Ten Things We Did (And Probably Shouldn't Have) (24 page)

“It’s been a bad day.”

“Why? What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“
Okaaaaay.
April, have you looked at dates for the summer? We need to get you a ticket before they—”

“I am not coming to France!” I yelled. My voice echoed in my empty room. Even though I had nowhere to go, I would still not go to France.

Silence. “You mean this summer?”

“I mean ever.”

“You’re being crazy.”

Maybe. But I was still mad at her. “It’s not like you really care if I come.”

“Of course I care!”

“If you wanted me there you would have made me move in the first place.”

She took a breath. “You didn’t want to come. You wanted to stay with your friends. With Noah. I wanted you to be happy.”

“Yeah, right.”

“You were already so mad at me . . . what was I supposed to do? Force you to come?”

Yes. No. I didn’t know what I wanted. I wanted her to say I had to come with her no matter what. That she couldn’t live without me. I wanted to be with my dad. I wanted to be with my friends. With Noah. With Hudson. I wanted to be with Matthew. I wanted my mom here. In this house. I wanted to be with them in France. I wanted a million things that were all jumbled together.

“Maybe that’s what I should have done,” she continued softly. “Forced you to come.”

“Better than leaving me by myself,” I snapped.

“I left you with your father. You were supposed to be with your father.” She sounded like she was crying. “I just wanted you to be happy,” she repeated.

“I’m not happy.”

“Then come. Please. I love you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s too late,” I said. “I have to go.” I hung up. I turned the power off and threw my phone across the empty room.

ANOTHER BREAK-IN

It was two in the morning. I was in a strange house, lying on my old floor, staring at the ceiling. After I’d explored the house, I’d returned to my room and stared at the ceiling and cried. Then I’d fallen asleep.

I hadn’t eaten since brunch, but I wasn’t hungry. I was tired. Bone tired. And sad. And depressed. The bottomless black hole was lurking. And I really, really had to use the bathroom.

But what if it burned when I peed?

I knew I was being stupid sitting—lying—here, but I wanted to see how long I could stay. If I could do it. If I could just disappear. Sink into the black hole. Some real estate broker would find me next month, nibbled on by mice.

Knock. Knock, knock, knock.

Was that someone at the front door? Obviously I couldn’t answer it. But why would someone be knocking at the door of an empty house in the middle of the night? It was probably a branch. Or a cat. Maybe it was my imagination. Stop imaginary knocking, stop!

It stopped.

Now it was just me and my house. All alone. The way we liked it. I tried to close my eyes again. But I really had to pee. The moonlight had lit up the room, but the rest of the house would be dark. Would I still remember the way? And did I have tissues in my bag? I stood up, stretching my arms above my head. When I reached my doorway, I felt the walls in the pitch blackness and moved down the hallway. As I moved deeper in, the darkness enveloped me. I held my purse close to steady myself. I think the bathroom was just a few steps up. . . . There was a window in the bathroom, wasn’t there? There’d be moonlight?

There was another creak from downstairs. And what sounded like a door opening. Was someone else in the house? How was that possible? Did someone else know about the key? No. The key was in my pocket. But had I locked the door behind me? I couldn’t remember. I definitely didn’t remember locking it. Oh, jeez. My heart started to pound. Did other people use this house as a free place to crash? Had a crazy person seen me come in and was now going to kill me? There were whispers. Whispers everywhere. I had to be imagining it. Houses made noises. Especially old houses. I just wished it wasn’t so dark in here.

Creak.
More whispers. If only I hadn’t watched so many episodes of
Vampire Nights
. Maybe it was Zelda. She had followed me here. Hi, Zelda!

Clearly, I was losing my mind. Didn’t chlamydia make you go crazy? I remembered something about that from health class. No. I think that was syphilis.

Maybe I had that too.

Now the stairs were creaking. What was I doing in an abandoned house in the middle of the night? Asking to be murdered? If only I had a flashlight. But who carried a flashlight with her? There was one in my car. But what good would that do? Thanks a lot, Dad. You almost had my back. My cell. I had my cell! I would turn on my phone and there would be light and the noises would stop. I reached into my purse and pressed the
ON
button. Ta-da!

A face lit up in front of me.

I screamed.

She screamed.

