Tender Deception: A Novel of Romance (26 page)

“It’s incredible! Lilly, I can’t believe you’re pulling something like this off.”

“Well, I am. I’ve seen him again at the nightclub in San Francisco where he’s playing, and we’re becoming friends. It’s a whole new relationship, starting from scratch. His attitude toward me is entirely different now. Before, he seemed to have some kind of hang-up that he should treat me like I was his kid sister. Maybe it was because we knew each other too well, growing up in the same hometown, going to school together—and he was so much older when we were in high school. Or, maybe it wasn’t that at all. Maybe I just didn’t turn him on when I was Lilly Parker. Maybe I wasn’t sexy enough for him or something, or the chemistry between us wasn’t right. It’s different now that I’m ‘Billie Smith.’ He’s definitely
interested.”
Lilly giggled. “Maybe I’m sexier as a brunette.”

Raven laughed with her. “Well, I have to hand it to you, Lilly. It’s the wildest scheme I’ve ever heard of, but I guess I have to admit you knew what you were doing. At least it’s apparently working out for you.”

Lilly grew serious. “Well, yes, and no....”

There was a moment’s silence. Then Lilly said, “Raven, I’m going to tell you something shocking. The last thing I’d expected to happen—Kirk showed up at the club where I’m working.”

“Oh, Lilly!” Raven exclaimed. “Did he recognize you?”

“I don’t think so. He didn’t give any indication that he did. But I was frightened out of my wits. And he came back again the following night. He sat at the bar, listening to me play. He just looked at me. He’s hardly spoken to me.”

“You must be under a terrible strain.”

“Well, yes. I was petrified. But Raven, I don’t know what I’m afraid of. Kirk isn’t a physical threat to me. Even if he discovered who I am, what could he do? Nothing, really. He can’t force me to go back to him. And Jimmy’s future is secure, now. He has a large following out here on the West Coast. He’s making records. He’s being invited to play at the big jazz festivals. Even if Kirk found out that I’m back and that I’m seeing Jimmy, he can’t hurt Jimmy any more. If he fired Jimmy from the club he owns, Jimmy has become so popular, he’d have no trouble finding another job for his band.”

“So why did I come so unglued when Kirk walked back into my life? I can’t explain it to you when I don’t fully understand myself. My mind goes haywire where Kirk Remington is concerned. My emotions turn into a hurricane. I can’t think straight when he’s in the same room. Any kind of response to him that I’ve ever had has been a violent one. I can have plans for my life all neatly lined up, and then Kirk can scatter things in all directions.”

“Anyway, I’m probably worried needlessly. Kirk sat right there at the piano bar, not three feet from me, for two nights last week and showed no sign of recognizing me. If I can stay cool and not give myself away, there’s no more reason for him to recognize me than anyone else could. After all, Jimmy has known me since school days, and he didn’t catch on, so why should Kirk?”

“Still, it’s putting a dreadful strain on you, Lilly. And that isn’t good for you. After all you’ve been through, you don’t want to risk a relapse, now that you’ve just gotten your strength and health back.”

They chatted a while longer. Before ending the conversation Lilly asked Raven to call Glenn Marshall and assure him that she was fine and would write him a long letter—a promise she kept as soon as she hung up.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Lilly was beginning to relax at her job, again. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights passed without Kirk putting in an appearance. “He’s not coming back,” she assured herself. And then on Thursday night, shortly after she began playing, she glanced up and he was there.

She looked away with a sharp intake of her breath as he slid onto a bar stool. A couple was seated on the other side to her left. She concentrated on them, playing several requests for them. Then they left. It was a slow night. A few customers were at the main bar and seated at tables. But Kirk was the only customer seated at the piano bar. Lilly realized it would only arouse his suspicions if she ignored him. She forced herself to look at him with a professional smile. “Hello,” she heard herself say in a calm voice that belied her inner turmoil. “Haven’t seen you for a while.”

“I know. I wasn’t going to come back. I tried, but I couldn’t stay away....”

