Tease (41 page)

Not long after the opening night a year ago, Tiger had put Gravy on stage with her to collect her stockings between acts. The little Yorkshire terrier now had his own newspaper column, along with his own sweater range and organic dog biscuit line.

In fact there had been a few additions to the stage crew, off stage as well as on. The Starrlets’ dressers had a new addition in the shape of Sienna, who cheered Tiger on from the wings every night. Sienna was looking incredible now. She was happy, clear skinned, drug-free and tanned, and even more Amazonian than her mother, with positively illegal curves. Under her mother’s nurturing eye,
Sienna’s champagne-Charlie lifestyle had been ditched a long time ago, along with her life in London. Sienna had been relieved to make a fresh start with a little sixties condo in Vegas which she shared with Honey Lou and Blanche. With Blue’s guidance, Sienna had found her niche styling and costuming her flatmates for their late night shows, which they performed in the lounges as The Fabulous Baker Girls. Tiger had helped get them started by speaking to a few of her contacts, and she hoped one day to put them in her own show as a feature act.

Secretly Sienna fancied a little go at treading the boards herself and often danced in front of her mirror in her creations when Honey Lou and Blanche were out; using some of the moves she had picked up from Tiger. There was no doubt she had a natural flair. It was in her blood, alright. It had felt like a long, hard year, but both Tiger and Sienna had worked hard to piece themselves back together, with mutual help and support. It hadn’t been plain sailing by any means, and there was still a lifetime of questions to be answered and worked through; but the two women now shared a bond as mother and daughter. That, they both knew, would never be broken.

Neither Tiger nor Sienna had attended Rex Hunter’s bedside as he lay in intensive care for three months after the crash. When he regained consciousness he had been arrested, shortly after being informed he was paralysed from the waist down. He was released without charge, following a lack of any conclusive evidence, but his subsequent
breakdown meant he was soon on a one-way ticket to a high security mental hospital.

Georgia Atlanta hadn’t shed any tears over Rex despite their brief fling. He was obviously no use to her now. Within weeks of his crash Georgia was already in Los Angeles, planning her megastar acting career. She hadn’t hit the big time yet, although she was now selling hundreds of thousands of movies as Georgia Jism, and even had a number one in the adult movie charts with
Gang Bang Slutz IV
. She knew the perfect mainstream movie part would be out there for her one day. She just needed to find herself in the right director’s bed.

Lewis had finally managed to find the words he had wanted to say for so many years. Tiger had fallen into his arms immediately, and despite a stormy and passionate relationship over the past year, the handsome pair were still going strong. They were
the
showbiz couple everyone wanted at their party and movie premiere. Lewis still pushed Tiger to be the best she could be and still delivered stinging critiques of every performance. Tonight, they had rowed furiously before the show over Gravy’s stage outfits – Lewis still not quite believing that Gravy needed three costume changes per show. However, by the finale Lewis was grinning from ear to ear as he watched his beautiful lady out there on the stage, imagining the incredible make-up sex they would have in the dressing room after the show.

Tiger and Blue were still inseparable, only Blue now lived in his own house, so he could accommodate his ever-increasing
wardrobe. Richie had contacted him shortly after the show had opened, begging to be taken back. Blue had agreed. He had never known that Richie had been hired by Rex, and Richie’s attack of conscience didn’t extend to telling him the truth, especially now that Rex was safely tied up in a straitjacket. Regrettably Blue decided he didn’t fancy Richie any more and after a disastrous vacation together, Blue packed him off back to London. Blue was now dating half of the hottest new boy band, fresh out of LA.

Lance de Brett now had his own ‘Jerry Springer’ meets ‘Parky’-style TV show back in England. Despite him enjoying moderate success, neither Tiger nor Sienna ever tuned in.

Rosemary Baby, meanwhile, was cleared of sending the letters to Tiger but still served six months at Her Majesty’s pleasure. The subsequent unravelling of her many years of benefit fraud proved to be her undoing. Released from Holloway prison twenty pounds heavier and no less ugly, Rosemary had developed a taste for the short-lived fame she had enjoyed, posing as Tiger Starr’s stalker. However, with nothing but her own dubious talents to rely on, she soon found herself laughed out of every respectable theatre and venue in Europe. Eventually Rosemary ended up in Amsterdam, in a seedy sex show off the main drag. It might not be the superstardom she craved, but at least she was still performing. Even if – for now at least – the donkey got top billing.

Turn the page for an exclusive interview
with Immodesty Blaize …

What was the inspiration for Tease?

It was Paul O’Grady who got me thinking about novels after he gave me a hilarious vintage book about life in a burlesque grindhouse. Since I was a fan of Jackie Collins,
Dynasty
and all things campy and tongue in cheek, I wanted to pick up the gauntlet of writing a bonkbuster set in the world in which I live. I have seen the surreal, bizarre and beautiful in my job, and met all manner of fabulous, eccentric, extraordinary, or downright rancid characters along the way, so I had no shortage of inspiration!

Like you, Tiger is an international showgirl who has helped reinvent burlesque, but how do you define Burlesque?

It’s a little like asking how do you define music, or how do you define theatre … It means different things to different people, and is a genre that has transformed and developed immeasurably over the last two centuries. Its popular roots are to be found in early 19th century British music halls, at a time when the genre was about parody, satire and bawdy comedy.

