Teenage Love Affair (14 page)

“Chill, Zsa,” Malachi mumbled to me.

“Jazmyn,” Cousin Shake said, “I need to speak to you.”

“After dinner.” My mother arched her eyebrows.

“All right,” Cousin Shake said, “I'ma give you that, a li'l later.”

“How's everyone?” Kenneth said, extending his hand to the men. Malachi and Cousin Shake shook his hand. He turned to me and Hadiah. “I've heard a lot about you two.”

Hadiah walked over to me and grabbed my hand the same way she used to when she was little. “Me and my sister were fine,” she said. “At least until the bell rang.”

My mother shot her a look and instantly she was quiet.

“Well,” Kenneth said, clearly uncomfortable, “I hope every one likes egg foo young. I brought plenty, especially since your mother said it was your favorite.”

I looked at my mother as if she had really gone bonkers. I couldn't believe she told him that. She of all people should have known that I hate Chinese food.

“They love it,” my mother said. “Everyone have a seat.”

“Stay cool, Zsa,” Malachi whispered from behind me.

I watched my mother fix us plates of egg foo young while I did all I could to fight off memories of my daddy. Malachi squeezed my hand underneath the table, while Hadiah held the other one.

“Can you say grace, Cousin Shake?” my mother asked, fostering a smile.

“I sho' can.”

We all stood up, held hands around the table, and bowed our heads. “Father and Brother man God, what's crackin'? We come before You askin' You for strength. Strength that I don't take my grown niece and put her over my knee for being selfish. Strength that I don't bust her up for thinking that she can just walk up in here, announce that she is about to be a Mrs., and she hasn't even taken the time out to be a mama. Strength, dear Jonathan, that I don't lose my relish, be less than a Christmas, and bust me up some thangs up in here. Dear Father, I need patience, and give li'l Zulu some strength 'cause she look like she about to bust a cap at any minute. Oh, and bless this food, 'cause we don't know this man and don't know where he got this food from. Now, say Amen.”

“Amen,” everyone responded.

For the first few minutes everyone was silent, and Kenneth and my mother were the only ones eating. “You want something to drink, sweetie?” my mother asked Kenneth, while doing her best to ignore us.

“Sure,” he said, obviously uptight.

My mother went quickly into the kitchen and then returned with a beer and a shot of Hennessy. “A Coke would've been fine, sweetie,” Kenneth said. “I don't really drink alcohol much.”

“Oh.” My mother blinked as if she just realized what she'd done.

True story, I was outdone. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone as flashbacks of my past kept running through my mind. After a few more minutes I absolutely couldn't take it anymore so I said, “So, Kenneth, tell me since you like Chinese food so much”—I pointed to his empty plate—“do you kick your women's asses in the morning, at night, or only on Fridays?”

“Zsa-Zsa!” my mother said. “You better shut up!”

“Really, I better shut up?” I sat up straight in my seat. “Did you tell him about us? Or are we just as mysterious to him as he is to us?”

“Zsa, chill,” Malachi mumbled to me.

“No, I'm not chillin', I'ma say what I have to say. Tell me, Kenneth, did my mother ever tell you how she used to get her butt kicked? How she used to drag us behind her to press charges on my father, who she likes to pretend didn't exist? Did she tell you that I hate Chinese food”—I pushed my full plate away from me—“and I hate it because it's the same thing she used to make us eat before she got bust in her head? Did she tell you that?”

“Shut up!” my mother yelled.

I ignored her. “Did she tell you that I have a brother, who I was hoping was the one really at the door and not you? Don't let this big house fool you. But it's cool, 'cause when I turn eighteen, I'm bouncin' and I'm takin' my little sister with me, so you two can have these four walls all to yourself.”

“You better shut the hell up!” My mother rose from her seat.

“Or what? You gon' hit me? You gon' finally recognize me? You gon' finally see that I'm here and that I didn't disappear. What, what are you going to do?”

My mother looked too shocked to respond.

“Exactly what I thought,” I continued. I shook my head and could feel years of tears filling my throat and eyes. “I'm out of here.”

“You better sit down!” my mother screamed.

“Let her go,” Cousin Shake said. “I can understand the child needs some air. Because finally I see what the problem is.” He looked at my mother. “It's you.”

“How could you say something like that to me!” my mother screamed.

Cousin Shake continued on. “Jazmyn, right now you just the woman who had three kids. Not a mama. See, when you called down to Atlanta, I thought me and Minnie were coming up here to get them in check, but you need to be in check. You wanna be the mama when it suits you. Even I noticed that you don't have one picture of Zach up in the house.”

“Zach beat on me!” my mother screamed. “I don't have to celebrate that!”

“No, but you have to deal with these kids.” Cousin Shake turned to Kenneth. “I'm sure you are a nice man, and this is no reflection on you, but Shake-a-Deen Green is gon' say what's on his mind.”

“And while you do that, Cousin Shake, I'ma bounce,” I said, standing up. “I'm out of here.”

“Zsa.” Malachi grabbed my hand, and I snatched it away. “You don't understand, I need to leave.” As I ran outside I could hear Cousin Shake telling my mother, “You need to be ashamed of yourself!”

