That'll Be the Day (2007) (40 page)

Autumn was coming and the scarlet berries of the rowan were as bright as drops of blood against the white chrysanthemum blooms as Lynda made up a bouquet and carefully wrapped it. The starkness of the arrangement seemed to suit her mood perfectly, as if they were drops of her own blood fallen upon the white tissue paper. She tried to smile as she handed the flowers over to the customer but her face felt stiff and awkward.

Smiling had become alien to her. But then there seemed to be so much else to worry about. Her mother’s health for one thing. Betty did her exercises, when she remembered, and was making surprisingly good progress. The doctors were pleased with her. She could pull herself out of her wheelchair and even walk a few steps with the aid of her crutches or a walking stick. She was getting out and about a bit more and often spent time round at Big Molly’s, a right old pair of gossiping biddies they were.

But she wasn’t supposed to overdo it, and Lynda had insisted she take the morning off since she’d been working hard lately.

 
As for Ewan, judging by what she’d recently discovered Lynda was convinced that he was planning something illegal, and that her brother was involved in some way. The worst of it was that Jake didn’t seem to have any better idea how to deal with their father than she did. Like her, he was scared witless.

Lynda felt like one of those old turtles carrying the troubles of all the world on its back. A hundred and fifty years old, not just turned twenty-seven. Lynda sighed, thinking back with nostalgia to the time when she’d felt young and attractive, when men had queued up to take her out and her only concern had been to decide what shade of lipstick to wear. Was that really only twelve months ago?

If only she had something good to look forward to, had someone who cared about her and had the strength to protect her? But Ewan, her own father for goodness’ sake, had made certain that she had no friends, that she possessed nothing of any value, not even her own self-esteem.

His greatest pleasure in life was to ridicule and poke fun at her, to criticise and carp and complain. Whatever meal she cooked for him he’d complain that the meat wasn’t cooked properly or he didn’t care for fish, or cheese or whatever; always something wrong even when he’d eaten every scrap. And no matter how much care she took over ironing his shirts or tidying and cleaning the house, he would always find some reason to make her do it over again.

Lynda had said nothing to him about the boxes of transistor radios and cigarettes she’d found in his room, afraid of what he might do if he ever became aware that she’d been snooping. Nor had she told anyone else, other than Jake. If Constable Nuttall had ever been of any help to either her or her mam in the past, Lynda might well have gone to him, but no doubt he’d just give Ewan a stern little lecture and do nothing more about it.

Every now and then Lynda would remind her stupid brother to stay well clear of whatever game their father was currently playing. She’d glare or wink at him across the room, warning him to scarper if she thought Ewan was about to start in on him. Consequently, Jake had been noticeable by his absence from the house lately. Lynda hoped her brother was keeping himself out of trouble, trying to keep his nose clean, as she had instructed.

And then there was her best friend Judy. Where had she gone? How was she coping without her precious children? Would she ever find happiness with the man of her choice? Oh, what a mess marriage could make of your life.

Later that morning Terry came strolling by in that casual way he had and it was as if time itself stood still, certainly Lynda’s heart did. Usually he stayed well away but now here he was, standing right before her, his expression solemn, hands thrust deep in the pockets of his customary black jeans, dark curls ruffled by a brisk breeze, asking her how she was keeping these days.
 

In that moment Lynda knew that even after all these months of silence between them, she still wanted him. Oh, why did life have to be so complicated? Whatever she said by way of reply, and it was all such a blur that afterwards Lynda really couldn’t remember, Terry nodded and smiled that dazzling smile of his and Lynda’s insides just melted.

‘I haven’t seen you around the market much lately, or out at the dances,’ he said.

‘That’s because I haven’t been out much lately.’

There followed one of those long aching silences which usually filled her with embarrassment, but now Lynda used it as an opportunity to glance up at him from beneath her lashes. He looked just the same, every bit as handsome and her fingers itched to run through those wiry dark curls. She longed to nibble that full lower lip, to feel her tongue dance with his.

