The 10 Year Plan (6 page)

It was a big day. Brody claimed that he had found the “perfect” guy for Myles and had convinced him to date again. He opened his address book and identified his top ten favorite guys of all time. Brody called them and told them that he wanted to set them up with his best bud. Myles had reluctantly agreed to the arrangement but found he was actually a little excited. He was about to meet number one of Brody's exes.
All right,
he thought, as he sat in front of his laptop at the dining room table.
If I'm going to do it,
he told himself
, I'm going to do it right.
And that meant knowing as much as he could about the potential date. He had to make the best of impressions. Yes, he'd researched other men he'd dated, but maybe the problem was he hadn't gone far enough. So he decided he'd learn everything he could about the first man Brody wanted to set him up with. After all, luck was preparation meeting opportunity.

Myles suggested they meet at a fancy restaurant, but Brody advised against it. “Don't overdo it. Keep it casual and easy.” He told him to “turn his craziness down from boil to simmer when meeting this guy.”

“If you don't like me taking him to dinner at a nice place, what about me cooking for him?” Myles asked.

“He and I met at his house, ordered a pizza and screwed.”

“You know that isn't me,” Myles answered.

Brody laughed. “Of course, it isn't. Just let me know what you decide.”

The first thing Myles discovered was that Stu was a graduate of UCLA, with a major in languages. He had a master's degree in Spanish literature and was now working on his Ph.D. For a couple of years before starting on his doctorate, he'd worked as a Spanish teacher at a private school. This enabled him to save money and rent his own apartment near campus. Well, that was a start. But what did Myles know about Spanish literature? Garcia Lorca and Cervantes—a little bit. That was about it. But okay, he had a week or so to do some brushing up.

The problem of where to meet was solved too. Myles simply looked Stu up on Facebook and found that one of Stu's favorite places to hang out was a particular coffee shop, where he often went to study. Myles did some recon and checked out the place so there would be no surprises. It was a small, mom and pop affair—a much more appropriate date atmosphere than a bustling Starbucks.

It was a homey place where both young and old seemed to gather. The kind of place that reminded Myles of a coffee shop you might have found in a Midwestern town fifty years ago. Or at least that was the idea he had of coffee shops back then and there.

On his solo trip he found the place to be clean and pleasant - it had a nice quiet garden with a fountain in back where you could sit and hear the water trickle. It generally wasn't his kind of place, but he had to admit he had a good feeling meeting there.

In true Myles fashion, he arrived early for the date. The place was nearly full, and he was lucky to find a small table near the front window. He glanced at his phone and saw it was almost time for Stu to arrive. He ordered for himself—and as a result of his research—for Stu, as well. Before long a well-dressed man of about thirty walked into the place, looked around, and approached Myles' table. “Myles?” he asked.

“I am, indeed.” He smiled warmly as he indicated the chair opposite him. “It's really nice to meet you. Brody told me a lot about you.”

“That's good…I guess.” He smiled disarmingly. “I'm Stu, by the way.”

“I figured as much,” Myles said.

“Sorry.” Stu looked embarrassed, and Myles immediately regretted his lame attempt at humor. Being friends with Brody had shifted his filter in ways he'd never expected.

“Don't be; it's okay.”

Stu pulled out the chair and sat down. “It's funny you picked this place. It's actually one of my favorite coffee shops... and you ordered me an éclair. I love those.”

“Here's a decaf soy latte too.” He indicated the cup sitting on the table. “I like to do my research before I meet someone.”

Stu had a strange look on his face, a look of disbelief and possibly… concern. “You what?”

“Just a little research, that's all. The more I know about you, the more I can relate to who you are. Just a standard, Google, Facebook, LinkedIn in search was all. I also found some very telling photos of you online. You really need to be careful when posting photos like that. Who knows when an employer may find them. It could get embarrassing.” Like this conversation, Myles thought, as he tried to reign himself in.

“I see.” He stared at Myles for a moment and then excused himself. “Have to go home and study,” he said as he hurried away from the table without even a backward glance.

