I knew he was telling the truth.

“So you guys haven’t had sex?” I asked in disbelief as I felt my anger dissipate.

“No.” Chris shook his head in annoyance.

“She’s not pregnant with your baby?”

“No.”

“So she hasn’t cheated on me?”

“No! God, how dense are you?”

I stared at Chris in silence as I tried to comprehend what this all meant.

“But I saw you open her apartment door half naked. How the fuck do you explain that?”

“Dude, I had just jumped out of the shower when you knocked. Alexis hadn’t even gotten home from work yet.”

“Why were you over at her place though?” I looked at him suspiciously.

He shot me an impatient glare. “Look, as you seemed to have gathered, Alexis and I used to date. I fucked up and cheated on her, and she moved to San Francisco. Anyway, we recently started talking again on the phone and she confided in me on some things she was going through. I’ve been coming to SF for business lately. This time, I flew in a day early to hang out with Alexis and see how she was doing.  My job wouldn’t pay for the accommodations for the extra night, so Alexis let me crash on her couch last night after dinner.”

I studied him as he spoke, trying to catch any indications that he was lying to me.

“
Nothing
has happened between us since she’s met you.”

As I took in the information, I realized something was still bothering me about the situation.

“So what’s this secret she’s been keeping from me? Is she pregnant?” A different wave of fear overcame me.

“You need to ask her that yourself.”

“You said she was upstairs?” I began to move toward the side door of the bar that led to the apartment units, but Chris gripped my shoulder with his hand and stopped me.

“Before you ask her a single question, you better fucking apologize for the shit you just did!”

“Trust me, I will!” I shrugged off his hand and rushed up to Alexis’s apartment.

How did I fuck up so royally? Why didn’t I give her the chance to talk? I need to set things right with her. I need her to forgive me or I’ll never be able to live with myself.

CHAPTER TEN

Alexis

I’d never cried like this before. I’d never felt every part of my body hurt like this as it shook and heaved as I wept. I’d never felt devastation, hopelessness, and loneliness all at once like this before.

“How could he?” I tried to understand how the man I loved had the heart to do this—and to do it spitefully in front of me. I’d thought he had changed. I’d thought he cared about me. I’d thought he had loved me. But when I’d seen the way he had taunted me with the blonde in his arms, my image of who I’d thought he was shattered into a million pieces along with my heart.

My hands moved to my stomach as I worried about the future of this unborn child. “What am I going to do? He’s not ready to be a father. Can I get through everything on my own?”

I knew the answer to my last question. It was a no. I wasn’t sure I could face everything on my own. I knew I needed Damian to be there for me.

But he’s not there for you
. Fresh tears fell down my face at this thought.

Just then, there was a knock at my door. I tried to wipe away the tears from my face as I walked to the door. When I opened the door and saw who was on the other side, my heart stilled.

It was Damian.

“Alex, I’m so sorry. I really fucked up.” I saw a fresh bruise on his face and the pain in his eyes, and I fought back the urge to sink into his arms and believe that everything would be okay.

“I don’t want to see you.” My voice shook as I spoke. “You really hurt me.” I halfheartedly pushed the door closed and turned to walk away.

He blocked the door and followed me inside. “Please, Alex. I know I’ve hurt you. I…I was just going out of my mind. I thought you were cheating on me.
Nothing
happened with the blonde! I swear! I just wanted to upset you because…I was upset.”

I turned back to him, surprised at his words. “What do you mean,
nothing
happened?!”

He walked over to me. “Baby, I thought you had cheated on me, so when I texted you to come down and see me, I purposely got that girl to pretend like she had gone down on me in front of you, but she didn’t. Nothing happened. I just wanted to make you jealous… I wanted to inflict the same pain on you that I had been feeling.”

As I took in his words, he pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear. I pushed him away and smacked him across the face with every ounce of strength I had.

I gasped in surprised at what I had just done. From the look in his eyes, he was surprised too.

“Did that feel good?” he asked and gave me a boyish grin.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes. That helped a little.”

“Good. I deserved that.” He smiled down at me, his rich, blue eyes filled with concern and remorse. “Can you forgive me for being such an asshole?” His face twisted with sadness, and I felt my resolve waver. And for a brief moment, I felt all my sadness leave me.

“So nothing happened with that girl?” I looked at him hopefully, wondering if I could really forgive him.

“I swear to you. Nothing happened. My boxers were on and she didn’t do a thing. I told her I’d take care of her drinks for the rest of the night if she helped me out. She wanted more, but I just couldn’t.” He pulled me into his arms and I sighed as my cheek sank into his muscular chest. I could hear the rapid beating of his heart, and I felt comforted by his presence.

