Texas Sunrise (31 page)

Almost at once she felt appalled at what she'd done. God, who was going to pay for this? She must be going crazy. At forty-eight, she was homeless
and
crazy. Ferris had said, among other things, that when you think you're crazy, you aren't. It was when you denied having problems that you did indeed have a problem. She wouldn't believe anything Ferris said if his tongue were notarized.

The sound of the phone ringing was louder than an explosion. Susan stared at it with glazed eyes. It was probably a wrong number, but at least it would be a human voice. She picked up the phone, her voice scratchy and gruff. “Hello.”

She had to strain to hear the whispery words on the other end of the line. “Mam? Mam, is that you? Mam, I'm sorry for yelling at Thad. Mam, I need you. God, I'm homeless and I think I'm crazy. Do you think I'm crazy?” She rattled on, her voice shrill at times, dropping to a whisper and then turning shrill again. “I tried to help him, to be there for him. He said I need a goddamn shrink, so that's two people who think I'm crazy. Him and me.” She finally wound down, her voice a whimper.

“Darling, you aren't crazy, but I do think you could do with some professional counseling. You need friends, Susan.”

“I haven't had time to make friends, Mam.”

“You have the time now, darling. There are so many wonderful support groups out there. You need to get involved in things, to start a new life, and you can't do that through someone else. I think, and I may be wrong, but I think you tried to take Amelia's place with Cary. No one, and we both know this, can ever do that. Things are mixed up in your mind with regard to Amelia and myself, and that's why I think you need to go for counseling. I did not abandon you, Susan. I tried to do what was best for you. If I was wrong, I'm sorry. Parents don't always ... We make mistakes too.”

“I've disappointed you, haven't I? I'm sorry, Mam. Tell me what to do, where to go. I can't seem to make a decision.”

On the other end of the phone she could hear Thad saying, “One more minute, Billie, and then I'm cutting off the phone.” And then her mother's weak, gentle voice. “Shush, Thad, my daughter needs to talk to me. I'll rest when I hang up.”

“Mam, it's okay. Thad's right. I'm just being selfish. I'm sorry I bothered you.”

“Darling, you aren't bothering me. I want to help, but you have to be open and want to help yourself. What can I do for you, Susan?”

“Just tell me what to do.”

“If I do that, will you take my advice?”

“God yes. Do you think I like being like this?”

“Good, that's the first step. Do you have paper and pen?”

“Yes, yes, right here by the phone. Mam, I destroyed this apartment. I wrecked it with the meat mallet and carving knife.”

“Then you're going to have to pay to repair everything. If you did it, it's your responsibility. Now, write this down.”

Susan scribbled as her mother's weak, wan voice trailed off. “But that's what you said earlier,” Susan complained.

“Yes, Susan, but now you have it in black and white. You can see it. Think of it as a road map to your ... recovery. Will you promise me to act on it?”

“I'll do my best.” As an afterthought she said, “How are you, Mam?”

“I'm not going to run the mile when we've hung up, but Thad is taking wonderful care of me. I'm comfortable.”

“All right. Good-bye, Mam. Oh, Mam, will you tell me you love me?”

“My dearest Susan, of course I love you. I loved you the minute I saw you. I will love you into eternity.”

Billie was crying. Susan realized she had made her mother cry. She wanted to say I love you too, but the words wouldn't slide past her tongue. She replaced the phone in the cradle. “Yeah, sure you love me. I had to ask you to say the words.” She cried bitter, scalding tears.

Forty-eight. Homeless. Crazy. Unloved.

The lazy July sun cast its last shimmering light across
the Pacific waters. The lanai was cloaked in its mystical glow. The air was redolent with the scent of plumeria. Scattered about were wet beach towels, chattering children, sand pails, shovels, vibrant, vinyl beach toys, and a set of parents ready to pull out their hair.

“You're sure you want to do this?” Sawyer demanded of her mother.