Had to study! The nerve!
Myles thought. He didn't even touch the éclair.

Myles had to admit it, he'd done it again—tried to make everything perfect. But why did everyone object to that? If someone treated him this way, he'd be flattered. Why wasn't Stu? Why weren't any of the others he'd dated? He signed and leaned back in the wire-backed chair.

And so it continued. Before long he felt as if he were on an extra-fast merry-go-round and couldn't jump off, loaded by Brody with a seemingly endless amount of replacement passengers. Only the faces in front of him changed, as did complexions, body types, and hair color. The only things the men had in common were they were in their early thirties and were attractive in their own ways. It became so bad Myles had trouble remembering which date was which, who he had seen, and who Brody had next to introduce him to.

“When you say you like to do your research before you meet someone, what exactly do you mean by that?” Ramón asked. He was a Latino from Belize, with the darkest eyes Myles had ever seen.

“I like to know who I'm meeting. I just like to look at Facebook posts and photos and see if we have any friends in common before I meet them. You know, see if we're compatible. Find out what you're into and who you know.”

“So you do this kind of investigation with every guy you go out with?” Cedric asked. He was newly arrived from Britain and was looking for a job in the film industry. Myles gave Brody extra credit for the adorable accent.

“It helps me come up with some things to talk about. There's nothing worse than meeting a guy for the first time and having nothing to say. My research also helps me do things like this...” Myles pulled out a big yellow daisy he'd been holding under the table. “It's your favorite flower. I also know you love to go camping, and you have a French bulldog named Doug.”

Jesse's face held a hint of shock. “Would you excuse me?” he said. “I need to use the men's room.”

“Want me to order for you? Grande latte with four pumps of vanilla, Right?”

Matt pulled out his phone and glanced at it pretending to look at a text than never actually arrived, and then glanced up at Myles. He was a little younger than the others, from the Pacific Islands. “Oh wow, my sister just swallowed a rusty nail. I'm sorry, I've got to take her to the hospital,” he said with a desperate look around the café, obviously looking for the closest exit.

This one didn't even bother with a plausible excuse.
Sister swallowed a rusty nail! Yeah, right,
Myles thought.
Just like you got a real text message
. Well, another potential relationship down the drain. He tried to smile. “Call me,” he called sarcastically at his retreating form, knowing he'd never hear from this one again either. He thought the only thing to do was laugh at himself, although he didn't feel funny or like laughing at all.

Myles sighed as he sat alone in the coffee shop. Is this really where he was at this point in his romantic life? Was this all real, or was it some sort of nightmare—this carousel of men? Would he wake up in his own bed and find it really was a dream? Well, one thing was sure… he would wake up alone! He was officially finished. This string of dates was the last straw. He knew Brody would blame all these bad dates with great guys on him. He knew that in order for him to be able to defend the last week's worth of coffee-dates and all the effort Brody put into setting him up with all these guys, he'd have to have this conversation in person. Now was the time to break the news to Brody. He was officially done dating, forever.

***

Myles pulled up in front of Brody's house. He rang the bell and waited. No answer. But he heard the thumping of attacking zombies and the exploding of grenades. How did he know that sound? It was one of Brody's favorite video games. Here it was, a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Los Angeles, and Brody was shut inside his dark apartment. Myles banged the door again. Still no answer. Out of curiosity, he turned the door handle. It was open. Myles laughed to himself. Well, that was one of the many ways in which they were different. Brody was fearless; Myles wasn't. He couldn't help but laugh at himself for double locking the doors of his home when he's inside, even though he lives in one of the best neighborhoods of West Hollywood He entered the studio apartment to find a shirtless Brody, face only inches away from the screen. He was playing
Zombie Apocalypse 3
on his video game console.

Myles approached carefully. He felt it was never a good idea to sneak up on a cop. Suddenly, Brody jerked to attention.

“Jesus, Myles! You scared the shit out of me!”

“I tried to let you know I was here; I kept knocking.”

“Join me bud, I've got an extra controller here!”