Why does he make me feel so safe and happy without even trying?

“But why were you so upset? Why did you talk to me first?”

“I don’t know. You’re right. I should have talked to you first.” He pulled me gently from his arms and looked down at me. His eyes twinkled as I watched him look at me in that way that’d always made me feel special and loved. “I’m sorry for being a fool, baby. I just thought you had cheated on me with that guy, and I’ve never felt so destroyed by something before.”

I looked at up him and saw the man that I had fallen in love with—the broken man who had been scared to love someone before me—and I tried to understand how he must have felt when he’d thought I had betrayed him.

“How could you think that I would cheat on you? And why do you think I’m pregnant with Chris’s baby?” I knew he could see the hurt in my eyes. “Don’t you trust me?”

“I do. I…” He paused, and I could tell he was debating over something in his head. He then sighed and continued. “When we were in Italy at Emma’s wedding, your phone started to ring when you were in the restroom during the reception.”

“Okay.” My mind flashed to the memory of what we had done in that bathroom that night.

“Well when I went to go silence the phone, I saw that a guy named Chris was calling you. I knew your ex-boyfriend’s name was Chris, and…I was going to confront you about it when you got back from the restroom, but then he texted you too and asked you if you had received your test results because he’d be there for you.”

“Oh.” My stomach lurched at what he’d said.
He has known this entire time.

“When I saw that text, I had all these crazy thoughts in my head. You hadn’t mentioned anything about any test results to me, and you didn’t tell me that you were talking to Chris.”

“I’m sorry, Damian. I should have told you earlier.” I grabbed his hand and held it between mine.

“So I was angry. It was then that I had noticed that you hadn’t been drinking alcohol during the wedding ceremony either. Then, during our last day in Italy, I overheard you on the phone confirming a doctor’s appointment to go over some test results and then you spoke to Chris. When I came in to ask you who was on the phone, you lied to me. And that was when I really started to think that my suspicions were right—that something was going on between you two and you were pregnant with his baby.”

“How come you didn’t ask me?”

“I don’t know. I was scared to lose you I guess.” He shrugged. “I also didn’t want to believe that you had cheated on me, so I wanted to wait for you to tell me about the test results yourself.”

“Oh.” I felt a pang of guilt as I realized the misery I’d caused him in the last few weeks.

“But then today”—he looked over at me and I saw the anguish in his eyes—“when I saw Chris at your front door with only a towel around his waist, I lost it. I thought you were seeing him again. I thought you were like my mother…” His voice trailed off as he looked away.
“I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. Chris is right. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that! Chris doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” I leaned up and gently kissed him on the lips.

“You’re too good to me, Alex. You forgive me time and time again, and you always see the positive side of me that I don’t even see myself.”

“Damian, I won’t lie to you. You have hurt me a lot. What you did downstairs… That was unbearable to watch, and for a second, I had lost faith in us.” My voice cracked as I fought back the tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly as he gently brushes the tears from my face. “I guess I never got over my mother’s betrayal. Before you, I went through life free from emotions because I didn’t want to experience the betrayal again. When I met you, I couldn’t help but fall hard for you. A part of me was terrified by this, because you were the one person who could hurt me the way my mother hurt me. So when I saw Chris, all those feelings of betrayal I came back, and I thought the worst before giving you a chance to explain.” He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, Damian. I didn’t mean for things to get to this point. There is nothing going on with Chris.” I squeezed his hand to reassure him that I meant it. I was upset with myself that I had caused him this needless pain. I knew how much his mother’s betrayal had affected him all these years, and I couldn’t imagine what he’d been going through recently thinking that I had also betrayed him in that way.

“Nothing? Not even during that month we were apart?”

“Damian, I love you. Chris and I are just friends now. I was devastated when we broke up months ago after I walked in on you with another woman. How could you think I could
get over you so quickly and jump into bed with another person, especially when that other person is my ex-boyfriend who had cheated on me?”

He lowered his head in shame. “I don’t know. I’m not a good person, Alex. Because frankly, I think that’s something I’d do if I caught you cheating.”

“But that’s just it, Damian. You
didn’t
do that—not today. You were upset when you saw Chris. You wanted me to think you were with that blonde down at the bar, but you
didn’t
do anything with her.”

He looked up and met my eyes, and I saw how much he loved me through that one glance. I knew then that I shouldn’t have doubted him as much as I had.