“Jesus Christ,” the voice said. “It’s just me.”

Vi.

The downstairs lights turned on. “Hey,” Marissa said. “That’s better.”

I blinked. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Finding you,” Lucy said, coming out of the kitchen.

“But . . . but . . . how did you know where I was?” I sputtered.

“You’re not that complicated,” Vi said, and rolled her eyes.

GROUP HUG, LUCY TOO

We sat in my old room, eating donuts. Mine had sprinkles. I hadn’t realized how starving I was until I’d bit into the gooey deliciousness.

“I broke up with him,” I told them. “He admitted it. He slept with someone else. And lied about it. My birthday was officially the worst birthday ever. How about that? I discovered the only thing worse than crappy things happening the day after your birthday—crappy things happening on your birthday.”

“True,” Marissa said. “But you know what that means?”

“What?”

“That the day-after-birthday curse has been broken,” Lucy said.

I shrugged. “But today isn’t over yet. It just started.”

“No,” Vi declared. “The curse is over.”

“I agree,” Lucy said. “You’re in the clear.”

I took another bite. Maybe they were right. “I can’t believe you guys found me.”

“Vi and I both thought of it at the same time,” Marissa said.

“But why were you awake?”

Vi snorted. “We weren’t going to go to sleep with you missing. We almost sent out an AMBER Alert.”

“I went over after you left my house but Vi said you weren’t home,” Marissa said. “So I decided to wait for you.”

“We called you a million times,” Lucy jumped in. “Hudson and Dean came over too. They think Noah is a total tool.”

“I think they always did,” Vi said.

Marissa nodded. “Well, Hudson looked like he was ready to drive over to Noah’s and run him over.”

“Dean heard the rumor at the party,” Vi said. “I guess Brett told someone who told someone who . . . anyway. Dean kept muttering how Noah didn’t deserve you, but I assumed it was because his brother had the hots for you. I tore him a new one for not informing me immediately, but he didn’t want to ruin your birthday.”

I remembered how Hudson had been interrupted this morning. “I think Hudson was trying to tell me.”

“Hudson was
very
worried about you,” Vi added. “He really cares about you.”

“We all do,” Marissa said. “Your mom was really worried too. She called the
house
phone five times.”

She had?

I turned on my cell. I had many messages. Including texts from Marissa, Hudson, and Vi.

I looked up at Vi. “You were right this morning. I
was
lying to myself. And I’m sorry I said what I said.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, well, you were right about me too. My mother is a flake.” She looked at Lucy and then at Marissa. “And I need to stop playing games with Dean. Before I lose him for good. And I
am
a control freak.”

“Can we talk about the workout DVDs in the middle of the night?” Marissa asked. “Because I think that needs to be mentioned.”

Vi banged her head against the wall. “I’m full of crazy, huh?”

“We’re all full of crazy,” I said. “I broke into my old house and almost peed on the floor. But I do wonder why you feel the need to do HardCore3000 at three in the morning.”

“I don’t know,” Vi said, shrugging. “It makes me feel less anxious.”

“So would sleep,” Lucy said.

“I think you should talk to Lucy’s mom,” Marissa said to me and Vi. “Both of you.”

Lucy groaned. “Seriously? My mom?”

“She
is
a social worker,” Marissa said. “I’m guessing she knows how to deal with all this stuff.”

“She does,” Lucy said. “She’s just so . . . earnest. And annoying.”

“No kidding,” I said. “She got me a ten o’clock curfew.” I pointed at Lucy. “You got me a ten o’clock curfew.”

Lucy hid her face in her hands. “I know, I know, I’m sorry about that. I was a complete ass, but I wasn’t trying to rat you out. I was trying to persuade her to move back to New York. She was so convinced that kids here were clean-cut and perfect so I took the video to scare her into going back to the city. Which did not work. Obviously.”

I thought about how Lucy’s mom had done exactly what my parents hadn’t. Dragged her along. Sorry you’re not happy about the decision, but tough, I’m moving to Westport and that means you too, kid.

I thought back to my conversation with my mother. I kind of wished my parents had said that to me.

I looked over at Lucy and swallowed hard, feeling ashamed. Maybe I’d been left behind, but she had lost her father. That was loss I couldn’t even imagine. I let my head fall against the wall. “I’m sorry I thought you were a psycho.”

