Tempted by Her Innocent Kiss (9 page)

Love? Not so much. It was a messy, raw emotion he had no desire to embroil himself with.

Ten

Ashley sat on the private veranda and stared over the ocean as the sun began its hesitant rise. She felt empty. Rung out. She felt stupid and so horribly naive that she cringed. It still baffled her that a life she’d thought was so perfect just hours before was a complete facade.

All night she’d sat huddled in an uncomfortable chair trying to come to grips with the fact that she’d been lied to at every turn. She’d been used and manipulated, not just by Devon, but by her own father.

And all over a business deal.

She couldn’t wrap her head around it.

Why? Why had it been so important for Devon to marry her? Was her father so unconvinced of Ashley’s ability to manage her own life that he’d all but hired a man to be her husband? She winced at the thought, but it was appropriate. At the very least, she’d been used as a bargaining chip.

She rubbed at eyes that felt full of sand. She’d cried all that she was going to allow herself to cry. She be damned if she shed another single tear over her husband.

A dry laugh escaped her. Her husband. What was she going to do about her marriage? Her complete and utter farce of a marriage.

She closed her eyes against the humiliation of it all.

What a fool she’d made of herself over the last month.

She wanted to die from it.

Had he laughed at her the entire time? Had he joked with his friends about what a gull ible idiot she was?

She didn’t like to imagine he could be so cruel, but the man she’d faced down the night before and demanded the truth from had been brutally honest. At her insistence, but crushingly forthright all the same.

“It’s time you had the cold hard truth, Ashley,” she whispered. She’d been living a fantasy.

She rubbed at her temples, willing the vicious ache to go away. But the pain in her head was nothing compared to the unbearable ache in her heart.

Should she leave him? Should she ask for a divorce? They could have the shortest marriage on record. She could go back home. Chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way. It was doubtful at this point that her father would pull the plug on the deal because Devon had lived up to his end of the bargain.

It wasn’t Devon who was unhappy with the result. It was her. Everyone had evidently thought she was the very last person who should be consulted about her life.

But the idea of divorcing Devon held as little appeal as living in the cold, sterile state her marriage now existed in. She deeply loved him and love wasn’t something you could switch off at will. She was hurt beyond belief. She was angry and she felt horribly betrayed. But she still loved him and she still wished that they could go back to the way things had been before she’d found out the damnable truth.

It was true what they said about ignorance being bliss. She’d give anything at all to go back to being that innocent little girl who still believed in happily ever after with Prince Charming. For just a little while Devon had been that prince. He’d been perfect. She’d built him into something he wasn’t, and that wasn’t entirely his fault. He couldn’t be blamed for her utter stupidity.

No, she didn’t want a divorce. But neither did she want to live a life with a man who didn’t love her.

She thought back to all the things he’d said to her the night before. His criticisms had stung. They’d stunned her. She’d never imagined that he’d thought of her in such a negative way. But maybe he was right.

Maybe she was too impulsive, too flighty, too exuberant. Perhaps she should be more controlled, more guarded, show more of a knack for self-preservation.

It was evident that he didn’t want the person she was. It was evident he didn’t love flighty, impulsive, tender-hearted, animal-loving Ashley Copeland, who called him at work just to say she loved him.

If he didn’t want or love that person, then the only two options left to her were to walk away and get a divorce or to
become
someone he could love.

Could she make him fall in love with her? Her family always worried that she was too trusting. Too naive.

Too everything. Apparently they were right.

The only person who didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with who Ashley Copeland was, was Ashley herself. And it was becoming increasingly clearer that her judgment stank.

It was time for one hell of a makeover.

But the idea didn’t excite her. It didn’t infuse enthusiasm into her flagging spirits. It was a bleak thought and she dimly wondered if Devon was worth such an effort.

Would his love be enough, provided she could even make him fall in love with her?

A voice in the back of her mind whispered that it was time for her to grow up. It was a voice that sounded precariously close to Devon’s. He thought she should grow up. Her father evidently thought the same. Maybe they were both right.