“Of course I'm sure. I think I'm capable of handling the twins. All you need is discipline. I can manage. You and Adam can go off to Japan without worrying. I know how to be a grandmother. I've been reading up on the matter. Like Adam says, all-day suckers and cookies mixed with discipline will do it. I'll teach them how to swim, and we'll build sand castles and all that good stuff.”

“What about Billie Limited?” Sawyer asked anxiously.

“Hey, I'm Billie Limited, and I can take time off. Things are running smoothly since I decided on going American. I saw the labels two days ago. They gave me goose bumps. Made in the U.S.A. Next year's colors are in the running. Later, when the children are in bed, I'll show you the scarf. God, it's gorgeous. My first article, my first color. I can't wait to send it to Mam. Have you heard anything, Sawyer?”

“I called this morning before we left, but the machine was on. I left a message. At least you got to speak to her a few months back. Lord, I cannot believe it's the middle of July. Where is the time going?” Sawyer moaned.

“Don't think of time in the past, think of it as now, as in whose turn it is to give these children a bath,” Adam grumbled.

“It's yours and you know it,” Sawyer said sourly. “I gave them one this morning at home and this afternoon after they fell asleep on the beach. I washed their hair too. They're half asleep, so they won't fight you and drown. Please, Adam, I'm too tired to move.”

When father and daughters were gone, Sawyer bustled about the lanai, popping cans of iced tea and setting out crackers and cheese. “So, tell me what's going on.”

Maggie laughed with genuine mirth. “Absolutely nothing. You know I went back to Texas for a while. We spoke about that. Ivy called a few weeks ago to bring me up to date on Cary. She said he has a magnificent dog, which he absolutely adores. He's getting out and about on his own. He's got this nice older gentleman who works on a voluntary basis for the foundation. A part-time companion of sorts. He's doing just great. He told Ivy he owes it all to Val.”

“What about Susan?”

“I haven't heard from her. Ivy said she's staying in the family condo, and when Cary can fit her into his schedule, she visits. Ivy said she thinks Suse will go back to England. It wouldn't surprise me. She's never called me, not once.”

“And you, Maggie, how are you?” Sawyer asked softly.

“I'm here. It hasn't been easy. I have bad days and I have good days. Today is a good day. I'm so glad you decided to stop here and leave the girls with me. I hardly know them. It shouldn't be like this. I really would like the chance to be a grandmother. I can't wait to see Cole's daughter. He promised to bring Sumi and the baby here at the end of the month. He sounds so happy, Sawyer,” Maggie said happily.

“That's because he is happy. I keep getting this vision of him and Riley
playing
with all that money. I'm going to tell you a secret, and you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

Maggie nodded, her eyes dancing with interest.

“Cole and Riley think I don't know, but I overheard them talking back in the spring when we were all at Sunbridge. You'd just done
your number
and the family was in a turmoil. Anyway, those guys decided to finance Miranda through Valentine Mitchell. She set it all up. Cary thinks he got the financing from some English firm. It was Cole's way of securing Miranda in case anything goes awry with the plane. They're twits,” Sawyer said fondly, “but as Adam says, they always come through when it counts. I just wanted to bust when I heard it. The only person I could tell was Adam, and he just said, ‘I told you so.' You have reason to be proud of Cole.”

“Val set it up?”

“Yes, she did. She was very good to this family, Maggie. I'm sorry she won't be representing us anymore. You could always count on Val. I don't think anyone has heard from her.”

“In the beginning I was so certain she lied to me. Now I'm not sure. I don't know why that is, Sawyer.”

“I don't know why either, Maggie. Does it really matter now?”

“I thought it did ... does ... maybe, I don't know. I try to block it all out, to keep busy. I got rid of all the furniture. At first I just got rid of the bedroom stuff, and Chesney's too. Then the office stuff and then the rest of everything. I would walk around here thinking I smelled Rand's after-shave,
him.
He never even told me he deeded this house to me. I had a real crying jag on the day Val sent the deed. It reminded me of the day I got the deed to Sunbridge. God, I was drunk as a skunk, but that sobered me up real quick. I never took another drink after that. I don't want to talk about this, Sawyer.”