The only videogame Myles had ever played was blackjack on his iPad. He wouldn't begin to know what to do with an Xbox. Besides, he certainly wasn't there to play games. He wanted to let Brody know he was tired of being set up by guys who had no interest in him whatsoever. The type of guys who ran away the first chance they got. These dates did more harm to his ego than good, and he was genuinely defeated, convinced that he'd never find anyone to love.

Brody had a sixth sense about Myles. He knew when he was hurting. He also realized Myles had gone out of the way to have this conversation in person. Even though he knew Myles was upset, he couldn't lead with the concern that he genuinely felt. That was because nothing would needlessly amplify the situation more than feeding into Myles self-pity. It was kind of like when a little kid fell down and you had to pretend like it wasn't a big deal to keep them from going into hysterics.

Brody gave Myles his full attention. “Okay,” he kidded, “let's start with mildly melodramatic and work our way back to partially sane.”

Myles sighed. “I'm like kryptonite to my Superman. I'll never find someone to love me.” Brody thought he may be right. It was sad but true. Myles was a handful. He was like the sun radiating love. Most guys couldn't get anywhere near him without getting third degree burns. Yet Brody was impervious to Myles rays, he thought.

“If I know you, Myles, I'm sure you're coming on a bit too strong. You need to relax, get to know the men you meet. Don't be so serious; have some fun.” Brody didn't know if the advice would help or simply make him even more determined to hide in the hermit hole he seemed to want to dig for himself.

Myles perched on the arm of the couch, as usual covered with an accumulation of Brody's belongings. “So it
is
me?”

Brody laid the controller beside him. He'd have to handle this head on. Myles wasn't going to let him dismiss this conversation like he had so many others. “It's not your fault. I've been setting you up with the wrong kind of guy.” Brody figured he'd take the bullet for this one.

Myles cocked his head as if to say,
you'd better explain
.

“Give me one more chance, okay?”

“Nope. I'm heading to the kennel, picking out a little white dog, and living the rest of my days alone.”

Brody knew Myles was only half-kidding, though obviously he'd resolved not to go on anymore dates.

“This dating thing is just silliness,” Myles said. “I can't do it anymore. Honestly I'm done.”

Brody turned to face him. “One more date. Promise.”

“Absolutely not!” Myles burst out. “No way. I can't do this anymore Brody. No more dating. I've worn my heart on my sleeve for the last fifteen years and it only gets broken–time after time. Please don't ask me to do this.”

Brody felt his friend's pain, and he knew dating was hard for Myles. But he couldn't let him give up. Not so much for himself, but for Myles' sake. If you get thrown off a horse, you've got to get back on it. Brody knew that Myles needed a good dating experience to help him heal from this rash of bad ones. He thought for a minute and decided that the best way to insure that Myles went out on a good date was for them to go together. Have a double date. But as usual, Myles was a step ahead of him.

“I have an idea,” Myles said. “I'll concede to another date… but only under one condition. And it's non-negotiable.”

Brody smiled. “What are your terms, counselor?”

“You come with me. I'm not doing this alone. You pick out a date for me, and I'll pick one out for you.” His smile held a hint of irony. “If you're there, then you'll get to witness the disaster first hand. It's like having box seats at a NASCAR race where you know they'll be a multi-car pileup before it's all over. And for once… I won't suffer alone.”

It was scary how similarly they thought sometimes even though they were so different.

“Well…” Brody's tone was filled with sarcasm, “as long as you're going into it with such a positive attitude.”

“That's right. Positive I'll be alone again at the end of the evening.” Both men got exactly what they wanted, a date with a perspective hot guy and to be with each other at the same time. A win/win situation. What could possibly go wrong?

Myles let his date select the restaurant. As chance would have it, it was the very same restaurant that ten years earlier his date ran out on him. The same place where he and Brody made their ten-year plan a decade ago. Myles knew that Brody would never remember that detail, or that they'd even ever been there before but Myles had a head for details and never forgot that date. Despite that, Myles was determined to make a go at having a good time. How bad could it be? He had Brody by his side, and they always had a great time together. And, of course, as always, he'd researched his date.