I got in my car and put my keys in the ignition, and before I took off Malachi slid in the passenger seat. “Where are you going?”

“I'm leaving!” I took off and headed down the street.

“Ai'ight,” Malachi said. “Can you let me close the door first?” I stopped for a moment so that he could close the door and then I took off again. “So where are we going?”

“Far away from here.”

“Okay, but when we come back you know you'll still have to face this, right?”

“I'm not dealing with that nonsense.” Tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Pull over in the park.” Malachi pointed.

“I don't wanna go to the park!”

“Would you just pull over and stop for a moment. Just stop.”

Reluctantly, I pulled into the park. The gravel made music beneath the tires as I parked by the lake, where the moon made a shadow on the water. I got out and Malachi followed me. I sat on the hood of my car and he sat beside me. Rain had started drizzling from the sky, but I was too mad to care.

“You can't run away, Zsa,” Malachi said, wiping tears from my face.

“Yes, I can. My mother doesn't give a damn. The only one who'll look for me is Hadiah and maybe Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie.”

“And what I'ma do?”

“Come with me.”

“I don't run away from problems. I deal with them.” He stroked my cheek.

“It's just that she acts like our life and my daddy, and my brother, and everything we had was nothing. I'm sorry my daddy was like he was. I am, but I didn't know how to change him.” I cried. “No matter what I tried, he was the same and then he died. He died!”

“Zsa,” Malachi said, “you gotta let some of that pain go. Your father being the way he was was not your fault. There was nothing you could do. But running away from your mother is not going to change anything.”

“I can't stay here with her.” I wiped my eyes.

“Ai'ight,” he said, “so you run away and what changes? Your mother tried to run away from everything. And what happened tonight? It slapped her right in the face.”

“I wanna slap her in the face.” I cried and laughed at the same time.

“Look, that's your moms, no matter what. She's doing her best. Just talk to her. But don't run away, it'll only make things worse.”

“I just feel like I need to leave and go somewhere far away.”

“Listen, we could always run, but I promise you your life is going to still be the same. Just chill, baby. For real, I promise you it'll get better.”

I looked into Malachi's eyes and for some reason, at that moment, if at no other moment, I believed him. I did. We started to kiss and this time, with so much pain and hurt that had filled my chest, I didn't want the way he was making me feel to end. “Let's stop here.”

“But I want to,” I said, kissing him again.

“No, you want a distraction. Getting back to your family and working things out with them is more important than this. No matter how bad we really want to, we can't. Not now.”

I hated that he was right, but I had to accept it. “Thank you,” I said to him.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“For loving me, flaws and all.”

“You know you my dude.” He playfully gave me a pound and before long we were laughing, dreaming, and talking the night away. By the time I got back home the moon had completed its dance, the rain had stopped, and the sun had come out to play in the sky.

A
week had passed since our family blowup and the house had been quiet ever since. Well, not exactly quiet, more like a loud silence where we could each hear one another's thoughts of why our lives had to be like this, were they ever going to change, and when would somebody—anybody—whomever was really in charge bring this to an end?

My mother had been hanging around all week a little more than usual and I could tell that she wanted us to make up. We were not the type of family who apologized to one another or talked about our problems, we just woke up one morning, pretended our differences didn't exist, and went on about our business.

“Hey, Zsa.” My mother knocked on my door. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” I said, lining my lips.

“Your mail came.” She handed me the monthly check I got from my father's death benefits. “Are you getting ready to go somewhere?”

“Not now, maybe later when Malachi gets off of work.”

“Where does Malachi work?”

“With his dad. Construction.”

“Oh, that's nice.”

I could tell she was stalling so I took the bait. “Why, Ma?”

“I was just wondering—if you wanted to go to the mall. Thought maybe we could catch up.”

“About what? Kenneth? I'm soooo not doing him.” I gave a disapproving laugh.

“No,” she said quickly, “we don't have to talk about Kenneth. I just wanted to spend some time with you.”

I rolled my eyes to the ceiling; my mother and I were like oil and water inside of the house so God only knew how we would be gettin' it poppin' in the street. Before I could say no, my mother said, “Come on, it'll be fun.”

I could look at her and I could tell that she was as nervous about this outing as I was, but I could also tell that she really wanted it to happen. “Where's Hadiah? Is she coming?”

“No, she's gone with Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie.”

“So just me and you are going to the mall?”

“Yeah, I think that would be cool.”

“I don't have any gas in my car.”

“Do you ever?” She laughed. “I'm going to grab my purse. Meet me outside, we'll take my car.”

Before I left I dialed Asha's number and when I couldn't get her I called Courtney. “Two snaps up and a fruit loop,” Courtney said with a drag.

“Ill, what's wrong with you?”

“Nothing really,” he said, “just that time of the month. I'm drinking some hot tea with my pinky sticking out now. Wassup with you?”

“I'm going to the mall with my mother.”

“Oh…my…Gawd, Diva. Did somebody die?”

“No. She just wants to spend time together.”

“Okay, so what you want me to do?”

“Call me in an hour, scream on the phone, and act as if it's an emergency. This way I'll have an excuse to leave and come to your crib.”