She laughed uneasily. “I’m not that good, surely. There are many better piano players in town.”

“Oh, you’re good all right,” he said in a strange voice. “But that’s not the only reason I had to come back.” He hesitated. “I’m sure an attractive young woman like you, being an entertainer at a piano bar, must hear this line many times. But the truth is, you remind me very much of someone I once knew. Someone very important to me.”

A quality in his voice compelled her to look more directly at him. It was the first time she’d allowed her gaze to linger on his face. She realized with a shock that he did not look well. He had lost weight. His face was drawn and lined, his eyes lacked the bright, cold glint that had made her think of black agates. They appeared dulled, vacant. He looked like a man who had suffered a long illness.

Disconcerted, she jerked her gaze away, turning her eyes downward toward the piano keys. “Who—who do I remind you of,” she asked, forcing her voice to sound light, “an old girlfriend?”

“No,” he said quietly. “My wife. She’s dead.”

“Oh...I—I’m sorry,” Lilly stammered. Now she was disoriented with a new wave of emotion. Was this the same man who had ruthlessly blackmailed her into his bed? She couldn’t believe he was capable of feeling remorse over losing her. Surely she was mistaken.

But out of the corner of her eye, she saw him raise his glass and his hand was trembling. She had never known Kirk to drink to excess. A glass or two of champagne, perhaps a dinner wine, or an after dinner brandy. But he had been too obsessed with being in control of himself and life to ever allow alcohol to control him. Yet, the nights she’d seen him here, he gave every evidence of a man drinking beyond his capacity.

“What...was your wife like?” she asked, her fingers rippling the keys in an automatic improvisation.

“She was a pianist, too. An excellent musician. There is a remarkable resemblance...you could be a close relative. I was in a state of shock that first night when I saw you playing here. It’s nonsense, I know, but I thought for a moment I was seeing her ghost. She had blonde hair, though, and on closer look, I saw that your features are different, and your voice isn’t the same. Perhaps you’ve heard of her, being a musician yourself. She was becoming pretty well known when—when we lost her. She used her professional name, Lilly Parker, when she performed.”

Lilly swallowed hard. She shook her head. “I never heard of her, but I haven’t been on the West Coast very long.”

“She was a fine jazz pianist. And a singer. She was a little thing, your size, but could she belt out those blues numbers! She had learned all the songs recorded by the great blues singers like Bessie Smith and Billie Holiday.”

Lilly had the unnerving sensation that she had lost touch with reality. She couldn’t be sitting here with Kirk Remington, discussing herself in the past tense! It must be a dream. Cold chills were starting to creep up her spine. Kirk was actually making her feel like a ghost.

Then she reminded herself that she had no one to blame for this impossible situation but herself. She had put herself in this position with her reckless masquerade!

“It—it sounds as if you know something about music,” Lilly murmured.

“Well, I don’t know if I could go so far as to call myself a critic,” he replied. “But I am acquainted with music, both serious and jazz. I suppose you could call me a student of music, or a serious aficionado. It was my passion for music that attracted me to my wife in the first place.”

It sure was,
Lilly thought grimly.
And that’s why you married me—to possess my musical talent. That’s all you cared about, Kirk Remington! Someone to keep you company when you weren’t with your mistress, someone to vicariously fulfill your creative hunger.

Remembering that and remembering his unfaithfulness, his affair with Marie Algretto, rekindled the hatred that had driven Lilly away from him.

But he went on in a quiet, dull voice. “The reason I requested the
Moonlight Sonata
that first night I heard you play was because it was my favorite melody from my wife’s repertoire.”

Again Lilly felt a peculiar shock. It strained her credulity to believe Kirk could exhibit any kind of sentimentality over her. Yet he sounded like a man genuinely lost in grief. She was growing more confused and unsure of her own emotions.

She was relieved when some other customers moved over to the piano bar. Playing their requests afforded her the opportunity to regain her composure.

But Kirk remained at the piano bar, and when it was time for her break, he spoke to her again. “Would you be so kind as to join me at a table for a drink, Miss Smith?”

