Tears of Glass (The Jana Darren Saga Book 1) (13 page)

Jana forced herself to walk the few blocks down to her childhood home.
House,
she corrected herself.
It was never a home.
The forty-third floor. There it was—the stem of all her obsessive compulsive tendencies. She sat on the concrete sidewalk, just outside the pool of pale yellow light from the streetlamp. Her eyes were well adjusted to the darkness, watching with the glassy eyes the third window from the left.

No light shone from the window, but she kept her gaze. A car pulled into view, vanishing into the parking garage. Then, a man and woman emerged, finely dressed in hats and coats to protect them from the moderated temperature. The door attendant greeted them, holding the door open as they passed. Two-and-a-half minutes later, the light went on in the third window from the left on the 43
rd
floor.

Jana sat there a few minutes later, watching unwaveringly. When it was time to go, she dusted herself off and wondered what she would do next. There was a bar down the street. She didn’t drink, but figured she might catch the hockey game on television. Many of the sports from before the Fall had died off. Now, few remained. New sports had surfaced here and there, few had lasted the test of time. Jana couldn’t explain why this arcane show of testosterone had lasted, or why she was so mesmerized by it. Hockey was one of the few things in the world outside of the military that she actually had an interest in.

As she neared the bar, loud noise floated over the night, carried by the still air. The door to the bar was open. Stepping through it, voices exploded into the night air as the colony’s team scored. Smiling, she scanned the room, her eyes stopping at the bar to the left of the room. Though she was far away and his back was to her, Jana recognized Aeronth.

She saw him at a bar, sitting next to a dark haired woman, leaning in close. He seemed to be paying no mind to her, but she didn’t leave. Watching her made Jana want to punch something.
Pathetic, just like that bimbo waitress.
Instead, she sat at one of the small, round tables. She turned the seat to face the bar, and watched the scene interestedly. It felt awkward to watch this, but even so, she couldn’t seem to stop.

Aeronth turned around and looked directly at Jana. Had he known she was there? It unnerved her. The whole situation was eerily coincidental. Unsettling as it was, Jana still found it oddly comforting at the same time. He pushed the woman aside and stood shakily.
Drunk,
Jana thought, disgusted. Pushing herself up and away from the table, she turned to leave. Aeronth caught her on the arm, as he had done once before.

“Jana.”

She tugged her arm away. “Leave me alone. You’re drunk.”

“Don’t leave.” She turned to face him, fire-eyed.

“Why not?”

“You can’t,” he smiled drunkenly.

“What?”

“You can’t leave me. You can’t do it. You won’t leave me alone. Everywhere I go, you turn up. I’m cursed by you. Plague,” he added nastily as an afterthought.

When her hand connected violently with his cheek, all attention turned to them. For once, Jana didn’t care. “Just...stop it!” she yelled at him.

“What?!”

“Pretending that nothing matters to you! You can’t keep doing this! You can’t lock everyone out of your life that tries to get close to you!” She felt the eyes of the bar patrons boring into her and simply didn’t care. Aeronth was glaring at her side as she turned and left, slamming the door closed on the way out. Halfway down the street, she heard her name called out. Ignoring it, she continued on.

Back at the hotel, she curled into a ball on the bed, her anger subsiding and leaving behind only disappointment and hurt. It hurt her that she couldn’t stay angry with Aeronth, even when he acted like that. Jana hadn’t been wrong about him; she had seen the truth in his eyes.

He hated her.

After tossing and turning for nearly an hour, Jana finally admitted defeat. Jana turned on the wall monitor and grabbed the keyboard from the nightstand. She couldn’t access military sites or databases from civilian colonies. Instead, she switched on the television and watched the news.

“And the rumors continue to circulate about a group known as Reconstructionists. These rumors, while yet to be proven, have struck fear into the hearts of citizens across the galaxy. Our sources tell us that a small group led by an unnamed officer landed on-planet to recover some undisclosed item. The military itself is now under investigation for violating Galactic Laws. This alone gives us probable cause to assume the rumors are true. Either way...one thing is for sure—something is going on.” Jana switched off the monitor, disgusted and depressed. This simply wasn’t her day. She had never liked the media. Now, more than ever, she despised it, probably because she was mentioned in it, if not by name.

Sleep would not find her now. She laid back and tried to relax, attempting to coax the last hope of sleep to linger. Staring at the transparent covering of the four-poster, she gazed into the cloudy clusters of stars that dotted the ceiling. For the first time, she saw the movement of the stars as they crept their way across the sky in a determined pace. If she hadn’t been unable to sleep, she would never have noticed.

