Tempted by the Soldier (A Falling for You Novel) (Entangled Brazen) (12 page)

Chapter Fourteen

Tell her.

Nate pushed away the thought and watched Lilly lie back across the picnic table at the scenic overlook where they’d decided to stop and stretch their legs. Her blond hair spilled over the edge of the table. Late-morning sunlight kissed her skin. She was so fucking beautiful it hurt to look at her.

And he was a total bastard for standing there enjoying the view when he still hadn’t had the balls to tell her the truth. That he was leaving.

How the hell was he supposed to tell her when happiness and hope shone from her eyes every time she looked at him? How was he supposed to tell her he was going to abandon her just as her shitty parents had done?

He shook his head once and blinked away the exhaustion threatening to take over. He wouldn’t be able to keep this up much longer. The past two nights were catching up with him. He needed sleep. Last night he’d lain in the darkness for what seemed like an hour waiting for Lilly to drift off. When he’d finally heard her deep, even breathing, he’d slipped out from under her arm and made his way across the room to drop into a chair, then sat awake until the sun lit the window. As tired as he’d been, he couldn’t allow her to see him like that again, caught in the throes of his terrible nightmares. Couldn’t take the risk that he might somehow lose control and hurt her.

She’d seen him at his worst, and still…

She wanted him. Had cried for him. Had done everything she could to help heal him.

And he didn’t deserve any of it.

He scrubbed his hand over his face and fought the urge to throw something just to see it break…the way he was breaking inside.

What was this woman
doing
to him?

He felt…overwhelmed. The thought of leaving her, of saying good-bye… God, he felt like he was spinning out of control. It was too fucking much.

He wanted her so damn much. No, he
more
than wanted her…he cared about her. Really, soul-deep cared. And for a moment last night, he’d actually let himself believe they could work. It was so easy to see how she could fit into his life, how she actually wanted to be there. Even knowing how fucked up he was, she loved him anyway. She hadn’t said it, but he could see it in her eyes. Feel it in the way she touched him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to hate him. She was supposed to see who he really was, and run like hell in the other direction. Not this.

For a moment he let himself imagine what it could be like with her if they made a relationship work. The letters she might send him when he was away overseas. Her smart mouth taunting him from thousands of miles away, making him laugh. Pictures tucked between the pages, making him want. How complete and perfect those homecomings would be. Having her in his bed, his home, in his heart. He’d never had that. Never had someone he felt so desperate for. But, fuck…he wanted it. He wanted it all.

He wasn’t supposed to want it. He was supposed to want escape.

He slashed a hand through his hair. Who the hell was he trying to fool? He couldn’t even sleep in the same room with her without worrying he’d hurt her. Not when every dream was plagued with the horrific images of the seven men he’d left behind. He’d never be able to give her what she needed. What she deserved. And what if he didn’t make it back this time? What if that homecoming ended with him in a pine box? What would that do to her? He couldn’t take that chance. Not with Lilly.

Once again, he’d selfishly chosen to live out a fantasy…and now she was going to get hurt all over again.

He thought about the look in her eyes last night, so much understanding and compassion. How would she look at him after she found out he was leaving? He knew how she would look. She’d look betrayed, that’s how.

“I think I’m in love with Pennsylvania,” she said, holding her camera up to her eye and snapping a picture of the puffs of white clouds meandering across the sky.

Nate took a moment to mask his emotions and walked over to brace his hands on the table on either side of her head, blocking her view. “You’ve barely seen it. After spending the last two days in the pouring rain, I think you’re more infatuated with the sun.”

She clicked a picture of his face and grinned. “Maybe I’m just infatuated with you.”

The smiled dropped off his face and he stepped back out of her line of sight, dread settling in his gut.

Now. Now was the time to say it
.

“Hey…what’s wrong?” Lilly was suddenly in front of him, concern shining from her eyes, camera slung around her neck.

“I…”

She frowned. “Did you get any sleep at all after I went back to bed last night?”

“Yeah,” he lied. “I’m fine. We should probably get back on the road. Hayden will kick my ass if we miss the rehearsal dinner tonight.”

She didn’t look like she believed him, but she didn’t push any more, either. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and headed back to the truck.

Get to the wedding
. That’s all he needed to focus on right now. He’d tell her tomorrow night after the reception. Somehow, he’d find a way to say good-bye.

Chapter Fifteen

“Oh, my God…I thought they were having this wedding at a bed-and-breakfast,” Lilly said in awe as she leaned forward to get a good look at the sprawling property and towering nineteenth-century mansion in front of them. “This is amazing. I can’t even imagine what it’s going to look like in the daylight.”

A catering truck was parked around the side of the estate house and music drifted up on a breeze from the back veranda. She checked the clock. They’d actually made it in time for the rehearsal dinner. Thank God.

Nate turned off the ignition, his gaze fixed on the steering wheel. Silent. The same way he’d been for the past eight hours. At one point in their relationship she would have welcomed that silence, but now it was unnerving. She’d thought that after the way they connected last night they’d be on solid ground, but she’d never felt more uncertain.