“I’m not psycho,” she said. “I just wanted to move home.”

“What about the blackmail?” Vi asked. “Let me Hula with you or I’ll tell my mommy on you. That was borderline psycho.”

Lucy waved her hands in the air. “You had a freaking hot tub! I had to get in somehow! And you guys seemed cool.”

“We are cool,” Vi answered.

“I’m sorry,” Lucy said, biting her lip.

“And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Noah,” Marissa said to me. Her cheeks were red. “I should have.”

“I’m sorry I took it out on you,” I admitted.

“There’s a whole lot of sorry going on here,” Vi said. “Let’s play I Never with ‘I’m sorry.’ If you are sorry about something, you have to take a bite of the donut.”

We all laughed.

I picked up a donut. “I’m sorry Noah cheated on me. After I . . . after I stayed in Westport.”

“Twice,” Vi said.

“That means two bites,” Marissa said. “Big ones.”

“Did you really stay for him?” Marissa asked.

“A little bit for him. And for you guys. And I was afraid to try something new.”

“But why didn’t you go with your mom?” Lucy asked. “Maybe I wouldn’t have come here if I’d had a choice but . . . she’s my
mom
.”

“I didn’t want to leave my life. Or my dad. And I was really mad at her. I guess I’m still really mad at her.”

“She was really upset when she called,” Vi said. “She misses you.”

“I know,” I said. I thought about me and Vi and my mom and Marissa and Noah and my dad. No one was perfect. But we all did the best we could. I guessed you had to forgive when you could, move on when you couldn’t, and love your family and friends for who they were instead of punishing them for who they weren’t. “I miss her too,” I said.

“Do you know what would be awesome?” Lucy said, picking up another donut.

“What?” I asked, still thinking of my mom.

She took a large bite, and then chewed and swallowed. “Finishing this conversation . . . while Hulaing.”

HE RETURNS

We soaked and watched the sunrise. The Long Island Sound turned white, then yellow, then pink, then blue. When our stomachs started to rumble we made omelets. At about eight
A.M.
, we called it a morning. I was just about to crawl under my covers when—

WEEEooooWEEEooooWEEEoooo!

I thought about letting it ring. What was the difference? What would happen if I didn’t answer? Clearly, he was not going to make me move in with him.

WEEEooooWEEEooooWEEEoooo!

Aw, hell. “Dad.”

“Hi, hon. Did I wake you?”

“Nope.” At least this time I wasn’t lying.

“Good. I’m outside Vi’s house. Can we talk?”

I sat back up. “What about your out-of-towners’ brunch?”

“I’m skipping it. I wanted to see you.”

“Oh. Sure. Gimme a sec.”

A few minutes later I was opening the passenger door to his rent-a-car.

A bouquet of tulips was on the passenger seat. “Are those for Penny?”

“For you,” he said.

“Oh!” I picked them up and put them on my lap. “What for?”

“They’re an apology. For what I said yesterday. I’ll always have a room for you. If you want to move in the middle of a semester—then you can move in the middle of the semester.”

My eyes filled with tears. “That’s not how you felt yesterday. You made it sound like you didn’t want me at all.”

“I . . . you surprised me. And I was just so proud of you. About how you made a life for yourself here. I was thinking about logistics. Which was dumb. If you’re not happy here, then come live with me. We’ll figure out a way. And if there’s no room in our house, then we’ll move somewhere else. There’s always room for you and Matthew.”

I nodded. “Thanks, Dad.”

Yesterday, I’d wanted to run. But today . . . well, my friends had found me today. And anyway, I didn’t know exactly what I wanted, but I knew that if I left Westport, I wouldn’t be running
to
Ohio, I would be running
from
Westport, and for me, that wasn’t the right reason to run.

“Dad? Are you happy?”

He blinked. “What do you mean?”

“After everything that happened with Mom. You got through it, right? You’re happy?”

He nodded. “I’m happy. Very happy.”

I was thinking about lightning, but I didn’t want to bring it up.

But he answered me anyway, as if he could read my mind. “You know, April,” he said. “Sometimes you don’t need lightning to start a fire. Sometimes, it builds on its own.”

I nodded. My throat hurt.