The hallways were quiet. Surely, everyone else in her little group of misfits were asleep. It was probably close to two in the morning, Galactic Standard Time. She walked barefoot, something Jana rarely did. Once in the elevator, it descended the chute and to the base level. As the doors slid open to release her, she slipped out and into the lobby. Following a series of signs, she came to the large pool that spanned the equally huge room. No one else was there, and that was odd enough in itself.

Stripping to her bra and underwear, she took advantage of the time she had. Jana waded slowly into the warm pool. The relaxing waters loosened all of her tightened muscles, stiff from her determined attempt to fall asleep.

Eventually, she felt as though she could fall back asleep, so she pulled herself out of the pool and shook the water off her arms and out of her hair. Putting her clothes on, she ambled over to the door and left. She felt the hair on her back and arms beginning to stand on end as she dried off.

As the elevator slid open, Jana stopped halfway out the door and pressed her full body back against the elevator door. Aeronth was standing in the hall. It looked as though he was just getting in, judging by the way he was dressed. She waited until he was in his room before proceeding, and from then until she nestled into her bed and fell asleep, her mind ran through the possibilities of where he had been.

A few hours of tormented sleep later, Jana decided to avoid Aeronth for the remainder of the trip. Unfortunately, it didn’t last very long. She’d decided to go to the store and find some snack foods to veg out on, hoping it would remedy her burnt ego from the confrontation with Aeronth.

He was walking the other way down the street.
Ugh.
At the sight of him, she turned away quickly, hoping he hadn’t seen her. Too late.

“Well look who it is.” Did he always have to sound so self-assured? Did he not realize how angry she was at him?
He probably just doesn’t care.

“Leave me alone.”

“Hey, wait. I want to talk to you.”

Jana narrowed her eyes at him and shrugged off his touch when he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Oh, so I suppose you’re sober now?”

“Cut it out,” he demanded.

“What do you want?”

“I just want to talk to you for a little while, that’s all.”

“About
what?
”

“I don’t know. Things,” he offered. “Just give me five minutes. And then if you still want me to, I’ll leave you alone for good.” Jana kept walking, quickening her pace, made easy by the springy material of the sidewalk. “Look!” he sounded desperate now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say those things to you.”
Then why would you say them?!

“Do you just enjoy pushing my buttons? You always know just what to say to hurt me. You say and do mean things, and then try to make it better the next day. You’ve done more than enough already. Does it even matter who you’re hurting? You push me away and won’t let me get close enough to actually know who you are.”

“You can think what you want about me? It doesn’t make a difference now anyway, does it? You’ve already made up your mind about me. You can’t see past your own, cold misconceptions about me.”

Jana glared at him while turning away and briskly descending a flight of stairs towards the park and garden. She was so angry that she was shaking, fighting the temptation to yell at him again.

“O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms, alone and palely loitering?” His voice broke at the ‘O’, but regained its hardness shortly after. She paused in her tracks, frozen. “La Belle Dam Sans Merci hath thee in thrall!” She could not move. His words had rooted her to the spot and stolen her conviction. “And this is why I sojourn here, alone and palely loitering.”

Very slowly, Jana looked at him over her shoulder. Jana had no words for him. For a moment, they stood there eyeing each other before Jana broke the connection and turned away from the now-crowded street. There was a sick feeling in her stomach. Nothing was right. Nothing had been right in so long. Jana couldn’t remember what ‘right’ felt like. All she knew was that this wasn’t it.

The carefully circulated air released through vents in the sidewalks. When Jana was little, she used to make little birds or umbrellas out of paper and watch them float high above her head, imagining it was magic. Everything had been so simple back then. Now, all she wanted to do was escape.

Instead of going back to the hotel, Jana went to another childhood hideout. She could
feel
Aeronth behind her, following. He didn’t make a sound. The door to the water reservoir wasn’t locked when she was younger, but as she tried the door, it wouldn’t open. Grabbing a hairpin, she picked the lock.
Sometimes the old ways are best.
The red light switched to green, and Jana heard the lock release. She slipped inside and pushed the door almost closed. A few seconds later when Aeronth entered, he looked amused.

Down the ladder, she recognized the familiar lights placed at intervals along the perimeter of the large reservoir under the city. The water remained in shadow, untouched, the staple of life on every colony. Jana sat at the edge of the expanse of water, hands wrapped around her legs, head on her knees.

“Breaking and entering is a crime, you know.”

“Are you here to arrest me?” Jana asked, chin digging into her knees.

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Are you following me now?”

“We’re going home in a few days.”

“And?”

“I want you to stop hating me.”

“I don’t hate you,” she said quietly, “but I do hate how you’re right.”