He found Raul was from Colombia. Myles was ashamed at himself for knowing very little about the country beyond its location in South America. Further research showed it was in the continent's northwest corner bordered by Panama and Venezuela. This wasn't nearly enough. He read up as much as he could, even making extensive notes. Then he researched the man himself.

Now, as he and Brody entered the restaurant, he was sure he'd covered all the bases. It was a high-class place with white tablecloths and waiters wearing black vests and pants and white shirts. Tasteful art, in pastel tones decorated the walls here and there. White candles burned at each table.

Brody spied the table first, near the back, not far from a little stage with a grand piano where a young woman in a sky-blue dress played unobtrusive music.

Their dates had already arrived and were seated, each with a drink… wine for Myles' date and a beer for Brody's. Well, Myles thought, they certainly looked as if they were already enjoying themselves! Upon a second glance he laughed at the fact that Brody and his date were similarly attired in casual shirts and slacks, while Myles' date was meticulously dressed in a blazer and slacks that resembled Myles' own outfit—except Myles was in shades of blue and Raul's in shades of brown. Raul, he realized, was a handsome, dark-haired man with defined features—a very handsome man, in fact.

Myles was impressed by his date's choice in restaurants. He smiled thinking what excellent taste he had by choosing the very same place Myles chose to impress his date a decade earlier.

Myles' date Raul spoke first. “Myles, so good to meet you. I hope you like this place. They have the best stuffed mushrooms.” Brody's date quickly interjected. He was a tall sinewy man with brown hair and a serious-looking expression. “I love stuffed mushrooms!”

Myles suddenly tuned out and was lost in thoughts of the last time he'd been to the restaurant. As often happens when a person is deep in thought, the inner dialogue spills out, unintentionally, and Myles found he was talking to himself aloud. “Yeah, I had them the last time I was here. The mushrooms. They were great. It was when my date decided to ditch me.” Only then did Myles realize what he'd done and felt completely embarrassed.

The others all had obvious looks of disbelief. Brody rolled his eyes as if to say: Same old Myles. He signaled to Myles to cut it out and just enjoy the sexy man he'd been set up with. A sympathetic look on his face, Raul tried to soften the awkwardness. “I'm sorry about that. Hopefully tonight will be better for you.”

He smiled sweetly, but Myles wasn't sure how to diffuse the awkwardness. He raised his glass. “Here's to not being dumped tonight.” Myles wasn't sure what to say; he thought that he'd just own his faux pas. Hopefully, everyone would find it cute and amusing. No one was perfect; Myles certainly knew that he wasn't. He thought if nothing else, this could be a test to see how his date handled an awkward situation. Raul unfortunately wasn't prepared for Myles' test. It was obvious he didn't know what to make of him.

He looked toward Brody and shrugged as if to say, “Okay, I'm doing you a favor but now what?”

Brody glanced at Myles and shook his head. “Well, my friend here can be a bit depressing at times. That's why I had the waiter remove all the knives and other sharp objects from the table.”

Myles laughed. “You're an asshole.” His tone was playful. Brody was trying to save him from this situation, and he very much appreciated it.

Brody's blind date finally spoke up, further adding to the awkwardness of the evening. “You don't recognize me, do you?” The tone was borderline accusatory.

“Should I?” Brody's expression seemed to convey the question: who the hell is this guy anyhow?

“Walter on Grindr? I've tried to chat with you a few times, but you never answer my texts.” He leaned forward defiantly, as if to dare Brody to come up with lame excuse.

Brody shrugged like he didn't remember.

Oh, great,
Myles thought, it was going to be that kind of evening from beginning to end. How on earth could he have chosen someone who knew Brody, or at least knew about him? Well, that was easy. Brody probably knew most of the men in the whole Southern California area! No, that wasn't fair. He had to admit that part of the problem was his own fault—starting with a negative attitude and spouting off about the last time he'd been here. But this thing with Walter certainly wasn't his fault.

