Taming the Scotsman (11 page)

“Living doesn’t make things right,” Ewan said, his deep voice scarce more than a whisper.

“Perhaps. But do you really think your brother would want you dead?”

“If he were alive, I am quite sure he would kill me.”

Nora gave a small, sad smile at that, not believing it for a second. “Beat you perhaps, but not kill you. I think had Kieran had the strength to live, he would have found someone worthy of his love,
and now the two of you would be laughing over the foolishness of his infatuation with Isobail.”

Anger flashed in his eyes, turning them a stormy blue. “You’ve no right to speak about my brother. You didn’t know him and you don’t understand—”

“I do understand, Ewan.”

She reached out and touched his face, turning his chin until he looked at her. She wanted him to see the truth. Desperately. “I know exactly what it’s like to love someone with the whole of one’s heart and then to have to smile as that person goes off to marry someone else. I know how much it hurts. I know how much I wanted to die when it happened to me, and every time I think about the fact that had I married him, I wouldn’t be facing a life with Ryan now, I could scream with the frustration of it.”

His eyes snapped fire at her as if the words were hurtful to him. “Who were you in love with?”

Nora moved back a bit as her memories tore through her. “Michel de Troyes.”

Even after all this time, just saying his name tugged at her heart. “He came to my father’s castle three summers back and was the most incredible man you can imagine. Handsome. Charming. Well educated. He made me laugh until my sides ached. I thought he felt the same way for me until I learned that my mother’s lady-in-waiting had been meeting with him. In the end, I had to smile and wish them well while inside I wanted to tear every shred of Joan’s hair from her head.”

Ewan’s gaze studied her face. “Did he know how you felt about him?”

“Aye. As you well know, I tend to rattle on about everything, and I confessed my feelings. After I had embarrassed myself, he told me about the two of them.”

“At least he was honest with you.”

“Aye, but the hurt was no less severe for it.”

He patted her hand, his eyes searching. “Do you love him still?”

“Aye, to a degree. I think there is a part of me that will always love him. But I don’t think we would have had a happy marriage. I was young and he enchanted me.”

“And Ryan?”

She shuddered. “I shall spend the whole of my life lamenting
him
.”

“I am sorry for that. But how do you know this man doesn’t love you?”

Nora laughed bitterly. “How could he? Ryan knows nothing of me even though we grew up as neighbors and he visited often. All he ever did was drop frogs down my back and pull my braids. He is a beast. A complete and utter beast. All he knows of me is that I am my father’s heir and that I carry the weight of his fortune in my dowry. ’Tis all he cares for. I could be a pox-ridden mule and he would be glad to have me.”

“I doubt that.”

“Doubt all you like. It is truth and well I know it.”

She leaned forward until their noses almost touched. “So you see, you are the stronger man, Ewan. You are still here. You came home when another man wouldn’t have had the courage to face his family after running away with Isobail and then being abandoned by her. At the time, you thought your brother would be there to laugh at you or beat you, and yet like a man, you returned to take your punishment.”

He drew a deep breath and looked away from her. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, my lady. But nothing will ever make this right. It was my actions that caused his death and no other.”

Nora tapped him on the shoulder twice to emphasize her point. “Think for a moment, Ewan. Had you not run off with Isobail, do you honestly believe she would have stayed with Kieran and married him? Nay, she would not. She would have run off anyway to meet her lover, and he would still be dead because she was gone.”

By his face, she could tell the thought had never crossed his mind before. “But
I
betrayed him.”

“Isobail betrayed him, and he betrayed all of you by killing himself. What he did was his fault, not yours. He died because he couldn’t live without Isobail, who would have gone to England regardless of who escorted her. Had it not been you, I am certain she would have found another man to lie to and deceive. Either way, Kieran would have perished.”

Ewan sat there in silence as he contemplated
her words. He knew she was right and there were many nights when he lay awake cursing and hating Kieran for what he’d done. Hating his brother for leaving him behind to feel this pain and guilt.

But it didn’t stop what he felt in his heart.

