Tessa’s Dilemma (4 page)

Tessa felt arms wrap tenderly around her, pulling her gently alongside Him, cradling her head tenderly to His chest as she shifted to lie on her right side, her body pressed fully to His. She smiled weakly as she felt His naked flesh so intimately coupled with hers, such a special moment, His suit of armor cast aside, two lovers entwined so closely; almost impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins, apart from the contrast of His tanned skin and her wraithlike paleness. A steady
thump, thump, thump
penetrated her awareness as she realized she could feel the resonant beat of His heart thrumming through her entire being. Concentrating further as she rose from the depths of her subspace; she focused on the
whoosh
of His breath, deep and strong as He slowly inhaled and exhaled announcing that He had fallen asleep. Tilting her head upward she gazed on His peaceful features; it struck her how noble He looked even in sleep. The intelligence and power etched into His visage, the graying at His temples adding distinction, but also reminding her bitterly that He was twenty years her senior. Age was nothing to her; it shouldn’t matter to anyone else either, but it also meant they would never have children due to His vasectomy, and why would He want to spend the rest of His life with an unremarkable woman like her when He was already happily married? She shook her head slightly to clear the brooding thoughts away – this moment was perfect; why did she have to think such things right now?

Gradually she felt His grip around her tighten; could He sense she was distraught? “Relax my girl,” He uttered quietly, soothing her gently like a frightened animal, and she supposed she was. In fact she was terrified. Terrified of losing Him, of their liaisons ending. Petrified He was going to find out she was actually not very interesting at all, that she had run her purpose and He would now find another to sate His desires. Snuggling closer against Him, Tessa breathed in deeply, trying to calm the dizzying stutter of her heart; she was anxious; she never wanted this to end. He gently stroked her hair, twisting strands around His fingers, tugging gently, peppering butterfly kisses across her forehead, burying His face in her curls; try as she might to keep sight of the disquieting thoughts shouting in her head, she found herself succumbing to Him once more. The throbbing ache in her pussy increased in intensity as it screamed for attention and she tipped her head to face Him once more. His eyes sparkled fiercely, promising dark delights as He pulled sharply on her hair, exposing her throat. He grazed His teeth over her painfully extended neck. She let out a feral moan of pure pleasure as tingles shot through her whole body, squeezing her thighs tightly together to alleviate the pressure growing urgently at their summit. Positioning her so that they were nose to nose, He stared deep into her soul, His pupils flicking quickly between hers, His hot breath bathing her sensitive skin until He drew her to Him for a deep passionate kiss. Sensuously pressing their lips together, His tongue feathered slowly along the inside of her lips, upper and lower, unpredictably dancing, making her helpless but to keep her mouth open to His explorations. She tried to entice His kiss in her own way, but His tongue always captured hers, forcefully taking her efforts, and turning her knees to jelly in one sweep of His lips.

And this was the crux of her dilemma. What had she become? A toy? A plaything? True, she had embarked upon this journey to explore, to titillate, to find out what it was that was yearning deep within her all these years. What she was feeling now was strong love, strong emotions, strong connections; so strong that it scared her. He was her first thought in the morning, and the last at night, throughout her days, all she thought was,
would this make Master proud?
What would she do if she lost Him? But she didn’t have Him. He was someone else’s. She had given herself to Him, yet He could walk away at any time. Could she continue like this indefinitely? Letting her left hand slide down from around His abdomen, she absently sought His shaft, relieved that He was hard for her, despite her dropping mood, He had certainly not cooled in passion for her. Nuzzling His chest tenderly, she worshipped His naked body with kisses, moving down to take Him into her mouth, slipping Him past her soft pout, gently teasing Him, every so often flicking her tongue over His swollen glans, tasting His salty sweet essence with ardent pleasure.

Master let out a low growl “Are you going to stop playing and suck that properly? The problem with being good at sucking cock is I get much bigger, much more quickly,” And with that, He pushed her head down on Him, forcing her to take His entire length into her throat.

Charles groaned again; Lord, did she know how to use that mouth of hers. No man could deny that oral pleasure was one of the most enjoyable sexual activities to experience, and she was a devilish expert. He quietly congratulated himself again on his choice of submissive.

He had sensed a shift in her mood as they had lain there recovering from their play. Tessa was a complex creature, and none knew her like he did. Deep down she was painfully unsure of herself, she had no idea of the magnetic sensuality she carried so effortlessly within her, or how irresistible her naivety and innocence were to him. He suspected that she had experienced a drop in her self-assurance as they lay there. He had no idea why, but he perceived a dullness in her eyes. The muted spark that had been a roaring fire just a few moments earlier now doused. Charles often worried about her when they parted after a session, as her emotions would crash heavily, her so called “sub-drop” afflicting her ruthlessly, weighing on her painfully, sometimes up to four days later. God, he had to stop her attentions on him now; he would be finished too quickly, and he must bring her out of this slump immediately.