“Sorry, I'm not great with technology,” Brody answered, bright-eyed and innocent. “I'm just a simple farm boy.” Of course, this wasn't true, Myles knew. Brody was originally from New York City and probably had never even seen a farm in his life except for maybe on TV.

“Oh? Where are you from?” Walter was still on his high horse and obviously didn't believe him.

Brody thought for a second and then shrugged, he didn't care or want to put the effort into manufacturing a lie. “New York.”

“Humph!” Walter responded. “And how was the harvest in Manhattan last year?” The question dripped with sarcasm.

“Sorry, Walter, I don't know. I haven't been back home in a couple of years.”

“Yeah, sure,” Walter answered dismissively.

Well, what else could Myles expect? He had told the guy Brody's name. Why hadn't he simply said he wasn't interested? Because things never worked out, that's why. Why had he ever suggested the double date to begin with? It was something Brody would usually have come up with. Ridiculous.

An awkward silence followed before Raul jumped in to once more try to save the conversation. “I'm originally from Colombia. My parents are farmers. Organic coffee trade.”

“There's no such thing as organic coffee,” Brody said hoping to fuel a healthy, friendly debate about how ludicrous the price of coffee is and how it's marketed.

“I hear it's just a marketing ploy to drive up the cost of beans,” he added in an attempt to help his friend make a point.

Both Raul and Walter were taken aback.

“My family is in the coffee business, too,” Walter said. “We sell espresso machines and roasted beans...” He stared at Myles and Brody. “Mostly organic.” The last two words meant as a quick jab.

Brody turned to Myles. “A Colombian who grows coffee and an Italian who makes cappuccino? At least they don't fit any stereotypes.”

Myles burst out laughing. He wondered if the other two had heard Brody's comment. He decided he didn't care. “Behave,” Myles told him, though he secretly enjoyed siding with Brody against their dates.

Raul turned to Walter. “What's your family name?”

“Fiori.”

“Yes, I've heard that name. I think my family supplies your coffee beans.”

“Get out of here.”

The two of them were completely ignoring Myles and Brody—par for the course, Myles thought.

“I'm serious!”

The evening was going nowhere but down. Maybe Myles had been wrong in giving up so easily. He'd give it one more try. “I'm a coffee whore. A double-decaf-latte with soy, extra foam, and extra hot. I don't want to tell you what I'd do for one of those before work.”

“And you said it was just a little vanilla froth on the corner of your mouth the other morning,” Brody kidded.

“Hey, what goes on between my barista and me is my business,” Myles answered.

Brody burst out into laughter, which was infectious. At least for Myles. Not for the other two men, that was certain! Their non-reaction made Myles laugh even harder. Soon he and Brody were giggling like two teenager caught up in the same joke to the exclusion of everyone else in homeroom.

Their laughter borders on the hysterical when they saw the disapproving glances from Raul and Walter. But soon again their dates were wrapped up in their own fondness for each other. Other than the quick look, they turned back to each other ignoring their respective dates.

“Do you know Vincent?” Raul asked Walter.

“Vincent's only my brother!” Walter exclaimed.

Raul shook his head in disbelief. “Crazy small world! What an awesome guy.”

“Vincent's been trying to get me to travel with him for years... I think he's even told me about your farm.”

“No way,” Raul said. “We've got a thousand acres of the lushest farmland you've ever seen...”

Myles and Brody sat in astonishment, watching the magic unfold between their dates. The thing was: Raul was smart, successful…and hot! And sharply dressed besides. Everything Myles had been looking for in a man.

Damn, he thought. What was wrong with him! Wasn't this man exactly the kind worth fighting for instead of giving up so easily? Besides, he and Brody weren't on a date with each other, were they? Of course not. They were best buddies and it was so easy to fall into their usual rapport. And this was supposed to be an opportunity to find a husband, damn it!

Myles decided he wouldn't give up without a last-ditch effort. “So, how about them Dodgers? Looks like it's going to be a rough season coming up, huh?”