It was there that he saw the brother he’d known. The boy who had helped him make mischief on Braden and Lochlan. The man who had taken him aside and introduced him to drinking and gaming.

There was seldom a happy memory of his childhood and youth in which Kieran wasn’t a large part.

He had respected and loved Kieran. And he had paid his brother back by stealing away with his woman in the dark of night.

Ewan growled at the fierce pain stabbing his gut and heart. Unable to stand the weight of it, he got up and headed for the woods to be alone.

He wanted to run away from it. He wished he could just bury the past and forget all that had happened.

But there was no escaping it.

No matter what Ewan did, it was always there. Hurting. Aching. Demanding and bleak. It accused him of being wrong and told him how worthless he was. How he had wronged his entire family.

Drinking was the only way to reduce the pain of it.

Drinking was all he had now.

“Ewan?”

“Leave me alone, Nora,” he growled without pausing. “I need to be by myself.”

“Ewan,” she repeated, her voice more insistent.

He turned to face her.

She came to stand before him, her face pale and concerned in the moonlight. “I think you’re a good man, and if Kieran was half the man you are, then ’tis a shame he’s no longer here. Isobail was a great fool if she failed to see that.”

Her words reached out to him in a way nothing had in a long, long time.

She moved toward him, slowly, like a wraith in the night’s mist.

“Don’t touch me, Nora,” he breathed as she reached to touch his face.

“Why?”

“If you touch me, I’ll kiss you, and if I kiss you right now, I’m not sure I’ll have the strength to pull back and be satisfied with just the taste of your lips.”

Nora trembled at his whispered words.

By the light in his eyes, she could see the truth of it. He wanted her.

Part of her wanted his touch, and part of her was terrified of it. She was terrified of what she felt for him.

Here there were no lies. No hiding.

She could lie to Catarina, but not to herself.

Nora had never been with a man, and until now she’d never really felt anything more than a passing curiosity about a man’s touch.

But for some reason, she was more than just curious about Ewan.

What would it feel like to hold a man like him?

One who was wild, untamed?

One who could make her quiver with nothing more than the sound of his deep, rich voice?

Would he be gentle with her or would he mount her like an animal whose only desire was to sate himself?

Touch him and see
…

She stood in indecision. The air between them was rife with desire. Rife with need and hunger. Both of them wanted it.

All she had to do was reach out and take it.

She stepped back.

He released a relieved breath. “Go back to camp, lass,” he said. “I’ll return shortly.”

Nora watched him get up and leave.

Heartsick over what had happened and over the fact that she was a coward, Nora made her way back to camp, where Catarina was waiting.

“Are you all right?” Catarina asked.

“Honestly, I’m not sure.” Nora glanced back in the direction of where Ewan had been. “I can’t understand what it is about Ewan that lures me so. It’s rather baffling.”

“No mystery there. He’s a fair one, to be sure. Strong and handsome as any.”

“I’ve been around many handsome men in my life, but none of them…” Nora couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Catarina arched a brow. “None of them what?”

“Nothing,” she said hurriedly. “I am being foolish.” Nora excused herself to go sleep on her makeshift pallet that Ewan had readied for her by the fire.

The ground was cold and uncomfortable, but she did her best not to notice that, while her mind replayed everything that had happened between her and Ewan since the moment they met.

Catarina went to bed and Nora listened as the three men related to Cat snored rather loudly. She had a feeling Pagan slept lightly, if he slept at all. There was something about him that seemed vigilant even while he rested.

For hours she watched the stars cross the sky all the while Ewan didn’t return.

Ewan lost track of time while he lay in a small clearing, staring up at the sky. He should go back to camp, but he had no desire to be there, where he would be forced to stare at something he couldn’t have.

Still he could taste Nora. Her scent permeated his head and left him craving her like a starving beggar.

All he’d ever wanted in his life was to find a woman who could look at him as women looked at his brothers. Not to have a woman glance at him, then watch as her gaze slid over to one of the others and stayed there.