The sense of unreality swept over her again. Where was the imperious note of command she was so used to hearing in Kirk’s voice? He sounded weary, almost humble.

Her first impulse was to make an excuse and flee to the women’s lounge. But this new element in Kirk’s personality was intriguing. She was drawn by curiosity to hear him talk some more. And she felt more confident of her disguised identity.

She accepted his invitation. Kirk escorted her to a quiet table in a secluded corner. She ordered a cup of coffee. He had a refill of his double Scotch. The heavy way he was drinking had her puzzled and strangely concerned.

“What part of the country are you from, Miss Smith?” he asked.

“New Mexico—Albuquerque,” she said.

“Is Billie Smith your real name, or a professional name?”

“Why do you ask?” she countered, suddenly wary.

“Forgive me. I didn’t mean to be giving you the third degree. It’s just that you remind me so much of Lilly, my wife, that I wondered if by some freak coincidence you were related to her. She didn’t have any immediate relatives that I knew of, but I thought you might be a cousin. She came from a little town in Louisiana, Millerdale. But I’m sure you would have known if you had a relative like Lilly. I realize people don’t have to be related to resemble one another. It’s quite common to run into ‘look-alikes.’ I once had a business associate who was a dead ringer for Walter Cronkite. People were always coming up to him on the street and asking for his autograph.”

Lilly smiled. “Well, I don’t have any relatives in Louisiana.”

Kirk nodded. “It’s such a coincidence that you also play piano. My wife was exceptionally talented. She had perfect pitch, and was remarkably adept at sight reading as well. She knew many of the classical compositions as well as jazz. She could play Chopin or Debussy, and turn right around and play a Scott Joplin rag. Being a musician, you no doubt are familiar with Bix Beiderbecke, the legendary jazz cornettist. Not everyone knows he also played piano and composed. Not many jazz pianists can play his compositions,
In a Mist
and
Candlelight,
but Lilly knew them well.”

Lilly thought she should be flattered, but instead felt the old anger returning. “Apparently,” she said dryly, “her musical ability was the thing most important to you.”

The irony in her voice seemed to escape him. He stared into his glass with a brooding expression, then downed the drink. “It’s odd that you should say that,” he sighed heavily. “She accused me of that very thing. I don’t think she ever quite understood. For someone as untalented as myself, she was someone extremely special, far closer to the Gods than I could aspire to being. I was almost in reverence of her talent. But to be completely truthful,” he nodded sadly, “I know now it’s true. That’s exactly why I did want her in the first place. She was like a rare jewel that I had to own. Beautiful women are not difficult to find. I could have had my pick. But to find one with her incredible talent as well as her beauty and physical appeal—that comes to a man only once in a lifetime. It wasn’t until later—too late, I’m sorry to say—that I realized how much I loved her.”

Lilly’s fingers holding the cup of coffee suddenly trembled. She quickly put the cup down and hid her hands in her lap. She stared at him. “You—loved her?” she asked in a dazed voice.

“Certainly,” he said, frowning angrily. “You don’t think I’d still be grieving if I hadn’t loved her, do you? I lost her months ago, but I miss her more every day that passes.”

Lilly was unable to speak. Her emotions had suddenly been up-ended. She stared at Kirk Remington, making a supreme effort to marshal her dazed thoughts.

“What do you mean, you realized too late?” she stammered.

“To be honest, I’m not sure I was in love with her when we first married. I was getting over an unhappy love affair. As for Lilly—well, there was another man in her life. My own brother, to be exact. She had known him long before she met me. I doubted that she ever loved me the way she did him. I was quite angry and jealous over their relationship. In any case, the longer we were together, the more precious Lilly became to me. But when I finally realized how much I did love her, I lost her before I could tell her.” He laughed ruefully. “And here I am, telling you, a stranger, the things I couldn’t tell the woman I loved. But that’s human nature, isn’t it? Sometimes we can say things to strangers that we can’t bring ourselves to say to those closest to ourselves—”