Lynda shut down the thought. This would do her no good at all.

Then quite out of the blue, as if he’d been examining her in much the same way, Terry asked point blank if her refusal to see him had anything to do with her mother’s accident.

Shocked by the unexpectedness of the question, Lynda couldn’t think of a thing to say but he asked her again, louder this time. ‘Tell me, I want to know, and I’ll keep on asking till I get an answer. If I thought you were happy about this decision not to see each other any more I’d leave you alone, but you’re not happy, any fool can see that. I want to know the truth about why you dumped me. I deserve that, at least.’

‘Oh, Terry, please don’t do this. Just take it from me that it was better we did finish. I couldn’t ever see you again – don’t
want
to see you again.’

‘I didn’t believe that the first time you said it, and I don’t believe it now.’ He glanced back over his shoulder then came a step or two closer. ‘You know what
I
think. I reckon you
do
want to see me again, very much. I can see it in those lovely hazel eyes of yours. I think that’s why you won’t ever look at me properly, and why you run away whenever you spot me around the market.’

‘I do not!’ She did look at him then, her expression resolutely cool in an effort to appear totally unaffected by his pain. But the words that blurted out of her mouth, quite of their own accord, told a different story. ‘Don’t make things any harder for me, Terry, please. I daren’t go against my father’s wishes and there’s an end of the matter.’

Terry’s face seemed to light up, as if she’d said something to cheer him. ‘I knew it. I knew finishing with me wasn’t your decision.’ Then he pulled up an orange box beside her, and perching himself upon it insisted she tell him everything.
 

Oh lord, she’d done it now. His long legs were spread wide apart, encircling her, his knees almost touching hers and Lynda found her gaze transfixed by the sight of those tightly clad thighs. Quite against her better judgement she sat down beside him and began to talk. It felt such a relief to let it all pour out, to share the burden of her troubles. Lynda told Terry everything, couldn’t seem to help herself.

‘I guess I shouldn’t be surprised Ewan hasn’t turned out to be the father I’d hoped for. Even before he attacked Mam, and that was after he’d thumped our Jake, he made it very clear to me that I mustn’t ever see you again. It
was
Ewan who beat you up, wasn’t it? Go on, admit it.’

‘I didn’t want you to know that. I was trying to protect you.’

Lynda sniffed back the tears, slapping them from her eyes. ‘Well, there’s no point in trying to do that any more, is there?’

‘If I’d knocked him out cold you might never have spoken to me again. How could I fight back and stand up for myself when it was your dad who was doing the punching?’
 

‘Oh, I know exactly how that feels. I can’t stand up to him either. If I did, he’d take it out on Mam.’

‘If that’s the kind of power he has over you, then he’s won. He’s totally in control.’

Lynda looked steadily into those delicious chocolate brown eyes with the long curling lashes. ‘Yes, I think he has won, and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it because we’re all too afraid of him.’ Misery clogged Lynda’s throat, threatening to choke her.

Terry said, ‘The truth is that at the time I didn’t reckon on him insisting you finish with me. I thought he just wanted to make sure I didn’t get you into trouble, you know, up the duff.’ He gave a sheepish grin and Lynda groaned.

‘He doesn’t know how innocent we were, what a good girl I’d been since I was trying so hard to impress you. ‘

‘You’ve been out with other guys since though.’

Lynda gave a shrug. ‘Once or twice, nothing serious, nothing . . . like us,’ and then as if she must blurt the words out before they choked her. ‘He would’ve hurt you badly if he’d ever caught us together again. I couldn’t take that risk. I’ve seen what he can do . . . see it every day, every night.’ She shuddered.

Terry’s faced closed tight with anger. ‘Are you saying he’s hurt you, because if he has . . .’

Panic hit her. ‘No, I’m not saying anything of the sort. I can look after myself.’ The last thing she wanted was for Terry to come charging round like a bull in a china shop. ‘But I still can’t see you. He wouldn’t allow it.’