He looked surprised enough to fall over. “What?”

“The way I treat you.”

“Look, I didn’t mean it.”

“Yes, you did. But—“

“I need to tell you something,” he interrupted.
Oh god, now he’s going to say something totally romantic and sweet and it’s going to catch me off guard. His voice can be so soft. What would I say?
“It’s actually more of a question...”

Her heart fluttered. “What is it?”

“What is a mountain that isn’t a mountain?”

Is he serious? “What?”

“Listen to me very carefully, Jana...” He reached out a hand and lifted her chin. His thumb brushed along her lower lip and her whole body shuddered. His touch was light, but his gaze was hard.
What is he even saying to me right now?
“What is a mountain that isn’t a mountain?”

“Aeronth, that doesn’t make any—“

“A cave,” he said.

“If you’re trying to make a joke it isn’t funny, and if it’s a riddle, it doesn’t make any sense.”

“If you remember nothing else I say, remember that. You’ll probably never need to recall it. At least...hope you don’t. But don’t forget.”

“Alright...”
Ridiculous nonsense...and I was the fool who expected something sweet, for once.
The light shone out over the glassy surface of the water, reaching only a little ring of the enormous lake. The rest of the water was dark, foreboding, and somehow comforting at the same time.

“You were right about me, too. I’m afraid of you,” he confided. “I don’t like getting close to people. I don’t want to have to lose anyone,” Aeronth paused before adding, “I’m sorry.”

I just...what?!
Dumbstruck, her mouth hung open as she struggled to find words. She grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him towards her, finding his lips with hers and greeting them readily. Almost immediately, she realized what she was doing and began to pull away, surprised by her own forcefulness. “I can’t do this,” she whispered.

“Last time, it was me saying that. Why not?” Jana felt guilty.

“I need to take things slow.” He pulled her close to him, and she put her head on her shoulder. “Do you like me now?” she teased.

“No,” he answered casually.

“Liar!” she prodded him in the side with her finger.

“Think what you want.” He smiled down at her, “Do you like me?”

“Not a chance!” Aeronth held her close to him.

“I thought you hated poetry.”

“I never said that. I mean, that John Keats...” he trailed off purposefully.

Jana made a grumpy face at him, nose wrinkled and brow furrowed. “That’s my favorite poem, you know. And as much as I hate to admit, it fit your point pretty well.”

Aeronth started asking about her home, her parents, and childhood. She told him she lived on this colony until she was twelve, and when he asked whether she’d gone to visit them yet or not, she cringed.

“Are they dead?”

“No, they’re not dead, but they won’t want to see me. My parents couldn’t be bothered with me when I was little. They never planned to have kids. The day I turned twelve, they shipped me off to the Academy. I haven’t seen or heard from them since.” Aeronth obviously didn’t know what to say; his eyes shifted away from her uneasily.

“Don’t be like that.”

“What?”

“I don’t need anyone feeling sorry for me!” Jana snapped defensively, withdrawing. “I’ve lived my whole life and not felt sorry for myself. I don’t need anyone else’s sympathy.”

“You’re doing it again,” Aeronth warned.

“I’m not a little kid. I’ve taken care of myself since I could walk. I don’t need a parent. I’ve had them, and it didn’t do me a damn bit of good.”

“Stop, I’m sorry.” Before she knew what was happening, Jana began to cry. Tears rolled down her cheeks, hot and unchecked. “Jana, stop crying. It’s okay,” Aeronth said, wrapping his strong arms around her tiny body.

“Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden?” Jana asked through the receding flow of tears.

Aeronth simply shrugged. “It takes more effort to avoid someone than to face them.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Trust me, it is.” He cast a sideways glance at her.

“You know what’s weird?” She leaned back, arms supporting her. Jana tilted her head back and blinked away the drying tears. It made her skin feel tight. Her hair draped around her shoulders. Aeronth absentmindedly traced circles along the back of her hand. It tingled and Jana was tempted to scratch it, but she let it be. It sent tremors of pleasure up her arm and they rapidly spread through her body. “Every time you’re the last person I want to see, you’re always the first person I run into.”

“I know what you mean.”

Jana sighed. “Why are you always so bitter and mean?”

“I have my reasons.”
He’s just dodging the question.

“But you aren’t going to tell me...”

“No,” Aeronth answered flatly. They sat in a few minutes of awkward silence before she announced she was going back to the hotel.

Aeronth didn’t say goodbye. As Jana climbed the ladder to the street, she couldn’t decide whether to be happy that he had finally shown an interest in her, or upset that he still didn’t trust her. One thing was for certain—things between them were getting more and more confusing.