She stiffened when she heard a sound on the terrace. She knew it was Devon but she wasn’t ready to face him yet.

“Have you been out here all night?” he asked quietly.

She nodded wordlessly and continued to stare over the water.

He walked to the thick stone railing that enclosed the private viewing area, shoved his hands in his pockets and for a moment stared over the water as she was doing. Then he turned to face her and leaned back against the stone.

He looked as bad as she felt, though she had no sympathy. His hair was rumpled. He was still in the same clothes as the night before.

“Ash, don’t torture yourself over this. There’s no reason we can’t have a perfectly good marriage, no matter the circumstances of
how
we came to be married.”

He was starting to repeat his arguments from the previous night and the truth was, she couldn’t stomach hearing again how she was naive and impulsive and whatever else it was he’d said when he outlined all her faults.

She bit her lip to keep the angry flood from rushing out because at this point it did her no good and she didn’t have the emotional energy to spare.

She held up a hand to stop him and cursed at how it trembled. She put it back down and tucked it into her gown, blinking as she realized she was still in her sexy, lacy lingerie that she’d so painstakingly picked out for her wedding night.

Unbidden tears welled again in her eyes as she realized just what a disaster her wedding night had been. What should have been the most special night of her entire life would forever be a black hole in her past no matter what happened in the future.

“I agree,” she said before he could launch into another list of her shortcomings.

He promptly shut his mouth and then stared at her, his brows drawn together in confusion. “You do?” She nodded again because the words seemed to stick in her throat. Almost as if they were rebelling. It took her a few moments to force out what she wanted to say.

“You’re absolutely right. I was being silly. I had unrealistic expectations and I shouldn’t allow them to get in the way of marriage.”

He winced but remained quiet.

“I am agreeable to at least a period of time in which we see how things progress.”

He frowned at that but she looked up with dead eyes. “Be glad I’m not on a plane home with an appointment to see a divorce lawyer.” He pushed out a breath and then slowly nodded. “All right. How long do you think this test period will last?” She shrugged. “How would I know? I can’t exactly put a time frame on when I can give up all hope of having a happy marriage.”

“Ash.”

The low growl in which he said her name only served to make her angrier. She curled her fingers into tight balls, determined not to give in to the urge to scream at him. She was determined to get through this, no matter how excruciating it was.

“I’m not trying to punish you, Devon. I’m trying to get through this without losing what little pride I have left.” He went pale and pain flickered in his eyes. And shame. Though that hadn’t been her intention, either.

She wasn’t trying to make digs at him because that wouldn’t make this go away. It wouldn’t give her back her happiness. It would only make her more miserable than she already was.

“You seem to think we can have an enjoyable marriage. I personally find no joy in being married to a man who doesn’t love me, but I’m willing to try. You’re probably right in that I shouldn’t allow something so silly as love to enter the equation.”

“Damn it, I care a lot for you—”

“Please,” she bit out, halting his words in midsentence. “Just don’t. Don’t try to make it better by offering me platitudes. It was hard to hear your assessment of my faults. Does anyone ever like to hear that about themselves? But I’m willing to work on not being so impulsive and exuberant or whatever else it was that you mentioned. I’ll try to be the best wife I can be and not disappoint you.”

He bit out a sharp curse but she ignored him and plunged ahead before she lost all her courage and fled.

“I just have one thing to ask in return,” she whispered.

She was trying valiantly not to break down again.

She’d already made such an idiot of herself in front of him. She was forever making a total cake of herself with him.

His lips were thin. His eyes were dark with raw emotion. At least he wasn’t totally unaffected by her distress.

“I find the situation I’m in immensely humiliating. I’ll make every effort to be a wife you’ll be proud of. All I ask is that you please not embarrass me in front of my family by making our issues known to anyone. What I’m asking you to do is pretend. At least with them.”