That was half of why he’d been so taken in by
Isobail’s lies. He’d thought that maybe, just once, he wouldn’t have to compete for someone’s affections. That a woman could love him and not lust for his brothers instead.

And it had been a lie.

No doubt Nora would be the same. She’d see Lochlan and fall all over herself to gain his notice. What woman wouldn’t? His brother was tall, but unlike him, not freakishly so. And Lochlan had the golden fair looks that made most maids swoon.

Best of all, Lochlan was laird.

Ewan sighed. What did he have to offer a woman?

Nothing.

He had money of his own from lands his father had left him, but they were nowhere near the riches of his brothers’ holdings. It was more than enough to keep him and a wife quite comfortable, but he wouldn’t be able to be lavish with her.

And yet as he lay there, he knew it would never be enough to interest a woman. Especially not a woman like Nora. She was refined and graceful. A true gentlewoman.

She probably belonged to a wealthy lord who had spoiled her immensely. Her clothes and mare were the finest he’d ever seen, and ’twas obvious she had been well schooled.

She was refined. Delicate. Graceful.

Wonderful.

Such women were beyond his reach. They belonged to men like Lochlan who were refined in
grace, form and tongue. Not to a man who was so tall he had to bend almost double just to enter a room. One whose form was so long that he couldn’t even fit his legs under a table comfortably.

“Ewan?”

He jumped in startled alarm at Nora’s voice coming out of the darkness.

“What are you doing here?” he said, his voice gruff.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

He sat up as she neared him. She wore only a thin shift and held a plaid wrapped around her shoulders. She’d braided her blond hair, and it fell over one shoulder, all the way down to her hips. She was a vision in the bright moonlight.

One that stole his breath.

“You should have stayed in the camp, Nora. ’Tis dangerous for you to be out in the woods alone.”

“I knew you were out here.”

“Aye, but what if you’d gotten lost?”

“You would find me.”

“What if I couldn’t?”

“You would find me,” she repeated. She knelt down beside him, her face bright by the light of the full moon. “I have a feeling that if you set your mind to it, you could move a mountain if needs be. Never mind find one lost woman in the woods.”

He felt an urge to smile at her. How did she do this? How could her mere presence lighten his heart?

Ewan studied the curve of her jaw and won
dered what it would be like to trace the beauty of it with his tongue. To taste her creamy skin with his lips.

To hear her moans of pleasure in his ears.

Against his will, his gaze fell to the drawstring of her chemise. It would be all too easy to reach out and pull the laces that held it closed.

Better yet, to pull it free with his teeth…

Blood rushed through his veins like fire, making him hard and throbbing for her. He wanted to taste her. Wanted to drown himself in her scent and warmth until he forgot all about everything except her and how she made him feel.

It would be heaven.

Nora couldn’t breathe as she saw the heated look in Ewan’s light eyes. There was no ice in them tonight. They burned with need.

She wasn’t sure why she’d come to him. She’d felt a strange urging, and it amazed her that he wasn’t drinking. He appeared perfectly sober and quiet.

“What were you doing out here?” she asked.

To her further astonishment, he answered. “I was looking up at the stars.”

She glanced up at the sky.

“And I was thinking about what you said earlier. About how each one held a story.”

She smiled at his unexpected words. “Do you know the stories?”

“Nay. I only know the one you told me. Would you tell me more of them?”

Nora trembled at his request. Something told her that he would normally never say such a thing to anyone.

He was reaching out to her, and it made her feel special.

“Well, my lord, you know how much I cherish the sound of my own voice…”

He gave a halfhearted laugh at that, then lay back on the ground as he had been when she first saw him.

Thrilled at the sound of his laughter, she lay down beside him and grunted as she tried to find a comfortable position.

“Here.” Ewan pulled her closer to him so that she could lay her head on his shoulder.

Nora’s heart pounded as he cuddled her to his side. She’d never had a man hold her like this. Her head was pillowed on his shoulder while his arm was wrapped about her waist with his hand resting on her stomach.