Tell Me a Riddle (53 page)

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Authors: Tillie Olsen

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BOOK: Tell Me a Riddle
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Page 224
bits from her memorized books, the facts of destruction in human history, snatches of songs, and speeches from their revolutionary past. They are litanies of courage, hope, and terror for the human race:
Slaveships deathtrains clubs eeenough
The bell summon what enables
78,000 in one minute
(whisper of a scream)
78,000 human beings we'll destroy ourselves?
and:
Lift high banner of reason
(tatter of an orator's voice)
justice freedom light
Humankind life worthy capacities
Seeks
(blur of shudder)
belong human being
As David listens, it seems to him that Eva is ''maliciously . . . playing back only what said nothing of him, of the children, of their intimate life together." He says to her, knowing she cannot hear him, "A lifetime you tended and loved, and now not a word of us, for us." Finally Eva's words work their way into his consciousness, and he too remembers the idealism of their youth, the ways he has conspired with society to betray those ideals, "and the monstrous shapes of what had actually happened in the century." To ease himself, he thinks of their grandchildren, "whose childhoods were childish, who had never hungered, who lived unravaged by disease in warm houses of many rooms, had all the school for which they cared, could walk on any street, stood a head taller than their grandparents, towered abovebeautiful skins, straight backs, clear straightforward eyes. . . . And was this not the dream then, come true in ways undreamed?"
The answer to David's question is
yes,
but only if one is thinking in individualistic terms. For Eva,
family
and
children
have meanings that extend far beyond tight biological definitions. Thoughts of the well-being of her own family have never allowed Eva to escape into complacency, and now, having fallen under her spell, David cannot escape either. He answers his own question "as if in her harsh voice":
 
Page 225
And are there no other children in the world? . . .
And the flame offreedom, the light of knowledge?
And the drop, to spill no drop of blood?
Eva's sense of responsibility for all the children of the world also deepens her sense of helplessness and grief. One of her hungers is surely the hunger and thirst for justice, and her starving body, that ''swollen thinness," imitates as if by sympathetic magic the bodies of children not so well-fed as her own. Now, under Eva's influence, David begins to feel her lifelong starvation. He piles a tray with food, eats it, but "still was there thirst or hunger ravening in him."
As David realizes how much of his own idealism has been lost, he is filled with wonder that Eva has not lost or betrayed her dreams. But when David asks her to affirm their wide-ranging vision, Eva answers with memories of their private life together, and bitter memories at that:
Still she believed?
"Eva!" he whispered. "Still you believed?
You lived by it? These Things Shall Be?"
"One pound soup meat," she answered distinctly, "one
soup bone."
"My ears heard you. Ellen Mays was witness: 'Human-
kind ... one has to believe."' Imploringly: "Eva!"
"Bread, day-old." She was mumbling. "Please, in a
wooden box . . . for kindling. The thread, hah, the thread
breaks. Cheap thread"and a gurgling, enormously loud, be-
gan in her throat.
"I ask for stone; she gives me breadday-old." He pulled
his hand away, shouted: "Who wanted questions? Everything
you have to wake?"...
Words jumbled, cleared. In a voice of crowded terror:

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