Raul obviously didn't recognize the playful nature of Myles' question, but instead his feeble attempt to reset the conversation in his favor and win Raul's attention away from Walter. Raul gave him a direct look, confused and dismissive. “I don't follow sports.”

“Sports are something straight guys talk about to each other because they have nothing else interesting to say,” Walter interjected, obviously trying to make Myles feel even more ridiculous.

Strike three,
Myles thought. Time to throw in the towel. This date, like every other in his recent past, was a bust.

Brody laughed humorously as he spoke only loudly enough for Myles to hear. “I'm starting to regret having the waiter remove those sharp objects.”

“Give me a minute, and I'll forge a shiv from a bread stick.” Myles figured since this wasn't going anywhere, it was time to have a little fun. Besides, he thought, a night out with his best friend was always a good time, even if it did include stuck-up coffee aficionados.

“Think they'll notice if we leave?” Brody asked.

“I've always wanted to be the guy who leaves,” Myles whispered back.

“You know,” Brody said, “that's a horrible thing to do to your date.”

Myles thought about how many times he'd been ditched and suddenly felt sorry about doing the same thing to Raul. “I know. You're right. We shouldn't do it.”

“I didn't say we shouldn't.” Brody gave Myles a big smile. “I just said it was horrible. That's what makes it such fun!” He turned to Raul and Walter, with the obvious intention of schooling Myles in how to do it. “Would you excuse me?” he asked politely.

Fun?
Myles thought. Well, yes, it was. Fun to be the dumper instead of the dumpee. “I agree,” he whispered to Brody. “We need to get of here before I can think any more about it.”

“Sure,” Raul answered without even looking to see what was going on. He was deep in flirtation mode with Walter, so much so that it seemed to Myles he was trying to close the deal with Brody's date.

“I'm getting up too,” Myles said, without Raul or Walter even acknowledging that he'd spoken.

Walter and Raul were perfect for each other, even though they were virtual doppelgangers of Brody and Myles. The difference was that unlike Myles and Brody, Walter and Raul seemed to recognize they'd found their perfect match and were basking in the fact.

Brody and Myles left the table and then turned to look back. Walter was clearing a fallen eyelash from Raul's cheek.

Brody shook his head. “Can you believe this?”

“Oh, I do believe it!” Myles answered. “After all, I have a lot of experience with things like this.”

Despite what he'd said to Brody about leaving, Myles began feeling guilty. The sort of behavior he and Brody had engaged in—ditching their dates—was okay for others but not for him. He held himself to higher standards. Admittedly, it felt good to be the one in control, and certainly there was an adrenaline rush to being the one who walks out instead of the guy being jilted, but still, he couldn't help but feel bad that they were walking out on the other two. He shook his head. “I know I shouldn't feel bad about this,” he told Brody. “But I do.”

“What did I teach you about having feelings?”

“They can only work against you?” he said, echoing the firm sentiment that Brody had permanently etched in his memory.

“Precisely.”

As they left the restaurant, Myles figured their dates wouldn't even realize they were gone. It was a clear night, stars twinkling in a cloudless sky. Suddenly, Myles felt better about what they had just done. They climbed into Brody's car. Brody started the motor and turned to Myles. “So the evening isn't a total waste, how about a nightcap at my place?”

“Fine with me,” Myles answered, happy that the night wasn't going to end on a down note. Bonus Brody time was never a bad thing.

***

When the two men entered Brody's apartment, it was early enough that Myles thought he had a bit more time to spare before calling it an evening. Brody tossed his keys into the tray near the front door. Myles noticed that next to the keys stood the framed photo of the two of them. The identical photo he'd made for himself of the day they first met. Myles smiled. He knew he meant a lot to Brody but for some reason the fact that Brody had displayed the photo of the two of them from that day so prominently made him happy. Brody was oblivious of Myles thoughts; he was on a mission. He grabbed two glasses, dropped in some ice and healthy splashes of Jameson Irish Whiskey and handed one to Myles.