Tears of the Broken (45 page)

“
That was naive.”

“
I
know. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

“
I’m
sorry I fell in love with you.” I sighed, smiling a
little.

“
Well, I’m sorry I fell in love with
you
.” He pinched my chin
between his thumb and forefinger, then kissed my lips quickly. “You
must’ve been so tortured these last few days. You poor, sweet girl.
You should’ve told me how you were feeling.”

“
I
felt bad. I didn’t think you’d talk to me, because I yelled at
you.”

He
opened his mouth to say something, but his face softened away from
the turn of his lips and he breathed out, pressing them together.
“When I left you the other day, at school, that was wrong of me. I
just couldn’t take it anymore—to hear you speak to me that way, to
tell me over and over again that you don’t love me enough to want
these few precious moments together. It
burned
me inside.” He swallowed.
“Then, Ryan interrupted us, and I felt myself falling apart, like
if I didn’t get away, I was just going to scoop you up against your
will and take you with me.”

“
I
wish you had.”

He
took a deep breath. “You really hurt me that day, Ara. But I can
see now that you didn’t mean any of it—you were just hurting, too.
I was wrong to kiss you. This whole thing is my fault.”

How
can he blame himself, when I was so horrible to him? “David, you
can’t—”

“
Ara? Sweetheart.” He held me to the bed with his hand gently
over my chest. “It was all my fault. I should have trusted you. Had
I told you about myself in the beginning then none of this would’ve
happened.” He rested the tips of his fingers just beside my ear,
with his thumb on my cheekbone, stroking gentle circles. “I left
you alone these last few days when you needed me the most. And for
that, I am immeasurably sorry.”

My
fingers entwined around his. I pulled his hand away from my face
and rested it in my lap. “I’m sorry, too, David. I just got scared,
that’s all. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to go. And
when you kissed me and I felt that love, I knew even more,” I
touched my chest, “as deep as my soul, what I’m truly
losing.”

He
smiled to himself, shaking his head. It’s amazing how warm his face
can become, so quickly. “I wish with
all
of my heart that I didn’t have
to leave you behind. I’ll never truly be complete without you in my
life.”

“
Then, why? Why do you have to go? I don’t understand. I mean,
where are you going, anyway?”

“
It’s what we do. My family. Every winter for them and every
two years for me—we move on.”

“
And
that two years is up now?” My voice became high and squeaky on the
end.

“
Yes.” He nodded. “And despite that,
something happened here. Something that was out of my control and
it’s put—it’s put my family in danger of being exposed. We have to
go, and I have to leave you behind
because
I love you. Because I want
you to live and be happy.”

“
But
I’m happy with you. I’ll come with you. I don’t care—if it’s
danger, I can face danger.” I sat taller with each word. “I’ve
faced death, David. This life—none of it means anything to me,
anymore. Not without you.”

“
If
you come with me—” he closed his eyes for a second, “I cannot offer
you life. I can offer you myself, but you wouldn’t be able to live.
You would have to give up everything that means anything to you.
Your parents. Your best friend and something…more
valuable.”

Doesn’t he get it? A huff of air brought some relief to my
lungs. “But there’s a chance? We could, I mean, you could let me
stay with you? ‘Cause I’d give it all up, David. I’d never see them
again—
any
of
them, if it means I can be with you.”

“
Just like that, huh?” he asked, doubtful. “You’d be willing
to throw away your entire life just to love me?”

“
It’s already gone. I lost it—a long time
ago.
You
brought
me back, David. You gave me life again.”

“
What about Mike?”

“
I—”
A flash of Mike’s face stopped all protest. The only thing left in
this world that I love as much as David—is Mike. I actually don’t
know if I could leave him.

“
See? You can’t give it up, Ara. Not yet, anyway. You need
closure. You need to know what you’re getting yourself into first.
If it were just me and this normal life, I would take you away
right now and never bring you back. But it’s not.” He shook his
head softly. “There’s more to it, and I’m just not ready to take
your life from you yet. Not until you know the truth.”

“
Tell me, then? Tell me the truth.” I squeezed his
hand.

“
You’re not ready to hear it. You’ve had a hard day, and right
now you need to rest.”

“
Don’t tell me what I need.” I folded my arms. “What I need is
the truth—for once.”

“
I—”
he looked down to one side, “I’m afraid of what the truth will mean
for our relationship—that it might hurt you.”

“
The only thing hurting me here, David,
is
you
. The
thought of being without you for no good reason. Please?” My voice
broke. “If there’s a hope in this world that I might keep you, that
I might get one more chance to be with you, always, then—I want to
take it.” I looked right into his eyes, pleading with all my heart,
unable to see him properly through the tears. “I want to know.
Please. Just tell me.”

“
It’s a horrible truth, Ara.”

“
Worse than killing your own mother?”

“
Ara. Stop that. I’m not going to tell you again. It was not
your fault. And yes. It is worse than that.”

“
What could be worse? Are you a murderer? Did you do something
wrong? I don’t know if that would bother me.” I blinked a few
times. “Well, depending on your reasons, I mean, like, if it was an
accident or something—but you have to tell me. I’m going nuts in
here. My mind is like—” I rubbed my temples then drew my hands away
dramatically, “—thinking up a thousand different things all at
once. I’ll explode soon, I swear.”

He
laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, okay. But, Ara, you’re so sweet
and so fragile—I
know
this will scare you.” His eyes went round and glassy, then he
looked away. “I couldn’t bear it if you were afraid of
me.”

I
shook my head. “David, that’s silly. Nothing about you could scare
me.”