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and her heart hammered out a nervous rhythm. Suddenly, she didn’t want to get out of the truck. She wasn’t ready for the fragile bond between them to break. Something wasn’t right.

“Nate…”

“We’re going to be late,” he said abruptly.

Before she could respond, he was out of the truck and pulling their bags from the back. She blinked back tears, focusing on the beautiful garden lanterns that blinked from the trees surrounding the Summer Valley Bed and Breakfast. It had been a hard trip and he hadn’t gotten much sleep. That’s all this was. Right?

She chanced a glance at him in the rearview mirror. The hard, distant look in his eyes held none of the tenderness from the day before. He’d put the wall back up. She wanted to scream and rail and break it back down. But he wouldn’t even look at her.

She shut her eyes, hating the desperate feeling constricting her chest. It was too familiar. And she refused to succumb to it.

Unable to sit still another moment, she grabbed her camera from the seat and slung it around her neck, thankful they’d stopped at a fast-food place to change before arriving. She couldn’t look at him right now. Not when she didn’t know where they stood.

She climbed out of the truck and took a moment to smooth her hands over the simple black pencil skirt and silky white button-down blouse she’d chosen for the rehearsal. It was simple and professional, without being too overdressed. She slipped on her black pumps, took a deep breath to calm herself, and rounded the truck.

Nate grabbed the last of the bags and hesitated, his gaze wandering over every dip and curve of her body. Just when she thought he’d walk way without a word, he dropped the bags in his hands and backed her up against the side of the truck.

“You look good, Princess,” he said, voice gruff.

She blinked up at him. “Thanks. You don’t look so bad yourself.”

She smoothed her hands over his dress shirt and rested them on his abdomen. He lowered his face and pressed his lips to hers in a hard, hungry kiss that ended too soon. When she started to pull at his buttons, he removed her hands and backed away, a sad smile on his face.

“Good luck tonight.” With that, he grabbed their bags and disappeared inside the inn, leaving her alone and confused in the dark.

Focus, Lilly. Just focus on the job. You don’t have time for this. Hayden needs you.

She adjusted her camera strap around her neck and followed the lights and music into the picture-perfect white barn that stood tall and beautiful behind the bed-and-breakfast. Twinkle lights were strewn from the rafters and soft candlelight glowed from the picnic tables and the rustic bar. About twenty-five of Hayden’s and Jace’s closest friends and family were scattered about, chatting and clinking glasses of champagne, looking just as polished as the venue. It was all too perfect for words.

A server passed by with a platter of mini crab cakes and she followed after him to snap a pic.

“You do know the food is for eating, right?”

Lilly smiled at the sound of Hayden’s voice behind her, and spun around to embrace her friend in a big hug. She pulled away to inspect the photo-perfect bride-to-be. In a summery blue-and-white floral dress and yellow pumps, Hayden looked every bit as bright and beautiful as the fairy-tale wedding she’d created here. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” Lilly said.

“I’ve missed you too.” Hayden smiled, checking over Lilly’s shoulder, searching. “So…where is my future brother-in-law? Should we be checking the back roads of New York for his body?”

Lilly rolled her eyes, but she also wondered when Nate was going to join the party. The insecure part of her brain said he was avoiding her. Or possibly jumped ship and hightailed it back to North Carolina to escape her. But she quickly bitch-slapped the negativity back into the dark hole it had crawled out of. This was his brother’s wedding. He wouldn’t do that. Besides, she and Nate had been together nonstop for the past two days. She just needed to give him some space. He’d get there when he got there.

“No. I spared him. You can tell Jace he owes me a drink for that. On second thought, make that five drinks.”

Hayden grinned and grabbed her arm. “Well, now that we know we don’t need to file a missing persons report, come on. I want to show you something.”

Lilly followed her out across the damp grass behind the inn to a path that took them through a densely wooded area. Somewhere close by she could hear water rushing through the dark. Finally she spotted an old wooden bridge that stretched across white water crashing over stones. Even in the dark she could see its charm. The potential that hid between every board and every shadow that the willow trees on either side provided. Twinkle lights that matched the kind in the barn were woven between the rails of the bridge, casting a sparkling glow out onto the flowing creek below. Hayden spun a circle in the middle of the bridge and held her hands out.

“What do you think? They usually do weddings at the gazebo, but when I saw this…it’s just so beautiful. It just feels right.”

“I think it’s perfect.” Knowing Hayden, she’d seen this bridge on location, taken one perfect shot, and had built her entire wedding around it. She ran her hand along the railing and smiled. “The wedding is going to be beautiful. We’ll be able to get some great shots out here of the wedding party. But you knew that already.”

Hayden nodded. “As long as the weather holds out.”

“It will. Nothing is going to ruin your day.”

Lilly lifted her camera to flash a picture of the bride-to-be on the dark, empty bridge, but paused when she spotted her expression through the lens. Hayden sighed and folded her arms across her chest, taking in the surroundings. She looked nervous. Which made Lilly nervous. She lowered her camera. “What’s wrong?”