Roughly grabbing a handful of hair, he yanked her from him, pulling her onto all fours, facing the mirror atop the hotel dresser. Dragging her head sharply back, he stared at her flushed face in the reflection, it was time to get her thoughts straight, focus on what was important, and dispel those silly worries. “Look at yourself girl, what do you see now? A wanton whore? A slut? An animal? A piece of meat?”

Charles couldn’t wait any longer and drove himself deep into her waiting body; slick, tight. He suppressed the urge to moan as he felt her constrict around him, beckoning him deeper inside. He could feel her trying to wriggle against him, but he simply pulled her hair tighter to curb her movements. For a girl who always decried pain, she reveled in the torture he bestowed on her, and this was one of those moments where the aching of her scalp was making her wetter by the second.

“You might be all of those names, but remember this girl, you are mine. My whore. My slut. My piece of meat.

He thrust into her hard, as hard as he could, watching her breasts swinging heavily with each pounding stroke. She looked magnificent; his breathing became labored with the effort, but he feasted on the sight of her. The fire had returned to her eyes, and an attractive red bloom covered her chest. A sublime expression of abandonment shone from within her, freedom, pure animal sexual lust radiating from her face; he quickened his pace finally losing himself in her beauty, and with one last, firm thrust, he became overwhelmed with passionate pleasure as he climaxed deep within his lover’s body.

The late April sun shone brightly in Tessa’s eyes as she walked through Hyde Park. Shielding them from the glare, she glanced at her mobile, her gaze traveling over the words, “Twelve thirty, Bella Italia, bring lots of gossip!”

She was meeting a university friend she hadn’t seen in quite some time. Anne arranged to meet up with her every three months or so to keep up with events in their respective lives. Not that they didn’t email, phone and text quite frequently, but there was nothing like gossip over a glass or two of wine and a good meal. This particular meeting was going to be short however, as Anne was going to a family gathering that evening and needed to be home at a reasonable time. Not that this mattered much to Tessa, a few hours to herself shopping in central London sounded like complete bliss. She had booked the day off work, had a leisurely morning getting ready and was feeling re-vitalized by the warm spring air.

Tessa definitely needed this; the encounters with Master had become more and more emotionally extreme and she felt she was losing her identity; who she was to Him, too quickly and too deeply. She constantly longed to be by His side, to hear His voice, to feel His touch. They had been in continual contact, and He had asked that she always keep Him apprised of her thoughts and emotions; whatever she was feeling, He wanted to know. Whenever she was alone, she would message and email Him and He would reply with encouragement, or soothing words. She felt cared for, looked after, special. So why did she feel lost? Why did she feel so lonely? It had been a little over two weeks since she had last seen Him, but she missed the sheer physicality of Him, His vitality, His power. She fed off the power He exuded, and the feeling of His influence over her ignited her deepest passions, gave her a renewed zest for living.

With the thought of Master heavily on her mind, Tessa opened the restaurant door, entered and scanned the faux Italian decor interior looking for her friend. It was Anne’s silver bell peal of laughter that announced she had arrived first, and her attention finally alighted on her flirting outrageously with the wine waiter. Sighing apprehensively she walked over to take her seat at their table, watching with consternation as her blonde friend gestured toward her and handed over a small piece of paper to the young man.
Please let her be giving him her number and not mine,
she prayed. Anne had been known to pass Tessa’s telephone number around to “eligible young men” before; she styled herself as some sort of “love doctor” and although she personally never seemed to be able to hold down anything remotely described as a stable long term relationship, she took it upon herself to set Tessa up at any opportunity. As the tall, dark, broad shouldered and olive skinned waiter looked over to her, he winked outrageously and with an exaggerated flair, pulled a chair out for her to sit next to Anne. Glancing around uneasily, Tessa wished the ground would swallow her whole and felt an embarrassed blush tinge her cheeks. Avoiding the amused stares of the other restaurant patrons, she rushed the remaining few feet to their table and mumbling thanks to the waiter, sat down as quickly as she could. Anne’s grin was so large that the Cheshire cat would have been proud, and Tess considered that for such an innocent looking girl, she would easily run rings around the devil in a battle of causing mischief.

“Please don’t tell me you gave him my number Anne,” Tessa whispered with a hiss that was so low she hoped it would sound menacing to her meddling friend.

“Ah, ‘nice to see you too Anne; so good of you to find the time to meet with your spinster friend,’ in fact Tess, just when are you planning on getting those ten cats to move into your flat with you? I think the creepy bag lady look would suit you to a tee.” Anne flashed a winsome little girl smile at her, using her dimples to their full “innocent” effect. Waving her hand around like she was trying to swat an invisible fly, she continued, “Tess, you need to lighten up a bit; he’s cute, he likes redheads, he likes the... ahem... fuller figured ladies and well – he’s single. And single men as we both know, don’t hang around for long when they look like...
that
.” She put the waving hand to good use by flipping it in the direction of the wine waiter who was heading back to their table with a bottle of rosé wine. No doubt Anne had picked the house rosé; for her, wine was more about getting drunk than savoring the taste. Placing the wine on the table, he presented the bottle to Tessa.