“Okay, Diva. Now I have to go, I have cramps.”

All I could do was laugh at Courtney. I swear he was a trip. Not long after I hung up with Courtney did my cell phone ring. It was my baby. “Hi, sweetie.”

“Wassup, ma?”

“Nothing. You on break?”

“Yeah, for a minute. I just called to tell you I was thinking about you.”

“I love you.”

“You better love me. I'll see you when I get off.” And he hung up. Every time I heard Malachi's voice, butterflies filled my stomach. I never imagined anything would be like this. My only regret was that Ameen wouldn't leave me alone. He hadn't done any drive-bys lately but he kept calling me constantly.

I walked outside and got in my mother's red Explorer. The entire car ride was in silence and the only thing that filled the air was the music playing. Once we arrived we parked in front of H&M's entrance, went inside, and started combing the aisles.

“So, Zsa,” my mother said, “how's school?”

I stared at her for a moment. I knew that's not what she really wanted to ask me so I said, “I was failing, so I dropped out. Who needs school?” I picked up a sweater, looked it over, and put it back. “All I need really,” I said, picking up a blouse, “is a good man to take care of me.”

My mother squinted her eyes. “You want me to pop you now or when I get a better angle?”

“Whatever suits you, I've taken a lot worse…from you.”

My mother rubbed her temples, “You really hate me, don't you? Nothing I say, do, or even think is good enough for you.”

I sighed. “Ma, I don't hate you, I just wish things were different.”

“I'm trying, Zsa-Zsa. You have to give me credit for something here.”

Don't ask me why but I felt bad. “Ma, it's cool. Let's just enjoy our time here. I don't see anything in this store and I'm kinda hungry. You wanna go to the food court?”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I would like that.”

As we walked toward the food court, I caught a few glances of my mother in the stores' windows and realized how much we resembled. I wondered if she thought the same thing. “You know,” she said, as we walked into Applebee's, “you look just like me.”

“I know.” I gave her a dimpled smile. “I was just thinking the same thing.”

She laughed. “See, if we spend enough time together I'll be able to read your thoughts all the time.”

“Umm-hmm.” I laughed. “So what am I thinking now?”

“That that boy over there is cute.” She pointed. “I wonder if he has a daddy.”

I cracked up. I couldn't help it. “Ma, stop playing,” I said as the hostess walked over and showed us to our booth. The waitress came quickly, we ordered our food, and soon after it arrived.

My mother took a bite of her cheeseburger. “So, Zsa, what's up with you and Malachi?”

There's no way anyone could mention Malachi's name without my smiling or feeling butterflies in my belly. “It's cool,” I said as calmly as possible, without blushing too much.

“Cool?” My mother frowned. “Zsa, he's at the house almost every day. You light up when he's around and it's simply cool?”

“Alright, Ma,” I said cautiously, “I'm crazy about him. He's kind, he's smart, and I love him.”

“He doesn't put his hands on you, does he?”

“No.” I frowned.

“You would tell me if he did?”

“Ma, he doesn't, okay?”

“Okay. Now, do we need to have the discussion about safe sex, or better yet abstinence?”

“Ma, would you chill? I got this.”

“So”—my mother paused—“when would be a good time to talk about Kenneth?”

“Never. He doesn't exist to me.” I started eating my salad.

“What about me?” She pointed to her chest.

“See him on the creep, but he can't live with us.”

“Maybe we should change the subject,” she said, and before I could respond she continued on. “Guess who called me last night?”

“Who?”

“Aunt Nona and Uncle Easy. They said they wanted to come up for Thanksgiving.”

“Thanksgiving? Ma, please.” I folded my hands in prayer position. “I can't take those people. The last time they were here all they did was argue.”

“But they're family, and when my mother passed they raised my brothers and sister as if we were their own. We wanted for nothing, so I can't tell them no. Plus they are fun to be around.”

“But Ma, the last Thanksgiving they were here, Cousin Shake and Uncle Easy were riding up and down the block on a two-seater bike.”

“So?”

“Ma”—I snapped my fingers—“two grown men on a bike and in the cold. Don't that seem a little suspect to you?”

She laughed. “Zsa-Zsa, behave.”

“And you know Uncle Easy's kids are not right in the head. Something is very wrong with them.”

My mother cracked up. “They are normal children and your cousins.”

I laughed so loud I screamed. “Outside of Seven, Toi, and Man-Man, oh and the homework police, I don't have any cousins.”

“You are a pure mess.” My mother laughed so hard she cried.

Before long, hours had passed and we were having a blast. By the time we got back home it was evening. “Ma,” I said before I got out of her car.

“Yes.”

“You kinda cool.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah,” I said as my phone rang. “You ai'ight…. Hello,” I answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Deeeeeeeeeeeee-vaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Courtney screamed. “Help me! I need you to leave the mall from being with your mama and come help a queen, I mean a king, out.”

My ear had a headache. I could get no words to come out of my mouth.

“Is everything okay?” my mother asked, concerned.

“Yeah, Ma.” I kissed her on the cheek as I got out the car and hung up on a screaming Courtney. “Everything is fine.”