Hayden looked over at her. “Let’s hope everything is perfect. Because the shots you take are going to be featured in
New York Bridal
Magazine
.”

Lilly froze. “
What?
”

Hayden hopped up to sit on the railing, her eyes glittering with excitement. “Apparently they are doing a feature on career-driven women’s weddings and they picked mine to be in it,” she said. “I told them I had already booked the best wedding photographer on the east coast, and they were intrigued. I sent them your portfolio and they think your work is brilliant.”

Lilly floundered for words, but came up empty. Was this real? It couldn’t be. Nothing ever went this smoothly in her life. Nothing ever came this easily.

She blinked back tears and pressed her hand to her suddenly jittery stomach. “Are you serious?”

Hayden’s brows pulled together, concern shining in her eyes as she hopped down and met Lilly halfway. “Of course I am. You’re one of the most talented people I’ve ever met, Lil. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think you deserved it. You do. You deserve to be happy and successful.”

Lilly threw her arms around her friend’s neck, the weight of the past two days crushing into her. Emotions swirled around inside, filling her with a confusing mixture of hope and uncertainty.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Hayden pulled back to look her in the eyes. “I thought you’d be thrilled.”

Lilly wiped her eyes and looked away. “I am. This is amazing, and you are amazing. Thank you so much, Hayden. I swear, I won’t let you down.”

Hayden studied her for a moment and she squirmed under her stare until her friend finally said, “It’s Nate, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question. More of an observation, and there was no way that Lilly could deny it. Especially when Hayden saw them in the same room.

Lilly had gone and done the one thing she’d sworn to herself she would never do—she’d fallen for him. And now she was spiraling out of control, not knowing up from down.

This was supposed to feel good, feel life-changing, but all she felt was terrified. Terrified that she’d invested so much of herself in someone who might just walk away. Because he’d done it before.

“Tell me.”

Lilly choked back the feeling that had been suffocating her for eight hours on the road, and her eyes misted over. “It’s your wedding weekend. I’m not letting my drama ruin your day.”

Hayden sighed. “All I’ve talked about for a week is this wedding. Trust me when I say, as long as it has absolutely nothing to do with flowers or place settings, I want to hear it. Nothing you have to say could ruin the fact that I’m marrying my best friend tomorrow. Now spill.”

Lilly twisted the silky fabric of her blouse in her hands. “I slept with him. More than once.”

Hayden surprised her with a grin. “I figured you might.”

Lilly glared at her in outrage. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you? Forced us together to see if something would happen.”

Hayden threw her hands up. “Is it so wrong for me to want you both to be happy? We all knew you two would be great together. It just took a little nudge to get you guys to realize it, too.”

“And what if we’d killed each other instead?”

“Oh, please. We both know you were more in danger of losing your favorite pair of panties than you two harming each other. I’ve see the way you look at each other,” she said. “So, does this mean you’re together now?”

That was the question of the day, wasn’t it?

After everything they had been through the past year, did Lilly even
want
that with Nate?

Yes. She did.

And now that she had him, she couldn’t imagine going back to a life of hating him. She wanted to trust him so badly, but he was making it hard.

“I don’t know,” she finally said. “I hope so. I honestly don’t know what he wants. I do know he’s hurting, and I want him to be happy…whatever that means for us.”

“You love him.”

That wasn’t a question, either. Her feelings were obvious—to everyone except the man on the receiving end of that loaded emotion. Despite her best effort, a tear spilled over and slid down her cheek.
Damn it
. “Yes. I love him.”

Hayden grabbed her hand and beamed, her eyes glistening. “I’m happy for you, Lil. So happy. For both of you. Maybe this is exactly what he needs to finally pull his head out of his ass.”

Lilly chuckled, wiping her eyes. “I don’t know. I think it might be shoved up there pretty deep. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

They both laughed, and Lilly thought about the gift she’d brought for Hayden. She was so lucky to have a friend like her in her life. It wasn’t often Lilly let people in, and even more rare for them to feel like family, but Hayden definitely fit into that category. She couldn’t imagine what she would do without her.

“I brought you a present,” she said. “After everything you’ve done for me, I’d really like to give it to you early.”

“Are you kidding?” Hayden bounced up and grabbed Lilly’s hand. “I would love that.”

Lilly led them to the truck where she’d left the package, thankful that Nate hadn’t locked the doors. She reached onto the back bench for the present wrapped in silver paper with a blue bow, and handed it to Hayden.

Her friend eagerly tore open the wrapping paper, revealing the book inside. Wide-eyed, she lifted the cover and gingerly touched the pages filled with photo after photo of Hayden and Jace. Some were the posed engagement photos they’d hired Lilly to do. The rest were candids that dated back to when they were just two friends who couldn’t see what was right in front of them.

Hayden brought her hand to her mouth and moisture flooded her eyes. “Oh my God…”

Lilly smiled. “I know what love is, Hayden. I know what it is, because I see it every time I look at the two of you. I’m so happy for you, babe.”

Hayden looked back down at the book and a smile touched her lips. “You’re going to have it, too, Lil. Just wait.”