“Would Bella Signorina care to try?” he asked, and paused expectantly with a beguiling smile. Flushing deep red once again, Tessa nodded her head and tried to avoid setting eyes on him. She was definitely feeling very awkward and glared at Anne who appeared completely oblivious to her anger, fluttering her eyelashes and giggling lightly while he poured. Taking a quick sip from the glass, Tessa nodded again and then sat in an uneasy silence as he filled her glass and then Anne’s. Dropping the bottle into a wine cooler, he swiftly left the table, thankfully without any further words. It seemed he wasn’t as insufferable as she had first imagined, and even if Anne wasn’t picking up on the frosty and embarrassed atmosphere, he most certainly had.

“Now Tess, play nicely, I wanted to see if you two had anything in common; I mean, what’s up with you? You’re usually much more vivacious than this; are you ok? Is there something you haven’t told me? Oh god... no, it can’t be... you’re not pregnant are you?”

Tessa blinked with disbelief. Observing the expression of sheer horror on Anne’s face, she replied slowly to ensure every last word sank into that chaotic brain of hers. “Oh come on, I am not pregnant, I’m just... ah you know how much I hate you setting me up with random strangers, I’m never likely to agree to it am I?” She shifted restlessly in her seat. “Look, I’m ok, I just have a lot of things on my plate at the moment, and I suppose you just blindsided me by having the Italian stallion there, lined up and ready for my arrival. Can you just leave it be while we have a nice, civilized catch up? Please?”

Anne sighed with a dramatic huff. “You’re just worrying me at the moment Tess; you’re different. Distant almost, and to be honest, when you walked in just a few moments ago, you looked so drawn and pasty, I thought you’d seen a ghost. You’re not taking drugs or into anything you shouldn’t be are you? You would tell me if you needed help or anything, wouldn’t you? It’s just so strange; you seem jumpy, scared in some way. You’ve always thought too much, but now? You seem to be in a world of your own. Let me in won’t you? I might be able to help.”

Tessa digested her friend’s words carefully. She had to admit that she spent a lot of her time thinking about Master, and she had forsaken a lot of her “regular” nights out with friends in order to continue to experience her deep submission with Him. Scared? Jumpy? She wasn’t sure that this was entirely true; it was just the situation that Anne had forced her into with the whole waiter charade that had made her agitated. But, perhaps she was scared. In fact, she knew she was. Terrified. How would she cope without Master in her life now? And yet she couldn’t have Him permanently, and there was the issue of desiring a companion to share her life with. Maybe these things were weighing on her heavier than she cared to admit. Her memories flitted to the feeling of His careful scrutiny of her, those powerful brown eyes mesmerizing, hypnotizing, taking her breath away with one glance.

“You definitely need a man and you know I have plenty of options for you! I tell you now, if you don’t find someone yourself, then I most certainly will. You need someone to look after you Tessy. I’m genuinely worried about you here, and not just the whole ‘turning into a spinster at the age of thirty-five’ thing.”

They both laughed at her final flippant comment, although Tessa laughed bitterly. Anne quite clearly thought that she would end up setting her up with an eligible man and they would live happily ever after and have babies, and whatever else she thought in that idealistic brain of hers. But Tessa wasn’t so sure. She was in love with Master. He ruled her life whether she cared to admit it or not. The thought of the archetypal “happily ever after” didn’t seem possible in her mind any more, and she was saddened by this idea. She thought she had hidden these yearning feelings from everyone, but perhaps she wasn’t as good an actress as she considered herself.

Throughout the rest of the meal, the conversation lightened considerably. Tessa had changed the topic of conversation, and when the bill was paid, Anne declared that if she wasn’t interested in Giorgio the wine waiter, then she would be “hitting him up” herself very soon. Exchanging farewells and other platitudes, Tessa watched Anne flounce towards the exit, taking a quick detour to whisper something in the ear of the object of her affections. The slightly shocked expression he now sported, gave him the air of a frightened rabbit and as she slid something into his top shirt pocket he visibly blushed. It didn’t take a genius to figure out she had given him good reason to give her a call. Laughing at her friend’s bravado, she walked to the ladies room before her shopping trip. Pausing at the washbasins, she splashed some cold water onto her face. The house wine may not have been good quality, but there was enough alcohol there to make her perception fuzzy around the edges, and couldn’t wait to get outside to enjoy the fresh spring air once more.

Catching sight of her reflection in the mirror, she studied what she saw with a detached calm, almost like it wasn’t her she was seeing. She was pale and drawn. She looked like she was on drugs, or ill or something, but there was definitely something more. Addiction. His words came flooding into her head; she could almost hear them, the same as He had said to her only a few weeks earlier. “You are ready to be addicted aren’t you?” And she was. She was a junkie, a hundred percent addicted to Him, addicted to how He made her feel. Addicted to the complete loss of her control.