“That's fine with me. What do you want to talk about?”

“Mam, I guess. Your plane. Whatever.”

“I'd rather not talk about Grandmam. I don't want to cry anymore. I'm so glad Adam agreed to this move. Sumi is looking for a little house for us to rent. I think it will be good for the girls. All those little cousins over there will be wonderful for them. I bet they learn Japanese with ease. The cousins will learn English. Sumi promised to get me a girl to watch the twins, and a housekeeper. Adam is going to be really busy. He's had an offer to do a book of his favorite cartoons for Random House. But don't think we're going to neglect the girls,” Sawyer said hastily. “We'll have more quality time with them. They are a handful, Maggie.”

“I don't doubt that for a minute. If things get wild, I'll call on Addie and have her get me some schoolgirls to help out. Take as long as you need. You said production is under way?”

“Yes, I made two fast trips over there. Things are under control. A year and it will fly. The switch over from Coleman Aviation to ColeShad Aeronautics throws me every so often. Cole thinks we should go public with CSA. I can't make up my mind. What do you think?”

Maggie shrugged. “I don't know much about it, but I don't think Cole would steer you wrong. Val can probably . . . well, someone can . . . talk to a lawyer.” Maggie averted her eyes.

“Were . . .
are
you jealous of Val?”

“That's as good a word as any. In many ways I admired her. She did everything on her own. It really doesn't matter how she did it, she did it. Ivy talks to me about her a lot. Ivy considers her a friend-friend, if you know what I mean. She said every club, organization and legal firm in Miranda and Austin threw going-away parties for her. She said her picture was in the paper every day with glowing testimonials from judges, lawyers. and clients. She did it all on her own. I'm envious of that. Look at you, Sawyer, you did it. What have I done? Nothing. All I did was take. I was no mental match for Rand.

“I've had a lot of time to look back on things. The last year or so, Rand spent so much time away. He
said
he was going to Maui. He
said
he was going to Hilo. He
said
he was going to England. He
said
he was going to Hong Kong to see Chesney. He said a lot of things. I think I did to Rand what Ivy said Susan did to Cary I made myself an extension of him. What was my contribution? I walked on the beach. I swam. I prepared food. I went to exercise class two or three times a week. I shopped. I read. My God, what kind of life is that? The worst part is, I didn't see . . . didn't think I should do anything differently. Rand must have been bored out of his mind. When Chesney returned from one of her trips, he came
alive.”

“Don't do this to yourself . . . Mother,” Sawyer said, taking Maggie in her arms. “Let it go. That's what you used to tell me. Take each new day as it comes.”

“Easy for you to say,” Adam said, flopping down on a beach chair. “The terrors are clean and asleep. They rise and shine around the time the sun comes up. Sometimes before the sun comes up.”

“That's interesting to know. I'm an early riser myself,” Maggie said.

“They're very demanding,” Adam said.

“They are little shits,” Sawyer said. “What one doesn't think of, the other one does. Then they both act on it. If you had told me twins run in your family, I never would have married you.”

They argued back and forth good-naturedly, then heatedly, almost coming to blows. Maggie watched and listened. They were so passionate about everything. She couldn't ever remember having had such a discussion, such a fight, with Rand.

“I could punch your lights out with one hand behind my back,” Sawyer blustered. “You were the one who forgot to buy the Fig Newtons. Don't lie, Adam!”

“While you're
trying
to do that, I'd be snatching you baldheaded,” Adam stormed. “Jesus, I'm tired. Let's go to bed, honey.”

The tempest was over, if that's what it was. Maybe this was the way young people
communicated.

Sawyer leaned over to kiss her husband's cheek. “I'm kissing you now because when we get to bed I won't have the energy. You don't mind if we turn in, do you, Maggie?”

“Good heavens no. You both look exhausted. What time is your plane tomorrow?”

“Ten-thirty. We'll have to leave here at nine. 'Night, Maggie,” Sawyer mumbled. Adam waved wearily.