He
tilted his head to one side and breathed in. “Well, I guess we’ll
see.”

“
Yay!” I clapped once and readjusted my legs under
me.

“
So, this is a secret, okay? And I have to
ask you, please, hear me out.
Completely
hear me out before you
get upset and run away from me.” He rolled his head forward into
his gaze, raising his brow a little.

What
could possibly upset me? So, he blames himself for the fight we had
the other day—that’s bad enough, what else is there?

Unless…what if he has another girlfriend? “Okay,” I
whispered, unable to find my voice with that thought dragging me
down.

“
It’s okay, Ara.” He grabbed my cheeks and rested his forehead
against mine. “It’s going to be okay.” With a deep sigh, he let go
of my face. “A lot has happened these past few days, and—and I
acted like a coward.”

I
sat back up. “You did?”

“
Yes. When I realised just how much you mean
to me, I tried to run away from that. I let other people tell me
what I
should
be
doing. But I had some time to think. I went out to the lake,” he
flashed a timid smile, “and without you, it was suddenly so dull,
so empty. All the life and the serenity that place once held for me
was gone—you took it all with you.”

“
Oh.” I looked down.

“
No, Ara.” He tilted my face up until our
eyes met. “Don’t you see? I’m
nothing
without you. The beauty I
once found in life is grey, now, in comparison to your smile. I
thought—” David’s shoulders dropped, “—I thought you didn’t want me
anymore. I knew I had to leave you—to protect you, but I never
imagined I could tell you the truth—maybe even bring you with
me.

“
When I told you I was leaving, it wasn’t a
decision I had come to lightly, or by myself. I had thought…” he
breathed out softly, solemnly. “I had
brushed
on the idea of bringing you
with me, but never thought in a million years you would love me
enough.” David’s bright eyes darkened and he looked down. “Then,
when you told me to go, it broke my heart. I wanted to hide in the
darkest corners of eternity and never feel the sun on my skin
again. I tried to stay away, but you have
affected
me, Ara. I can’t live
without you, anymore. There is no life for me without you in it,
either.”

I
can hear the words he’s speaking, but I just can’t let myself
believe it. Tears crept onto my cheeks like tiny warm rivers of
relief. “I feel so silly. I…I cried. So hard for you, David.” My
voice quivered. “I grieved for you. I…I wrote you a letter saying
goodbye.” A high-pitched sob escaped my lips, and I covered my
mouth.

“
I
know, sweetheart. I know. And I’m a fool. Just tell me what I have
to do. I’ll do anything to make it better. Just, please don’t cry.”
He wrapped his arms tightly around my head, holding me to the soft
fabric of his white button-down shirt—still a little damp from the
rain.

“
You
don’t need to do anything. Just being here is enough. You are all
I’ll ever need—all I ever wanted.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks
and under my nose.

David pulled back and smiled at my face; I must look so
blotchy and red right now, but David never seems to care how
unsightly I am. His cold finger touched the tip of my nose as he
wiped a stray tear from my skin. “I love these tears, Ara. They’re
the only tears I can ever bear to see you cry, because they’re
liquid proof that you love me as much as I love you.” He wiped
another tear from under my eye.

“
Speaking of tears…and love…” I touched his ultra-cool hand to
my face. “What were you doing in here? That night you snuck
in.”

“
Uh—” he hesitated and blew a soft,
laughter-laced breath from his lips. “
That
night, huh?”

“
Are
there more?”

“
Um.” He took both of my wrists in his hands
and set them gently beside my legs, then looked deep into my eyes.
“I love you. I would never do anything to hurt or dishonour you,
and I would never intrude on you in a corrupt manner. But, I
did
come to your window,
and I
did
come in
to your room.”

“
How
often?”

David swallowed. “Not much. Mostly…” He took a breath. “Look,
the night I found you at your dresser, I nearly fell to pieces. You
broke my heart when I saw you there, so alone, so
destroyed
. Nothing else
in this world mattered to me more than making you safe and warm.”
He looked at my dresser then back at me. “I lifted you in my arms
and slid between the sheets with you clinging to my chest. You
opened your eyes for just a second and whispered—” he leaned
closer, “—
don’t leave
me.
” I swallowed; David leaned back again.
“And I lost it. I held you against me, finally in my arms, and
stayed with you for hours, just stroking your hair and soothing
away all the nightmares. I have never seen you so peaceful as you
were for that one moment in time—when you belonged to
me.”

My
chest sunk and lifted deeply with each breath. “Okay, well, you can
sneak into my room anytime you please.”

“
Be
careful with that invitation, Ara. You must be sure you know what
you’re inviting to crawl through your window.”

“
I
wouldn’t worry—if you needed an invitation, chances are you
wouldn’t wait for one, anyway.”

“
What if I was a vampire? Would you be afraid to invite me in,
then?”

“
That depends? Would you want to bite me?”

“
Bite you?” He sat taller and looked away for a second. “What
if I said yes?” He looked back.

“
Go
on then—” I rolled my head to one side and grinned playfully,
exposing my neck to him. “I’ve seen those fangs of yours. You could
pass for one. I promise I won’t scream.”

“
Oh,
Christ, Ara. Don’t do that.” He shot to his feet and darted to the
other side of my room, leaving a cold, empty space in front of
me.

I
rubbed my neck and looked down at my lap. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean
to offen—”

“
No.” He shook his head, his smile returning, but betraying a
hint of agitation. “You didn’t offend me. I uh—I thought I was
going to sneeze. It…it must be your body wash.”