What I perform (and what Tiger performs) is classic American burlesque striptease and European showgirl acts, the type that were popular in the mid 20th century. Around this time, a burlesque show was essentially risqué, ironic cabaret, with bawdy comedians, stripteasers, chorus lines and specialty acts. The stripteasers were often huge legends, as famous as the movie stars of the time. The shtick was
also as important as the strip, but the erotic undertow was essential. My own shows are similarly big elaborate theatrical spectacles with a variety of acts, in which I also perform with my dance troupe, my 12 piece big band, and huge props and sets; pure classic glamour.

Why do you think it has such an enduring appeal to modern audiences?

My shows attract a large female audience as much as a male audience. It is a form of erotic entertainment that appeals and is accessible to both sexes. The women love the glamour and love to come to the shows dressed up; they really tap into their own inner showgirl. The shows are enormously glamorous, funny and camp, but, ultimately, they are pieces of theatre. They offer fantasy and escapism which I think is an antidote to our modern social climate.

Ironically we have spent so many decades thinking about the future, predicting the future, anticipating a better future, that now I believe there is a trend for looking back to the glamour of the past with the benefit of rose-tinted spectacles. In the noughties we have a very ‘quick hit’ culture, and everything is so accessible now … except the past, we can never actually re-experience that. Perhaps that’s why there is so much allure in recreating the classic, perceived ‘halcyon days’ of a time that is gone forever, its memory preserved in black and white stills and moving picture, it is otherworldly.

I think also the overwhelming accessibility and use of
sex in our media is also why people gravitate towards the concept of seduction and tease. But the bottom line is: a fabulous glamorous show full of beautiful women disrobing has always been popular, and always will be!

How did you come to be a showgirl?

It was an organic thing; there was never one ‘Eureka’ moment. Pieces of the jigsaw puzzle fell into place over time: dance classes as a child, my obsession with Parisian showgirls, a mother who looked like Wonder Woman, watching
Gypsy
and falling in love with Mazeppah, discovering Betty Page in my teens and all the pinup queens, feeling out of place with my hourglass shape in a time of super waifs and heroin chic, working as a stripper for a few months when I graduated from university, being told I looked like Modesty Blaise by the gas man, being an artist and being able to design my own costumes, working in film as a producer director and honing the art of the mise-en-scene … as long as I was creating my crazy fantasy worlds, in whatever way I could.

Both you and your character have the most wonderfully elaborate stage acts but did Tiger get some of the spectacles that you yourself would like to perform? (Diving tigers for example?)

Yes, Tiger performs at my favourite UK venue, The Savoy Theatre. That’s next on my list of theatres to perform at. I’d also like her automated roaring black panthers for my
Blaizing Angels! I allowed her to borrow some of my acts too though …

Dream-casting time: aside from you, who in your head would play Tiger Starr in a movie version of
Tease
?

Monica Belucci, although Salma Hayek’s striptease in
From Dusk ’Til Dawn
was jaw dropping: the beauty, those curves, all rendered me speechless.

What about Lewis?

Jon Hamm or Clive Owen – that old fashioned, uber masculine charisma.

And Libertina?

Megan Fox.

Who are your favourite authors?

Ian McEwan. Haruki Murakami, Evelyn Waugh, Lewis Carroll, Djuna Barnes, Henry Miller, Charles Bukowski, Terry Southern, Toby Litt, Will Self, Jacqueline Suzanne, Jackie Collins.

Confession time: which classic novel have you always meant to read and never got round to it?

Herman Melville’s
Moby Dick.

What are your top five books of all time?

Evelyn Waugh
Vile Bodies

Emile Zola
Nana

John O’Hara
Butterfield 8

Toni Morrison
Beloved

Jilly Cooper
Riders

Which book are you reading at the moment?

Me Cheeta
, the autobiography

Do you have a favourite time of day to write?

Ideally I like to write late into the night say from 10pm until 3 or 4am, then review my work and make amendments as soon as I get up, when my brain is fresh as a daisy and in a practical headspace.

A favourite place?

Anywhere comfortable. I tend to go to my house in the South of France. I have my room with a view and I sit at my 1930s writing bureau, or when it’s sunny I sit by my pool with a dirty martini. It’s more
Dynasty
that way. If it’s a late night I’ll lounge on my bed with my little dog; I get terrible backache that way though, hunched over to the early hours tapping away!

What’s your writing process? Are you a planner?

I cannot write a word until I have storylined every chapter. I need to have my ‘map’ in front of me. That way I don’t get distracted by the fun details and lose the plot, literally.

Which fictional character would you most like to have met?

Rupert Campbell Black from
Riders
!

Who, in your opinion, is the greatest writer of all time?

Tough. Just one? I’ll plump for the phenomenal talent of Hemingway.

Other than writing and performing, what other jobs or professions have you undertaken or considered?

I used to work as a producer/director. It was all complementary to what I do now for obvious reason … and so much of my inspiration on stage has come from cinema.

What are you working on at the moment?

I am writing the second novel with which I’m having great fun! I am also embarking on some really exciting projects with EMI, who I signed with earlier this year. The first of those will be the movie of my annual
Tease
show, which will be in cinemas on general release later this year, and available of DVD in 2010. I shall unveil my latest act I’ve been working on to mark the occasion!

Special thanks to those who inspired me: Robin and Boom Boom, Paul O’Grady who gave me ‘the bible’, Basil Patton, Tura Satana and Satan’s Angel.

Special thanks particularly to Ellen Taylor, Emily Dubberley, and, of course, Clare Conville and Gillian Green for the invaluable input, not to mention world class afternoon tea meetings.

Thank you also to Andrew for humouring the after-burn of long writing hours.