Teenie (25 page)

“Not this time, Cherise. I have to.”

“But why?”

“Because I have to. I don’t want to feel bad anymore.”

“You’ll get over it. I’m telling you. You might get in trouble if you say something.”

“Maybe. But if I don’t tell, I know I’ll be in
real
trouble.”

“How?” I don’t bother to answer, because I know she won’t understand. After a few seconds she says, “Okay, your funeral.”

“No, it is
not
my funeral. This is something I need to do for me and it’s what I’m going to do, so don’t go trying to convince me to do something else.”

“Okay, okay. My bad. Take it easy. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

She pauses for a few seconds and says, “Okay. Love you, Teenie. My battery is about to d—” before her phone cuts off.

My mother zips by my room and down the stairs toward the front door. God only knows why she came back home, but the fact is she’s here. If I wait another day, I know I’ll find some way to talk myself out of telling.

I’m standing at the top of the staircase when I call her. “Mommy.”

“Yes, Martine?” Her back is to me and she is stuffing her foot into her shoe while she reaches for the front door.

“I need to talk to you.”

“Can it wait? I’m really late for work.”

“No. I need to talk to you right now.”

“You’re just like your father, you know. Stubborn as a mule.” She turns around and glances at her watch. She puts her bag down, sighing. “Alright. I’m already late as it is.”

Tears stream down my face as I say, “I think we’d better sit down.”

God, my wife (my rock), Mommy
(thank you for all of your sacrifice)
, Alphonzo
(thank you for being a trailblazer)
, Isis, Gibran, and Tiye Grant, Raymond and Maureen Gittens (thank you for allowing me to share your home while I found myself), Enrique, Kwayera, Uwingablye, Solwazi, and Bakari Cunningham, Daniel and Natasha Flores (I will never forget what you guys did for me), Chad Gittens, Lawrence and Violet Archer, Marcy Posner, Erin Clarke, Machel Smith, Tricia Smith, Aisha Havill, the Smith family, the Simmons/Brooks family, Stacey Barney, Larry and Judy Gutman, Ronnie Stolzenberg, Cecile Goyette, Joseph and Azalia Speight, Enrique and Safiya Simmons, Jackie Carter, Jumaane Ford, Allison Grant, Jovone Simmonds, Andrez Carberry, Kim Francis, Shawnda Bailey, Raelene Lazarus, Andre Mais, Tameka Lyons, Adrian and Nancy Florence, Richard “Skane” Ford, Kevin L. Phillips, Maisha Dang, Crystal White, John and Sahar Harris, Oshadi Kelly, Pat Spencer, Golan Shlomi, T3 Capital, Brian Carey, Ignacio and Ivy Tzoumas, Bruce Baskind (Best American Stud Teacher ever), Garson Grant, Lartif Thornton, Cesar Rivera,
Anthony “PJ” Davis, Latia Holder, Aisha Saunders, Frank and Linda Gittens, Desiree Medas, the Grosvenor/Sisnett/Phillips/Buckmire family, Derek Gardner, Rumi Kitagawa, Jeff Cox, Ira Brustein, Heather Karaman, Gloria Zicht, Edgardo Lugo, Khalilah Gibbs-Harrington, Janelle Daniel, Joyal Mcneil, Lyshaan Hall, Maurice Malone, Nytaino Romulus, Jean-Marc and Edwidge Dejoie, Randy Gittens, Yolanda Sangweni, Colin Channer, Sabine Jovin-Tourenne, Jason and Danyale Robinson, Euken Gabriel, Jerreno Pope, Ogo Nwanyanwu, the Taitt family, Vinita Neves, Oscar Alcantara, Othniel Taitt, Roy Roberts, Sean Hannon, Shellane Semple, Edmire Saint-Pierre, Sam Kornhauser, Ryan Rabaglia, Curtis Charles, Lou Forte, Larry Sackler, Michael Streiker, Alex Mizan, Antonio and Anita Gholar, the George family, Chris Holko, Rashida Dorant, the St. Lawrence family, Edward Meertins-George, Toby Thompkins, Simone Thornhill, Solan James, Tamyka Clarke-Cox, Nicole Yarde, Matthew Kenny, Ayanna-Abena Cox, Vicki Haddow, Courtney Pierre, Martin Dixon, and all the people that let me borrow pens on the subway.