They digested this unpleasant fact for some long minutes before Lynda risked a sideways glance at Terry, eyes filled with tears.

‘You’d better go before he comes out of the Dog and Duck and sees us talking. You do understand why I had to finish with you, don’t you?’ Lynda fully expected him to agree that of course he did, that it was just as well in the circumstances because really he didn’t care one way or the other. Instead, he put his arms about her and hugged her tight.

‘I do, aye. But I’m pretty cheesed off about it, I can tell you. I’ve had enough of that man telling us what to do with our lives. I’m not giving you up, Lynda. I’d cut off me right arm sooner.’

‘Oh, Terry, love. Don’t say such crazy things. Ewan Hemley is much nastier than I’d ever bargained for.’ There, she’d said it at last, openly confessed that the father of her dreams was nothing more than a myth. But Terry wasn’t really listening. He was chuckling softly into her neck while he kissed it.
 

‘I’ll tell you summat for nowt, love. If that so-called father of yours ever tries to do me over again, I won’t be so reticent about socking him one next time.’

It felt so good to have Terry kiss her again Lynda instinctively turned her face up to his for more of the same. ‘But it’s still over, right? You do understand that nothing’s changed, and I for one don’t want him making mincemeat of you, as he’s promised to do. I can be brave for myself, but not for you, or for Mam. He put her in a wheelchair for heavens sake, just over our Jake being late for his tea. God knows what he’d do if we made him really angry. We’re finished, Terry. Now go away and find yourself a new girl.’

‘Never! No chance.’ His long lingering kiss by way of reply stirred up all that damped down emotion inside and left her shivering with desire. Oh, she still fancied him all right, still loved him like crazy.

Terry stood up, her hand still in his as he stroked each finger, each shell-like nail. He was shaking his head, a smile wreathing his face. ‘I can wait, either till Ewan Hemley has upped and gone, or until your Mam is better. We can only hope that eventually he’ll get bored and leave. In the meantime you and me will do as we please. We’re not going to be dictated to by a nasty old sod like him.’

Seeing the fear spring into her eyes, Terry cupped her face between his two hands. ‘Don’t worry, love, we’ll keep our meetings secret, at least for a while, long enough for me to get a license and us to nip down to the registry office and get wed. How would that do? Once you’re my wife, there’s not a damned thing he could do to stop us being together.’

‘Oh, Terry!’ Lynda felt as if all the roses on her mam’s stall had just burst into bloom.

‘Until that happy day, if he gives you any more trouble, Lynda love, don’t hesitate to give me a shout. If he ever lays so much as a finger on you, I’ll sort him out good and proper.’

What would Terry say if he knew that her father already had laid more than a finger on her, had burned her hand, beaten her backside black and blue and even fondled her breasts. Thankfully, he’d never come to her room since but Lynda lived in constant fear that he might. There was no peace anywhere, certainly not in her bedroom despite the chair she stuck under the door handle every night, or the chest of drawers she drew across it.

She did as much that night before climbing into bed, hugging the memory of Terry’s proposal to her heart. She’d found him, her Mr Right, her lovely Terry. He was definitely the man for her. She loved him to bits, and nothing Ewan Hemley said or did would prevent her from marrying him.

No sooner had the thought come into her head than she heard the sneck on her bedroom door lift. He was coming! Oh God, had he seen them together in the street? Had he come to take his revenge?

A tap on the door, the sound of his voice, all maudlin and wheedling. ‘Lynda love, open the door, I just want a word. I’m feeling all lonely tonight. Come and have a little chat with your old pa.’

Lynda bit down hard on her lower lip just in case her mouth might open and obey him of its own accord. The sneck rattled some more and the door shook but the chest of drawers was firmly wedged and it remained shut. Finally he gave up and went away.

With a sigh of relief, Lynda buried her head under the covers and tried to get some sleep. She’d be out of here soon, married to Terry and happy at last. He’d even promised to care of her mam as well. They were going to look at some of the new flats and find one for them all to live in, so the whole family would be safe, free of Ewan Hemley at last.