“God, Ash. You act as though I despise you. I’d never embarrass you.”

“I just don’t want them to know you don’t love me,” she choked out. “If you could just act like—like a real husband in front of them. You don’t have to go overboard. Just don’t treat me with indifference now that you don’t have to pretend in order to get me to marry you anymore.”

And then another thought occurred to her that very nearly had her leaning over to empty the contents of her stomach.

“Are you all right?” Devon asked sharply. Then he swore. “Of course you aren’t all right. You look as if you’re going to be ill.”

“Is there someone else?” she croaked out. “I mean did you ever plan to be faithful? I won’t stay married to you if you’re going to sleep around or if you have a mistress on tap somewhere.”

This time the curses were more colorful and they didn’t stop for several long seconds. He closed the distance between them, knelt down in front of the lounger she was curled up in and grasped her shoulders.

“Stop it, Ashley. You’re torturing yourself needlessly.

There is no other woman. There won’t be another woman. I take my marriage vows very seriously. I don’t have a mistress. There’s been no other woman since well before you entered the picture. I have no desire to sleep around. I want
you
.”

Her shoulders sagged in relief and she leaned away from him so that his hands slipped from her arms.

“Damn it, I wanted to tell you the truth from the very beginning but your father wouldn’t hear of it. My mistake. I should have told you anyway. But it doesn’t change anything. I still want to be married to you. If I found the idea so abhorrent, I’d simply wait until the deal was done and begin divorce proceedings. There wouldn’t be a damn thing your father could do at that point.”

She closed her eyes wearily and rubbed at her head. The sun’s steady creep over the horizon was casting more light onto the terrace and each ray speared her eyeballs like a flaming pitchfork.

“Do you have one of your headaches?” he asked, his voice full of concern. “Did you bring your medicine?”

She opened her eyes again, wincing as she tried to refocus. “I want to go home.”

Devon’s expression darkened. “Don’t be unreasonable. What you need is to take your medicine and get some sleep. You’ll feel better once you rest and eat something.”

“I won’t stay here and pretend. It’s pointless. You even brought me to the island where you’re building a resort, I’m sure so you could keep up with the progress. So don’t tell me I’m being unreasonable for wanting to dispense with the fairy-tale honeymoon. You and I both know at this point it’s a joke and we’ll just spend all week staring awkwardly at each other or you’ll just spend most of the time at the job site.” His jaw ticked and he stood again, turning briefly away. Then he turned back, irritation evident in his gaze. “You wanted me to pretend in front of your family.

Why can’t you pretend now?”

“Because I’m miserable and it’s going to take me a little time to get over this,” she snapped. “Look, we can say I wasn’t feeling well. Or you can make up some business emergency. It’s not as if anyone in my capitalistic family would even lift an eyebrow at the idea of business coming first. Right now my head hurts so damn bad, we wouldn’t even be lying.” Some of the anger left Devon’s gaze. “Let me get you some medication for your headache. Then I want you to get some rest. If…” He sighed. “If you still want to leave when you wake up, I’ll arrange our flight back to New York.”

Eleven

She slept because the pill Devon gave her would allow her to do no less. She rarely resorted to taking the medication prescribed for her migraines for the reason that it made her insensible.

When she awoke, she was in bed by herself and it was nearly dusk. Her headache still hung on with tenacious claws and when she moved too suddenly to try to sit up, nausea welled in her stomach. Her head pounded and she put a hand to her forehead, sucking air through her nostrils to control the sudden wash of weakness.

The room was blanketed in darkness, the drapes drawn and no lights had been left on. Devon had made sure she had been left in comfort, only a sheet covering her and the air-conditioning turned down so it was nearly frigid in the room.

Before, his consideration would have been endearing. Now, she could only assume he was operating out of guilt.

She pushed herself from the bed and sat on the edge for a moment, holding her head while she got her bearings. After a moment, she got to her feet and wobbled unsteadily toward the luggage stand, where her still-packed suitcase lay open.