“Sleep tight,” Maggie said.

Maggie walked down to the ocean, the damp sand tickling her feet. She sat down, cross-legged, and stared out across the moonlit water. How beautiful. How peaceful. The waves' soft lapping was music to her ears. She hummed a few bars of a popular ditty until tears gathered in her eyes.

She was alone.

She thought about her family. Their lives seemed to be in order. No one needed her. Baby-sitting the twins for a week or so didn't really qualify as having someone. If Cary was on track, that left only her and Susan at odds with life. Maybe she should call Susan when she went back to the house. And say what? Ask her to come here? Not a good idea, Maggie. Make the offer anyway. You know she'll refuse.

Mam. Don't think about Mam. If you think about Mam, you'll set yourself back months. Maggie hugged her knees, her toes digging into the sand.

Sand castles.

Maggie leaped to her feet and ran back to the house and into the kitchen, where she rummaged in the cabinet for a bowl, a plastic glass, and a bucket from under the sink.

Grandmothers built sand castles.

Maggie worked diligently, lugging buckets of water to a spot high on the beach so it would stay intact until morning when the twins awoke. She molded and sculpted with the Tupperware bowl and Burger King plastic glass. When she finished at four o'clock, she rocked back on her heels to stare at the wonder she'd created. It had turrets, windows, a moat, and a drawbridge. The girls would love it. It was almost perfect. But every castle needed a flag. She raced to the garage, where she searched for a swatch of suitable material. She decided on one from the Pacific Jewels collection. She grimaced. What good was a flag without a flagpole? She bounded out of the garage and into the house. In the bathroom she found the perfect flagpole—a cuticle orange stick. She was back in the garage a moment later, dabbing Krazy Glue on the stick. When she had pressed the small flag around the cylinder, she reached for the pinking shears and snipped at the edges.

Perfecto.

Maggie ran back to the beach and positioned her flag to the right of her drawbridge—the shiny cardboard tray chicken cutlets came wrapped in. She felt pleased with herself, almost as pleased as the day her color swatches were made final.

In the shower, she remembered her intention to call Susan. She felt like singing and wasn't sure why.

Back on the lanai, dressed in a one-piece playsuit the color of the Hawaiian sky, Maggie reached for the portable phone. “Suse, it's Maggie.”

“You're up early, aren't you?” Susan's voice accused. She sounds depressed, Maggie thought.

“Actually,” Maggie said, and laughed. “I didn't go to bed last night. I stayed up and built this gorgeous sand castle for the girls. They're here, you know. I am going to baby-sit. Can you believe that? I don't know for how long. Adam and Sawyer are going to find a house in Japan. They're moving there temporarily, but then you know that, right?”

“No, I didn't know that,” Susan snapped. “No one tells me anything.”

“Sawyer said she spoke to you,” Maggie said gently. “Is something wrong?” Of course there was something wrong. There was always something wrong in her sister's life. This conversation was already a downer. Think positive, she cautioned herself.

“She did call weeks ago, and she did say she was
thinking
about it. I'm out of sorts. What have you been doing since . . . are you all right?” Susan asked in an uninterested tone.

“I finished the dyes a few weeks ago. Look for Pacific Jewels and Egyptian Lights next spring. If you like, I can send you a scarf. I've been working on them. I want Mam to see them. Have you heard anything, Susan?”

“Hardly. Have you?”

“Not recently. How's Cary?”

“Cary's just fine. He's so fine, he's never home. He's so fine, he doesn't return calls. He's so damn fine, he told me to
do
something. I hate men, Maggie. I gave up my life for months for him, and I did everything humanly possible to make his life pleasant. I was there for him every hour of the day and night. Now he has this dog, and he has people over to his apartment all the time who are teaching him how to . . . how to cope. I
wanted
to do all that for him. He was so grateful until that bitch showed up and turned him against me. She did to me what she did to you, Maggie. She snatched Rand from you and . . . She just stirs up all this trouble in our family and then she takes off! She's a slut, a tramp, and a no-good bimbo!”